17. Ellis

CHAPTER 17

ELLIS

A re we becoming friends?

What kind of question is that? There's no answer I can give that would satisfy either of us. There's nothing I can say that doesn't make me feel like I'm standing at the top of a cliff.

Especially because the answer is yes.

"I've already told you, I've never really done the friends thing before. I've never seen the point of relationships before."

"Before, yes, but what about now?"

Another punch to the gut. These must be all the questions she's wanted to ask me all this time but hasn't been brave enough to.

And I have told her that I don't have friends. What I haven't told her is that, even though I've been with girls all over the place, none of them have ever made me feel the way she does. None of them have ever seriously made me consider anything long-term.

None of them have felt like a marriage.

"Aren't you tired of the act?" Marina pushes. "Don't you ever want to let anyone in?"

On the TV, the hockey team scores a goal, and the crowd goes wild, yelling and stomping and applauding, their whole world shrunk down to that stadium, that moment, that victory. The camera cuts in close to the goal scorer, her face glistening with sweat, her eyes sparkling with the joy of victory.

"You're right," I say eventually. "But it's an act I've performed for so long that I don't know who I am without it. I've adopted it for so long, it's become true."

"And do you want to change?"

Marina puts down her bowl and smiles at me. Without meaning to, my eyes flicker down her body, roaming over the soft curves of her arms and legs and breasts. I can't lie and say I've never thought about how they must feel.

Right now, though, I'm imagining it more than ever. It would be so easy to reach over to her, to pull her close. To find out how her skin feels.

"You know what you said before about my family being rich," I say.

She just nods, letting me talk, sensing that I need to say this before I choke and my nerve weakens.

"Well, you're right. I've never known anything but success. I saw a talk once, by a woman, years ago. It was all about how success as we know it is just an illusion, and how so many self-starters come from families who can afford to give them huge loans and buy them houses and stuff. At the time I thought it was stupid. I thought, ‘I built my business from scratch. Anyone can do it.' But seeing you, it's made me realize that no, the average person can't do that. They work for everything."

She raises both eyebrows, and I know she's teasing me, but I still feel a stab of guilt. "Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but yes. Average people can't do that."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I didn't mean that you're average."

"Not living up to your reputation — yet again." She grins.

"No. But that is exactly the sort of thing an asshole would say. That you were average and dull. But I don't think you're an impoverished troll. No," I scoff, my words running away with themselves, "I think you're wonderful."

"Ellis," she scolds me, biting her lip in embarrassment.

It would be so easy to lean in and capture her lips in a kiss right now. There's a fire in me that I'd forgotten, a burning, stirring on the inside. It's something I haven't felt in such a long time.

"I know you think you don't do enough for Lila," I say, steamrolling on. "But you do. I've seen how you look at that. Hell, you're here with me. And you hate me! You'd do anything for her. It must be good to feel love that unconditional."

Marina's face flushes even more. "I just feel so helpless sometimes," she says sadly. "I'm doing my best but it's not enough, not really, no matter what you say. I don't have anything to give her. At this rate, she's not even going to inherit a place to live from me. Well, I guess she could now because I'm going to buy something with the money. I'm going to be responsible with it."

"You don't need to justify it to me," I cut her off before she can keep spiraling. "I didn't give you this money because I wanted you to do something useful with it. I gave it to you because I wanted you to come and do this with me. For all I care, you can blow it on a thousand gold statues."

She giggles again. "It's all for Lila. Everything is for Lila."

"Nobody's told you recently that you're an amazing mom, have they?"

"No," she admits, casting her eyes down to her hands. "No, they haven't."

"Well, you are. You should be proud of everything that you've done for her. And you deserve to be able to think of yourself sometimes."

She takes a shaky breath and swallows. Tears form in her eyes, making them shine, deep brown and beautiful.

Without realizing it, our hands have come together, grasping each other like we're the only things on earth left to hold on to. Like all that matters is this room, this moment.

"You should be proud of your hard work, too," she says, looking back up to meet my eye. "I'm sure no one ever tells you that either. And yeah, you might have been given plenty by your parents, but you've put in the hard work too. You want to succeed, and you have — because you work for it. It's admirable. That's why so many people look up to you."

I let out my own shaky breath, then, without thinking, say, "Marina. What have you done to me?"

We're closer now, so close that all I can see are her eyes, and the way the soft light bounces off her cheeks.

