Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Nevaeh

T he ride home is long and uneventful, giving me way too much time to worry about how my father will react to the news. I’m not na?ve enough to think he won’t find out, especially with how quickly news spreads online.

My heart hurts at the thought of the upcoming confrontation. I knew it would happen eventually; I just hoped I’d have more time.

When we finally pull into the warehouse and climb off the bikes, I breathe out a sigh of relief, happy to be home. I think the guys feel the same. They follow behind us as Havoc places his hand on the small of my back and guides me through the warehouse toward the saloon.

“You okay?” He asks me once we’re outside. “You’re quieter than normal.”

“Are you saying I’m usually loud?”

“No, but you do like to talk. I’m just not used to seeing you like this. You really are worried about your real name being linked to your pen name, aren’t you?”

I sigh. “I shouldn’t be. And honestly, once I did a book signing, I knew it was inevitable. People love taking pictures and posting them on social media, but the picture of me and Ambros together runs side by side with one of me taken at the book signing. And as I was tagged as both Nevaeh and Celeste it won’t be long before my dad knows.

“It’s because of your dad you use a pen name?”

“Yeah, but also because I didn’t want the small-minded idiots back home to judge me for writing romance books.”

“I would’ve thought your dad would be proud of you.”

“He can’t be. He still blames me for what happened to my sister. Besides, in his eyes, romance books promote temptation and undermine the teachings of the church on relationships and marriage.”

He wraps his arm around my shoulder and tugs me against him. “He’ll get over it. And if he doesn’t, he’ll lose another daughter and his future grandchildren.”

I almost stumble but catch myself. As harsh as it may sound, he’s right. If my dad can’t accept me for who I am, then he doesn’t deserve a place in my life. And as much as it hurts, it also brings with it a wave of relief.

The rest of the way is quiet, and when we step inside the saloon, we’re greeted with a warm welcome, which is really nice and feels worlds away from where we’ve just been, making me smile.

I spot Amity in in the crowd, dressed in her running gear. She grins and waves me over.

“Go see your girl. I need to fill the guys in on what’s going on anyway.”

“Okay.” He kisses my forehead and lets me go. As I walk away, he slaps my ass.

“Ouch.” I jump and glare at him over my shoulder

“That little sting means you’ll be thinking of me while I’m gone.”

“You, sir, have issues.”

“Not telling me anything I don’t already know, Cupcake,” he calls out as he walks away.

I curse him under my breath and head to the table where Amity is standing, rubbing the sting from my ass that’s already sore from the ride home. G grins as I approach, knowing exactly why I’m rubbing my ass.

“Don’t say a word or I’ll twist your nipple.” I point at him, and he laughs.

“Wasn’t planning on it Tink,” he says, still grinning.

“Well good. Havoc wants to talk to you. He’s heading to church.”

His face turns serious. “Yeah, Mac called ahead. How bad was it really?”

“I honestly don’t even know what to say, G. It’s bad. Really bad,” I warn him.

He sighs before offering Amity a kiss. “Be good,” he tells her.

“Like I have a choice,” she grumbles, holding up her cast-covered arm. He looks at her skeptically.

“I’ll keep her out of trouble, G. I promise.” I smile sweetly at him. “Now, go before Havoc has a fit.”

He nods, “I love you, baby,” he says to Amity, and her face goes soft.

“I love you too.”

He gives my shoulder a squeeze and reluctantly heads to church.

I take in her sweat slicked skin encased in tight running shorts and sports bra and shake my head. I love her more than anything, but we couldn’t be more different if we tried.

If just wearing underwear isn’t an option, Amity likes walking around in skin tight sports gear. I like cute skirts and graphic T-Shirts, but only because PJ’s are frowned upon.

She eats clean foods, and I like foods that involve grease, cheese, and lots of refined carbs.

She’s also one of those people who exercises a lot—on purpose, for fun. I asked the minister at our church to perform an exorcism on her once because surely she had to be possessed. Nobody willingly gets up before seven a.m. and works out—for fun—except, of course, Amity. I don’t hold her disability against her, though. And she doesn’t hold the fact that I only run when cake is involved against me.

“I’ll keep her out of trouble?” She mocks.

“Hush now. I’m exhausted just looking at you.”

She grins. “Then my work here is done. You know, you could join me. You never know, you might enjoy it.”

We look at each other for a beat before we dissolve into fits of laughter.

“Oh god, that was a good one.”

“How goes the writing? Find any inspiration while you were gone?”

I throw myself in the chair and bang my head on the table, groaning as my sore body protests against the sudden movement.

“That good?” She chuckles as she takes a seat.

