17. A New World

17

A New World

Deacon

Today is our last day, and I can't believe this trip is already coming to an end. It's been the breath of fresh air I needed. Lola and I bonded a little, and I'm now absolutely positive I'm falling hard for Alice Beaumont. That last bit may pose a problem, though.

Because even if I'm pretty sure she'd have kissed me back last night, I can't date Alice. Not right now, when my life is pure chaos. I have to think of what's best for Lola, and that's my undivided attention and care.

I'm glad that our almost-kiss didn't mess up our newfound friendship, and more importantly, the friendship between her and Lola. We've walked halfway around the lake, and it's a beautiful day. A lot of people are out for a stroll, but this lake is so big, it doesn't feel crowded. We ate a picnic of sandwiches and Reese's cups for dessert, and we're now continuing our tour.

"So, Lola," I begin. "Do you have any performances scheduled with your school?" I glance at Alice, who offers an encouraging smile. "You never talk about that. I'd love to see you dance somewhere other than our living room."

Lola does a double take, then frowns. "Really?"

I let out a low chuckle. "Of course. Is that so hard to believe? You're attending one of the top dance schools in the world."

Her confused frown deepens. "That's not your scene. Like, at all."

Alice and I laugh. "True, but if you're dancing, I want to see it. Plus, this trip wasn't exactly your scene either, and you had a good time, right?"

"I did." She pauses, a smile teasing her lips. "Okay. I only have one big performance at the End of Year Show in June. It'll be a big part of my grade. Parents can come, so I'll get you a ticket. Do you want to come too, Alice?"

Alice glances at me, and I nod. While I appreciate her letting me decide if I want this bonding experience with Lola for myself, I also know my niece would love to have Alice there cheering her on too. Plus, I can never say no to spending time with Alice.

"Of course." She beams at Lola. "I'd love to see you dance."

"Great. I'll get the tickets when I'm back at school on Monday."

We continue walking in silence, and I feel a small weight lifting off my chest. That wasn't so bad, and I meant every word. I would love to see her perform. She's everything I've got now, and I want nothing more than to show her how much I care for her.

"I was wondering," Lola mumbles, twisting her mouth. "Could we stop by the house you grew up in? Mom always loved it, and I only went once before. It's not far from here, right?"

I freeze. The idea of going to my grandmother's house—and my childhood home—has been scratching at my mind ever since I got in the car to come to Sycamore Springs, but I've been too much of a coward to act on it. "Um . . ."

Alice offers me one of her soft smiles, and I nod. It's just a house. I can do it. "Sure. We're really close. "

Lola bobs her head and keeps walking. Alice's arm bumps into mine, and as if it was the lifeline I desperately needed, I take her hand. It's soft, like cotton or velvet, and as warm as the sun shining on my face. Comforting .

She glances at me, but she doesn't pull away. We wander down the path until we reach my grandmother's backyard.

Suddenly, I can't move. My eyes lock on the small cottage-style house with white beams, windowsills, and those stairs leading to the back door. Four little wooden steps. The ones I didn't secure well enough. The ones that broke and sent her to the hospital, never to return home.

Lola asks if she can go further. I nod, but my legs don't move. I squat down, head in my hand as all my bottled-up emotions come rushing back to the surface.

"Deacon," Alice's voice soothes me as she rubs my back.

"It's all my fault, Alice. You don't get it." Images of my grandma laughing flash in my mind, but they're soon replaced by her lying in her deathbed at the hospital. I can almost feel her hand in mine the last time I visited her. She tried to squeeze my palm, but she was so weak, I barely felt her soft press. My throat constricts, mirroring my heart. I'm crying now. And I hate it. "I'm the one responsible for her death. If I'd been more careful, she'd still be here."

Alice kneels down next to me. With a shaky breath, I lift my head and see Lola a few yards in front of us, staring at the house. "It's all my fault. See those steps? She fell through them because I didn't check them well enough. I knew they were in bad shape, especially with all the humidity that comes off the lake. But no, I didn't. She fell and never came back."

Alice's brown eyes soften, her gaze like a warm blanket. "What do you mean, Deacon? They're only a few steps . . ."

"But she fell . I took her to the hospital, and then they'd always find something else, and then—" My own sob cuts me off and prevents me from breathing.

Alice continues to rub my back, shushing me. "Deacon, it's okay. Just let it out. It's not your fault."

"Why does everyone around me die?" I ask, suddenly feeling like a little kid. "What if the same thing happens to her?" I look at Lola, who has now turned around, standing frozen as she stares back at us.

Alice moves in front of me. She takes my face into her hands, forcing me to look at her, and my heart does that weird clenching thing again. "Listen to me, Deacon. None of what happened to your family is your fault. And nothing will happen to Lola. You're doing a great job with her, and she's going to have the most wonderful life. Your sister, your grandma, and your mother are looking down on you right now, sending you their strength and all their love. You will get through this. You just have to let go of the guilt first."

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. As I peer into Alice's eyes, I see nothing but truth. Honesty. She really believes everything she just said, and maybe it's time I do the same.

I glance at Lola, and she offers me a weak smile, one filled with comfort and empathy. A smile that looks a lot like love.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks as she finishes drying the dishes. And before you think I let her do all the work—I washed them. As for Lola, she cleared the dinner table before going up to her room. It was a team effort.

