33. Cecilia

33

CECILIA

C ecilia followed Grant down the hallway. There was something ominous about his sudden appearance in her room this morning, especially when she'd been expecting Rainer. All she needed was to work her magic on Vincent and talk to Xander about getting Rainer out. Once Rainer was safe, she could handle the rest on her own.

Instead, Grant had handed her the daily dose of Godsbane and she'd been forced to drink it.

As she followed him down the corridor, she had the feeling of marching toward her death. Rainer's fear and anxiety buzzed in her chest and she was terrified of what she might be walking into.

She patted her pocket, comforted by the shard of mirror tucked away there. When they turned down the hall that led to the healer's suite, she cringed, instantly feeling an ache for Magdalena. She felt the healer's absence the moment she entered the room because the space felt claustrophobic instead of calm and welcoming.

It appeared she and Grant were the first to arrive.

"Who are we waiting for?" she asked.

Grant smiled in an unnerving way that made her stomach sink.

A moment later, Xander and Isla walked into the room looking equally anxious. They were quickly followed by Vincent and Raven Whitewind.

Cecilia hadn't laid eyes on Olney's seer since she was a girl, but she couldn't stop staring at the woman who had bonded her to Rainer. The witch met her gaze and a soft smile ghosted over her lips.

"What are you doing here?" Cecilia asked.

"Marcos sent her at the pleading of his good friend, Xander," Vincent said with a grin.

Cecilia whipped her head around to look at Xander, who didn't deny it. Why would he do such a thing? She tried to calm herself with the fact that the seer wouldn't be in Argaria with Vincent unless she wanted to be. And she would only want to be if it was for a reason that was for the good of both kingdoms. Still, Cecilia's palms grew sweaty and her chest tightened.

She was about to speak when Rainer walked in with Eloise Spellman on his arm. Cecilia smothered the knee-jerk desire to yank Eloise away from him. Rainer looked so handsome. His dark green tunic brought out his eyes and his too-long hair was swept back in waves.

Rainer met her eyes and his panic hit her in the chest. The crease in his brow was severe, his gaze darting from her to the floor to the king.

"I'll end the suspense for you all," Vincent started. "It's come to my attention that my lovely fiancée has somehow bewitched my top guard."

The words tilted the world on its side.

"What?" Cecilia laughed in stunned disbelief.

"It's true," Eloise said at the same time. "She put some sort of love spell on him and now he thinks he is in love with her."

"This is ridiculous," Xander said, taking a step toward Vincent.

Isla stayed at his right shoulder, hand skimming her thigh. Cecilia wanted to tell her to attack—to end this now. But if that happened, they couldn't be sure that they'd be able to get rid of all the traitors in their midst at once. If they missed even one, they might end up reliving this insanity in a few months or a year .

Rainer shook his head. "I know what you've all said, but this is impossible."

"Is it?" Vincent asked, turning to face Rainer. "We've already told you. Do you not feel a stirring in your chest? A pull toward Cecilia? Do your feelings not seem to mirror her expressions?"

Cecilia felt sick. Vincent's twisted game was so perfect in its cruelty. Rainer couldn't possibly understand their bond without his memory. She'd thought it would be an asset for her, but Vincent had turned it into a weapon in his game.

"No," she breathed. A revelation crashed down on her as she met Raven's eyes.

They were going to sever her bond to Rainer. She did not fear the pain of it, though she knew it would be substantial. What frightened her was the oblivion she'd face with the sudden severing of the thing that had tethered her for eighteen years. It was not enough for Vincent to steal her sense of safety and peace. He also had to rob her of her most precious possession.

"You can't do this," she rasped.

Vincent leaned close so that only she could hear him. "I warned you to fall in line, but you've done nothing but plot against me. There is a price to pay for treachery. Your talents are too useful to get rid of you but I will always find more to take from you. Now learn your lesson from this or you know what I'll do next time."

Cecilia shuddered at the words. Of course she did. She'd been waiting for it to happen since he first made the threat, but she was hardly willing to act as if he was being magnanimous.

