22. Sophia

22

SOPHIA

T heo is in the medical room, patching up those who need it. I saw the moment training overtook everything else. He needs help threading the needle but is steady enough to stitch. He's calling out what needs to happen before he knows why.

Dressing versus stitches.

Who needs x-rays he can't provide in the clubhouse.

And I haven't seen Spark and Iris since Theo calmly took them and Mac to Spark's room and settled them inside. The rest of us, he told to leave them the fuck alone.

I did what I could to settle the women while the rest of the club took care of my family. My emotions are volatile. Shifting. They are my family. Were my family. But the mental image that galvanized me into action was, if at the end of all this, there were a line of dead bodies in the clubhouse lot, I'd rather they were my family than Theo and the women who voted so resolutely to stand by mine and Theo's side.

My family knew where I stood. What they were attempting was a kidnapping. And I'm sure they are aware of what a motorcycle club stands for.

After fifteen minutes, silence fell. Bullets stopped. And, eventually, King called it clear.

The clubhouse was in disarray. The front wall decimated. Three bodies, none of them my immediate family, lay face down on the asphalt outside.

Conversation muted as everyone processed what had just happened.

Avery clung to Niro like a limpet and sobbed so hard that Niro was in tears trying to comfort her. Spark and Iris never reappeared. Ari held Lola while Halo held her.

"Those motherfuckers," Clutch muttered.

King looked around. "Let's shore this shit up. Can't leave bodies out there like that. Bates, figure out how to get them out of here. Clutch, Niro, figure out how to make the front of the building safe. The rest of you, let's clean up what we can."

And then people got to work.

I tried to help in the bar, but I couldn't sweep, and bending down to pick things up is still a center of gravity issue.

So, I dragged a stool to the sink and began washing up all the glasses and dishes people bring in after Briar has scraped them off.

She's stuck to me like glue since we were in the medical room together.

"How are you so calm?" Briar asks.

I shrug as I dip the glass I'm about to clean into the soapy water. "I wish I knew."

Which isn't completely true. Two things came together today.

I clearly know my way around a switchblade. I could flip and spin that sucker in a way that proved it wasn't my first time holding one. And then there was something my brother said.

It was something else that made you run that day. You never ran, Sophia. Not once. Not even when our enemies broke into our house. You always fought. You were as ruthless as the rest of us. More accurate an aim than any of our brothers. If what you learned scared you enough to flee, then it was serious. And I'm determined to find out what it is for the sake of our family.

I never ran.

Did my heart race when the explosion went off? Of course. Anybody's would.

But was I terrified?

No.

If muscle memory kicked in over fear, then I've been through things like this before.

Not even when our enemies broke into our house. You always fought.

"We're dividing up," Rae says as she joins us by the sink. "We can't stay in lockdown here tonight. Without a front wall or heat, we'll freeze. King wants us in as few houses as possible tonight. I've got Bates, Niro, and Vex with their families all going to stay with Halo. We're suggesting King, Saint, Spark, Clutch, and Switch all stay together. It's a lot to ask, but you think Theo would be happy to have us at his house, given it's the biggest?"

"He hasn't been home since the accident, beyond the garage to get his bike. I can go ask him."

"Please," Rae says. "He apparently always wanted a big house for lots of his family to be able to stay at one time. King and I can bring a spare mattress from home if we need it."

I wipe my hands on a cloth and head to the medical room. Saint is sitting on the medical bed, his feet on the floor, as Theo wraps a bandage tightly around his upper arm. "If it doesn't stop bleeding, we might need to stitch it."

I see a laptop open with a video paused of a wound getting stitched. "Research?" I ask.

Theo snaps off the medical gloves he's wearing. "Of a fashion."

Saint chuckles. "Didn't seem to need it though. Training just kicked in." He stands and slaps Theo on the shoulder. "Thanks, brother."

The door clicks shut, and Theo tugs me into his arms, kissing me deeply. It's the first normal thing to happen in a while, and I allow myself to sink into it.

A child's sobs filter through the open window. "Look what they did to our bike, Uncle Colton."

Theo pouts his bottom lip as we continue to listen.

"It's okay, Ave. We'll get another."

"But I like that one."

"Then we'll ask all your uncles to help us fix that one. Will just mean we can't ride it for a while."