"I am," I say, feeling the truth of my statement. "Today was a good day. A lot of emotion for someone like me, but it was kind of liberating." As much as it hurt to see my grandma's house, it felt good too. Allowing myself to dwell on her memory made it seem like she was with me again, if only for a short instant.

Alice smiles softly. "I'm glad. And you seem to be bonding more with Lola too. That's great."

I nod. "It is. "

Silence stretches between us, and she pulls on her bottom lip with her teeth. I quickly avert my eyes. If I don't find a distraction, I'm going to walk over to her, pick her up, sit her on the counter, and kiss her senseless. "Um." I clear my throat. "Do you want to have a drink on the porch?"

"Sure. I'll make tea."

Five minutes later, we're lounging on the two-seater sofa, though it's a little chillier here on the porch than I thought. Alice wraps her hands around her mug and shivers.

"Here," I say, shrugging my sweatshirt off.

"Oh no." She blushes. "If I take that, you'll get cold. I'll just run inside to grab my coat."

I wave a hand dismissively. "I'm not cold." As if I could ever get cold around Alice. Being near her is like sitting in a furnace.

"Thanks," she mumbles before putting it on.

It's weird, seeing my sweatshirt on her—but a good weird. The kind of weird you want to make ordinary.

"Are you sad about going back to town tomorrow?" she asks, taking a sip.

I shrug. "A little, yeah. But it was a refreshing trip, and it did us some good. What about you? Do you miss your friends, your books? "

She chuckles. "Oh, definitely the books."

I laugh, and the sound resonates on the wooden porch.

"Kidding. I miss my friends too. They're a huge part of my life. They have been for a while."

"How did you guys meet?"

"Online," she says with a smile. "How modern of us, right? We met on Bookstagram. Remember? I told you about it."

I nod.

"So, we all met there and became friends, then we got this crazy idea of opening a bookstore. The rest is history."

"How long has it been open?"

"Almost six months."

My eyes widen in surprise. "Wow, okay. I assumed it had been around longer than that. It's such a popular place on our street."

Her smile broadens. "I know. We did a ton of marketing online, and my brother and his teammates helped spread the word too."

"Right. Those guys kind of turned my place into a hockey bar, but I'm not complaining. They're good people." And it looks like making businesses popular on our street is their specialty. Keeping it a secret is getting complicated, though. I hope they won't have to move their hangout elsewhere. And as much as I want my bar to thrive, I don't want it to get too big. Then, I'd have to deal with staff, and I'm definitely not ready for that.

She chuckles, circling her mug with her hands again. "Yeah, they're really great. You should go to a game sometime. I'm not really a fan, but they do put on a good show."

"I think I will. I'll trade drinks for tickets."

She laughs, and as always, the sound makes my heart soar. "That should be a hit, though I'm sure you don't have to. Just ask, and Hayley or I can get you tickets."

I nod. "Right, Hayley is dating your brother."

She takes a sip of her tea. "Yup. I'm not going to lie, it was a little weird at first, but they seem happy together. Who am I to stand in the way of true love?"

I chuckle. "Still in search of Prince Charming?"

She sighs. "I've been taking a break since that New York Shark incident, but I'm not giving up."

Her response instantly relaxes me. Alice not looking for Prince Charming is exactly where I want her to be.

"What about you?" she asks, cocking her head to the side.

"Oh, I've never been big on dating."

"Not even with Nat?" Alice keeps her eyes on her tea. "The girl we met at the supermarket? "

I furrow my eyebrows, surprised that she caught onto that. "Yeah, briefly. My grandma set me up with her, which is true for the few girlfriends I've had."

"I do love a matchmaking grandma," she jokes, her eyes sparkling.

I scratch my temple. "Yeah. If she were here, she'd totally set the two of us up."

"Really?" Alice says in a near whisper, and suddenly, the temperature seems to reach a boiling point.

"Are you kidding? You're everything she would have liked. Funny, kindhearted, beautiful . . . We'd have had no choice but to date." I swallow, gauging her reaction. "Not that it would have been hard to convince me."

I turn to face her, and once again, we're dangerously close. Her floral perfume mingles with my woodsy cologne, and from this close, I can see into the depths of those gorgeous chocolate eyes.

"Deacon," she breathes.

"I'm going to kiss you now, Frenchie. Is that okay?"

" Oui ."

"Never been good at French, but I think it's a positive."

With a giggle, she places her arms around my neck, drawing me close. Our mouths touch softly, and my world tilts on its axis. Because a kiss from Alice Beaumont is like a balm that soothes your soul. With every touch, every shiver, she makes my whole world a little better. I glide my hand along her back until I reach her neck. Parting her hair, I drop a kiss on her soft neck, and she lets out a quiet moan.

Her fingers slide up to tangle in my hair, and I strengthen my hold, eager to feel her body against me. Everything fades around us as our kiss becomes more intense, almost desperate. All my senses are honed on Alice. Her smell tormenting me, her touch burning my skin, her ragged breathing matching mine. It's as if we've both been waiting for this for ages. I know I have. Actually, I never even imagined someone could make me feel this way, but being with Alice opens up a world of possibilities and dreams. Dreams I didn't know I had. Dreams that scare me.