Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Josh could only stand and stare. The wind had been knocked out of him. The face staring back, he knew so well yet he'd resigned himself to never seeing it again.

Weeks ago he would have prayed for this moment. Now all he could feel was a sense of violation.

Winston took a few tentative steps into the studio. That was too much for Josh.

"What are you doing here?"

"Don't you have a hug for your husband?"

Josh moved away.

"Soon to be ex-husband, you mean."

His words were returning to him. Anger flashed. How dare he even be here after the last few months?

The studio seemed to have shrunk. Josh took a slow breath. Desperately trying to control his emotions that were threatening to erupt.

"I've no idea what it is you want?—"

"I thought we should talk. Before the lawyers get stuck in and cost us both a fortune."

Josh had no idea what the fuck Winston wanted to discuss.

He wanted him out of there. Immediately.

"Please go," Josh said. "I don't want to be near you."

"Josh. What if…"

Here it came. The real reason for Winston's unexpected appearance.

"What if we had another go at it?"

"Are you for fucking real?"

To Josh's astonishment, Winston actually chuckled.

"I don't think I made a joke," Josh snarled.

"I'm sorry," Winston said, holding his hands up. "I know I must look like a cheeky bastard."

Talk about putting it mildly.

"It's just that once I'd sent the list, I got to thinking about the life we'd built together. I found I missed it."

Josh paced around the studio, running his hands over his face. "I honestly can't believe I'm hearing this. You broke me, Winston. Into little pieces. Now you want to pick up where you left off? Get out. I won't tell you again."

Winston reached for him and Josh leapt back.

"My head was all over the place after the cancer thing," Winston said. "I didn't know what I was doing. Can't you understand that?"

Josh stopped.

"I can understand it," he replied, quietly. "I can't forgive it. No one has hurt me like you."

Winston stared hard at him. "Not even Nikolai?"

The words hit Josh like cracks of a whip. How dare he?

"Don't you mention his name," Josh said. His voice remarkably calm. "I'm going to ask you one more time to get out of here or else I'm calling the police. That will fuck up your begging list. You might be disappointed about that as well. Madeline got me one of the best divorce lawyers in the business."

Winston's eye twitched. Normally, Josh feared that. It meant he was struggling to keep control. Now, he didn't care. Winston could work his rage out on one of his little French men he'd evidently tired of.

"I'm staying at the Nickleby."

"How lovely."

"I'll be in touch."

"Don't bother."

Josh watched him leave. When Winston turned when he reached the top of the stairs, he looked so cliched Josh wanted to laugh out loud. Yet he also saw a deep sadness on Winston's face.

"We were pretty good once," Winston said. "Have I hurt you so badly that you've forgotten all that?"

"Yes, Winston," Josh replied. "Yes, you have."

"Then I'm very sorry."

Winston didn't wait for a reply and Josh was relieved. The anxiety had claimed him and he sank to the floor. His mind racing faster than his pulse.

After a few minutes of deep breathing, he'd managed to regain control enough to ring for help. And he knew exactly who he needed.

With a shaking hand he dialled the number.

"Darling. Is everything all right?"

"Madeline."

"What's going on?"

"Winston. He's been here."

This was met by silence on the other end.

"Are you there?"

"Wait. He came to your studio? How dare he?"

Josh let out a sob. To hear her instantly jump to his defence was exactly what he needed. She was overseas at the moment. He'd forgotten where.

"You haven't heard the worst of it yet."

"Go on."

"He wants to get back together."

She gasped. "The brass neck of him. I hope you told him where he should stick it?"

"Of course…"

"Oh Jesus Christ, there's a but coming. There is, isn't there?"

"Not a but as such. He said that he was freaking out over the whole cancer thing and regretted what he'd done."

"Josh…"

Her tone that suggested she was fighting the urge to scream down the phone. Not a good omen.

"We cannot be having this conversation," she said. "He smashed you into smithereens. We patched you up again. Hugh came into your life. Fuck Winston."

Deep in his heart, he knew that Madeline was right. Yet, a tiny barb of indecision gnawed at him. One that he wouldn't be able to ignore.

"Josh. Are you listening to me?"

"You're right," he said. "I guess Winston can still push my buttons. Thanks, Mads."

