Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

TREVOR

M aking love to Beau changed something between us irrevocably. The way Beau had shivered at my touch, trembled when I told him I loved him, will be burned into my memory forever. Just those simple words along with the lovemaking seemed to settle something inside of Beau that had been restless. Maybe a small part of him will always expect me to run away, but leaving Beau now would be akin to ripping my own heart out of my chest. Leaving will never be an option again.

“Ready?” Beau asks from behind me, startling me from my introspection.

Turning around, I find Beau in dark jeans, a T-shirt that hugs every beautiful inch of his chest, and camel dress shoes that I didn’t even realize he owned. Keys to the Chevy dangle from his fingers as he cocks his head, trying to figure out what I’m thinking. One day I know he’ll be able to look at me and just know, the very thought comforts me.

“Ready.” I stride towards him, only coming to a stop once I can loop my arms around his neck. Pressing up on my toes, I kiss his forehead, then let my lips linger on his mouth just long enough to steal his breath.

“Sweetheart,” Beau murmurs softly, tone heart-achingly tender.

“Aw, I got you.” I drop down to the soles of my feet and send him a cheeky wink.

Beau’s cheeks darken just enough to make me smile. “You could take it easy on me sometimes.”

“No fun in that,” I tease.

His lips quirk to the side. “Guess not. Let’s go. Mama probably already has her trademark dip out and I’m sure Colby is already there eating it up.”

“Not if Eli can distract him as easily as I can distract you,” I sing as we make our way out to the Chevy.

Beau opens the door for me, then carefully buckles me in. If anyone else tried to care for me the way Beau does, I’d probably start a world war. But with Beau it feels too much like love to let it rile me. The night air is cool as we roll the windows down. I toss my hair up in a haphazard bun just so that I don’t have a million knots by the time we arrive at our destination.

“You’ll take it back down once we get to Mama’s?” Beau asks loudly, over the rushing sound of the wind through the windows.

“Whatever you want, Beau.”

Beau rolls his eyes, but a sweet smile twitches his lips under the dark shadow of his beard. Leaning my head against the headrest, a contented smile makes my cheeks ache. Beau parks in front of his mother’s house, the one I remember from all those months ago. I was here for sadder reasons before, and tonight feels full of joy in comparison.

The beautiful sound of Eli’s laughter fills the house as we make our way inside, hands tightly grasped between us. The soft murmur of voices leads us to the kitchen. Beau’s hand is a steadying weight at the base of my spine. The sight that greets us is Colby devouring the dip at the table, Eli tucked against his side, with Andy at the head of the table fighting Colby for the dip. Beau’s mom stands at the stove, chuckling at the antics of the adult children at the table. The atmosphere is so cozy, so warm, so happy , that I remind myself that this is what a home should feel like. This is family.

Eli’s gaze pings to me and he grins wide. “Hi!”

I shyly wave at everyone. Beau’s mom turns around, grinning when she spots me. With a cock of her head, she invites me over to join her at the stove. I head that way with a curious look over my shoulder at Beau. The man just shrugs in answer.

“Do you like chicken and dumplings?” Cindy questions, glasses slipping down her nose giving her the aura of a sweet librarian.

“Never had them.”

Cindy whistles softly. “You’re missing out. They’re the ultimate comfort food. I always made them for the kids when they needed just a little extra love. Help me with the dumplings?”

Cindy has a way of making me feel so comfortable, even when it’s something I don’t understand. I help her whisk all the ingredients for dumplings in a metal bowl. Then she shows me how to spoon mix, then drop into the savory smelling thick soup. Chicken’s been torn apart, vegetables look mushy, and when I eye the mixture critically, Cindy just chuckles.

“I know it looks unappealing, but I promise it tastes amazing. You’re doing great with the dumplings, honey.”

Butterflies take flight in my chest at her sweet praise. “Yeah?”

A soft smile turns her lips up. “Great job, I promise. How’s my son treating you?”

