14. Joel

14

joel

Luke was still standing there looking dumbfounded

as Cam fell sleep on my knot. I wished I could go to him, but I was a little trapped at the moment. “Luke, can you come here please?” I asked, keeping my voice soft so I wouldn’t wake up Cam.

“I-I probably should go. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your time with Cameron. I fucked up.”

I shook my head. “No. You didn’t. I mean, yeah, with anyone else, that might’ve been an issue. But Cam likes being watched, and if he had any issues with it, he’d be the first to tell you. It’s fine, Luke. That was the hottest fucking thing. It felt right, you being here. Can you deny that?”

“No, but . . .”

“We all need to have a serious talk, but we can’t do that right now. Can you please just come here? I need to touch you.”

For a second, I thought Luke was going to refuse, but he finally shuffled closer, till his thighs were pressed against the bed in front of Cam. I reached out and breathed a sigh of relief when he took my hand.

I was so conflicted about this whole situation and my attention felt divided, even with Cam asleep. I’d fucking knotted Cam. I was still knotting him. It felt amazing. Surreal. I hadn’t thought I cared about this part of being an alpha, or even that I had the alpha gene. Now that I’d experienced it, I realized it was more than just a sexy kink. I felt connected, pun not intended, to Cameron in ways I’d never expected. I wanted to hold him close and relish this moment for all it was worth.

But it wasn’t just Cameron I felt closer to. Even though Luke had kept his distance, I couldn’t help but feel like him being part of this moment had been the catalyst that caused this. I had this feeling that all three of us were connected, not just me with Cam and me with Luke. I would never force it, but maybe, just maybe things shouldn’t be as black and white as they were.

Right now, Luke was panicking, even more so than when he’d seen Cam for the first time all those weeks ago. He was conflicted and felt guilty and was warring with himself. I needed to touch him, to hold him and talk him through whatever was going on in his head. I couldn’t do that now though. The caretaker in me, even if I didn’t really have that dynamic with Luke, was struggling and torn and had no idea what to do.

I squeezed Luke’s hand and looked him in the eyes. “Come lie down, amato .”

He shook his head. “No. I should leave.”

I held his hand tighter, like I could physically keep him in the room. Maybe I could if the situation were different, but the way I was now, Luke had the upper hand. “I’d really prefer if you don’t leave yet. You’re not in a great headspace, and honestly neither am I. Please just stay. We won’t do anything, just sleep. Then when we’re all more clearheaded in the morning, we can talk about things.” Luke seemed unsure, so I added, “If you’re really uncomfortable, you can sleep on the couch, though I’d like you right here next to me.” Where you belong , but I kept that thought to myself.

“If I leave this room, I’ll probably leave your house completely,” Luke admitted.

“Then stay here, please. I’ll move us over, and you can have space on the other side of me.”

Luke’s lips twitched. “You really want me to stay, huh?”

“So fucking much.”

“It’s not weird? I feel really fucking weird. This whole thing has me so out of my element, it’s like I’m a teenager. For fuck’s sake, I was acting like one.”

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling young again. Sure, it’s a little odd. But I really don’t feel good about the idea of you driving and spending the night alone in your house. So stay. Everything will be clearer in the morning.”

Luke didn’t believe me, and honestly I didn’t either. But he kicked off his jeans, that he still had unbuttoned, so he was wearing only his shirt and boxers and awkwardly climbed into bed on the other side of me. Cam stirred slightly with the movement but went still quickly. He’d been so stressed over the videos and clearly was exhausted. I was glad at least one of us was able to rest, because I seriously doubted Luke or I would.

Luke lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t say anything to me, but his hand brushed up against my back and he didn’t move it, keeping the contact. Some of the stress in my shoulders eased. He wasn’t running. He’d made the conscious decision to stay. As long as he was still here in the morning, we’d be good.

I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but as soon as my knot began to recede, the exhaustion got to me, and soon I was sleeping as deeply as Cam.

My eyes drifted open to see Cam’s face just inches from mine with a big goofy grin. “Morning, Daddy!”

Usually, Cam wasn’t a morning person, so seeing him this chipper at . . . whatever time it was, was unusual. He still must’ve been riding the high from last night.

“Morning. What time is it?”

“Just after 7. I just couldn’t sleep any longer.”

I frowned, concerned. “How are you feeling? Are you hurting?” He didn’t seem to be, but I was worried he was sore from my knot last night. I hadn’t expected it to happen, so I hadn’t stretched him out as much as I likely would have if I’d known.

Luckily, Cam shook his head. “No. A little sore, but a good sore. I’ll feel you all day, and you know I love that.”

I relaxed. “Good, but let me know if that changes. And maybe you should put some cream on just in case. I can do that for you.

