30. Rachel

CHAPTER 30

RACHEL

I thread my fingers together, then unthread them, smoothing out my floral pattern dress, then crossing my legs before unfolding them again.

Liam glances at me, softly laughing to himself as I continue to fidget. His large hand lands on mine, giving them a light squeeze.

“It’s going to be okay,” he reminds me yet again.

“What if they don’t like me?”

“That’s impossible.” Liam shakes his head. “You’re the most likable person I know.”

I wrinkle my nose at him. “You have to say that. You’re my husband.”

“I’m your husband because I believe it. You think I’d marry someone I didn’t like?”

A soft snort pops out of me and I shake my head, gazing out the window as we drive through town. The social worker called this morning to let us know that we’d been approved to foster these two children. We were allowed to come and collect them as soon as we were able. We took one long look at each other, then dropped everything, rushing to gather our things and get out the door.

As soon as Liam told me the idea of fostering these two children, my mind went into nesting mode. I spent the entire day on Sunday shopping and gathering supplies. The pool house is set up for two young kids, and I spent a near fortune making sure they had the best of everything. I got a new bed for each of them, toys and clothes. They’ll probably come with their own stuff, but I lost my mind and suddenly had to prepare for every scenario.

Liam got home from work and blinked at the transformed pool house, then gave me one of his sweet smiles. “You know it’s not definite, right?” He winced.

“I know.” My head bobbed erratically. “And if they say no, I’ll bawl my eyes out, then pack this stuff away, and it’ll be good to go for the next time.”

He picked his way across the room and pulled me into his arms. I rested my chin on his shoulder as his hands splayed across my back. “ Te amo, mujer hermosa .”

I clung to him, then kissed his lips, and he carried me to our bedroom, where we lost ourselves in each other, drawing comfort from our lovemaking. It was just the distraction I needed as we waited for that phone call.

And then it finally came.

Now we’re driving to a house where two no doubt scared and traumatized children are waiting for Liam and me to take them into our home—to love them and help them heal.

My nerves are fried, frayed at the edges as fears and worries try to take me out. What if they hate living with us? What if we’re not enough? What if they find a home in our place and are then sent back to El Salvador? What if their family changes their minds? What if?—

“If you’re playing the What If? game right now, please stop,” Liam chides me. “That’s only gonna send you into a tailspin.”

I close my eyes and try to nod. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. I just didn’t sleep well last night, and my mind is…” I shake my head.

He squeezes my hands again. “Ray, we just have to take one day at a time, okay? We can’t get too far ahead of ourselves. We need to love these kids in the moment and not think about the rest. Whatever comes, we can face it because we have each other.”

I glance at him, my heart warmed by his sweet words. Raising his hand to my lips, I kiss the back of it before whispering, “Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you, too, beautiful woman.”

My smile grows a little wider, only faltering when my phone starts to ring and I notice the name on my screen.

“Who is it?”

“Caroline,” I rasp.

He tips his head and pulls the car over.

“What are you doing?”

“You don’t want this on your mind as well. Answer it. Deal with it. And then we can pick up these two kids with a clear head.”

With a begrudging sigh, I slide my thumb across the screen and try to put on a bright voice. “Hey. How’s it going?”

“Hey.” Her voice is soft and tired.

“Everything okay with Lyla?”

“Yeah, she’s in the incubator again. They’re monitoring her breathing, and she’s having sessions under those bili lights for her jaundice, but she seems strong. She can only handle small feeds, but they’re frequent, and I’m holding her as much as possible.”

My heart pinches, but I’m smiling as I picture Caroline with her new daughter. “I’m glad she’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s not the start I wanted for her, but I’m so incredibly grateful that she’s going to make it through. Things are looking good at this stage.”

“They’ll stay that way,” I assure her. “She’s going to be just fine.”

“Thanks.” Caroline’s voice starts to wobble. “Hey, Ray?”

“Yeah.” I bite my lips together.

“I know things have been weird between us, and I just… I wanted to clear the air. I’m sorry if I hurt you when you came to visit that day. I can’t remember what I said. I was stressed and tired and having the worst day. If I did anything to trigger you, I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s?—”

“Please, is it okay if I finish?”

“Yeah, of course.” I wince, biting my bottom lip.

“And I’m sorry that I haven’t called sooner. I just let it sit, you know? And I should have called to check on you. I knew how hard this all was for you, and I should have shown compassion and sympathy rather than backing off and hiding away from you. I really am sorry, Ray. You are the sweetest, kindest person I know, and I value your friendship so much. You?—”

“Okay, it’s my turn,” I cut her off before the guilt can swallow me whole. “I… The way I behaved in your house was not okay. I was hurting, and I’d just found out the adoption had fallen through, and I didn’t mean to lose it with you. I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry that I left things hanging. I should have called to apologize, but I didn’t have the guts, and then for a second there I thought you were going to lose your baby or something, and I was heartbroken for you. It made me realize how much I love you as a person and as a friend, and I should have called you sooner.”

Caroline lets out a watery laugh. “I love you too.”

Tears smart my eyes, and I blink to stop them falling. “So, we’re good, then?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” She sucks in a shaky breath. “I don’t suppose you have time to swing past the hospital so I can give you a big ol’ hug, do you?”

“I would, but…” I look to Liam and drink in his warm gaze. We share a smile, and he nods, so I tell her. “But right now we’re on our way to pick up two foster children. They need a home, and?—”

“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!” Caroline’s voice pitches. “You will be the sweetest, kindest foster mother out there. I’m so happy you’re doing this.”

