19. Grayson

CHAPTER 19

GRAYSON

I t's been two days since Jade essentially told me to go screw myself and walked out of my office.

She didn't draw it out, either. She gathered the few things she had with her that day, and then she left.

As I sigh and look across at her empty office, Lara appears in the doorway with the files I requested, looking more disappointed in me than she ever has before. It stings, but not as much as the knowledge that I ruined the best thing in my life.

And I did it all because I was terrified that Dad was going to pick Jade over me.

"You look miserable." Lara strides into the office and tosses the files down on my desk. "Thinking about Jade, I'm guessing? Wishing you could take it back?"

I shake my head. "What needed to happen happened. I couldn't afford to have her sneaking around making decisions about the future of my company."

"It isn't your company." Lara's tone is soft, but the words are harsh.

I glare at her. "I've worked hard for this. You know I have. I couldn't let her worm her way into the CEO position. Not when she kept lying to me and sneaking around."

Lara shakes her head and walks out of my office, heading to her desk and grabbing a letter-sized envelope. She shoves it into my chest. "Before you keep accusing Jade, maybe you should take some time to actually look at the proposal she was working on."

I hold it back out to her. "I don't need to see this."

"You really do."

She spins on her heel and walks out of the office, slamming the door shut behind her.

The last thing I want to do right now is look at the copy of Jade's proposal. I already know what's going to be in it. She's going to be requesting a CEO position, and then she's going to lay out whatever plans she's been working on.

But what if I'm wrong?

I stare down at the envelope, torn between reading it and finding out exactly what Jade was planning and moving on with my life.

If I open it, I might find out that she's been telling me the truth this entire time — even though I didn't know about the proposal before she submitted it.

On the other hand, I could finally get confirmation that everything I thought about her when I was at my worst is true.

With a sigh, I reach for the envelope. I slip my finger beneath the flap, lifting it up before taking the bundle of papers out.

As I sit down, stretching my legs out in front of me, my heart hammers in my chest.

I might be wrong about everything. I might have ruined something good between me and Jade. Something better than good.

Groaning, I look down at the first page.

When Grayson becomes CEO, I believe that the following plan would be beneficial for him to follow regarding the rebranding of the company and the app as it continues to develop.

The longer I stare at that first paragraph, the worse I feel.

She never wanted to be the CEO, and though she told me that a million different times, a dozen different ways, I didn't listen to her.

I put the proposal back in the envelope, not needing to see the rest.

How did I have such little faith in her? She wrote a proposal telling my dad that I was going to be the next CEO, for goodness' sake.

My office is a thousand degrees, and the walls are closing in around me.

I get up and sling my bag over my shoulder, heading for the door. Nausea courses through me.

Even though I know I should go find Jade and talk to her, I can't right now. Not after I've made a massive fool of myself.

The things I said to her were horrible, and I have no idea how I could possibly come back from that.

Mac opens the door, leaning against the frame. "You look like death warmed over."

"Thanks. It's good to see you too. How's your day going? Mine is fine."

Mac laughs and holds the door open wider. "Sure, come on in and tell me about whatever it is you did now."

"Why do you assume I did something?" I enter his house, kicking off my shoes and heading straight down the hall and into his kitchen.

He follows me, leaning against the counter as I pull out a bottle of beer and pop the cap off it. "You don't show up at my house in the middle of a workday unless you did something wrong."

"Wow." I take a long pull of the beer before setting the bottle on the counter. "I screwed things up with Jade."

"I knew this no-strings thing the two of you were doing was going to blow up in your face." His smile is smug as he shoves off the counter and heads for the back door.

I follow him into the backyard, sipping the beer before reclining onto one of the cushioned loungers beside the pool.

The sun beats down from above, sweat beading on the back of my neck.

Mac sits on the edge of the pool, his feet dangling into the shining blue water. "So, what happened? Did you two decide that you're finally going to date instead of still pretending that you don't like each other?"

"No." I look up at the fat white clouds drifting across the sky. "I fired her."

His laughter booms through the backyard. "You have to be the biggest idiot I've ever met. Especially when it comes to Jade. Even in college you were falling head over heels for her."

"Yeah, well, firing her probably isn't the worst part of what I did."

Leaning over, I put the bottle on the table beside the lounger before getting up and taking off my socks. I roll the hem of my slacks higher up my calves.

The water is cool as I sit on the edge of the pool, dipping my feet in the water.

Mac shakes his head, leaning back and propping himself up on his hands. "How can it be worse than firing her?"

"Well, I accused her of only coming to the company to screw me over. I might have said something along the lines of her planning this the whole time. And I called her a snake."

