15. Book Boyfriend Lines

15

BOOK BOYFRIEND LINES

WEIGHT, ALEXZ JOHNSON

Livie

Ma: Olivia, can you bring bread with you?

Me: Yup, what kind?

Ma: Telera mija.

Me: Mom, where am I supposed to find Telera, an hour before I’m supposed to be at your place.

Ma: You’re a smart girl. Figure it out

Mateo: I have Telera at home, I’ll bring some

Me: Thanks, Matty.

Ma: Always saving your sister. Such a good big brother. I’ll see everyone here

I swipe out of our family chat and text my brother separately. I haven’t even made it to dinner and I’m already on edge.

Me: Thank you!

Mateo: Don’t let this bother you, O. You know how she is sometimes. I can’t wait to see you and that boyfriend of yours

Me: Thanks, Matty. Are you bringing anyone this year?

Mateo: Just Daisy as usual.

Me: EEEEEEEEH! I love me some Daisy! See you in a few

I love Mateo, my protective older brother. He is also single as fuck, but my mom doesn’t care, because in her culture men can take whatever time they want to have a family. But women were made for one purpose—to get married and have children, nothing else. I don’t have anything against either of those things, but the reality is that everyone’s timing looks different. And honestly, I’m tired of letting her dictate my worth by whether or not I decide to push a baby out of my vagina. She’s my mom and I don’t want to let her down, but I also need her to get a grip.

I hear Alex’s truck engine and I open the door before he has a chance to ring the doorbell. Without saying hi, I turn back to the living room to grab all the bags with gifts I’ve had in a pile for weeks. My family usually exchanges gifts on Three Kings Day, but I’m always working then, so I bring their presents on Noche Buena.

“You look like an elf tonight, Shortie,” Alex calls from somewhere in front of me, but I can’t see him behind the tower of presents I’m carrying.

“What, green and tiny?” I ask.

“More like cheerful with arms full of gifts. Here, let me help you.” He takes all the gifts from me and he’s still able to stand up straight, as if it doesn’t bother him one bit.

“Agh, you have perfect hands, too. Not fair.”

“So, I can carry you better,” he replies, winking at me.

“Also, why are you wearing a suit? Not complaining, I love the view, but that’s a little too formal.” And that I do. He looks more than handsome with a dark green suit and his pretty smile.

“You said your mom’s an etiquette freak, and she keeps setting you up with people with corporate jobs. I’m not giving her any indications that I’m not perfect for her daughter, so a suit it is.”

“I swear if you keep saying shit like that, I’m going to have to keep you forever, Alex.” Great, Livie. Smooth, Livie. Not scaring him off at all, Livie. He doesn’t say anything and just walks out to put the gifts in his truck. I grab the two bags I had by the door and follow him out. I’ve been thinking about how on earth I’m going to let him know I don’t want this to end tomorrow without scaring him off. But God, that man can have anyone he wants, and I just don’t know if he wants that one to be me.

“Ready for your quiz?” I ask as Alex follows the GPS to my mom’s house. We are about an hour and a half away. So we have plenty of time to prepare for what’s about to happen in that house.

“Your mom’s name is Ada and your dad’s name is Omar. They grew up near each other and moved to Florida soon after they got married. Your mom’s a stay-at-home wife and she raised you and your brother Mateo. Mateo lives in Magnolia Springs, not too far away from your parents, and although you’re all adults, your mom likes to stick her nose in y’all’s business. She’s allergic to pollen, which is why I don’t have any flowers with me, and they like baseball more than football, so they won’t be fans.”

“You get an A.”

“Not an A plus?” he asks nonchalantly.

“Alex, this is serious. I don’t want your night to be miserable.” My brother and my dad will be fine. Daisy—Mateo’s best friend—is a sweetheart. too. So, really, all I have to worry about is my mom hurting his feelings or making him run for the hills. If I’m going to be successful with this charade, or if I’m brave enough to see if he’s willing to date me after tomorrow , I need him to get along with her. Or at least not think I’m crazy and not want to spend more time with me.

“Liv, it will fine. I won’t be miserable, especially if I’m spending time with you.”

“Why do you always know what to say?” I ask.

“I read a lot of smut,” he replies.

Wait. “Wait what?”

“What, what?”

“You read romance?” I ask, opening my eyes so wide it feels like they might pop out.

“Why is that so hard to believe? And if you tell me some stereotypical shit, I’m calling you out on it.”

“Alright, alright. Yes, I was going to say some men don’t read romance bullshit but I’m actually surprised. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you ask?” His expression is nonchalant as he pulls up by my mother’s house right behind my brother’s fancy ass car. Mateo works for the local hockey team, and he’s a big deal. He’s the owner’s right hand man, so he does more than anyone actually knows. He loves it, and it allows him to live a fancy lifestyle that otherwise he wouldn’t be able to afford. It’s just funny to me how our parents are huge baseball fans. There’s a baseball team in Magnolia Springs, but Mateo decided to go work for the hockey team instead.

