Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Carly was pissed. She stomped around the campsite and yanked things from the back of the wagon, glaring at Justin whenever he dared approach. He gave her a tentative smile, but all that earned him was a snarl. She yanked out a plastic box of meds and slammed it down on top of another, her lips pursed so tightly they were nothing but a small white line.

The day had started out well, but after breakfast Justin had said he felt much better and intended to bike back to the pileup where he'd been shot. Carly had argued he wasn't healed enough for that, especially if he ran into trouble. Then she tried insisting she go with him, but he wouldn't be budged on that either.

Justin picked up a case of water bottles and moved it to the ground, hiding a wince when the weight of the thing irritated his wound, but Carly was far too observant to let it go unnoticed. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

"Carly, honey, I'm fine. Just a little sore, okay?"

"You don't know that! You could be pulling your wound open and bleeding inside or something."

"This isn't the first time I've been shot," he said. "I know my limits. I won't overdo it. I promise."

Her eyes widened in horror, and he didn't think she'd heard the latter part of his statement. No, it was the thought of him being shot before that horrified her.

"The scars," she said, her voice faint.

He chuckled. "Well, not all of them." He tugged her into his arms, and she laid her head over his heart. He could feel the tension fade away as she snuggled against him. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Please, please be careful."

"I will." Justin kissed her, and she clung to him for a long moment before releasing him. She pushed a lock of hair back behind her ear and gave him a wobbly smile. "I intend to be mad at you again when you get back."

He laughed. "Thanks for the warning."

"Take Sam with you," she urged.

Justin shook his head. "I want him here, with you."

She sighed. "You know, Justin, one of the most important parts of a relationship is compromise."

"I'll work on that," he said and gave her lips another quick kiss. "As soon as I get back."

"Hurry."

"I will."

She brought him one of the assault rifles—proof of how much anxiety his proposed journey gave her; he didn't think she'd touched one of those rifles since they'd left Juneau.

He set off down the driveway, pulling the lightened wagon behind his bicycle. He was tired by the time he got to the road. His wound had made him weaker than he thought. He couldn't tell Carly, though; she'd probably make him stay in bed for a week.

He chuckled ruefully. Carly had a bossy streak he hadn't expected, but he found it adorable, knowing she did it from love. That stubborn refusal to give up had probably saved his life.

He'd been wrong. Carly was not dependent on him. She had shown she could rise to any challenge. His worst fear had nearly materialized: leaving Carly on her own to fend for herself, and she had proven she had the guts and strength of will it took to survive, even if she didn't quite realize it yet.

It was comforting to know she would be able to make it on her own if something happened to him. As he pulled his bike up to the two wrecked cars, he reflected how it almost had.

The two bodies lay where they had fallen, and a pair of buzzards picking at the woman's face gave him sullen looks before taking off to wait in a nearby tree. Justin found the body of the man at the side of the road just as Carly had said, one hole in his chest and another two in his head. He smiled slightly as he recalled the way he'd explained the need for a second shot to her.

"You've seen horror movies where they shoot the bad guy and then turn around to gasp in relief, and he stands up behind them to chase after them one last time?"She had giggled, but he was glad to see she'd taken it to heart.

The woman lay in front of the cars. Justin scooped up her crossbow from the road beside her and yanked off the quiver of arrows she wore. He tossed them into the wagon for trade goods before circling around the cars to their campsite.

A pitifully small fire had been built but had burned out before it consumed the wood. It told him all he needed to know; they were ill-equipped to survive in this new world, so the couple had turned to preying on others. He wondered if the burned-out house had belonged to one of them. It would make sense. They could have set it on fire accidentally with a candle or cooking fire and moved out here to steal from those who traveled the road.

There was a small selection of cans in a red Radio Flyer wagon and a few boxes of ammo, though no guns for it. He supposed it was possible someone had come by and already taken them, but it was more likely the crossbow had been their only weapon, and the ammo had been scavenged or stolen from another unwary traveler.

He picked up Carly's bike, put it in the wagon, and left the bodies to the buzzards. Creatures like that didn't deserve a burial. He'd seen their kind before—too many times—in Rwanda, Somalia, and Darfur; places where the ugliest side of human nature had been unleashed when law and order had fallen apart.

