Chapter 9

CHAPTER9

Edward knew about revenge. He knew more about it than he wanted to. Revenge had occupied his mind ever since the death of his parents, but he did not know where to aim it. So, it was aimed at the entire world. He started to hate everyone, because no one helped his parents when they needed it. They were left alone, to suffer their fate, and be erased from this world as if they never existed.

"It would be a far better world if people who were responsible for crimes actually got punished for what they had done," he noted gravely. "But we do not live in a fair and just world. We live in... this world."

There were many things that this encompassed, and something told him that Leah knew exactly what he was referring to. Strangely, this young lady who had dropped into his life by sheer accident turned out to have more in common with him than he originally thought she would. They shared the same kind of tragedy. They understood that profound pain that never went away. It only hurt less the more time passed by. But it never completely went away, nor would it ever. At least, not until justice was served.

"Are the rumors about your parents’ death true?" He suddenly heard her ask, with much hesitation in her voice. She lifted her gaze to meet his, under those deep, dark eyelashes. "I’m sorry, if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to–"

"It’s all right," he replied. "It is something that has been plaguing me for a very long time, and apart from Andrew, I haven’t had anyone to talk to about this. It is difficult to talk about, but I need to get it out."

"I am here to listen," she said softly. "We can talk, or we can just sit here quietly."

"I am also certain that there was foul play involved with my parents’ death," he finally said. "They died along with a footman, who probably tried to protect them. But they never found the people responsible. I suppose they never even tried too hard. Now, I feel that it is up to me, to find out what happened, but honestly, I do not even know where to start."

He felt helpless, and now, talking about it, he remembered that horrible sensation. "When the Constable came to my door to tell me what happened, I remember that sinking feeling in my gut. I couldn’t believe it at first. I thought it was a mistake. I thought it was some cruel joke, played on me by the universe. Then, I went to claim their bodies, and–" His voice betrayed him, and he couldn’t continue.

Suddenly, he saw her get up and walk over to him, only to place her hand on his shoulder. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Her presence, her touch was enough to make him feel at least a little better.

"I just can’t fathom what could have happened," he found the strength to continue. "The very thought that someone wanted to harm them... intentionally... it just doesn’t make any sense."

"Sometimes, the world can be a dark and cruel place," she told him, something he was already more than aware of. "Things happen that sometimes make no sense to us, because we do not see the bigger picture."

"That is what I need to find out," he pointed at her, shaking his index finger. "The bigger picture. What happened that night? And who was responsible for it? I won’t rest until I find the person or persons responsible and see them punished for what they did."

He wanted to add that sometimes, earthly punishment was nothing. Whatever the punishment was, it would not bring his parents back. It could never. And that was all he wanted, just for things to be the way they used to. The very knowledge that this was impossible was tearing him apart.

However, there was at least some light at the end of the tunnel. He wasn’t alone. Leah was there, by his side, and regardless of how their marriage started, something told him that there was more to this young woman with such bright, curious eyes that looked at him with such interest. Sometimes, he could see a reflection of his own sadness inside of him, and while it soothed him to know that there were others like him, he was at the same time, even more saddened that someone like her had to know such misery. It did not seem fair.

Revenge was still the primary thing on his mind. However, it was slowly making room for something else... or better yet, someone else. He still wasn’t certain how to feel about this. Time would tell, that was at least what people said. Only, he didn’t trust time. He didn’t trust it at all, because people also said that time healed all wounds.

It did not.

* * *

"You like him!" Alicia exclaimed, her eyes widening with sheer glee.

"Shh!" Leah pressed her finger to her lips, in an effort to quiet her friend, who seemed ecstatic with this news. "I do not... I just... think he isn’t as bad as I believed him to be."

"Well, that is exactly what I said," Alicia chuckled. "You like him."

"I am keeping an open mind, as per your and my mother’s usual advice," Leah corrected her friend. "He is not what you’d expect him to be."

"I am very glad to hear that," Alicia said, sounding more genuine and honest than ever. "You know that I always wanted you to experience marital bliss."