I glance over my shoulder at Beau to find him competing with Colby for the dip on the table. Andy smacks Beau’s hand and he pulls it away with a deep frown.

“I love him.”

Cindy’s eyes soften as our gazes meet again. “And he loves you.” She slowly stirs the mixture on the stove, a contemplative look crossing her face. “When you find love so special, so true, you hold on to it as long as you can.”

I clear my throat awkwardly. “I’ll hold on to him as long as he’ll let me.”

Cindy just keeps stirring the pot, obviously not feeling the need to reply to me. With a nod of her head, she sends me back over to the table, and I stand by Beau, curving my palm around the nape of his neck. He aims a sweet smile up at me and rests his hand at the small of my back again.

Beau keeps his conversation with Colby going, but his thumb dips into the waist of my pants, carefully swiping at the warm skin he finds. The weight of his touch brings the comfort it always does, easing the bubbling nerves inside me that started simmering the moment we walked into the house.

Eli cocks his head, gaze knowing. “You love him?” Eli mouths at me.

I nod rapidly, then use my fingers to cover my smiling lips. Eli grins at me as he takes Colby’s hand in his own. Colby looks down at Eli with a tender smile, eyes only for his boyfriend.

Colby wraps his arm around the back of Eli’s chair. “How’s life treating you in Clay Springs so far, Trevor?”

Beau’s hand squeezes my hip tightly. I flick him an easy smile. “Good. Slow and sweet, two things I never knew I needed.”

“I heard you’ve been going on runs with Eli.”

I snort. “I’ve been going on runs and Eli tries to keep up.”

“I’m trying to focus on cardiovascular health,” Eli argues, a hint of a whine in his voice.

A curious smirk tilts up Colby’s lips. “Aiming to run a marathon?”

Eli rolls his eyes affectionately. “Aiming to run something.”

“Everything shaping up for the fall festival?” Colby asks once he can tear his gaze away from a blushing Eli.

Beau shrugs, face completely calm despite the nerves I know lie beneath. The man is a duck, calm on the surface, violently paddling under the water. “Mostly. It’s always fine.”

Colby’s eyes drill in on Beau, studying him. I wonder if Colby can see what I see too. I’ve wondered the past few weeks just how deeply his family looks at him. Can they read his tells like I can? Or do they just take him at his word. Colby seemingly takes Beau at his word though, which shocks me into speaking.

“This is the first one since your dad,” I point out softly. “Are you sure you’re fine? Do you need extra help?”

Colby’s eyes widen at my words, but Beau’s gaze softens on me. I run my hand up and down his back, hoping to encourage him into sharing the reality of his situation. Beau clears his throat uncomfortably, then runs his left hand roughly along his trimmed beard.

“It’s a little rougher than I expected. If you could help opening weekend, Colby, that’d be great.”

Beau’s words are heavy, laced with vulnerability. Love for him swirls inside me, until I feel like it could pour out of me, and right into him. Colby looks from me, then to Beau, his fingers tapping on the table. The restless tapping has Eli laying his hand over Colby’s, steadying whatever emotion gripped Colby.

“Sure, Beau. Anything you ask. You know that’s how it is.”

Beau smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “I know.”

Andy’s eyes meet mine and a grateful smile graces her lips. I nod at her, knowing that Beau never would’ve said a word without my nudging. He has a long way to go with asking for help, but I know that I’ll get him there when he learns it’s safe, it’s okay to trust that other people want to help him. Especially the loving family surrounding this table. Maybe they took him for granted for years, but now that I’m here, that’s going to change. Beau deserves to be supported.

I chance a look towards Cindy in the kitchen to find her gaze firm on me. A small thankful smile tilts her lips at the corners and tears rim the edges of her eyes. I try to smile at her in case she’s upset, but the tremble of my smile feels shaky even to myself. She nods just slightly once, before turning back around to finish with dinner.

Maybe in some way we all needed one another. I needed this family, and Beau needed me to learn to ask for help. I’ve never been much for destiny or fate, but if it exists, then I think maybe the universe had a hand in leading me here to Beau, to these people. Belonging is the word that comes to mind. For the first time in my life, I belong somewhere. Not just somewhere, but with Beau.