“Later, Daddy. I’m fine now. I promise.” I knew Cam well enough to know he would tell me if he was hurting, so I trusted his judgement. He waggled his eyebrows. “Did you know Luke’s still here?” he asked, changing the subject.

Considering at some point during the night, he had draped himself over me like an octopus and still had his leg and arm tossed over me and his face buried in my neck, yeah, I was pretty sure I knew. I saved my sarcastic comment for my internal dialogue and tapped Cameron’s nose.

“Yeah, I know. I asked him to stay. He wasn’t in the best place to drive or be alone last night. You don’t mind, right?” I didn’t think he would, but now I found myself second-guessing all my choices. It wasn’t a place I liked to be in.

“Not at all. I like him being in bed with us. Feels natural.”

I had to agree. Still . . . “Let’s see what Luke has to say too. That was another reason I wanted him to stay. We all need to talk.”

Cam wrinkled his nose and sighed. “Yeah, probably. Ugh. If we’re gonna be talking about serious shit all morning, I need a shower and coffee.”

I kissed the top of his head. “Good idea. Why don’t you shower, and I’ll see about getting the coffee started.”

Cam grinned. “Can you get out of bed, Daddy? Luke has you trapped.”

“I’ll manage. You go on.”

He slipped out of bed and skipped into the bathroom with way more energy than I’d ever seen from him this early. Was it from the knot? Did he feel the connection I felt? Or was it Luke being here? Maybe a little of both?

It took me a few minutes to disentangle myself from Luke, and by the time I did, I heard the shower running. I slipped out of the room and used the half bath in the hallway to go to the bathroom, clean up a bit, and brush my teeth before going to the kitchen to start the coffee.

I turned the coffee maker on and leaned against the counter, trying to get my bearings before my men joined me. My stomach rumbled before I could think of a course of action. Okay, first things first, breakfast. I had the stuff to make pancakes, which was one of Cam’s favorites, so I got out the ingredients and started getting everything together.

I was pouring the first batch onto the griddle when I heard shuffling behind me.

Luke was standing at the entranceway of my kitchen, looking adorable and sleep rumpled. He was still just wearing his boxers and T-shirt, and his beard scruffier than usual.

I put the spatula down and walked to him, kissing him on the cheek. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” He shifted from foot to foot. “It smells good in here.”

“Thanks, I’m making pancakes. Coffee is done. Want any?”

He perked up at that. “Gods yes.”

“Black?” I confirmed as I poured, trying not to wrinkle my nose when he agreed. Listen, I might not want sugar in a cup with a splash of coffee like Cam took his, but I at least added milk. Black coffee was just too much. There was no way he enjoyed that.

Still, I poured it for him and made another mug the way Cam liked it, with plenty of sugar and creamer, before pouring my own. My kitchen wasn’t made to have a bunch of people crowded in it, so I handed Luke his and Cam’s mugs. “Why don’t you take these to the table? I’m just gonna finish up the pancakes and I’ll meet you in there. Cameron should be out soon.”

“Okay . . .” Still looking half asleep, Luke took the cups and shuffled out of the kitchen. I frowned after him, feeling like I was in the twilight zone. Unlike Cam, Luke was an early riser. He must not have gotten much sleep last night.

While the pancakes were cooking, I washed and cut up some strawberries and put them in a bowl along with some blueberries. I also had a bag of chocolate chip cookies in the pantry because Cam loved them and took those out too. I wished I had bacon or sausage, but this would have to do. I hadn’t planned on my men sleeping over when I’d gone grocery shopping last.

Cameron peeked in when he got out of the shower and asked if I needed help with anything. I kissed him and asked him to set the table and bring out the toppings. I got another kiss, then he grabbed the plates and skipped out.

Once the pancakes were done, I plated them and walked out. Luke and Cam were both sitting at the small table. Luke was sipping his coffee and staring off in deep thought, and Cam was scowling at his phone.

“Everything okay?” I asked as cheerily as I could muster as I put the platter down.

Cam nearly jumped out of his skin, dropping the phone in the process. Okay . . . that was strange. With fumbling hands, which was so unlike him, he picked it up and put it face down on the table.

“Yup!” His smile was fake, and I could see the strain around his eyes. What had just happened? He’d genuinely been relaxed just minutes ago. Had he gotten another video?

“Do you want to change your answer?” I asked. Something was wrong, but I didn’t want to make Cameron talk about it in front of Luke. He might have known about the videos, but if something else had happened and he didn’t want to share with Luke yet, I wouldn’t push it. Everything about our dynamic was uncertain right now, so until it was clearer, I’d hold off on my interrogation, for now.

“Nope,” he told me, popping the “p.” I let it go but raised my eyebrow at him as I sat down, making it clear I would be bringing it up again later.

Luke seemed to snap out of his thoughts and turned to us. “What did I miss? I’m sorry. I was in my head.”

I smiled softly at him and squeezed his arm affectionally.

