30. Sophia

30

SOPHIA

I hold the letter from my brother and re-read the last line.

I promise, I won't let anything happen to you from tonight on. I'll make it stop.

Ale.

I'm guessing it's what I used to call Alessio. He addressed the letter to Puparu , and there is a smiley face drawn next to it. And there is something familiar about the paper, the scent, the writing. It's not memory. I can't remember ever seeing or smelling any of it before.

But there is something…compelling about it.

I pick the key up off the bed. It's cool, solid in my palm. A note tells me the location of a storage locker and the unit number where the key fits. There's also a black credit card with my name on it, but I have no idea whether the card is mine or an extension of Alessio's own accounts.

But it's the plea in the letter.

Call me.

We've all been through enough this year. You more than any of us. If you remembered, you'd know why.

Theo is in the shower. He said he'd give me time to read the letter, that he'd be there for me as a sounding board if I wanted to discuss it, but that he trusted my judgement if I felt clear on what I wanted to do.

I take a deep breath and call him.

" Puparu ," Alessio says, and I hear keys dropped into a dish. "So, you called me. Are you well?"

"Very. Why did Luca and Leo come for me tonight?" I feel disproportionately calm given the events of the night. I'm angry, of course. But it's measured. I realize I'm deliberately not sharing with Alessio the real depth of my feelings.

"Because Papà is an idiot, as you'd remember. You and I…we…can I trust you like I used to, Soph?"

There is something about the way he says my name. There's a torn quality to it. Like he…misses me.

"We trusted each other?"

"You knew everything. All the things I couldn't say in front of our family. There are so many things I've wanted to talk to you about since the accident but decided not to unless you remembered on your own, to keep you from harm."

"What kinds of things?"

"I missed you," he says. "The you that you were. My confidant. You called me that morning. Before your accident. You told me that you were working on something that didn't make sense. That you were up to your neck in spreadsheets and numbers, but something didn't add up."

"I told you there was a problem?"

"You did. And now neither of us will know what it was unless we start from the beginning."

"Then yes. You can trust me," I say.

"You and I talked about what it would look like without Papà. How we'd organize differently. You always believed I could be one of the youngest underbosses in La Cosa Nostra history."

"And what was I going to be?"

Alessio sighs. "My invisible right hand. You know this life. It's cutthroat."

Word association kicks in. "A switchblade?"

Alessio laughs. "What about them?"

"I carried a switchblade."

"You remembered?"

There's so much hope in Alessio's tone that my heart hurts. "More muscle memory. I held one recently and suddenly knew what to do with it."

"You have a collection of them. Go to the locker and find them. You sure you don't recall anything from that day? Was Papà on to us? Did he know our plans? Is that why you ran?"

"I have no idea. But surely if he did, he would have said something to you by now."

"I've had a million theories with no proof to any of them. I wondered if perhaps Papà wasn't on to us like I initially thought. Then, I thought, maybe Papà was willing to keep you in that center for a reason. I wondered if it's because he thought you had repressed memories of what happened and he needed to know what you know, or if he was terrified of what you might know and had paid someone at the center to tell him if you ever remembered. I wondered if he was the center of it all."

I take a breath as I think through what Alessio just told me. "I have zero memories. But at some point, I need to start living in the present, on my own terms, instead of seeking something in the past. I don't know that I can be a participant in what you are planning, but you have my word I won't tell our father or brothers what that is."

"Are you happy with the biker?"

As he asks, Theo comes out of the bathroom in a puff of steam and a white towel that hugs his hips. He rubs his hair with a second towel as drips of water settle on his inked torso.

He's utterly delicious.

"Yes," I say loud enough for Theo to hear. "I'm very happy with the biker."

Theo stops rubbing his hair at that and smiles at me.

"I believe you."

"Good. Because next time anyone comes near me, I'll have a blade in hand."

"That's definitely more like the old you."

Theo tosses the hand towel back onto the sink and lets his bath towel drop to the floor. He's aroused, his cock thick and proud as he puts his palm around it and strokes himself.

I lick my lips. "I have to go."

I end the call and move the envelope and its contents onto the bedside table.

"Everything good?" he asks.

"I'll tell you about it later. Are we really alone?" I ask.

He studies me for a moment, as if trying to read how I feel about the call with my brother. Whatever he sees reassures him. "Fucking amazing, isn't it?" he asks.

As a result of the night's action and my family nursing their wounds, King felt it was safe for everyone to go home tonight.

"Heaven."

He lets go of his cock for a moment to fish something out of the jeans he'd tossed over the chair. I assume it's a condom, but I'm surprised when he tosses eighty dollars onto the bed. "That's yours."

I gather the twenties. "Why?"

"Three bullets. Three cans." He crawls onto the bed, reaches for my ankles, and tugs me down until I'm lying flat. His hands massage my thighs, nudging upwards before stopping just short of the hem of his T-shirt I borrowed.

"You saw that?"

Theo grins. "Vex has the outside of all our houses covered with security cameras. We all saw it."

I open my mouth in mock offense. "You were spying on us?"

He laughs. "We were betting on you. You were a risky pick, but I saw the way you handled that knife. Figured it couldn't be the only weapon you were used to using."