"I can pay for it with my panda-bag money."

There's a soft chuckle. "Don't worry, Ave. I'll make them pay."

You'd have to be an adult to understand the nuance in his last statement.

Their voices fade away, and doors slam.

"Her panda-bag money?"

Theo shakes his head. "No idea. Pretty fucking cute she offered to help fix a bike that likely costs a small fortune. How are you, Sparrow?"

"Surprisingly okay."

He kisses me again. "Almost had a heart attack when that explosion went off, worrying that they'd get to you. Vex has the video. Your dad ordered one of his more junior men to launch a grenade or some shit. Alessio was furious once the shooting started. Ordered everyone back into their cars and got the fuck out of there."

"I wish I knew what the truth is."

"So, we'll make our own truth." He tucks my hair back behind my ear. "You're not wearing your eye patch."

"At some point tonight, it no longer felt important. It's just a prosthetic eye."

"Close your eyes."

I do as he says, and he presses a gentle kiss to my injured lid. The gesture makes me feel squishy inside.

"We're staying together," I say, my eyes still closed. "King has asked if Clutch, Spark, Saint, King, and their families can stay at your house because you have more bedrooms."

He tucks a curl of hair behind my ear and kisses my other eyelid. "I have no idea if that's true."

Finally, I open them again. "Rae said it was because you wanted a place where your whole family was able to come stay, but…if it's too much…you know, going home tonight, we can say no."

Theo shakes his head. "I'd hate to make wounded people sleep on the floor if I have the space to help them all out. It was a pretty big house."

"Then we'll do what we have to do to make everyone comfortable."

"We will, will we?"

I wrap my arms around his waist. "I guess this is our first hosting event as a couple."

Theo chuckles. "Hosting event? I'm not even sure there's food in the house."

"Well, I saved a whole bunch of the food prepped for the party. We'll just split it with the other house."

It takes another hour to organize transportation. And at least an hour again for King and Clutch to stop cursing their bikes getting shot up while trying to organize a split lockdown and security for the exterior of the club.

Then another thirty minutes to get everyone settled into the rooms before I meet Theo in the den.

He's looking at photographs that line the wall.

I dip beneath his arm and tuck up against his side. He taps a frame. "That was Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, the year before I enlisted. I was still a wet-behind-the-ears prospect. Halo had patched in already. But look how fucking young we were."

"Look how much hair you had. And how wavy it was."

He runs his hand over his short hair. "Meh. It's more unruly when it gets too long."

"Is it weird, being back here?" I ask.

Theo nods. "It's like I'm wearing a skin that isn't mine."

"I felt the same way when I went to my apartment for visits. Nothing fit. Not the clothes. Nothing. I even took two well-thumbed books off the shelf that my brother assured me were favorites, and I hated reading them."

He looks up at other photographs on the wall. "There are so many pictures of me and Vex doing shit together. I guess I've been keeping everyone at arm's length."

"It's hard, isn't it? My friends stopped coming over. They were ready to just continue with our friendships, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to build one with them. Maybe my family interfered with that."

Theo kisses the top of my head. "I'm gonna make more of an effort to hang out with him. He clearly meant a lot to me."

"That's a good idea. Maybe he can become a friend of mine too. I look forward to getting to know him better. And the old ladies. I really like them too."

"We should take them all down. Start again with new pictures of things we can actually remember."

"Especially that one," I say, pointing to a picture of a shirtless Theo with two topless women, one under each arm, by a campfire.

"Given I don't remember who they are or why I hung this on my wall, I think you can cut me some slack."

"Or cut the two of them. Turns out I'm handy with a blade."

"Yeah. Think we can conclude you weren't a passive observer in the family business."

"It feels like a leap to say that, but I think you might be right. I keep thinking about what Alessio said. About how I never ran. How I always fought. It bothers me."

Theo takes my hand and leads me upstairs. I'm tired. My limp is more pronounced. "Lean on me, Sparrow," he encourages, and I do.

Once in his bedroom, he sits me on the edge of the bed. "What bothers you about what your brother said?"

"Let's imagine I'm a completely different me. For what they are saying to be true, a few other things must be true too. I had to have been utterly complicit. I had to be a Mafia princess willing to do whatever for the success of her family and somewhat mercenary to marry a stranger for money and power. I must have been so shallow."