“It’s okay. Let’s eat and then we can talk.”

“Thank gods,” Cam exclaimed. “I’m starving!” He reached over the table and served himself a generous helping. I watched him as he scooped strawberries, blueberries, and chocolate chips onto his pancakes, and then he poured a ridiculous amount of syrup over it. It didn’t seem like whatever had just happened was still bothering him. Maybe I was imagining it. I was feeling a little overprotective with him right now, so I could be seeing things that weren’t there.

Not anything I could fix now, anyway. I took my own pancakes, and soon all three of us were way too focused on our food to worry about anything else.

Eventually, we couldn’t stall any longer. I looked at both men. “We should talk about what happened last night.”

“I’ll start,” Cam chimed in. “I know you’re feeling all sorts of guilty, Luke, but there’s no reason to. Yeah, maybe you should’ve at least knocked, but I’m not mad, and I don’t think Joel is either.” His eyes flicked to me.

“I’m not. Not at all.”

Luke swallowed but didn’t say anything, so Cameron continued, “Plus, it was hot. Like, really, really hot. And I’d be down to do something like that again.”

Luke coughed but didn’t seem ready to chime in. “When you say something like that, you mean us playing with Luke watching?” I clarified. I was trying to gauge where everyone was. I had a feeling our dynamics were about to shift, and it was important we were all on the same page.

“Sure, definitely that. But also, I’d be more than okay to explore more than that. Like maybe Luke playing with us too?”

“What?” Luke choked out, his voice a little higher than usual. His eyes were wide, and he looked on the verge of panicking again. I took his hand. Then I outstretched my other one, and Cam readily took it.

“I’m not sure if Luke is ready for that,” I said to Cam but was looking at Luke.

He cleared his throat. “I-I’m honestly not sure what I’m ready for.”

“That’s fair.” I paused for a second, thinking.

“Before we get ahead of ourselves, can you tell me what you felt about last night?” I asked Luke. “I think it’s clear Cam and I both enjoyed it a lot. But you haven’t said anything.”

Luke laughed harshly. “I haven’t had an orgasm like that since I was in my twenties. I think that says how much I liked it.”

Cam snickered, but I kept all my attention on Luke. “How your body reacted and how you’re feeling mentally aren’t the same thing. You could have liked it in the moment but have regrets now. You could realize it was something you enjoyed but have no interest in doing it again. I can’t tell where your head is at, darling.”

He sank back on his chair but didn’t let go of my hand. I swore I could feel little sparks shooting between all three of us, but I was sure I was imagining that.

“That’s ‘cause I have no fucking idea where my head is at, so there’s no way you can tell. I will tell you, I don’t regret last night. That’s part of the reason why I’m freaking out. I feel like I should regret it. I know I should’ve never barged in like that. I knew damn well what the two of you were doing, but it was like I wasn’t in control of my body. I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried.” Luke shifted uncomfortably but kept his head up. “Then it was one of the most intoxicating and mind-blowing experiences of my life. So, yeah, I don’t regret it. I’m glad it happened, even if I shouldn’t be. I just . . . Beyond that, I’m not sure.”

“That’s okay,” Cameron added. “You don’t have to know anything right now. Just know, I’m more than fine with the lines staying blurred, if that’s what everyone else wants.”

“What would that entail?” Luke asked.

Cameron glanced at me, wanting me to answer that. “Well, it would depend. We’d need to talk about it and keep honest and open communication from the beginning. But some of the things we’d have to decide are, would this just be an occasional playtime arrangement? Like, would I still romantically date the two of you separately, but occasionally we’d have a sexual relationship together? Then if that happened, we’d have to decide if it would stay like last night or if all three of us would be active participants. And if we agreed on that, then we’d have to determine if you and Cameron would touch at all or just be with me at the same time.”

I could tell immediately I’d overwhelmed Luke. “Sorry. That was too much, wasn’t it?”

He flashed me a crooked smile. “Yeah, a little.”

“Oh!” Cam jumped in and literally jumped in his chair at the same time. “Joel was going to come to the matinee show with me today, and then we were gonna grab dinner after. Do you want to come with us, if you aren’t busy? Just as friends. Maybe spending some time together not so close to a bedroom would be good. Unless you think you’d rather be alone?” Cam was rambling. I rubbed my thumb over his wrist, trying to settle him. It was a good idea.

Luke hesitated, his eyes bouncing between us. “You don’t mind? I don’t want to interrupt any more than I already have.”

“You’re not. I’m inviting you. It’ll be fun.”

It took Luke a while to decide, and I thought he was about to decline, but finally he shrugged. “Yeah, okay. I’ll come. I’ve been wanting to see your new show anyway.”

Cam beamed, clearly thrilled. “Yes! This is gonna be great! You’ll see.”

I wasn’t as optimistic as Cameron was, but I wanted him to be right.