"See how she doesn't even deny it," Eloise said. She turned to Rainer, taking his face in her hands. "Rainer, she has done something to you. To steal you from me. I know what you think you feel and I don't blame you for what you've done. She's very clever. But what you feel for her is only a product of magic. She's placed you under a love spell that makes you feel things that aren't real. You'll see. You'll know for sure once Raven does her work."

Cecilia turned to the seer. "Why are you helping him?" Even as she said the words, she knew Raven could see the future and would do whatever she wanted to achieve her desired end. The ancient witches of Olney had one master—balance. Severing a bond was a small price to pay if Raven thought it would somehow help Olney.

But, in that moment, Cecilia didn't care about her kingdom. She cared that the same woman who had linked her to Rainer eighteen years ago was about to rip out the roots of the bond wrapped around her heart.

Cecilia looked around the room for anyone who would help. Isla held a white-knuckle grip on Xander's arm. Xander looked helplessly from Cecilia to Rainer. Rainer crossed the room to her, his mouth a pinched line, his eyes wild as his hurt spread through her chest.

He took her face in his hands. "Tell me it's not just magic that ties us together." His touch and the desperation in his voice made her feel like she was about to shatter into a thousand little pieces.

"It's not a love spell," she insisted. "I told you before—in the market. There's no such thing."

"Tell me what I feel for you here is mine alone." Rainer leaned his forehead against hers and pressed his hand to his heart. His voice was so pained, and she understood.

Rainer had felt at home with her for the first time since waking from the attack—and now Vincent was going to take that from him and he would blame Cecilia for it.

Rainer would never forgive her and all his incentive to remember her would disappear.

Cecilia froze, closing her eyes. She couldn't actually say that. It would be a lie and Cato's bargain prevented her from telling the truth.

"Cece?" he rasped.

She met his gaze, her blood burning furiously with the reminder of her bargain. "I swear I would explain if I could, but I can't say."

"And you won't, right, love? Because you know that severing that love spell will be what's best for everyone," Vincent said.

Cecilia had learned to fight when she was old enough to hold a bow and she'd never stopped. How could she give up on Rainer now? But how could she do more ?

Cecilia's mind could not keep up with this strategy. Vincent was acting like this was a punishment for what she'd done, but according to Evan, Raven had been in town before anything happened between her and Rainer. Perhaps Vincent had been planning this all along—to take the thing she held most precious and turn it into something ugly. To twist her fairy tale into a nightmare.

There was no end to his cruelty or his creativity in delivering misery. He enjoyed it, relished the opportunity to stun and silence his enemies with his viciousness. Cecilia could not fathom how to take on an enemy like that. With Cato, it was so clear that he saw attachment as weakness. But Vincent seemed to delight not in the winning, but in inflicting the pain itself. He did not just want to win; he wanted to annihilate the opposition.

She swallowed around the panic in her throat. "Rainer, I swear I did not cast a spell on you. If I could, I would explain what you feel, but I can't."

"It's very convenient the way this alleged bargain keeps you from explaining yourself and so efficiently cloaks your deception," he said curtly. He stared at Cecilia, looking utterly betrayed.

"Fortunately, I have the solution. I feel responsible for giving my lovely fiancée too much freedom. I won't leave you alone in this," Vincent said, placing a comforting hand on Rainer's shoulder. "We have brought in Raven here and she will be able to sever Cecilia's hold on you. You're a good man and your loyalty is commendable, but you'll see once the process starts." Vincent turned his gaze on Cecilia. "If it's truly a magical bond, it shouldn't hurt Rainer too badly. But you'll see—the results of her magic being used improperly will hurt Lady Reznik more. It brings me no joy to hurt her, but even my fiancée is not above being held accountable for her actions."

Cecilia shook her head. "It's all I have." She rubbed her sternum, her fingers skimming over her golden scar.

"Please lay down, Lady Reznik," Raven said, gesturing to two treatment tables at the center of the room.

Cecilia walked toward one as if walking to the gallows .

Raven patted the other table. "Guardian McKay, if I could have you here."