Theo slips the hoodie I changed into over my head. The soft T-shirt of his follows. "You believe that?"

"My family showed me photos. I clearly loved the lifestyle. Champagne. Private jets. Summers in Sicily. I don't look like I'm hating life in any of them."

"That doesn't mean you didn't want something more."

He helps me stand and slides my leggings and panties down my legs. "Go brush your teeth," he says.

I do, and Theo follows me once he's naked. "Guess I must have liked the idea of there being someone else here with me," he says, touching the marble vanity with two sinks.

We open and close drawers and cupboards and rustle up a spare toothbrush. "I would have shared yours."

Theo wrinkles his nose. "That might be taking our relationship a little too far."

I can't help but laugh. "We broke out of a brain-injury hospital, got married, argued with your club, argued with my family, got bombed, and are currently housing one half of the Iron Outlaws leadership team, yet sharing a toothbrush is your limit?"

Foam spills out of the side of Theo's mouth as he chuckles, then spits. "Fair. Brush and then finish your thoughts."

Theo rinses his own mouth, then rubs circles on the bottom of my back while I brush mine.

It's intimate.

Reassuring.

As soon as I'm done, he kisses me. "Toothpaste never tasted better," he says. "I'll give you another minute."

I appreciate the privacy to finish up, and then I go join him in bed. "So, this is our bed."

He flops back against the pillows. "Feels like I picked a good mattress."

"Better for sleeping with all those topless women?"

Theo tugs me to him and chuckles. "Jealousy looks good on you. Wait, switchblade—we're jumping all over the place with this conversation. You said you were thinking about what your brother said. About how you never ran and always fought. Tell me more about that."

I place my head on his chest, and his fingers drag lazily up and down my spine. "Just that. From the pictures I saw, I enjoyed the life. And from what my brother said, I was a willing participant in it. And there was something utterly familiar about holding the switchblade. So, if all those things were true and assuming I'm the old me who knew what I was doing, who was okay being married to this man, why on earth did I run so recklessly that it almost killed me?"

"I don't know, Sparrow. But I'll tell you this: You were interesting before. But you are even more interesting now."

I look up at Theo, and he wiggles down the bed so we are face-to-face.

"Yeah. Watching you flip my blade around gave me the fixings of a boner."

I laugh. "You're weird."

His lips find mine. They aren't especially gentle, and my entire body clenches in excitement. I slip my knee up over his thigh. "Nope, just happen to be falling for my wife a little more each day. I don't think that's a bad thing."

He's falling for me.

My heart skips a beat, and a band of excitement squeezes my chest.

My husband is falling for me.

But there is another feeling I must confess before I admit it to him.

"But what if I'm a bad person, Theo?" I say, voicing the fear I've been feeling since I spoke with my brother.

"What?" Theo cups my cheeks. "How are you a bad person?"

"I don't know. I feel like I had a morality reset. I came to in a hospital. I've watched movies and had therapy for over a hundred days straight to get here. Nature versus nurture. I became what I was because I grew up in a Cosa Nostra family. I may have done things that are hard to reconcile right now. What if I'm a bad person? What if my memory comes back and I've killed people and been involved in horrible things and?—"

Theo's lips crush mine. His hands pull my body tight to his. I feel his cock swell between us, and even with the fears rattling through my body, his presence cuts through it all.

"I'm the medic for an outlaw motorcycle club. I'm a one-percenter. You don't get that patch for shits and giggles. It's a life I was born into because my father was an Outlaw before me. But it's a life I chose because I patched in when I didn't need to. And you were born into a life too. And I don't know whether you enjoyed it or had to make the best of it. But I'm never going to judge you for what you did then, Soph. This life requires a backbone. It requires making decisions the rest of the world won't make because of who we are and what we do. If anything, it reassures me that our lives will mesh together well."

"When you put it like that…"

"Plus, I'm starting to think it's all fated. How we met. Why we were both there at the same time. We both have brothers, both belong to an outside-the-law family. Heck, my road name is Switch, and today we found out you're handy with a switchblade. There're too many coincidences for it to be anything other than fate."

"Aren't you worried fate has us on a path of no return?"

Theo shakes his head. "If that's fate's plan, then we're going to have to tame it because I can't help but believe this leads to anything other than something real fucking good."