"What if we'd been naked?"

"In the backyard?"

"Perhaps it's a full moon. Perhaps I'm a witch."

Theo climbs over me and settles between my thighs, his cock pressed right up against my clit, which takes about two seconds to get very hungry. "You gonna cast a spell on me, Sparrow?"

"Do I need to?"

His lips whisper over my skin. Along my cheek, by my ear, down my neck. I wriggle to give him more room.

"No," he replies.

"Does it always feel this good, Theo? From what you remember."

"Sex?"

I place my hands on either side of his head and force him to look at me. "No. This. You and me. How good it feels to be a little reckless. To fall madly."

He places his lips on mine and kisses me. It's messy. Sloppy even. He licks my tongue. My teeth. Then bites my lip. I can't form a thought as I tumble into what he's doing to me.

"Never."

"I like that answer."

"So, you're falling madly?"

"I am. Are you?"

Theo looks away for a moment, then grins as he shakes his head. "Just thinking how happy my mom is going to be about all this. I mean, not that she knows it was fake, but that it's going to last."

"This doesn't feel like the right time to be thinking about your mom." I wiggle my hips to remind him that his cock is perfectly lined up against me.

He slides his hands beneath my butt and rolls his cock against my clit. It's raw and reckless, and I don't want him to stop, consequences be damned.

"Yes, Sparrow. I'm tumbling all the way into you."

Warmth blossoms in my heart. "Good."

"Good. Is it okay for me to make love to my wife now?"

"Make love, huh?"

"You have a problem with that?" he asks as he drags the tip of his nose behind my ear and nibbles on my neck. His lips are warm against my skin.

"Definitely not if you keep doing that to me." I grind my hips against him, eliciting a groan.

"Feel good?" Theo asks.

"Everything you do to me feels good."

He reaches between us and slides the hem of the T-shirt up over my stomach. "Good. It's meant to."

It's amazing how quickly he can take me from zero to so incredibly aroused. He slips the T-shirt over my head, and I'm not sure there is any better feeling than being naked with this man.

Suddenly, he shakes out his hand and winces.

"Aching?" I ask.

"Nothing I can't deal with," he says.

I wriggle up and push him down. "Maybe it's a sign you shouldn't be putting any weight into your hand right now."

He lies back on the bed, and I take his hand, stretching his palm by applying gentle pressure to his thumb and pinkie. Using the pads of my thumbs, I press deeply into the taut muscles.

"That's not the only muscle that hurts," he says and then groans. "You're so good at that."

"Want me to keep going?"

"Yes." He glances down at his cock. "And no."

I continue to massage his hand until I feel the cramp release and the frown disappears from Theo's brow.

When I place a kiss to his palm, he says, "For better or worse. Sickness and health, right?"

"One hundred percent."

He reaches for me and tugs me to sit on his lap. It doesn't go smoothly. I need help getting my foot over his hips, but once I'm there, I find I'm comfortable.

"You okay there?" he asks.

"Surprisingly, yes."

He threads his hand around the back of my neck and grips it firmly before tugging me down to his mouth.

I don't know what sorcery there is that lips kissing lips can make every part of me light up like the fireworks I watched from the roof track of the rehab center on the Fourth of July, but they do.

Every part of Theo makes me feel safe. And confident.

"You're beautiful, Soph. Don't know if I told you that before, but you are."

Beautiful.

"You almost make me believe it," I say quietly.

"I'll work on it until you do. Will you ride me, Soph? I want to see you take what you want from me. I want to watch your pussy swallow my cock." He hands me a small knife. "And I want you to mark me with your initials."

I'm not certain how steady I'll be, but when he asks me like that, his voice all rough with need, there is no way I want to refuse. I take the knife from his hands.

"You're sure?"

"Most definitely."

He places his thumb on my clit and rubs slow circles as I grind on his cock. We need condoms, I know. I don't want to have kids when I'm still finding my own place in this world again. But I want Theo inside so badly, it hurts to breathe.

I reach over to the drawer I know he keeps the condoms in and grab one from the packet. Ripping it open, I shuffle back down Theo's thighs until I can hold his cock.

Biting down on my lip, I focus on the endeavor, remembering what I've seen Theo do.

Pinch the tip, roll it down.

"Fuck, your hands feel good," Theo says. He raises his arm and lays it over his eyes. "But I can't watch because then I'm going to come all over your fingers."

I chuckle. "There. Done. Do you need a minute?"

Theo groans and moves his arm. He grips my hips and tugs me up and over him. "No. What I need is you riding my cock like you can't get enough of me."

I reach between us and hold his cock to my opening. His thick edge nudges between my lips, the sensation is overwhelming. I can feel myself getting wetter.

"I can't get enough of you," I admit.

His eyes meet mine, and I slide slowly over him. An inch, then I lift. Two the next time. Three and four. Until I'm finally seated over him and both of us groan.

"I thought I'd feel self-conscious like this."

His fingers dig harder into my hips, encouraging me to grind against him with his cock deep inside me.

Theo is watching where we are joined. "Like what?"

"You know. So…" I gesture up and down my body. "I don't know. So obvious…available…like you can see every part of me."