3. Joel

3

joel

Well, that could have gone better. I thought I had considered every possible outcome when we’d arranged this meeting, but this was way out of the realm of possibilities.

It had been over 10 minutes and Luke still wasn’t back. The food had been brought out, but I wasn’t hungry anymore. Since Cam was just pushing his dinner around on his plate, I had a feeling he wasn’t either. All I could see was Luke’s untouched meal and the text he’d sent me.

I need a minute. Stay out there with Cameron.

It was taking all my willpower not to march right into the bathroom and drag him out of there, but I had to respect his wishes. I got it was a shock, I was shocked too, but it would be better if we could just talk it through.

Really, nothing needed to change. I could keep my relationships between the two of them separate. I’d done it before and never had any issues. I didn’t need to discuss intimate details with the other partner. As long as everyone agreed to those terms, I would be fine with that.

But Luke would struggle. That was why he’d asked to meet Cameron in the first place. All of this was very new to him. Up till a few months ago, he’d thought he only liked women. Now, not only was he dating a man, but he was a kinky, polyamorous man. It was a lot.

He had already been a little uncomfortable with Cam being his sons’ age to begin with, but to find out he was River’s best friend? It was enough to send anyone running. I understood that, but it didn’t mean I was going to give up.

“Daddy, are you going to go after Luke?” Cam asked after a while. He was really nervous, but I was having a hard time deciphering why. Was he worried about Luke or how this would affect my relationship with him?

I turned so I was facing Cameron completely. He might have been in his thirties, but his youthful features made him look even younger than that. I was sure people wondered about us when we were out and about, but I stopped giving a fuck about that a long time ago.

His sandy blonde hair fell to his shoulders when he wore it down, but right now was pulled back and away from his face. His perfectly smooth skin was nearly porcelain, and I loved feeling the softness under my fingers when I was touching him. He wasn’t wearing any makeup right now, besides a sheer glossy that made his lips look even fuller. With his head tipped away from me, I couldn’t see his blue eyes, which wouldn’t do, since they were so descriptive and would help me read what he was feeling better.

I cupped the side of his face and forced him to look at me. “Tell me what you’re thinking, caro . What’s worrying you the most?”

Cam sighed heavily, like I’d just given him the most difficult task. But he wouldn’t be my sweet, bratty boy if there wasn’t some pushback.

“It doesn’t matter. You should go after Luke and fix that.”

“Luke asked me for some time. Right now, I’m here with you and I’m asking you what you’re concerned about. Not Luke, you.”

Cam pouted but didn’t push away from my hold, so I took it as a win. I raised my eyebrow and waited.

“I hate when you do that,” he grumbled. I didn’t say anything.

“Ugh. I don’t want you to lose Luke. I know how much he means to you. I’m afraid he’s going to freak and run.”

Unfortunately, it was a very real possibility, but Cameron should know me well enough by now to know I didn’t give up that easily.

“You know that regardless of what happens with Luke, it won’t affect my relationship with you, right? As far as I’m concerned, you and me are solid. Unless I’m wrong?”

Cameron shook his head vehemently. “No! We are solid. We’re good. I-I don’t want to lose you. But I don’t want you to lose Luke either. He’s good for you. And I think you’re good for him too. River was always worried about how lonely he was, and the last time I talked to him, he mentioned how much happier his dad was. That was because of you. You two need each other. I don’t want to get in between that.”

I scrubbed my face as I tried to figure out the best way to navigate this. “Cameron,” I started in my most serious Daddy voice, the one that always got him to sit up a little straighter and his eyes to widen. “Whatever happens between Luke and me is because of us. If he decides to leave, that’s his decision.”

“Yeah, but it’s because of me that he’s freaking out. Because I’m Riv’s friend and he thinks of me as a kid. You can’t lose Luke, Joel. You just can’t.”

My gut twisted. I didn’t want to lose Luke either, but now I needed Cameron to see that he was just as important to me. That this relationship meant as much to me as my one with Luke. They were both quickly becoming the world to me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of them.

“You let me worry about that, caro . I just want to be perfectly clear, whatever happens, it’s not your fault and it doesn’t affect us, understand?”

Cam looked down at his food, suddenly very interested in a meal he hadn’t touched.

I tugged on his hair, letting him know he wouldn’t get away with that, even if we were in public.

“Understand, Cameron? I care about you a lot. You’re just as important to me as Luke is. Don’t let yourself become second just because of self-doubt.”

Cameron’s breath hitched, and I knew I’d hit the nail on the head. He always seemed so confident and self-assured, but that was just a front. I saw right through it, and I’d be sure to let him know as often as I needed to that he was beautiful, smart, special, and deserved everything.

“You won’t resent me if things don’t work out with him, right?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Words weren’t going to mean anything. Cam needed actions. Tilting his head up, I brought my lips to his. We were in public, so I kept it PG, but I made sure my boy could feel everything I thought about him in that kiss. We hadn’t said the L word yet, and I wasn’t ready for that, but we were close. I wanted him to feel that in the kiss too.

“Oh shit.”

Cameron jumped and tried to pull back at Luke’s words, but I wouldn’t let him get far.

Luke stood awkwardly in front of the table, his hands in his jean pockets as he rocked back and forth. His eyes were wide, and while he was slightly uncomfortable, that wasn’t disgust on his face. He was turned on. Well, that was a new development.

“I, uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Luke took a step back like he was about to leave, but I couldn’t let that happen.

“You didn’t interrupt anything, amato . Why don’t you sit so we can talk?”

Luke rocked back and forth but he didn’t go to his chair. He didn’t leave either, though.

“I . . . I think maybe I should leave? Yous can finish up. I’ll, um, take the food to go and ask the waiter to split the check.”

This was going to be harder than I’d thought. He was completely panicking and wasn’t even giving me a chance to talk him down. This didn’t have to be the terrible thing he seemed to think it was. Cameron shrunk in on himself, which I never wanted. My boy was meant to shine. I already hated that he’d worn very masc presenting clothes and no makeup to this lunch, and now he was doubting and blaming himself for something he had no control over. If anything, I was the one to blame. I hadn’t asked enough questions or put two and two together. Not that that would have changed anything for me. I was already too far gone over both these men. But I, at least, could have prepared them better.

“Luke, sit down please.” Cameron shivered. I must have used my Daddy voice more than I realized.

“I’m sorry. This is just a lot for me. Nothing against you, Cameron. I just—what would River say?”

“Luke, you realize you’re not under any obligation to date Cam, right? Your relationship doesn’t have to change at all, not if you don’t want it to.”

“Except every time I see him, I’ll know he’s fucking my boyfriend behind my back.”

“Behind your back? Luke, we talked about this. I thought you understood that I was poly and how this worked. I thought you were okay with it.”

Luke scrubbed his face. He looked rough. “I thought I did too. But maybe I was wrong. I’m sorry. Both of you. I just—I need time.”

Then, before I could even process my thoughts to say more, Luke walked out of the pub.