I sigh dramatically, wondering what on earth possessed me to become an author, when I could have just as easily run off and joined a circus or become a stripper. Then I remember I can’t lift my leg behind my head because I’m allergic to exercise. Ah, a full-circle moment.

“These characters won’t listen to me.”

“You wrote these characters. Make them listen to you.”

“That’s not how this works, Amity. They talk all over me, and sometimes, if I’m fortunate, they’ll clue me in on what’s happening.”

“You know, in any other walk of life, if someone said they heard voices and then went on to argue with them, they’d end up heavily medicated.”

“Why do you think I became an author? I can’t eat doughnuts if I’m wearing a straitjacket after all.”

She chuckles before tossing her now empty bottle into the recycling.

“Alright, enough chit-chat, spill.”

I sigh, knowing she was never going to let me stall for long. “I’m not sure what I can and can’t say yet.”

She frowns at me for a moment before something clicks, and she rolls her eyes. “Not the shit with the other club. I’m talking about your real identity coming out and the stud in the picture. I follow you on Instagram as Nevaeh and as Celeste, remember? You’ve been popping up all over the place.”

I tell her how I met Ambros, the picture, and everything that’s happened since it blew up on Instagram.

When I’m finished, she leans over and pinches me.

“Owww. What was that for?” I ask, rubbing my arm.

“Not telling me sooner!”

“I was embarrassed. And you’d just fallen over a cliff; it didn’t seem important.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll let it go…this time. Has your dad called you yet?”

“No, but it’s only a matter of time. He might not hear about it for a few days, but he will.”

“Well, maybe now’s the perfect time to tell him you’re not going home.”

“You mean, just tell him everything at once?” She nods. “Right, because what could possibly go wrong?”

She reaches out and grabs my hand. “You’ve been putting it off long enough. He’s expecting you back from Bible camp soon; summer’s almost over. You can’t hide from him forever.” I bite my lip, knowing she’s right. “Unless you’ve changed your mind about staying?”

I know she wants me to stay, and she knows it’s what’s best for me, but she’d swallow down her disappointment and support me no matter what. She’s the one person in my life who’s never let me down.

My thoughts keep spinning as I wonder if Havoc will be another. So far, he’s proved there isn’t much he won’t do for me, but will that always be the case? What happens when what I want or need conflicts with the club?

“Don’t go looking for problems.”

“Huh?”

“I can tell when you’re overthinking, Pippin. And I have a feeling it’s about Havoc. Forget him for now. I honestly don’t think you’ll be able to get rid of the man that easily anyway. Right now, this isn’t about him or me. It’s about you. If you can see yourself going back home and being happy, then I’ll support you one hundred percent. But if you know that going back will drain the life out of you, then stay.” She squeezes my hand tighter. “I don’t want to watch my best friend fade away just for some misguided sense of duty. The only thing I care about is you and your happiness.”

“How did I get so lucky” I squeeze her hand back. “And I know you’re right. I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted to stay. I…I feel like I can breathe here. I love my dad, but there is nothing there for me anymore except ghosts and bad memories.”

“It’s the right decision, but it won’t be easy. He’s going to try to manipulate you and guilt you into going home, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll try to make you feel two inches tall.”

I want to argue, but she puts up her hand to stop me, her voice softens. “It’s what he always does, Pippin. Time and time again. He takes your love and twists it into something he can use to control you. That’s not what love is. And before Havoc came along, I was terrified you’d think that was normal and end up in an abusive relationship.”

I feel my eyes well up. “I didn’t realize he was doing that.” I sigh, wiping away the tears that have fallen. “No, that’s a lie. I just didn’t want to see it. I’ve made a million excuses for him, but I refused to see the truth.”

We sit in silence for a moment as I try to get my thoughts in order.

“I really was going to tell him I was staying. But I knew he’d be mad. That’s why I waited so long. I’m happy here, and I knew he’d ruin it. And now, with my true identity coming out, my dad will find out that I write romance books. And not even sweet, clean romance, but dirty, bathe-in-holy-water-after-getting-railed-by-the-devil romance.”

She snorts.

“And if that wasn’t enough, I have to tell him I’m in love with a biker. And not just any biker, but the freaking president.”

I lean forward and bang my head on the table. When she doesn’t say anything, I look up to see her staring at me

“What?”

“You love him?”

“I mean, I care about him, and I—” I freeze, realizing what I said.

“You love him,” she says again, a smile spreading across her face.

My mouth snaps shut, and I look around to make sure no one’s paying attention to us before turning back to Amity. “You can’t tell him.”

