24. Cecilia

24

CECILIA

C ecilia stumbled down the castle hallway, her soaked dress clinging to her chilled skin. She barely reached the healer's suite before she collapsed into a fit of tears.

"Oh dear," Magdalena said, helping her to a chair by the fire and pulling out a blanket to wrap around her soaked dress.

"He's never going to remember," Cecilia sobbed.

"There now, love," Magdalena said, gently brushing Cecilia's damp hair back from her forehead and handing her a handkerchief. "Now, do you want to explain why you're soaked to the bone and shivering?"

Magdalena tipped Cecilia's head up, taking note of the mark on her cheek and the bruises around her neck.

"Those aren't from Rainer?" Magdalena said tentatively.

Cecilia shook her head. "Vincent. But Rainer heard him hit me and he did nothing."

Magdalena went to work, the tingling of her healing magic buzzing over Cecilia's skin. "You know, he's quite confused. I ran into him this morning. He seems just as committed to remembering."

"He kissed me," Cecilia rasped .

Magdalena's lips curved into a smile. "Sounds like he's remembering something."

"So I thought, but then he just gave up again. It's like he doesn't want to remember—and I know—I know how unfair it is for me to say that when I'm the one who buried his memories behind his grief and failure." She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. "I know I can't be angry at him for being the man that I love, but it breaks my heart a little bit every time I can feel him right on the edge of remembering but he chooses to turn away."

Magdalena rubbed Cecilia's back in slow circles. "He seems desperate to remember, and I'm sure you are a big part of that, but to remember his life is also to remember your pain and his own."

Cecilia knew that was rational, but she wanted to rage against it. Vincent hurting her was no more Rainer's fault than him being whipped was hers. Still, it was impossible to watch someone you loved suffer and not feel responsible for erasing all of their hurts.

The scrape of the passageway door cut through the room and they both turned to see Mika duck out from behind the tapestry on the far wall, her eyes narrowing on Cecilia.

"What happened to you? You look like a drowned rat," Mika said.

"Rainer kissed her," Magdalena said, pouring tea into three cups.

"Was it good?" Mika asked, taking a sip from the cup Magdalena handed her.

Cecilia glared at her. As if she could forget what it was like to be turned inside out by a kiss from the person she loved most. "Of course it was. He's still Rainer."

"So what are you doing here instead of in his bed?" Mika said with a grin.

"I'm glad you're in the mood for jokes," Cecilia said. "He told me he feels nothing for me and he was quite adamant."

"What a liar," Mika laughed. "That man has his heart in his eyes every time he looks at you, just like he always has. The difference is that now he's too stubborn to realize. You can hardly blame him after you worked so hard to empty his head. "

Tears burned Cecilia's eyes.

"Cece," Mika said, "I'm kidding. He's going to remember. He's right on the edge now. The kiss is just proof that you're winning him over."

"Let's not forget that he's still engaged to Eloise," Cecilia grumbled.

"Only because he's trying to empty his mind of you," Mika said.

"I suppose that's as effective a way as any," Cecilia said bitterly. "What's the word?"

Mika's face brightened. "Our friends on the outside have come up with a brilliant plan."

"It's about time we had some good news. How can we help?"

Mika nodded. "Well, as the king's betrothed, they were hoping you could hire some new attendants and even some new kitchen staff."

Cecilia was relieved to have something to focus on. "It shouldn't be a problem since Vincent has been complaining about the lack of staff all week."

"Maybe we can have one of our hunter friends let it slip to Grant that the Temple of Aurelia trains some of the most attractive maids," Mika said.

Cecilia scrunched her nose. She hated Grant, but that was the type of thing he'd take note of.

"Think about it," Mika said. "Now that Vincent is giving Rainer so much responsibility, Grant must be feeling the pressure to secure his place."

"These women know what they're getting into?" Magdalena asked. "They will need to be okay in close proximity with the man."

"I'll be sure that we only bring in those who can handle the pressure and we will be here to keep an eye on them," Mika assured her.

Cecilia felt a surge of anxiety in her chest. "Rainer is close. You should get out of here, Mika. I have an excuse to be here, but you don't."

Mika nodded, ducking into the passageway behind the tapestry .

Cecilia turned her eyes back to the door just as Vincent and Grant walked in. Grant sneered at her, but Vincent's gaze was focused on Magdalena in a way that sent Cecilia's heart racing.

"What are you doing here?" Vincent asked.

"Just having some violence erased from my face and neck," Cecilia said tightly.

