30. Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

Layla

"Where are you right now?" Charlotte asks as I drive through the streets of my childhood neighborhood.

I took the day off from work. I'm just too emotional and on edge. Josh has been absent since Saturday evening when he disappeared.

He's calling and texting me but claims to be busy whenever I ask him if he wants to come over, and he hasn't invited me to his place. It's been four days. I know that sounds like nothing, but since we've been back from Italy, we haven't spent that much time apart.

"I'm on my way to my parents' house. I'm going to tell my mom about me and Josh. I just want this over with once and for all. I want her to stay out of my love life and stop trying to set me up with William. I've had enough of all of it."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I turn into my parents' driveway and park my car. "I think I need to do this on my own."

"Did you tell Josh you were going to do this?" she asks.

I sigh. "No, but it's not like I've had much of an opportunity. He's been so distant since the party. I think if I just clear the air with my family, maybe we can get back to where we left off."

Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink them away. I'm done crying about this. I'm taking action now.

"I don't see why your parents like William so much. He's such a butt face."

I chuckle. "Butt face?"

Charlotte laughs along. "Sorry, I'm just used to trying to keep from using bad words around Brie. Not that I would ever encourage her to say butt face, but it's better than asshole."

"Well, William is a butt face. I don't get what my parents see in him either, but I'm going to find out."

"Good luck. Tell me how it goes right when you leave."

"Ugh, thanks. I'll call you later."

I hang up and take a deep, cleansing breath.

You've got this, Layla. It's about time you stood up for yourself. William interfered with my life ten years ago, he's lucky I didn't cause a scene on Saturday. He doesn't get to do this all over again.

I open my car door and take slow steps to the door. My shoes scuff against the pavement as my heart begins to race. My hand trembles as I raise it and knock on the large wooden door.

As I wait, my hands clench into tight balls as the tension grows. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous to say these things to my mom. I've just always been afraid of disappointing them. I hate to admit it, but once my dad's company took off and they advanced into the high tax bracket, they changed a bit.

I love them fiercely but I was raised in a middle-class family for most of my life. They may have changed when they made more money, but I didn't. None of that matters to me.

The door swings open. Mom looks shocked to see me. "Layla. What are you doing here? Come on in. I don't know why you knocked."

I laugh. "I don't live her anymore, and I'm showing up unannounced. What if you were walking around naked?"

"Oh, dear. I don't walk around naked. I'm sixty years old. No one needs to see that, including myself."

I chuckle to myself as we walk into the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

She points to the family room. "Why don't we sit in here. It's stifling outside."

"Good idea. It's getting to that time of year where it's miserable to be outside for even a second."

We take a seat next to each other on their large sectional couch. "I know. I can't even stand my morning walks anymore. There's no break from the humidity." I smile as my hands fidget in my lap. "Well, I reckon you came here to talk about something specific," she continues.

"I did actually have something in mind. "

She straightens her back, but I can tell she's nervous. For good reason, it's not every day your adult daughter shows up out of the blue with no warning. Silence fills the air, as I try to figure out where I want to start.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night at the barbeque."

Her forehead creases as her eyes squint. "I don't understand."

My eyes dart around the room as if looking for an escape. I take a deep breath. "It's about William."

"Oh?" she replies as she shifts in her seat.

"Yes. I've never told you guys this before, but it makes me really uncomfortable when you talk about the two of us together. Especially, when it's in front of him and his parents."

Her head hangs a bit low, but I want to get this all out, so I continue.

"William and I happened in high school. That was so long ago, and I've moved on from it. If I wanted to be with him, I would."

"I'm sorry, dear. It's never been my intention to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I know. But to be honest, I don't even understand how you see me and William as compatible."

She looks up at the ceiling and lets out a small sigh. "In the beginning, you two just seemed to make such a cute couple. I thought he made you happy, and I suppose it was just a bit of fun to say those things. Then I saw you working so hard at the restaurant, I may have gotten a bit selfish in wanting you to settle down with someone and start a family. "

"You do know William is kind of a dick, right?" I say bluntly.

"Oh, I know he comes from money. He has an air about him, but he always seemed kind enough to me. And he always seemed to adore you. That's all I've ever wanted for you."

"I know, and I should have just spoken up sooner. I just never wanted to disappoint you guys."