“I don’t know. I’ve never dated anyone who reads books, so I never thought to ask,” I reply, realizing that I just implied I’m dating him. I know technically I am, but for all intents and purposes, we’re really not. Then why do we kiss and fuck when we’re alone? the little voice inside my head harps. Lust and forced proximity are the answer I keep coming back to. Oh. My. God. How many tropes have we been in?

“Then it sounds to me like you’re dating the wrong people. I love reading, and reading romance has been good for me and my soul, Liv. I can explore so many themes while having the safety net that, no matter the story, the couple will get their happily ever after. It’s the closest thing to magic there is out there and I will die on that hill.”

“Alex Haddock, you’re speaking book boyfriend lines,” I add.

“The highest compliment one could ever give me.”

I’m done for. Officially ruined by this man. I don’t think there will ever be anyone who could compare to him, and I either need to figure out how to keep him forever or how to fucking clone him.

Dinner goes by pretty fast. Seamlessly fast. It was uneventful, or at least as uneventful as it could be, considering it’s my mother we’re talking about. She asked Alex all the questions I assumed she would ask and he answered them with flying colors. He asked a few questions about the food and tried everything. He even gave her a few compliments. He said some words in Spanish which is more than they get from me. I can understand Spanish, no issues. I can listen to music in Spanish too and enjoy it. But I hate speaking it. I grew up feeling like I wasn’t Latina enough because I didn’t speak the language or because of my accent, so I just stopped trying. But the older I get, the more I realize that there’s not a one box fits all and I am Latina. Even if I choose not to speak Spanish with others. I’m proud of my culture and happy my parents took the time to teach us. Maybe one day I will feel comfortable enough to speak it with my family, but in the meantime, I’m fine replying to my parents in English. The amount of Spanish I speak does not determine my ethnicity and I’ve made my peace with that.

We’re sitting in the living room, talking and sharing some ideas for New Year’s Eve, which is the other dinner my parents host. I usually miss that one and nobody even bats an eye. But my mother still makes sure I have my twelve grapes ready to wish for prosperity as the clock strikes midnight and my suitcase to run around so I get more traveling in my life. Both are traditions she loves and she’s series about passing them on.

I’m sipping on Ponche when Alex brings me a piece of flan from the kitchen.

“Mm, there was some extra?” I ask.

“Yeah, you said that was your favorite, right? I hope your mom doesn’t mind,” he adds, looking at her.

She closes her lips in a flat fake smile that we can all see right through and says, “Oh darling, I made the flan for everyone. I just hope Olivia doesn’t eat too much, in case her clothes won’t fit her you know? We already know she could use to lose some weight.”

“Mom!” Mateo shouts.

“What? It’s true. We could all be a little bit more mindful of how much sugar we eat, right?”

I want the earth to swallow me whole. The little jabs at my weight come and go, but I was hoping because Alex was here for the first time, she would back off. It was too much to wish for. She didn’t make any comments about children so of course she had to make a comment about my weight.

“Mom, please,” I beg.

“Oh, now I’m the villain, but when Olivia comes crying because her athlete of a boyfriend dumped her, you’ll all know why.”

“Mom!” Mateo shouts again.

"You’re out of line,” Alex barks before clearing his throat and adding, “Respectfully, that is. I know I’m new here and this is your home, so the last thing I want to be is disrespectful. But ma’am, you’ve been making mean comments about your daughter all night. Some a little bit more discreet than others, but mean, nonetheless. Livie has been nothing but kind all night and this isn’t fair to her. Your daughter is happy—isn’t that what most parents wish their kids were? Happy? Not only is she happy, but she’s such a light in so many people’s lives and that should be celebrated. However, I did not hear one single thing about it all night. Respectfully, her weight shouldn’t be anyone’s business but hers. What she eats, how she dresses, who she dates either. She is such a gift and I honestly think you’ve forgotten how rare of a gem you have. Maybe it’s time someone reminds you. I don’t like the way you talk to her or about her, and nobody should put up with that. Would you say these things to a stranger ? Would you say things like that to me ?”

The room is completely quiet. You could hear a pin drop. My mom’s mouth is open wide and my dad is sitting with his arms on his legs, not saying a word.

“Again, I’m sorry if I’m out of line, but enough is enough. Livie deserves better than this. You haven’t even touched any of the gifts she brought or asked her any genuine questions. Instead, you want to make comments about her seemingly imperfect body? Because let me tell you, her body is perfect the way it is. I would know.”

“Alex…” I whisper, looking at my dad, who’s currently cringing right now.

“Sorry sir,” he says. “Actually, sorry to you both,” Alex continues. “The last thing I wanted to be was disrespectful in your home. But I care about your daughter, and I don’t like hearing those words about her. Now if you’ll excuse me,” he adds, standing up and walking toward the back of the house.

“Olivia,” my mom says, but before I can answer, my brother interrupts.

“He’s not wrong, Mom. Let her go after him.” Not that I needed her permission, but when she nods at me with tears in her eyes, I know she heard him. Both of them. I get up and follow Alex past the dining table, to the back door, and onto the porch.