Vincent looked almost lovingly at the bruise on her face. "It is such a lovely face, dearest. You should be more mindful of your surroundings. The world can be quite perilous when you least expect it."

Cecilia's gaze darted over his shoulder as a somber Rainer appeared in the doorway. He'd changed into dry clothes and his hair was neatly combed. There was no sign of their earlier kiss, though she could still feel the phantom touch of his lips on hers. How could he be so calm when she was so rattled?

Vincent's eyes narrowed on her. "Why are you all wet?"

"I got caught in the rain," she said absently, her attention focused on Grant, who was circling the room like a shark, his eyes lingering on the cabinets and herbs that hung from nails along the wall.

"You should be more careful, Cecilia. I wouldn't want you to catch your death out there," Vincent said as Rainer began to circle the room as well.

Cecilia was suddenly glad they'd shooed Mika away. The hair rose on the back of her neck and the faint hum of death whispers skittered around the room.

"Can I help you with something, Your Grace?" Magdalena asked.

Vincent grinned. "I think you can. Guardian McKay had a question for you about some herbs."

Magdalena turned to Cecilia, a warning in her eyes. "I'm happy to heal you later, Lady Reznik. You may go, but do be more careful."

Cecilia crossed her arms. "I'd prefer to stay here by the fire for now."

"Lady Reznik, you'd be warmer if you changed into dry clothes," Rainer said .

She glared at him. "I'm sorry, I don't remember asking for a guardian's opinion."

Vincent's eyebrows flew up at the exchange. "Throwing your royal weight around, dearest?"

"I learned from the best," she said.

"Here it is," Rainer said.

They all turned to see him holding a handful of morning root.

"Did you need some morning root?" Magdalena said breezily. "I would have been happy to bring it up to your room, Your Grace."

Vincent pursed his lips. "No. Guardian McKay found some morning root in the cell that Reese Reynolds recently escaped from, and clearly the man didn't have mind left to use it himself."

He was about to say more when Xander entered the room with Isla on his heels.

Xander frowned, his gaze passing over Cecilia's damp clothing and bruised face before he turned to face Vincent. "Why have I been summoned?"

"Were you aware that your family's long-standing castle healer has been conspiring against the Savero reign?" Vincent asked.

Xander's shoulders tensed as he looked at Magdalena. "I'm certain that's not true. Magdalena has served this family for decades. Her talent cannot be overstated, nor her commitment to my family," he said.

"Yes, your family," Vincent said, his smile menacing. "It makes sense. She has magic and the ability to come and go from the castle at will to gather herbs and supplies from the market. She has every opportunity."

Cecilia could barely breathe. She didn't know how to help or deflect attention away from Magdalena without implicating herself or Xander. Isla's hand lightly brushed her skirt. She clearly had some type of weapon hidden in her pocket. Cecilia didn't have anything that could take out Vincent and Grant, but even if she tried, she wasn't certain how Rainer would react.

Xander shook his head. "What you're suggesting is impossible. Magdalena would never betray my wishes that way. She brought me into this world, for the love of the gods. Plus, any healer in this suite knows what morning root does. Don't most witches know basic herbs like morning root?"

Cecilia nodded vigorously.

Vincent gave Xander a pitying look. "I can understand your loyalty, cousin. It's very admirable. But Guardian McKay has proof. When Reese Reynolds escaped, the scent of one of her healing salves was left in the cell, as well as some burned herbs that we just found in here."

Xander barked out a disbelieving laugh. "That's hardly definitive proof. Any of the healers could have helped him escape, or anyone who has been the beneficiary of Magdalena's services, for that matter. Isn't that right?"

"It's true that I give that salve out to many of our hunters, Your Grace. It helps with infection and scarring, and many a soldier use morning root to stay awake on long shifts. Some smoke it, but others prefer to just burn it and breathe it in," Magdalena said.

Vincent frowned, turning his attention to Cecilia. She tried to keep her face placid, but she knew the determined look on Vincent's face meant he wouldn't be satisfied until he'd hurt someone.

"Well, I could always bring all of the healers in and question them one by one until we find the culprit," Vincent suggested.

"Or you could bring in all your guards and question them. Maybe start with those who have the most access," Cecilia said, her eyes narrowing on Grant. "I could always take a peek inside Grant's brain first thing tomorrow since I've already had my medicine for the day."

Vincent grinned at the challenge in her voice. "That won't be necessary. Grant's commitment to the cause is above reproach."

"Is it, Grant?" Cecilia said, walking across the room, brushing her fingers over the guard's tunic, daring him to lash out at her in the way the threat in his eyes promised he would if Vincent wasn't watching. She trailed her finger up to the scar on his neck.