"Well, I highly doubt that is possible, my dear friend," Leah said, with a slight pang of regret in her voice. Leah knew that she could not expect that sort of felicity. For her, marital bliss was not staying at home and knitting. It was simply not who she was. Her mind craved adventure. She wanted to constantly discover new things about the world. A long time ago, she was bitten by the adventure bug, and now, there was no turning back. She had endeavored to keep this desire under control, because she could see how much anguish it was giving her father, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not suffocate the desires of her own heart. They would always eventually find a way to come to the surface.

"I am certain that you and the duke will find your way to each other eventually," Alicia said. "I mean, you are already closer than you’ve been a week ago. Imagine what might happen over the course of several months!"

Leah imagined it instantly. While it was true that Edward had opened himself up to her a little, he was still guarding his own heart and mind fervently, like a wild animal afraid of a human touch. She could understand him. She could also understand his initial accusation, that she herself had orchestrated this whole affair. Fortunately, they ceased the accusations, and realized that something strange was going on, something they needed to get to the bottom of... together.

Together. That was the part that was confusing her even more than the lack of knowledge regarding how she ended up in his chamber in the middle of the night. They were together now. They were husband and wife now. But not in the real sense of the word. She wondered if they would ever reach that level of closeness.

She wondered if she even wanted them to. Yes... a treacherous little voice whispered right into her ear. She knew it was right. She was titillated by the idea of them getting closer. Sometimes, when he wasn’t paying attention, she would look at him closely, examining the lines of his face, his square jaw, his dark curls. He was a strikingly handsome man. She could not deny that. He had a sort of ferocity about him, but at the same time, he spoke so calmly and in such a composed manner that she could not imagine him even shouting, let alone doing something aggressive.

"Leah?" She heard Alicia’s voice call out to her.

"Sorry," Leah smiled. "I got lost for a moment."

"I could tell," Alicia chuckled. "Were you thinking about the duke?"

Leah wanted to shake her head, but quickly decided against it. She wanted to be honest about everything with her friend.

"Yes," she admitted, and her cheeks blushed softly.

"It is all right to be enamored by your husband, dear Leah," Alicia leaned forward and took her friend’s hands into her own, caressing them gently. "Something tells me that he needs you as much as you need him."

"I do not need him," Leah corrected her friend.

"Perhaps you do not feel that need yet," Alicia added. "But this feeling of being enamored blossoms into something else, something more. Then, this dire need develops, and you realize that you cannot breathe without this other person by your side."

"I am not certain that I want to become that reliant on him," Leah teased. "Edward... he is different. His heart has been broken, just like mine, and I don’t think that broken hearts ever heal fully, or at least enough to love unconditionally."

"You are wrong there," Alicia was adamant to prove her point. "Love heals everything and everyone. You simply need to be open to receive it."

Leah smiled. "That is what Mother used to say... only in different words."

"I always loved your mother, you know that," Alicia said softly, with the pang of pain felt in the hearts of both ladies, who shared the same sorrow of having lost a loved one.

"And she loved you as well," Leah replied, squeezing Alicia’s hands back with her fingers.

She inhaled deeply, allowing all these words to sink in. "Honestly, I am afraid," she whispered so silently that she hoped Alicia could not hear her, but she did.

"Afraid of what?" Alicia asked, her eyes and mind focused on her friend.

"Of this... of opening myself up to love, because I might get hurt–"

"You have to take a risk," Alicia reminded her. "Love is always a risk. But without it, our lives would not be worth living at all."

Leah suddenly laughed. "It is funny that, of all people, you would be the one talking about risk."

"Right?" Alicia couldn’t help but chuckle as well. "I always tell you to play it safe, don’t I? But in love, there is no playing safe. You put all your cards on the table, so to speak, and you give your whole self. That is the only way to love someone."

"That is the way I love you," Leah agreed.

"And I you," Alicia nodded.

They exchanged a meaningful glance, only to burst into another boisterous chuckle. Leah loved this feeling of being completely and unapologetically herself with Alicia. Up until now, she had been the only person who accepted her as she was. However, little by little, as she was opening herself up to Edward, Leah started to hope that perhaps, he could be another person to accept her, and maybe even love her.