5. Cameron

5

cameron

Luke took his coffee black. Of course he did. Everything about him was so straitlaced, so vanilla, I wondered if he knew how to relax and let go at all.

He frowned at my caramel macchiato with extra caramel, 3 shots of espresso, and added sugar. What could I say? I liked a little sweetness in my life. “That’s not coffee. That’s liquid diabetes.” Luke mumbled with a serious frown. Such a dad thing to say.

I shrugged. “I’ll take my chances. What’s the point of living if you’re miserable all the time? It's better than the bitter water you have.”

Luke snorted and shook his head. “Whatever else is going on here, I’m glad you’re back and not still on the West Coast. New York ain’t the same without you”

I flashed my sauciest smile. “I know. I’m glad I’m back too. I’m not meant for Oregon.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been west of Pennsylvania.”

I clutched my chest. “What? Don’t get me wrong, I much prefer the East Coast, but you’re missing out on so much. Have you at least left the country before?”

Luke’s eyes shone with amusement as he drank his disgusting coffee. “Nope. I went to Niagara Falls once, but we stayed on the New York side.”

“I’m fucking scandalized, Mr. Simmons. I’m calling up River right now. He needs to take you on a trip, ASAP.”

The humor left his face. “Let’s leave River out of this for now, please.”

My shoulders stiffened. “You haven’t told him yet?” I guessed I shouldn’t have been surprised. Especially because I hadn’t heard from Riv myself. If he knew, he’d probably be hitting me up immediately.

Luke’s expression was complicated. “No, not yet. I don’t even know what to say. It doesn’t look like you did either,” he pointed out.

I sipped my drink, giving me time and a sugar rush to finish the conversation. “Well, no,” I replied once I finished. “It felt like something that should come from you. Besides, I haven’t seen Riv much lately. He’s so busy with his family, and I’m still trying to get my shit back together.”

My life had crashed and burned toward the end of the year. My contract with the modeling agency I had been working for as a makeup artist had ended, and while I’d had another gig lined up, it hadn’t start till the spring. My hours at the bar that I’d worked at part time hadn’t nearly been enough to live in New York on my own. While I’d been trying to deal with all that, my roommate, who I’d admit, we’d had a bit of a roommate with benefits thing going on, had asked for more. I’d told him no, he’d gotten pissed, and had said all kinds of shit about me. My other roommate had sided with him, and before I’d realized it, I’d found myself kicked out of the apartment.

That had been why I’d gone back to Oregon to spend time with my family to begin with. As much as I hated to admit it, that had given me the time and clarity to figure everything out. I’d come back to New York and had started dating Joel shortly after. My boss at the bar, Joey, had been allowing me to live in the apartment above it for basically pennies. It was kind of weird, though, because before I’d lived there, it had been the hookup spot for all employees, and every night I wondered how many people had fucked on the bed I was sleeping on.

Actually, Luke’s own granddaughter had been made on that bed. Fucking weird. I started to giggle at my own train of thought, causing Luke to raise an eyebrow at me. Okay, that was pretty fucking hot. I squirmed in my chair.

“What?” he asked cautiously, probably afraid of my answer.

“My thoughts went wild there. I was just thinking about the apartment I’m crashing in now and how it used to be the hookup place for all the employees at the bar.”

His eyebrow was still raised. That was fucking impressive. Had he pulled that move on River and Lake growing up? “Okay . . .”

I wrapped my lips as seductively as I could around my straw and took a sip. Luke’s shoulders quivered.

“Oh nothing, I just remembered that the bed I sleep in every night was where Riv got pregnant with Miri.”

Luke choked on air. “Gods, Cameron, could you not share that with me?”

I grinned. “TMI?”

“Ya think?”

I laughed and settled back. Luke shook his head, partly amused. “I’m assuming you didn’t bring me here to talk about my kid’s sex life?”

“Yeah, no. I’m here to talk about yours.”

Luke choked again. He really should go to the doctor. It seemed like a problem.

“You just say whatever you’re thinking, don’t you?”

I smiled a little but couldn’t help but look down. Most of the time, I was comfortable with all my eccentricities and embraced them fully. Anyone who had an issue with them or me would get a big fuck you. Every once in a while, however, I remembered that I could be a lot and it could rub people the wrong way. I’d never gotten that vibe from Luke before, but now all my insecurities were pushed to the forefront of my mind.

Luke turned serious, then surprised the fuck out of me by reaching out and squeezing my arm. “You know I didn’t mean that as a bad thing, right?”

I shrugged. I did know that. I’d known Luke for almost 15 years now, and he’d never made me feel bad about myself. I was just in my feelings, I guessed. This stuff between him and Joel was fucking with me more than I thought.

“I’m sorry, Cameron. I hurt your feelings, but I swear it wasn’t intentional. I like that you say what you mean.”

This right there was why I’d always been attracted to older men. Even now that I was in my thirties, guys my age just didn’t do it for me. Maybe back in the day, thirty-year-olds had been full-grown adults, but now, there wasn’t much difference between them and twenty-somethings except back pain and terrible hangovers. No thank you. My fuckbuddy thing with my roommate had taught me that. Men Joel and Luke’s age were where it was at.

“I know. Really, it’s fine. I appreciate the apology though. But maybe we should move on?”

Luke twitched slightly, but eventually nodded his agreement.

I sucked in a breath. Here went nothing. “I don’t want you to break up with Joel just cause of me. He’s really into you and cares about you a lot, and you’re good for him, and I think he’s good for you too.”

“Yeah, he really is. I . . . care about him a lot too. I should probably apologize about the way I reacted the other day. I was caught off-guard and I panicked.”

I waved away the apology. “Oh, trust me, I get that. I was not expecting you either. But you do get that nothing has to change, right? This doesn’t have to be weird unless you continue to make it weird.”

Luke slumped. “You don’t think River will have a problem with this?”

“With what? We’re not fucking.”

“Jeez, Cameron.” I kinda liked that he only called me Cameron. No one else did that. Not even my parents. I was almost always Cam. I preferred Cam usually. With Luke, though, I found myself not minding my full name on his lips.

“What? I’m just saying. I think you’re putting way more weight on this than there needs to be, and until you talk to River, it’s going to keep you from moving on. Sure, it’s unexpected, but don’t let something like this hold you back from something that can be really good.”

Luke tilted his head like he was trying to figure me out. I stayed still and open for him so he could read whatever he was trying to see. Eventually, he sighed.

“You really care about Joel too, don’t you?”

I swallowed, not totally comfortable with the subject switching to me. “Yeah. A lot. It hasn’t been long, but this is the first relationship I’d ever been in that I feel could go somewhere.” Shit, it was the first real relationship I’d ever been in. I’d fucked my way through my 20s and had started my 30s similarly. It really wasn’t until all the shit had gone down with my roommate that I’d realized I wanted more.

“That’s good. That’s really good. You deserve that.”

That was . . . not the easiest thing to hear. But Luke did not need to hear about all my issues. This was about him. “You deserve that too. So does Joel.”

Luke scrubbed his face before finally looking at me. “Yeah. Fuck. Fuck, you’re right.”

The knots in my shoulders loosened. “So, what’re you gonna do?”

“Talk to Joel. But first, I think I need to talk to Riv. Probably Lake too.”

I agreed. I’d never been as close to River’s twin brother as I was him, but he sometimes took longer adjusting to change and new situations, so it was probably good to have the conversation with both of them.

“When?” I really hoped he didn’t wait too long, otherwise he’d probably find a way to talk himself out of it.

“Now is as good as time as any.”