This was dangerous, reckless, but Cecilia could not help herself. She refused to sit by and watch more of Vincent's version of justice carried out.

"This is quite a scar," she said. "How did you get it?"

Grant jerked away, his hand flying protectively to the vicious-looking scar she'd given him.

Cecilia pressed on. "You don't remember? What a curious thing. I would gladly help you, but alas." She gestured to her Unsummoner bracelet.

"Enough nonsense," Vincent barked.

She turned her pout on Vincent. "Dearest, are you telling me that you're not the least bit curious how this happened and why he mysteriously can't remember? What a convenient excuse to avoid suspicion of treason."

Grant's eyes went wide as he realized the doubt she was trying to cast seemed to be working.

"Who could have had more access? More familiarity with your schedule as well as that of the other guards?" Cecilia continued as she circled Grant. Her heart pounded so loud in her ears she could hardly hear her own words. She was vaguely aware of Rainer rubbing his sternum, likely feeling her anxiety and fear.

"You want me to believe that the man who has been my second-in-command for nearly a decade chose this particular moment to betray me?" Vincent said.

"Is there a better moment than the one where you trust him blindly?" Cecilia countered. "If there is a thing I know, it's well-timed betrayal."

Vincent frowned. She could see doubt in his eyes for the first time. She was starting to learn that logic was less important to Vincent than a perceived threat. All he cared about was holding on to the power he'd stolen.

As if he sensed the shift in the room as well, Grant turned to face Vincent. "Your Grace, you can't seriously believe what she's saying. We've worked for years for this moment for you. Why would I throw it away now when we've finally achieved what we wanted? "

Vincent stepped in front of his guard. The entire room stilled, everyone holding their breath to see what he would do.

"It seems like my lovely fiancée wants to cast doubt on you, Grant. What could you have done to make her so suspicious?"

"Your Majesty, I swear?—"

Vincent held up a hand and Grant instantly shut up.

"Magdalena, do you want to admit to helping the prisoner escape or should we go through your healers one by one?" Vincent asked.

"Your Grace, I'm certain none of my staff would have gone against your will and mine. They have strict instructions that you are the head of the Savero line now and should be treated with the respect owed you," Magdalena said.

"And you?" Vincent prompted.

"And I wouldn't be foolish enough to betray my king," Magdalena said flatly, her gaze darting to Xander, who looked frozen in fear.

Cecilia wanted to scream at Magdalena to lie. It was not the time to lay down and accept fate. It was time to fight.

"I knew your mother—tried to save her when Damian's men attacked her," Magdalena said. "She was a good woman. It was the one time I went against King Damian because the job of a healer is to help everyone who needs it, and your mother was nothing but a bystander in a fight between two power-hungry men."

"Don't speak of my mother," Vincent snapped.

"I was too late. I did what I could to relieve her pain, but she'd lost too much blood," Magdalena continued. "She was a good mother. Do you know what she said to me as she lay dying?"

Vincent took a threatening step toward her, but Magdalena stood her ground. Cecilia willed her to back down, to bend a knee just to save herself.

"She said, ‘Get my boy away from that monster.' But by the time I helped her cross over and came to find you, your father had already spirited you away. There are few things in my life I've regretted more than that. Especially seeing what damage you've done now."

Vincent's jaw twitched, his hands clenched at his sides. "How dare you lie to your king? We need look no further." He looked to Rainer. "McKay, take care of her."

The death whispers rose to a thunderous roar. Cecilia stood frozen in shock because Rainer didn't look horrified. He looked resigned, hesitating for only a moment before stepping forward, drawing his dagger, and slitting Magdalena's throat.

The whole scene seemed to unfold in slow motion. Cecilia charged forward to catch Magdalena, aware only of the healer's body and her own thunderous heartbeat.

"No," Cecilia rasped, cradling the healer against her body, trying to staunch the flow of blood. She looked up at Vincent. "You've made your point. Now take this bracelet off so I can heal her."

The crazed look in Vincent's eye dissipated and his lips tipped into a smile. "I'm afraid not. The punishment for treason is death."

"Vincent, she has decades of healing experience. Keep her in chains if you must, but she is invaluable," Cecilia said, frantically holding the hem of her already-soaked dress to the wound.

Vincent stood over her, unmoved, his gaze focused on Magdalena's eyes. He didn't even react when the light went out of them.

Cecilia's blood felt like it was boiling in her veins. It took every ounce of self-control not to try to kill him immediately. Killing Vincent wouldn't root out the traitors in their midst. If she took him out, it would just create a power vacuum for another villain to fill. They needed to cut out all the poison for the kingdom to survive.