"You call me the second you're feeling like this again," she said. "You cannot let that dog back in your house. I mean it."

They terminated the call. Josh went and flopped down on the sofa.

He gazed up at the skylight. It was a cloudy day. That figured.

Seeing Winston again had awoken so many feelings he thought he'd got rid of. He hated how Winston could control him. Then his mind fell to Hugh.

Hugh was his future. He had to remain steadfast about that.

He must have fallen asleep. When he opened his eyes, a smiling Hugh stared down at him.

"Good afternoon," he said. "Sleeping on the job?"

Then he frowned.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good."

Josh patted the place next to him on the sofa which Hugh took. As he snuggled into him, he couldn't believe that he'd even wavered about Winston's ridiculous offer.

"I've had a bad day."

"How come?"

He wasn't about to lie to Hugh. There had been too much of that in his marriage. Mainly one-sided.

"Winston came here today."

Hugh's whole body went stiff. Josh hated that he was causing him more stress. Poor Hugh really didn't need it.

"Oh."

Josh squeezed Hugh's leg. "You have nothing to get worried about."

"You sure about that? With the way my luck is going, I beg to differ."

What could he do to make Hugh feel better? He'd hoped that Hugh would find security in his honesty.

"I am completely sure. And your luck is doing okay. This new show will knock the socks off everyone."

Hugh shrugged. "Ticket sales say otherwise. They're still flatlining. I might have to do a bloody interview about it all."

"If you do, then I'll be with you."

Hugh kissed him. "Thank you. What did your soon-to-be ex-husband want anyway?"

"Yeah. He wanted to talk about things."

Hugh unfurled himself from Josh and stared at him. "And what did you say?"

Josh shrugged. "Not much."

"But you listened?"

"I didn't know what else to do. He had a crazy idea of us getting back together. Don't worry, I told him that would never happen."

Hugh frowned. "What did he say about me?"

The hard fact was that Josh hadn't told him. He'd wanted to. Yet, something had stopped him. Even though it was a cold day outside, he had started to sweat.

How the fuck do I say this?

Josh didn't have to worry. His hesitation seemed to give Hugh all the information he needed. He leapt to his feet.

"You didn't tell him about me?"

Josh reached for him but he shook his head.

"There wasn't the chance," Josh said. "I wanted to get him out of here as quickly as possible."

"Winston. I'd like to get back together. Josh. No I am seeing someone else. It's really not that difficult."

This was exactly why Josh hated confrontation. Things escalated far too quickly and he panicked. He'd always been the same.

"Hugh. Don't. I can't take another argument today. It wasn't about you."

"Not about me? Fucking hell, Josh. I know I'm not exactly a PR dream at the moment but being relegated to dirty little secret is starting to get really bloody stale."

All his words were coming out wrong. "I meant I wanted to tell him no from me. If he thinks it's a competition, he'll stick around for God knows how long. He has to win everything."

This appeared to stop Hugh in his tracks. He closed his mouth and sank down again on the sofa.

"I suppose I can understand that," he said. "I wish you'd told him. He wouldn't win this competition. I can guarantee that."

Josh stroked his hand.

"I froze," Josh said. "He was the last person I expected to see at the top of those stairs."

Hugh scanned the room as if Winston would appear from a dark corner at any moment. An expression on his face of utter revulsion at the mere prospect.

To Josh's relief, Hugh pulled him close.

"That was over quickly," Josh said.

"I'm not going to apologise for reacting," Hugh replied. "However, I recognise that he will be up for causing as much trouble as possible."

Josh laughed. "You've never even met him."

Hugh playfully swatted him on the arm. "He made a move on my man. Forgive me for feeling attacked."

Heat burst from Josh's chest at being described as Hugh's man. Tonight, he would use any means necessary to leave Hugh in no doubts about the feelings Josh had for him.

"How did you feel?" Hugh asked.

"Seeing him? Shocked. Angry. Violated. Most of all, I wanted him away. I can't believe I was ever married to him."

Hugh squeezed him. "I should have asked you that first. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm as bad as he is."

Josh kissed him. "You will never be as bad as he is."

They lay on the sofa for a while listening to the rain hammering on the roof. Normally that made Josh cosy. That afternoon a storm had come. They had no choice but to batten down the hatches and ride it out.