"Disappoint us? I never want you to think anything matters over your happiness. Is that what you've thought? That I'm trying to set you up with William for me?"

I nod my head as a tear slips down my cheek. Mom scoots closer and grabs my hand. I haven't had a moment like this with her in ages, it feels like something I didn't know I desperately needed.

"Honey, that breaks my heart. I'm sorry."

I shrug my shoulders. "It's okay."

She sighs. "No, it's not. Look, I know things changed a lot for us when you were in high school. Dad's business took off, and it was like a whirlwind ever since then. I let it affect our relationship, and I've hated myself for it for years."

She begins to cry, tears matching my own. "There was a lot going on. I understand you were thrown into a new world."

"It was a different world than what I was used to. All of a sudden, how I acted, how I dressed, it all seemed to directly affect your father's business relationships. It was a lot of pressure, but no excuse that I let it all affect us."

"Well," I squeeze her hand. "I'm glad we're talking about it now."

"Me too, honey. "

"There's more about William you should know about, but to tell you, I first have to let you know something." I pause for a moment. "Josh and I are dating."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You and Josh?"

"Yeah, it happened in Italy. But to be honest, there was something there ever since we met."

"Really?" she pauses. "Huh, I can see that. He has always been so sweet to you."

"So, you aren't mad about it?"

Her hand goes to her heart. "Why in the world would I be mad about it? He's a wonderful man."

That makes me smile. "He is. But Josh has some deep insecurities that stem from his upbringing. He always thought you and Dad wouldn't think he was good enough for me."

"That's not true. We've never talked about Josh like that. He's always been like a son to us."

"Well, when you guys try to set me up with William constantly in front of him, it doesn't help his insecurities. We were going to tell you and Dad about us at the barbeque."

I see the moment she realizes the situation. "Oh, I see. You guys were ready to tell us and here I am chattering away about how wonderful William is."

She looks disappointed with herself, but I realize it was all done innocently. "Yeah. But William has been getting in Josh's head for years."

I tell her all about what happened years ago, and how he got in Josh's head at the barbeque .

Mom gasps in horror. "I had no idea William was like that. Although, if I'm being honest, I'm not all that surprised. The apple doesn't fall from the tree. Your father can't stand doing business with his father. Those are just relationships he maintains strictly for business purposes."

"Well, going forward, can we just agree not to ever bring William up? I'm not sure where this thing with Josh is going." I decide to leave out that he's been acting weird since the barbeque. I don't even want to think about it because I'll just break out in tears again. "But he needs to know that you guys support this. It means a lot to me, Mom. He means a lot to me."

So much for trying to hold back my tears. They come in like a dam breaking. My chest vibrates with the rush of emotions bubbling to the surface. My face falls into my hands. I feel the warmth of her arms engulf me in a hug, and I cry harder.

I needed this. The ability to heal this with my mom, to feel her support and know that she's on my side.

"I hope you know you can tell me anything going forward," she says softly. "And I support you and Josh one hundred percent. I'm sorry I ever made you or him doubt that I would."

"Thanks. We'll see if we're even together by the end of the week," I mutter. So much for not telling her.

"Why would you not be together?"

After running through the events of Saturday night, how he left me, how he's been behaving since, she purses her lips for a moment.

I don't want to put Josh in a bad light, but if I'm going to heal this relationship with my mom, I think it starts with being able to confide in her .

"Well, if there's one thing I've learned about men in my sixty years, it's that they are not always the best at dealing with their feelings. Give him some time. What really matters is what he does with his feelings. Does he let this continue or does he learn and grow from it? Pay attention to that. We aren't always perfect, and we do deserve grace, but we must show that we are willing to accept fault and be better."

"Wow," I whisper. "That's very insightful. But," I begin as my lower lip trembles, "what if he doesn't learn from this?"

"Love is a gamble, sweetie. You have to look at the hand in front of you and decide whether you want to fold or keep going. But I don't think Josh will let you down. If he feels about you the way he has claimed, he'll come around."

I wish I felt better, but I suspect I'll be on edge until I can see Josh again. I'm not above showing up at his door and forcing him to talk to me. If I don't see him by this weekend, that may just be what I do.

As I drive away from my parents' house, I know I'm no closer to knowing where I stand with Josh, but I have mended my relationship with my mom. I pick up the phone to call Charlotte and fill her in.