She took a deep breath and stared down at the woman who'd been so focused on making Cecilia feel safe in her own body again. Her anguish twisted her stomach in knots, her grief like a well with no bottom. Nowhere was safe anymore.

Cecilia carefully laid Magdalena's body down and closed her eyes before standing and turning to Xander. "You'll see her buried properly?" she asked, hiding her trembling hands in her dress pockets.

Xander nodded, his face pale and drawn.

"I think I'll rest for the afternoon." Cecilia left the room without turning back.

She didn't need to look to know Rainer was following her. Her anger burned hotter with every step. She was shaking by the time they reached her rooms.

The war was supposed to be over and yet Cecilia was still losing people she loved. She could not stand to lose any more.

She'd spent years learning to bleed without flinching—walking into dark caves and cutting her palm like her pain was nothing but a currency casually spent on power. But this violence was different, and she couldn't summon the same fearlessness. Not when it was Rainer running her through.

It wasn't Rainer's fault. Vincent had used him as the exact weapon he would have been if he and Cecilia had never met. It was unfair of her to be so angry at him—to keep waiting for him to be the man she loved before when she'd promised to love every version of him.

Rainer followed her into her room, and she spun on him, finally ready to lose her temper.

"I can't stand the sight of you," she said. "Magdalena is the most talented healer I've ever met, and you just killed her like she was a common criminal."

"She was a traitor."

Cecilia wanted to scream. "She was helping me. She has listened to me talk for hours. She's the only person who could help me after?—"

The crease between Rainer's eyes disappeared as recognition stole over his face. "I'm sorry."

"An apology feels a bit ridiculous now, doesn't it? What can I do with those words? They are so flimsy when there's no action to back them up. What shall I do when you're the villain, Rainer? Who will save me from you?"

Rainer looked as bereft as she felt.

"Should I run and hide in your room?" she asked. "Should I use my dagger against you? I suppose if I kill you, I'll just apologize to your corpse and all will be well."

He opened his mouth, then closed it. "I didn't realize she was important to you."

"Would it have changed anything?" She turned her back on him .

He hesitated. "No. I would have done as the king commanded." He grew quiet. "Cece, you need to consider how it looks that you spent so much time with her and she was a traitor."

"Tell me this, Guardian McKay—if I come under suspicion for being a traitor, will you ask any questions or simply show me the business end of a blade? I wonder how His Majesty would feel knowing that moments before you shared your suspicion about the finest healer in the two kingdoms, you had his betrothed pinned to the castle wall while you dry-humped her like a horny teenager."

"Cece!" Rainer snapped. "Keep your voice down or I'll be the one meeting the business end of a blade."

"What are you doing? When will you decide which side you're on?" she asked. "How long will you play to me one moment and Vincent the next? How can I feel safe when at any moment someone might decide I'm the enemy and you'll be sent to dispatch me?"

"I want what's best for Argaria."

"You're not even from here. Have you ever questioned the fervor of your loyalty?" she snarled, surprised the words were allowed.

Rainer frowned. "I'm from Olney but I didn't have the same opportunities there, at least not without my father using my accomplishments to launch him into higher social circles. Here I have an opportunity to make my own way. I can prove my value not just to the king but to two kingdoms' worth of people."

"And so long as your ego is served, who cares who gets hurt?" Cecilia scoffed.

Rainer crossed his arms. "What do you know about it, Cece? You're a powerful witch."

Cecilia laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "Of course, what would I know about struggling with identity? Just a girl who didn't know who or what she was her entire life only to find out that everyone who loved her knew before she did and let her walk into a trap. How could I possibly understand wanting to prove myself? Wanting to make my own way?"

Rainer stared at her, bringing a hand to his head and wincing. She wanted to say more but when she opened her mouth to speak nothing came out thanks to the deal with Cato. She threw her hands up in frustration.

"What happens when Vincent decides Olney is the enemy? When Marcos Teripin won't bend to his ever-changing will?" Cecilia asked.

"You're worried about your kingdom," Rainer sighed. "Of course you are."

He said it like it was such a simple thing. Like she hadn't crawled back from death to banish the god who brought on all of this havoc.

"You forget everything. You have no idea what this peace has cost me. It is so delicate, and it cannot ride on the whims of this king who can't control his temper enough to keep his hands off me," Cecilia said.

Rainer's eyes lit with fury. "I'm trying to protect you as best I can. Why are you so insistent on making it difficult?"