Rainer laid down as instructed. He stared up at the ceiling, ignoring Cecilia completely.

Raven stepped between their two cots and her violet eyes locked with Cecilia's.

"Please don't take this from me," Cecilia whispered.

"I'm sorry, my darling girl. Life takes with one hand and gives with the other," Raven said.

Cecilia sniffled loudly.

Raven stood over Rainer. "You might feel some discomfort in your chest, the same place you feel the magic. Try to stay as relaxed as possible."

Cecilia's breath grew shallow. She couldn't stay calm. It was one thing for Rainer not to know her, but she could hardly fathom not being able to feel him on the other end of their bond, especially now that she'd become accustomed to him not knowing how to close their connection. She'd found so much comfort in the bond throughout her life, but never more than in the last couple weeks when Rainer was so open to her. She couldn't bear to lose the connection that had held her together when her world was shaking apart.

The seer placed a hand on each of their chests.

Cecilia squeezed her eyes closed as the first magical hooks slid behind her breastbone. At first the tug was gentle, but Cecilia still bowed up off the cot, desperate to keep the bond exactly where it was. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rainer wince.

"Wait," he rasped.

Cecilia gritted her teeth. She could not stand for him to hurt so she squeezed Raven's hand. "Take it from me."

Raven nodded and the full strength of her power sank into Cecilia's chest.

An agonized scream burst from her mouth, her back bowing off the bed again.

It felt like someone had reached into her chest and was trying to yank out her heart. She instantly regretted her decision because it hurt so badly. Raven's magic spread through her chest, unstitching the connection around her heart.

"No, please," Cecilia groaned as the pain abated for a moment. "Please don't take it. Please—don't take him."

Rainer stirred restlessly, rubbing at the place below where Raven's hand rested on his chest. "I think something's wrong," he grumbled. "I feel a burning pain here, too."

"There might be some discomfort," Vincent said.

Cecilia's pain and her intense focus on Rainer made his voice sound far away. Her heart pounded, growing louder in her ears as if begging her not to let go.

Rainer met her gaze.

"Don't go where I can't go," she groaned.

He showed no sign of recognition.

Raven's power pressed into Cecilia again and she and Rainer went rigid in unison. It felt like someone had dug blazing talons into Cecilia's chest. Screaming echoed through the room, so shrill it took her a moment to realize it was her producing the wounded animal sound. She fought back against the magic as it slithered around her heart, tugging up the tangled roots of what was supposed to belong to just the two of them.

Their connection had always been private, but now there was another entity tangled in it and no matter how Cecilia screamed and pushed against it, she could not force it out.

The wave of magic relented and Cecilia groaned, her entire body aching from the effort of resisting. Sweat soaked her dress, her hair clinging to her neck and forehead, her head lolling to the side. Rainer's eyes locked with hers. She wished he could hear her thoughts as her view of him was blurred by tears.

How long have I known you? How long have I loved you? Forever.

He'd promised he would know her no matter what, but there was no recognition on his face now.

Did he still look at her and feel it like a pulse that beat through both of them, like a harmony that ran between them that only they could hear? That melody had made her certain Rainer was hers. Even when she was young, she'd looked at him and known. Even when she was with Xander, no matter how she tried to ignore it, the melody played on. Even when she'd left her body and teetered on the edge of death, it lured her away. It was always bringing them back to each other over and over.

But Rainer's eyes showed no sign of hearing it—only betrayal and hurt.

"Rain, I would never trick you," she rasped. "I love you."

He looked away, and it felt like having a door slammed in her face.

"Enough. Sever this bond already," Vincent snapped.

Cecilia glared at him, wishing her eyes could shoot daggers. Beside him, Eloise sniffled, drying her eyes with a handkerchief like she was a victim in all of this. The woman deserved an award for her acting.

Raven sighed heavily. "She's fighting me. This is not simple work. It's heavily wrapped into them. I'll be happy to have someone retrieve you when it's finished."

Vincent scowled at her. "That's not necessary. I can be patient."

