Chapter 27

Ryder stayed the night at Nolan's house. They didn't have sex, but it was nice waking up beside Nolan. He was developing feelings for Nolan that went beyond swapping body fluids. It worried him. If Amy was still around—heck, if Amy was still here, he'd be in Atlanta, and this wouldn't be an issue.

Anger surfaced, and he had to work to tamp it down. Though the cops had ruled it an accident, he still held anger for the jerk who had killed her. He’d been wrapped up in crap at the ICU and praying she lived, so he’d not really paid attention to the news around that time. He really didn’t know what had happened. He could go back and look at the articles, but a part of him didn’t want to. If he opened that terrible time in his life up again, he might not survive. Besides, he was finally moving on, and no amount of obsessing about what had happened would bring Amy back.

Nolan's soft snores filled the room. He needed to take better care of his animals. After the accident, he'd left too much up to Nolan. The work Nolan had done for him was great, but it should be his responsibility.

After grabbing a cup of coffee, Ryder headed outside to work in the barn. Thankfully, Nolan shared his alarm code with him, so he didn't have to wake up his man to get outside. A chuckle escaped his lips as he headed out. It was odd but comforting to think of Nolan as his.

He had his coffee mug in his hand and was maybe two steps out the door when he was hit in the side of the head with something that broke on impact.

“What the?—”

His mother stood about ten feet away, hate shining in her eyes. “You’re fucking him, aren’t you?” She threw another wad of dirt at him.

He glanced down, seeing dirt floating on the top of his coffee. Anger whipped through him. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

The anger on his mother’s face morphed into rage. “I always knew you were gay. Amy was weak and failed you.”

Hot rage built inside. “Amy didn’t fail me, she died.”

“She was weak! And now you’re fucking that-that-that thing!” his mother screeched.

Anger and pain twisted through him. The emotional rollercoaster had his stomach pitching. He had never measured up and never would. No matter what he accomplished in life or how he behaved, he would never be enough for them. The anger simmered in the background, but the sadness pumping through him overrode it. "I knew moving back here was a mistake."

“You should have married Cindy. At least then you wouldn’t be an embarrassment to the whole city.”

Ryder blew out a breath. Yelling at his mother wouldn’t fix anything. “You’re the embarrassment, not me.”

The door slid open behind him, and Nolan stepped out, worry making his forehead wrinkle.

“Him! He’s the reason she’s dead.”

His mother wasn’t making any sense. “Amy died in a car accident. It wasn’t Nolan’s fault.”

“You’re so stupid. You didn’t even look him up. But I did. That man he lived with, the one before you, he died in a car accident. I bet you didn’t even know that.” His mother turned to Nolan, hate shining in her eyes. “Did you come here to take advantage of him after that filthy man you were with killed his Amy?”

Heat washed over Ryder. He’d had enough of his mother’s crazy accusations. “Get out of here!” Ryder bellowed.

His mother gasped, acting like he’d slapped her or something. “How dare you yell at me?”

“Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back. I never want to see you again.” Ryder stalked forward and towered over his mother. He didn’t want to call the police, but he would. He was sick and tired of people pushing him around. His mother making up lies to piss him off wasn’t helping.

Nolan's hand on his arm made him flinch. He glanced down. Anger and pain ran so hot through his veins that he wanted to destroy something.

“Her words can’t hurt you if you don’t let them. Don’t listen.”

Deep in his soul, he knew that Nolan was right. His mother was just screwing with him, and he hated it. Hated that she could affect him so much. Hated that he'd come back here and been forced to put up with her manipulations and resentment. His parents had never been good to him. They might have done a few good things, but they weren't for him.

“You’re nothing but a piece of shit,” his mother’s voice wavered as she spoke. “The wreck that killed Amy was his fault.”

Her words lost some of the punch as doubt crept into her voice. He wouldn't let her get to him. He had to stay strong.

“Just go. I’m done with you,” Ryder said. He shouldn’t have moved back, but then he wouldn’t know Nolan.

"The Lord isn't done with you. You'll end up in hell because of your sins. We tried to save you, but you wouldn't do what we said. I always knew. I always knew," his mother cried out before stalking to her car.

The wake of her leaving left him feeling shell-shocked. Slowly, he turned to face Nolan. He hadn't searched the internet for information about Nolan because he didn't think it was necessary. The words his mother said twisted through his thoughts. The accident had killed and injured multiple people.

Amy had survived the initial impact. At least her heart had been beating. She'd been taken to the hospital and wheeled into an operating room. The general manager of the stadium had come out to tell him about the accident. He remembered dropping to his knees but not much more. Someone had driven him to the hospital, and he hadn't left her side. She'd fought hard, making him think she would survive. Crying, praying, and begging hadn’t helped. In the end, there hadn’t been anything he could do.

Three weeks after the accident, he watched as she slipped away. The strength to look up information about the other people in the crash had escaped him. His own grief had been too thick to contemplate theirs.

The world had moved on, and he’d tried like crazy, but he couldn’t. That’s how he’d ended up back here.

Now he was staring at Nolan, his thoughts jumbled. Had their spouses died in the same wreck? Had his husband caused the wreck? It seemed way too coincidental to be real.

Worry swam in Nolan’s eyes. What if it was true?

“How did Andrew die?”

Nolan swallowed hard and then met his gaze, sadness filling his eyes. "A wreck. In Atlanta. The vehicle he was driving lost the front tire."

Ryder felt like his insides had hollowed out. His brain buzzed as pain filled him. He hadn't wanted to know the details, hadn't wanted to hear who had been driving. He let the lawyers take care of all of that. It had been a US military vehicle. In the end, the money he got had gone to pay Amy's hospital bills for the time she hung on. Even with great insurance, he owed a mountain of money that took everything. Then, he'd not been able to work for months, and he'd still had bills. They could afford the house because both of them had income. In the end, with the housing market crash, he had just enough left to pay for moving expenses and to put a down payment on this house.

Now he was here in this shit town, working at a place that was just okay, having to deal with his homophobic meddling mother, and now this. Was this man's husband the one who'd killed his wife?

How could any of this be real?

He tried to breathe, but it seemed too difficult, as if his lungs didn't want to work. He met Nolan's gaze, and the feeling of betrayal shifted through him. The pain made everything feel icy cold, like someone had put an ice pack on his back and chest.

“Oh God,” Ryder groaned as all the pain came back.

Nolan looked miserable, like he was suffering, too. Could Nolan's suffering even come close to his? His husband had been driving the vehicle that caused so much pain and devastation.

He couldn't deal with this. Breathing in the air felt too painful. His mind fuzzed.

Somehow, he made it back to his house and was inside. He stumbled to the bathroom and threw up the coffee he’d drank before his mother had ruined everything. How did he not know that Nolan’s husband had killed Amy?

Anger splashed with confusion. It had been a freak accident, but deep down, he’d always wanted to blame someone. Now he knew who’d been driving the truck and who had caused his greatest pain. The pain needed to end. Bile rose as revenge took root. His head spun, and his heart shattered. What was he doing?