"Why are you so intent on being a murderous, stubborn ass?"

It was easier to hold her anger so she wouldn't feel how afraid she was, so she could ignore the way her knees were shaking, the way her heart ached.

"Cece—" Rainer's voice was suddenly soft as he reached out and stroked her cheek.

Normally she would have felt grateful for the touch, but now she was only reminded of the way Rainer's gentleness had the ability to break through all her walls.

"You'd touch me like you care while my friend's blood is still on your hands."

Rainer drew back as if she'd punched him in the gut. He stood frozen in place, staring at her. "You didn't actually erase Reese's memory, did you?"

She stared back at him, afraid moving or saying anything would have him sending her to a swift death. She'd never been afraid of Rainer, but for the first time in her life, Cecilia wasn't certain that he'd protect her. She wasn't certain he wouldn't be the one to send her back to the grave. The only thing she knew for sure was that she was entirely at his mercy because she would not fight back .

"I suspected that day in the tower," Rainer continued. "I only found the key after I found you. I just couldn't figure out why you'd be working against your fiancé."

Cecilia kept her mouth shut. It was likely no mystery at all to Vincent that she was involved, but it was one thing for him to suspect and another for Rainer to admit he knew. So far Vincent was content with his performance art because he seemed to get a sort of twisted thrill out of making her watch him corrupt Rainer. But if Rainer figured things out, Vincent would have no reason left to perform.

Rainer ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "I killed her to protect you, Cece. If Vincent was satisfied that he'd found the spy, he wouldn't keep looking."

Her relief felt like a betrayal to Magdalena, but Cecilia couldn't help it. She was eager to cling to any hint that Rainer could still come back from this.

"Why do you protect me?" Cecilia asked, embarrassed by the desperation in her voice.

Rainer arched an eyebrow. "Why do I feel it here?" he asked, placing a hand on his chest. "Like I need to protect you. Like I'm drawn to you always. Like I can't take my eyes off you when you're in the room."

Cecilia chewed her lower lip, opening her mouth and closing it, unable to say anything.

"You make it impossible to be rational. I cannot think around you," he said, taking a step closer. "My heart has not slowed to a normal rhythm since I kissed you."

"I thought I made you feel nothing," she bit out.

"I lied?—"

Before she could argue, he'd swept her into a kiss and she melted into him, her body boneless with relief and confusion and grief. For a moment there was nothing but the two of them, the kiss a familiar push-pull, an exchange in which she lost herself and found new depth she didn't know she could reach in loving someone.

In her weakness she allowed him to steal her breath. His hands gently unpinned her hair as they had so many times before, until at last strength rushed up to meet her in the form of rage.

She shoved against his chest, startling him so much he stumbled back, the spell between them broken.

"And I suppose you don't consider this treason?" Cecilia asked.

Rainer frowned. "The only treason is that which my heart commits against my will."

Cecilia stared at him, speechless, her breath still quickened from his touch. In that moment, Rainer was both the man who'd been endlessly patient with her and the vicious, volatile man he'd become. It hurt and helped to see them both at once, like a warped reflection in the murky surface of a pond.

He waited, his eyes fixed on her.

When she said nothing, he backed away and slipped into the hallway. The door closed behind him and the lock clicked, and Cecilia was left with her grief.

Her quiet was short-lived. Not a moment after he left, Mika burst in through the passageway.

"He killed Mags and you're kissing him!" she said in a harsh whisper.

Cecilia turned her teary eyes on her friend as guilt twisted in her stomach. "What would you have me do? What if it was Ivy?"

"Don't you speak her name! Ivy was all that is good in this world?—"

"And so is he!" Cecilia wiped the angry tears from her cheeks. "You think I don't feel it? That I'm not furious with him? That it doesn't kill me to know how he will hate himself if he ever remembers? Magdalena saved my life—more than once. I was drowning and the two of you saved me, but before I ever met you Rainer saved me. He saved me a thousand times in a thousand little ways, and he may not know who he is, but he will always be mine. Do not make me choose between him and vengeance because if I can only have one, I will always choose him."

Mika's pain was raw on her face and in her voice. "Vincent has taken everyone I love. He has taken the only real family I have ever had."

"And he will pay, Mika. I swear he will. You can be the one to do it and I will clap while you drive in the blade, but we cannot allow ourselves to be broken by loss. She would not want it for us."

It was hard to believe they'd all been joking together just a half hour ago and now there was one less of them in the world. It was harder to believe that Rainer was responsible for that.

Cecilia pulled Mika into her arms, trying to act as a buffer between her and her pain.