While Cindy plates the food, I finally take a seat beside Beau. A smile bursts out of me when his hand rests firmly on my thigh, warm and comforting. The guys chat about the farm, catching up on things that I don’t understand yet, but I know one day I will. Andy has her head in her phone, a frown marring her face.

“Everything okay, Andy?” Cindy asks as she sets a plate of food down in front of her.

“Actually,” Andy says around a grimace. “I’ve got to go. Harper.”

Beau, Colby, and Cindy all quickly tense, eyes firm on Andy.

“He’s okay?” Colby follows up.

Andy stands, kisses her mom’s cheek, then dips down to kiss Beau’s. “Been a rough night for him.”

The phrase must be code because the three of them relax from high alert. Cindy bustles around the kitchen to fill two tupperware containers full of chicken and dumplings. She returns to shove the containers into Andy’s waiting arms.

“Make Harper eat this when his appetite returns.”

Andy smiles softly. “Will do, Mama.” Andy aims a grimace at me and Eli. “Sorry, I hate to miss this cute little double date, but I’m sure we’ll have hundreds of these for years to come.”

We all watch Andy leave, arms folded around the warm food containers.

“What’s wrong with Harper?” I ask in a soft whisper.

Beau’s contemplative for a few moments, before softly murmuring, “Harper has epilepsy. Sometimes his seizures are controlled, sometimes not. Andy and him are really close.”

Cindy’s gaze finally tears from the door, and she fixes her own food. I look down at my plate, weary at how the food looks, but I can’t deny it smells amazing. Hard to describe. But it smells a little like how I assume home should smell. Once Cindy joins the table, she grins around at everyone.

“It’s not Thanksgiving, but I wanted to say how thankful I am for all of you. It’s been a rough year, but every single one of you has made it easier in one way or another.” Tears rim her eyes, but she blinks them away. “Anyway, let’s eat before it cools.”

Beau’s hand stays warm on my thigh as I grab my spoon. Everyone around the table digs in without a word, even Eli closes his eyes in bliss, so it must be good. I load my spoon up, then take a bite, and suddenly I understand why everyone is silent. It tastes like heaven on my tongue. Savory and warm and comforting. I feel like I blink, and my plate is empty.

A chuckle sounds from beside me, just before Beau stands. He goes into the kitchen, refills our plates, then plops a plate down on the table with a knowing smile. That’s how I finish two entire plates of chicken and dumplings. Suddenly, I have a new favorite meal. If I had to choose one meal to eat for the rest of my life, it would probably be this one. It’s not just that the food is good, but that it’s made with love. My stomach and heart are full by the time I’m done with my meal.

Dinner winds down, and the boys stand side by side in the kitchen doing dishes.

Cindy fixes cups of coffee, and places creamer and sugar on the table. I add some sugar and a splash of creamer, before taking a grateful sip. Eli grins at me over his mug that says oh, bless your heart with a middle finger painted below the words. I snort against the rim of my mug.

“How long have you two known each other?” Cindy asks, gaze pinging between us.

“A few years,” Eli says easily. “We met at our old job.”

“And what job was that?” Cindy takes a sip of her coffee, not realizing the can of worms she’s trying to open.

Colby and Beau both freeze, simultaneously turning to look at us over their shoulders.

With a wicked grin, I say, “We were in customer service together.”

Cindy makes a contemplative sound. “Interesting.”

And that’s that.

After dessert of pudding pie, the four of us amble outside, stomachs full, and cheeks aching from smiling. I never thought I could have a life like this one. Never thought I deserved something like this. For so many years I punished myself for the crimes of my parents, thinking I deserved to be treated like less than to make up for their sins. The beauty of life is so easy to see when I’m focusing on my life, and what I want to take from it.

At this very moment, that means letting Beau buckle me into the Chevy, drive me home, and make love to me so fiercely that I feel put back together, even after he takes me apart.