"I don't hate you, you know," she whispers. "I used to, but now…"

Neither of us seem to realize it happens, but before I can stop myself, I'm stroking her face with my fingertips, and leaning in further, giving in to the fire that's burning between us, and letting our lips meet in a kiss.

She kisses me back straight away, and the flames burst inside my chest, all the emotions that we've been trying not to feel for the last few days igniting into a want that is so strong, I know in this second that I need nothing else.

There's no use in denying it anymore. There really is something between us.

And it feels so good.

Marina pulls away from me, her breath heavy, her eyes half-closed and filled with lust.

"I've wanted to do that for a while," I say, my voice low and husky with desire.

"Have you? Why?"

It kills me that she doesn't see it. "Because you're utterly gorgeous, Marina. You're one of the most human people I've ever met. You have ruined me so absolutely, and I should hate you for it because this isn't the kind of person I am, but with you I'm human too. And it's just…"

"Kiss me again," she demands, and I waste no time before obeying.

Her lips are just as plush and soft as I imagined. Suddenly I'm hungry for her, so hungry that my hands start roaming her body. They fall to her thighs and squeeze, my fingers trailing over the fabric of her dress. My body is alight with the fire she's lit and will only be extinguished by the touch of her bare skin against mine.

She moves into my touch, pushing herself closer against me, her arms wrapping around my back, clinging to me, like I'm anchoring her to the earth, her tongue darting out to deepen our kiss, to explore further.

"Come to bed with me," I growl. "Marina, I want to taste you. I want to touch you. I want you."

She makes a choked noise of desire then nods. "Yes, please. Take me to bed."

I don't need any more encouragement to lift her up in my arms and carry her to my room.

We kiss hungrily as we cross the threshold, lips and hands crashing together, my fingers tearing at her clothes as I try to rip them away from her while her hands do the same. She manages to free me from my pants and my shirt while I pull her dress over her head. I need to see what lies beneath.

I need to know that she's better than anything I've ever fantasized.

As she stands bare before me, she looks down at her body and hugs her arms over her chest, shying away like she's embarrassed to be wearing something so modest. But the black cotton of her panties and bra is a stark contrast against her pale skin, and in this moment, it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

Besides, if this goes the way I want it to, there will be plenty of time to see her in lingerie.

My cock throbs with the need to be inside her, my tongue aching with the need to fall between her legs and give her the most immense pleasure she has ever felt.

I let my hands fall to her waist. "You're beautiful, Marina. You're so beautiful."

She giggles as I lay her down on the bed and start kissing her stomach, my hands working to free her from her bra so I can roll my tongue over her hardening nipples. She gasps at every touch, shivering like electricity is rolling through her body.

"When was the last time someone touched you like this?"

"Too long," she whispers. "Please, I need you. I've needed this for so long, Ellis. Please."

I don't waste any more time, sliding her underwear off to find her deliciously wet already for me. I glance into her eyes once as I settle between her legs and see her looking at me with such desire that it shoots another rush of lust through my body. I dip my tongue down and don't stop until her hips buck and she cries out in pleasure.

She squeals my name as she comes, and it's the most sublime thing I've ever heard.

"Please fuck me, Ellis. Now."

I can't deny her for another second, or myself. I scramble for a condom in the drawer by the bed, then roll it on before returning to her. I carefully position myself above her, lining myself up with her entrance.

Her chest rises and falls in anticipation. "You ready?" I ask, and she nods, her face flushed with the exertion, her mouth round and open as she draws breath.

I savor the moment for another second, then sink into her — and it's the most glorious warmth I've ever felt. She clenches around me and moans, and I start thrusting, finding a gentle, long pace, one that makes her move beneath me, reacting to my touch, her hands digging into my back, her hips rolling as pleasure crashes over us in waves, like an ocean.

It is one of the most sublime feelings I have ever experienced.

I don't stop until we both reach climax, our arms wrapped tight around each other as we melt into one, nothing mattering except the electricity passing between our bodies, the magnetism binding us both together with a force so strong that neither of us would even think about escaping it.

Later, in the dark of the evening, after we have showered and settled, we lie in my bed together, Marina nestled into my arms, our fingers twined like they have always meant to be. And we don't say a word.

There is nothing more to say. She fits perfectly into the curve of my body.

I listen to her breathing grow steady and deep until I too succumb to a blissful sleep.