Chapter 44

Iwasn't speaking to Esylle as we walked back to the clearing. I hadn't known that Esylle could take my fire away like that and I didn't want her to do it again. I knew what it was like to get hurt. I also knew what to expect. If it wasn't a severe injury, it would close up on its own. If it was bad, I usually passed out. I always needed food, but sometimes it would heal first.

When Esylle touched me and took my fire, I'd never felt anything like that before. I knew pain. I also knew how to fight off most things. It felt like my life was flowing out of me and I had no way of fighting it. When I felt it leaving me, I thought I was stronger than Esylle and tried to pull it back, even though I knew I was losing control. I didn't think Esylle was ever going to stop taking from me and then I lost consciousness. I really thought she was trying to kill me.

Esylle seemed concerned I fainted, but she just kept insisting that was how it was done with Tempris. She didn't seem to realize I wasn't used to that. She could have at least warned me and explained she might have to do that before we even started.

I didn't know Leodos had been close enough to us to be there when I woke up. He tried to explain to me the same thing had been done to Esylle, but I didn't think either of them were understanding me. I wasn't a child who had been having this done to them since they were a baby. If Esylle had done this to me before I was kidnapped, I was too young to remember.

That was actually scarier than leaving Idric after all the lies Belisarus told me.

The rest of the lesson wasn't so bad. I was surprised again at how good making the flower made me feel. It felt like the days on Idric when Belisarus finished my lessons and Frog and I laid on our backs in the sun when it wasn't frigid cold outside. We talked about what we thought it was like outside of the yard. It felt like mating with Sono. It felt like every good thing I'd ever experienced was rushing through her at once. I remembered all of it because I didn't feel good very often. I never knew being Tempris could feel like that, and I didn't know why Belisarus never taught me how to do it.

It would be nice to put a complete mental block on Belisarus until this was over and I had the mental capacity to deal with him. The whole reason I botched the lesson and Esylle felt the need to steal my fire was that I was getting pissed off thinking about my grandfather and why he treated every single lesson like life or death and couldn't be bothered with the one Esylle was trying to teach me.

"I wish I knew what to say to you to not upset you all the time," Esylle said, snapping me out of her reverie. "I'm trying to get to know you again, but it seems like everything I do upsets you."

"I was having fun talking to you and Leodos before you had to bring up me ruling again. I don't want to and I'm not even qualified. You're all fucking idiots if you want to put someone who spent nineteen years isolated in their yard in charge of anyone because of who their mother is."

"Then what do you intend to do when this is all over? You said you didn't think you belonged with any of the tribes. You don't want to rule. What would you do then?"

"I don't think I'm supposed to be here when this is over," I blurted out. "They don't know anything about what is supposed to happen to me after all this. They just expect me to do these things and can't tell me what happens to me. Maybe I disappear and go back to wherever it is I came from."

I stopped when Esylle embraced me. It wasn't like when Sono did it. I was surprised when Leodos hugged me, but that was nice, too, in a different way. It felt different having a woman embrace me. It was softer. I relaxed.

"You came from me," Esylle said into my hair. "Even being what you are, you came from me and your father. You see how Terros is when he looks at you. They don't know why you came this way. How do you know you weren't born to me to create a new tribe with your children?"

I pushed her away. "How do you know when I figure out what I'm supposed to do it doesn't kill me?"

"Maybe that's why you heal the way you do."

"I figured out how to heal Sono with the heart flower. Maybe I can only heal because I'm supposed to heal them."

"If you think Leodos, those three boys, or me is going to let anything happen to you, then we're just going to have to try harder showing you that."

That was…kinda nice and made me feel better.

When we finally got to the clearing, Sono and Leodos had made it there first and were sitting with Terros, Fluvis, and Volaris. Oris and Neptis were also there and didn't look happy with Sono. I didn't think he would tell them I kissed him and wanted to mate, but everyone seemed excited with whatever he was saying.

Leodos didn't seem angry with him anymore, even though he seemed angry enough to punch him when he pulled Sono away from me. I was fucking pissed at Leodos for disturbing us. The only reason I hadn't gone after them was that Esylle threatened to take my fire again if I didn't calm down. I still didn't like that looming threat above my head.

When we joined them at the fire, everyone seemed so excited I'd healed Sono. I guess we were all just casually ignoring that it was also me who burned him.

"Child, I think you may be on the correct path to do what you need to do. I'm glad your mother thought of it. Now we don't have to risk running you off and endangering yourself to do what you are created to do," Volaris said, placing his hand on my head.

I didn't really comment. I figured out the heart flower without Esylle because I was thinking about how good Sono made me feel when we were mating. I wanted to do it again because it felt good but it was also similar to the heart flower and I thought it would help.

Problem was, there were three men I really wanted to do that with and I didn't want to pick one. I really didn't see why it had to be so complicated. I kind of wished Frog was right and I could have all three of them, but no one was going to go for that. And I didn't know the first thing about managing one husband, much less three of them. What if they were like the plant Belisarus gave me when I was little, told me to care for it, and I killed the thing? The tribes would get so mad if I neglected one of their princes and he up and died.

A sparrow flew next to Volaris and transformed. I'd met him before so he didn't try to touch me. He didn't fawn like last time. He just stared and didn't speak. Which was also fucking awkward.

"Ventis, what is it?" Volaris asked. "I know she's beautiful, concentrate and tell me what you've seen."

"We found the entrance to Inanos. We tried the doors and we can't get in. My brother, Voxis, and I talked. We think she may be the only one who can open it. There are symbols we don't know on the door."

"Where is it?" I asked.

I knew what the weather was going to start getting like near the coast now and we wouldn't be able to sleep in the woods or near the sand like we'd been doing. We would need to find shelter soon. It was going to be too cold for anyone who wasn't Tempris.

We were told it was about another two-day walk. I needed to know the things they were teaching me because it was a part of me, but we needed to focus on walking instead of lessons.

The weather was about to get really nasty.