“Thanks.” I brush a hand across my eye, catching the tears before they can fall. “I’m really nervous. I’m going from no kids to two, and I’m not sure if I’m cut out for it.”

“You totally are. You are an amazing woman with a mother’s heart. Those kids are so lucky to have you and Liam.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.” I can hear the smile in Caroline’s voice, but then it drops to a serious lilt. “And I know you’re probably scared that you’re going to fall in love with them and they might get taken away from you, but Ray… you gotta have faith.”

I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

“Now, tell me everything you know about these cherubs. What are their names? How old are they? What’s the situation?”

A soft laugh punches out of me, and I quickly give her the rundown on three-year-old Carlos and his baby sister, Lucia, who has just turned seven months. I don’t know much, but by the time I end the call, I am beyond ready to meet these kids.

“We’re going to get to be mamas together. It makes me want to move back to Nolan just so we can have regular playdates!” Caroline exclaims.

I laugh along with her and am smiling by the time we hang up. I promised to come visit her at the hospital once our new kids are settled, and I’m actually excited to do it.

Liam starts the car, and the nerves kick in all over again.

Five minutes later, we’re pulling up to the house, and I’m pretty sure I’ve stopped breathing.

“This is it, cari?a. Time for you to meet our new foster kids.”

“Okay,” I whisper, my head bobbing erratically as I step out of the car and take Liam’s hand. We walk up the sidewalk together, and I fidget with the buckle of my handbag while we wait for the social worker to answer the door.

“Hello there.” She greets us with a bright smile. “Come on in. I’m so glad you were able to come today. I don’t usually have kids stay with me, but our temporary foster family is already full, and I’ve been scrambling to find a placement for these kids. You two are a godsend.”

I barely register what she’s saying, my ears straining to hear sounds of small children. The second I detect a soft baby coo, my heart is catapulted right into that room. I round the corner, and there they are.

The boy is sitting on the floor, protectively hovering near his sister, who’s propped up in a U-shaped pillow. She’s obviously just learning to sit, and I kneel down with a smile as I watch her little arms flap about while she sucks on a plastic rattle.

“Hello,” I say softly, capturing the boy’s attention.

His head jerks up, and he stares at me with wide eyes. The toy train in his hand freezes midair as he takes me in.

Liam crouches down behind me and waves. “Hola, Carlos.”

The boy studies him with a silent stare, his big brown eyes so young and vulnerable. He obviously recognizes Liam but is trying to figure out if it’s safe to relax around him.

Liam’s smile is kind, and he gently starts talking to the boy in Spanish. This seems to relax Carlos, and when he asks to see Carlos’s train, the boy holds it out for him, a smile twitching the edges of his mouth.

Liam takes the train and starts making exaggerated choo-choo noises, driving the engine around in circles. Carlos smiles and shifts position, angling his body toward Liam. My gaze shifts to little Lucia, who’s gazing at me with these pale brown eyes that make my heart squeeze.

“Hola, little one.” I hold out my hand and she grabs my finger, pulling it toward her mouth and slobbering all over the end of it.

I laugh, and her chubby cheeks bloom with a smile.

My heart bursts with instant affection.

Carlos spins to check on her and gives me a cautious look before crawling back toward her, resting his little hand on her shoulder in a protective gesture that tugs on all my heartstrings.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, then switch to Spanish. Compared to Liam, my Spanish is stilted and slow. I’ve been learning ever since Liam and I started dating, and I’ve gotten so much better. I’m basically fluent, but I still can’t speak as quickly as my husband.

The boy watches me as I talk to him, his nose wrinkling, then his little teeth starting to show when I tell him what a good older brother he obviously is.

“Such a big boy, taking care of your little sister,” I tell him in Spanish. “She is so lucky to have you.”

He gazes down at Lucia, leaning over to give her a kiss on the head. She topples sideways and the pillow catches her, but I reach out and steady her with my hand.

“Do you think you’d like to come back to our place?” Liam asks. “Rachel and I would love to look after you guys. We have a great house with a big yard. Rachel bought a bunch of toys yesterday, including a train set.” He points at Carlos’s train. “And we’d love to have you come stay. We can look after you guys.”

Carlos looks past Liam’s shoulder to the social worker standing behind us.

“That’s right, Carlos.” She bends down with a kind smile. “These are the people I was telling you about.”

He looks back to us, his gaze darting between the two of us before finally nodding.

I give him a relieved smile, then ask, “Is it okay if I pick up Lucia?”

He nods again, and I reach for his little sister. The girl comes to me willingly, and I laugh as she bounces against me, her little legs flailing. I kiss her soft cheek and breathe in her baby scent, my heart overflowing when I picture walking into our house with these two. They are going to fill it with so much energy and life and love.

Even if we don’t get them forever, we have them for now, and I am going to love them like they’re my own.

It won’t be hard. I can feel it in my very soul.

These two are meant to be with us.

And Caroline’s right… I need to have some faith.

Liam and I are childless. Carlos and Lucia need parents.

It’s meant to be.

Liam stands, bringing Carlos with him. His smile is rich with joy and excitement, and I can’t help matching it.

“Shall we take these two home?”

“Yes.” I grin, giving him a quick kiss before heading out to the car with a happy cherub in my arms.