36. Kyle

December 23

Crabby: You’re cute but I wouldn’t quit the day job for a writing career.

Me: Aww I thought that was a good one.

Crabby: I’m not sure drabby is even a word.

Me: Screenshot of Google definition of drabby.

Crabby: Okay I stand corrected.

December 24

Crabby: Okay I take it back. Your writing might not be that bad.

Me: That was not sexy…

Crabby: I’m eating breakfast with the kids. It feels wrong to sext with you right now.

Me: Rain check?

Crabby: Maybe…

December 25

Me: Merry Christmas. I hope you guys have a fun morning.

Crabby: Pictures of the kids opening presents.

Crabby: You got them new jerseys and plane tickets to Florida to watch you play?

Me: I need you guys there for our first spring game. The fourth ticket is so you can bring someone along to help with Piper. Maybe Ashley.

Crabby: Kyle…

Crabby: Selfie of Harper hugging a note to her heart smiling with watery eyes.

Me: You said all you wanted was time. So Instacart is dropping off groceries this week, and your car is scheduled for an oil change and tire rotation. They’ll pick it up from the parking lot of your apartment and bring it back with a full tank of gas. Cam is taking Piper to therapy tomorrow and Thursday (trust me this is as much a present for him as it is for you. He’ll never pass up an opportunity to see Ashley) and Zara is picking up Sam for playdates both mornings. I offered Jacki a bonus if she’d work tomorrow and Thursday for you. And my cleaning service will be at your place on Friday. This way, you should have two days of time to do whatever you want.

Crabby: You are amazing.

Crabby: And all I got you was lingerie and vodka-infused whipped cream.

Me:

Me: Do I get a picture at least?

Crabby: Pic of black lace one-piece and red lace bralette and thong.

Me: Damn what I wouldn’t give to see those on your body right now.

Crabby: As soon as you get home baby. I promise.

Me: Aww you called me baby!

Me: GIF of a man jumping up and down

December 26

Crabby: How does the world not know you are like this?

December 27

Crabby: Your imagination is the best kind of picture.

December 28

Crabby: You’re relentless.

Crabby: Photo of her breasts.

Me: You just made my day. I’m so jacking off to this.

December 29

Crabby: Is painted nails going to be your thing next season?

Me: As long as my manicurist doesn’t quit on me.

December 30

Crabby: We miss you too baby.