“What am I, six? I’m hardly going to hand him a note saying, “Hey Havoc, my best friend loves you. Will you marry her ? Check yes or no.”

“Haha, funny . But seriously, Amity, it ’ s too soon.”

“Says who? Love doesn’t follow a timeline, Pippin. It happens when you least expect it––no rules, no warning. And trust me, there’s no controlling it.”

“It’s a lot, Amity. He’s a lot.”

“But is he too much?”

I think of how he pulls me close when we sleep, his arms wrapped around me like a shield, promising to protect me even in my dreams. Sure, he kidnapped me, but honestly, he’s probably the nicest kidnapper on the planet. He fed me, brought me books, and gave me plenty of hot sex––all to win my heart.

He’s right when he says I’d run. I flew to the UK in hopes he’d forget me. If he hadn’t done what he did, I probably would’ve run again––only, I might’ve ended up going home.

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “But I’m a mess, Amity. I swear, every time I start processing one thing, another comes along and knocks me off my feet.”

“I get it, you know I do, but there are worse things than being loved by a man who’d risk his life to protect you. A guy who looks at you like you’re some kind of miracle that he can’t quite believe is real. It’s the same way G looks at me.”

“You two are kind of perfect for each other, though. Havoc and I couldn’t be more different.”

“You good together in bed?”

I jolt back, not expecting that question. “Uh, yeah, that’s definitely not a problem.”

“You accept the club, even if that means dealing with a bunch of nosy-ass brothers?”

I think of Crane looking out for me at the ice cream shop, and Conan coming with me to feed the homeless guy, and even Toot driving me crazy, and nod. “Of course, the guys are awesome.”

“Then who cares about the rest? I think you’re making excuses because you’re scared.”

“Alright, that’s enough out of you, Dr. Phil. If I wanted a well-thought-out, logical argument, I would have asked for one.” I mock glare at her, making her grin.

“Gotta make sure you’ve got your head on straight because Havoc gives off hunter vibes.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means, Pippin, that if you run home to daddy dearest, Havoc will chase you, and he won’t leave without you. Hell, he’d probably fuck you in front of the congregation to prove his point. Can you imagine their reaction? Susan and Brenda would end up with finger cramps from all their pearl-clutching.”

I laugh at the image, then swallow and look at her. “I need to call my dad. He should hear it from me first.”

She nods. “Want to wait until Havoc is done?”

I shake my head. “No. If I wait, I’ll just chicken out. And besides, if my dad makes me cry, Havoc will smash my phone. I just need you.”

“You got me.”

“This is gonna suck.”

“Then it’s gonna suck, but we’ll get through it.”

I pull out my cell phone and unblock my dad’s number. My aunt had told him I wouldn’t get cell service at Bible camp, but I didn’t want to risk it.

I hit the call button and squeeze Amity’s hand. I know it has to hurt, but she doesn’t say a thing. Her silent support grounds me as the call connects.

“Nevaeh?”

“Daddy.”

I hang up, feeling sick, and stare down at the scratched surface of the table as I try to swallow around the lump in my throat.

Well, that went better than I hoped it would, but also much worse.

Blowing out a shaky breath, I pull my hand from Amity’s and run my fingers though my hair.

“Jesus, you’re as white as a sheet. Let me grab you a Coke. The sugar will help.”

I nod but don’t say anything. My words would be a mumbled mess. I’m so lost in my thoughts, I jump when the glass thumps down in front of me.

“Talk to me, Nevaeh. You’re scaring me.”

“He told me he was disappointed in me. Shocking, right?” I grab the glass, my hands trembling, and take a sip before placing it back down. “He’s disappointed I lied about going to Bible camp. And mad that I involved my aunt.”

“But it was your aunt’s idea?”

“I know, but I wasn’t going to throw her under the bus.”

I try to shut out his words, but they keep replaying in my head.

“You act like a slut , and that’s how people are going to treat you.”

“A biker? Really, Nevaeh, have you no self-respect?”

“Your sister, would never do something like this!”

“You write pornography? That’s what you’re throwing your life away for?”

“What do you mean you’re not coming home?”

“Don’t be so ridiculous. You’re acting like a petulant child.”

I look at Amity and offer her a weak smile. I’m glad I didn ’ t put him on speaker.

“He didn’t disown me, so there’s that,” I joke, but it falls flat.

She wraps her arm around me. “Give him some time to cool off.”

“I can give him all the time in the world, but it won’t change the fact that I’m not who he wants me to be.”

“That’s bullshit. Who else are you supposed to be?”

I close my eyes, not wanting to see the look of pity on her face. “Citlalli,” I say softly. “I think the only way to make him happy is if I were my sister.”