Chapter 31

Ryder didn't know how to answer Nolan's question. He moved to the kitchen and then spun to face Nolan. This felt right. Being with Nolan felt like he was making the right decision.

“I don’t know for sure what is right. This feels right—being with you. All I know is that I am hungry, and I want to think about this while we eat.”

“Sure. Food is good.”

Ryder needed the connection with Nolan to ground him. They worked together to make sandwiches and then sat at the table, neither of them talking. He had thoughts about what was going on between them but wasn't sure how to voice them. Everything seemed screwed up, but was it really? He knew Nolan's husband wasn't at fault, not really. No matter who was driving, the tire would have come off. Amy had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. No one could have known that morning as she got ready for her day that it would be her last real day of life.

Now he had this thing with Nolan. It wasn’t one-sided either. Nolan hadn’t done anything to convince him or manipulate him to get into bed. He wanted to be with this man, to really be in a relationship with him.

“You look like you want to say something,” Nolan said.

Ryder sighed. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Just start, it doesn’t matter where.”

Ryder took the last bite of the sandwich and then pushed back from the table. "I can't deny the attraction I feel toward you."

Nolan took a sip of tea and then nodded. Ryder waited for him to say something, but Nolan held silent.

“Holding you in my arms as we sleep feels so good, better than I thought it would. But it’s more than that. I think about you all the time. I shouldn’t think about you this much, and I have to stop myself from telling people about what you said or did. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Nolan said.

"How are we going to make it work here in Texas? I know these people." They might not outright shoot at them on the street, but they could firebomb their houses, kill their livestock, and make their lives hell.

“I know it’s scary right now. I’ve lived as an out man for almost a decade. It can be hard, but I think people will be much more accepting here than either of us expect.”

Ryder blew out a breath. "Maybe for you at the clinic, but at the lumberyard…" He might lose his job or worse, be beaten up. Fear held him, and he didn't know how to let it go.

“Hey,” Nolan took his hand and squeezed. “You’re a good worker, right?”

He nodded. He always put forth a good effort at work. “Yeah, I think so.”

"People like good workers. If you're smart and work hard, the company won't put up with crap tossed your way."

Ryder sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

Nolan leaned in and kissed Ryder on the side of his head, making his heart squeeze. Ryder didn't want to end this just because some idiot hated gays. He couldn't believe it, but he needed Nolan in his life. They were tied together in a very strange way, but their being together felt right. One reason he'd been so upset when he'd learned that it had been Nolan's husband driving the truck that had killed Amy was because he didn't want to lose Nolan. This man had changed so much for him. Maybe not changed, more like Nolan being in his life had made so much come alive. He felt like he could have a future with Nolan, which was more than he'd felt since he'd lost Amy.

No question he would face opposition, but he could deal with it. When he'd been younger, he'd had to deal with his father's fists, then his parents not liking Amy, and them being angry that they'd moved to Atlanta. This, he could deal with. The last thing he wanted was his future to be determined by someone else. He and Nolan might not last, but they would give it a chance.