"Oof." Mac cringes.

"Dad had said some things about the future of the company and her business proposal I knew nothing about. She was planning to stay on with the company for the first year after the rebranding. She was pretty sure I was going to be CEO in the proposal."

"And you still thought she was out to get you?" Mac scoffs, and for the first time in the decades we've known each other, I see disgust in his eyes when he looks at me.

"I didn't see the proposal until this morning. Everything else happened two days ago."

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know." I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to erase the look on her face when I called her a snake from my mind.

She's never going to forgive me for that. I wouldn't either.

I took it too far. I hurt her because I thought she had hurt me.

It didn't occur to me once to ask her about her side of the story, and even when she tried to tell me, I didn't want to listen.

Mac kicks some of the water around before looking at me. "I'm going to say something, and it's going to be hard for you to hear, but it's long past time someone said it to you."

Great.

Right now, all I want to do is forget what happened and move on with my life. I want to accept the fact that me and Jade are done before we ever really got started.

And then, once I've had too much alcohol and a solid night of sleeping it off, I need to put my head down and get back to work. After telling Jade she was basically fired — which was a lie — Dad is going to be expecting more from me than ever.

I don't know if Jade even told him the truth.

Mac splashes water onto my slacks. "You aren't paying attention, and you should be. Otherwise, you're just going to keep ruining everything else good in your life."

"You're right. I'm not listening. I have a million different things on my mind right now, and most of them have to do with Jade."

"Which is why I'm going to say something that's going to piss you off." Mac pauses for a moment, his mouth twisting like he's trying to figure out the words he wants to say. "You don't live for yourself, and you never have."

It sounds eerily close to what Jade said to me, and for a moment I wonder if they're talking about me.

I know both of them, though. They knew of each other in college, but they didn't talk. The whole time throughout our situationship, I kept Jade to myself, soaking up as much time with her as possible when I wasn't plotting against her.

She and Mac just seem to see the same things in me.

Mac clears his throat, pulling his legs out of the water. "You've spent your whole life chasing your father's approval, no matter the cost. Nothing else has ever mattered to you, and it keeps tearing your life into pieces."

"I'm not chasing his approval," I say, my words clipped. "I've been working hard for what I want."

"Which is to please him and take over his company. To make him think that you're worthy of being in charge, even though you could have started your own company years ago and shown him who you were."

"You don't understand." My mouth goes dry as I focus on the hedges at the back of the property, small white flowers blooming on them.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Your parents didn't look down on you. They would have been happy with whatever you decided to do with your life. They wouldn't have cared if you felt like living under a bridge as long as you were happy."

"And you're thirty-one, sitting at the edge of my pool in the middle of the day, looking like you're on the edge of a breakdown because you've spent your whole life trying to convince the one person who should love you unconditionally that you're worth something."

His words are stab wounds over and over again, exposing every horrible thought I've had in the middle of the night and splitting them wide open.

Mac rubs a hand over his jaw. "I've been worried about you for a while, Grayson. It's not healthy to keep chasing after your father like this, hoping that one day he's going to love you the way you want to be loved."

"And when did you become a therapist?"

"The first time you pushed Jade away."

I sigh and look over at him, wishing that I had just stayed home and thrown myself into work like normal. "Look, I'm almost in the CEO position. I just need to wait until after the launch, and then I'll be there."

"And what's it going to cost you in the long run?" Mac gets up and heads back inside to the fridge, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

He's right about the cost.

I know that I'm miserable right now, and I know that Dad is never going to be the kind of father I've always hoped he would be. I'm not na?ve about that.

Things are getting better between the two of us, though. It's like he's looking at me and seeing me for the first time.

But Jade has always seen me when she's looked at me.

The realization that I've chosen the wrong person to prioritize is staggering. It hits me like a ton of bricks, forcing the air from my lungs.

Mac comes back outside with his own bottle of beer and sits down beside me. "Are we ready to talk about how you're going to give Jade the biggest apology of her life because she deserves one, even if she doesn't want anything to do with you?"

"That sounds a lot like you telling me to swallow my pride." I get up and grab my beer, downing the rest of it.

"I am. You've spent too long strutting around like the only person that matters. You care about this woman, and I think it's time you showed her."

"I've ruined too much to try and fix it now."

All I want to do is try to forget how much she means to me.

It hurts too much to know that even if I do apologize, she will never take me back.

My entire life, I've always been my own worst enemy, and now I've taken the one person who truly believed in me and shoved her away for good.

But at least I got what I always wanted.

Right?