Cecilia wanted to believe that the seer's plan wasn't heartless, that she had good reason for doing this, but in her panic she couldn't think clearly of what reason that might be.

Raven locked eyes with Cecilia as if she could hear her thoughts. She leaned in close. "Sometimes a small victory makes a man careless. We are at a tipping point and I would not be here unless this was necessary. I bring tidings for the king of the unseen variety."

She backed away, allowing Cecilia to process what she was saying. Raven's gaze slid meaningfully to Xander. She had news for Xander. Perhaps she knew who they could trust and who they needed to oust as traitors. That was all they needed to finally push Vincent out, and perhaps this was the only way she could get close enough to deliver that information.

Cecilia bit her lip, trying to steel herself.

"You have to let go, girl," Raven chided. "If you hold on to it, it will only hurt worse. I'm trying to keep the hurt to you as you requested. I'm trying to make it hurt him as little as possible, which means I have to dig out the roots from your side. I need you to let it happen. I know it's unbearable, but you must do this."

Cecilia met the seer's gaze and nodded, tears instantly streaming and blurring Raven from view as she continued the process. How many times had she endured unbearable things? The thought of one more time was exhausting, but for Rainer, she would do it.

The magic hit her all at once—like someone was prodding her heart with a hot poker. She'd literally been stabbed in the heart a year before and that pain had been nothing like this—this was coupled with a sense of losing something priceless and irreplaceable.

Each stitch that ripped free hurt more than the last. The loss flayed her.

Cecilia writhed in the bed, unable to stop screaming.

A hand clamped down on hers and when she turned her head she found Xander's grim face. The touch was enough to shatter her resolve.

"Breathe, love, breathe through it. You can do this. You can let go."

"I can't. I thought I could but I can't," she sobbed, her whole body shaking as sweat stung her eyes.

He leaned his forehead against hers. "You can. I have seen you do impossible things. You can do this too."

"I can't give him up. You don't understand," she gasped.

Xander's sad eyes met hers. "I'm not asking you to give him up. I'm asking you to trust what's between you. I'm asking you to trust that Raven wouldn't be here if it weren't for a very good reason," he whispered.

Her sobs grew hysterical. "How will I know I'm okay? How will I know he is? How will I learn not to feel that? How will I deal with the emptiness?"

Xander hushed her, holding her hand against his chest as she howled.

Raven's magic sliced through her, ripping out the connection root by root. Cecilia sobbed and screamed and cried as the witch who had given her the best thing in her life took it all away .

The agony went on for hours, or perhaps just a few moments. By the time the process was over, Cecilia's body was one raw ache and yet she felt completely empty.

She rubbed her sternum, trying to sense Rainer, trying to push through a bond that no longer existed. For the first time in her life, she couldn't feel him.

Cecilia curled onto her side to face him, trying to brace herself against the hollowed-out loneliness.

She had stood between Rainer and death. She'd gone into darkness in his place. She'd stolen herself from his mind, memory by agonizingly precious memory. But she did not know how to endure this loss.

Even when she'd been in between after she'd died, she'd still felt him. He had lost her but she'd never lost him and that realization brought on a fresh wave of tears.

She met Rainer's eyes. He rubbed his chest, looking betrayed.

"How could you?" he asked, his voice a hoarse scrape.

The words took all that was left of her hope. She crumbled, tucking herself into a ball and sobbing into the pillow until Xander lifted her and carried her back to her room with Isla close behind.

It felt like a funeral procession. Like she was both walking away from something, unsure how to let go, and walking toward a future that felt terrifyingly lonely.

Both Xander and Isla tried to whisper soothing words as they put her to bed. Jessamin stopped by and huddled in the bed beside her for a long time, just stroking her back, but there was no relief for Cecilia.

There was nothing that could fill the space around her heart that Rainer had vacated. She stared at the wall, tears streaming from her sore eyes. She had nothing left to give. She might have been the goddess of mind and memory and hope once, but now she was just a lonely girl who'd lost the thing that anchored her through every storm. The fight for peace had taken everything from her and she had nothing left to offer it but surrender.