If he could have one wish, it would be to protect Carly from this, to ensure she never knew the staggering evil of which human beings were capable. Her sunny optimism and belief that people were fundamentally good at heart were things he loved about her... and things he feared would change in this brutal new world.

He mounted his bike and started the ride back to the house, deep in thought.

Justin returned with her bike lying in the back of the wagon and Jeanie's crossbow lying beside it. Carly had to swallow back nausea when she saw it, but she understood the wisdom of taking it. It had proven itself to be a good weapon, after all. He brought with it a quiver of arrows, each with a four-blade, razor-sharp tip. Carly shuddered when she saw them. Thank goodness the arrow had gone all the way through. She couldn't imagine having to dig that out of his body.

"I'm proud of you, Carly," Justin said. "You remembered what I told you."

Carly nodded. "That's how I found the creek, too. I remembered what you said about following the land to its lowest point."

"Smartest woman I know," he said, and she flushed a little at the pride in his voice.

"Good teacher."

Justin pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair back from her face. "You saved my life, you know. In some cultures, that means I'm bound to you for as long as I live."

She tried to smile. "That sounds fair."

He lowered his face to hers and brushed a feather-soft kiss across Carly's lips. "I love you, Carly. You own me, you know. Heart and soul."

She smiled at him through the tears glistening in her eyes. "And I belong to you, so it's an even trade."

Carly helped Justin reload the wagon, gathering up the things she had strewn over their campsite in her temper, and blushed a bit when Justin teased her about it. "I just worry about you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She wished he could promise she'd never have to find out, but it wasn't a world where that was possible.

They headed south. Justin's chosen route followed the highway, but Carly convinced him to take the small side roads instead. They'd be much less likely to run into trouble that way. She liked North Dakota's layout—very simple and straightforward—its roads and streets laid out in grids.

Their travel was slow. Justin still didn't have all of his strength back. Carly tried to get him to exchange bikes and let her pull the wagon for a while, but he flat out refused.

By lunchtime, Carly could see he was exhausted, so she complained of leg cramps until he suggested they find a good place and settle in for the night. She feigned reluctance, but agreed, trying to hide her smirk.

There was a little house, tucked back off the road in a small patch of trees. Justin went to investigate while Carly lingered at the end of the driveway. She was a bit irritated he had insisted she stay behind; she wasn't sure he was fully up to strength to face any trouble on his own. She knew he did it to spare her, in case there were bodies in the house, but it was dangerous to approach the house alone. We're a team, aren't we?

He came back around the side of the house and motioned her forward, and Carly rode her bike down the gravel driveway. They parked the bikes around back and entered the house from the back, as well. It was small, one story, and simple. In the yard behind it, a windmill turned lazily in the breeze. The house's sternly plain fa?ade was covered with white painted clapboards and its windows were plain rectangles, devoid of any ornamentation. The interior was a surprise, lovingly decorated with lush fabrics and the kind of bold color schemes on the walls she'd seen in magazines but would never be brave enough to try in her own home.

As she often did when they entered a home, she wondered about the woman who had chosen this décor. She had painted one wall of the living room a bright red, and the color was echoed in the throw pillows on the plump, padded furniture. The effect was warm and cheerful, and Carly wondered if one's environment reflected their personality. Her own home had been strictly well-ordered, with plain white walls and color constrained to items affordably switched out when the mood took her. Simple, practical, neat.

"They have a propane tank," Justin said as he came back into the living room. "The stove is hooked up to it."

Carly smiled. "Cooking on a stove? That seems downright weird after all this time."

There was a small barn out back, not much larger than a tool shed, but there was still some straw in the mow above, and Carly spread a layer on the floor for Shadowfax while Justin unloaded the things they'd need for the evening from the wagon and wheeled it inside to conceal it from any passers-by.

Shadowfax had discovered the vegetable garden behind the house and was in horse heaven by the time Carly had finished and headed back into the house. Though they always checked gardens for anything edible, after months of being untended, the vegetables were usually rotting or half-eaten by bugs and animals. Shadowfax, who was less particular than the humans feasted happily.

Sam was a little nervous at being indoors and preceded Carly into every room, sniffing intently. In the bedroom, she stopped to change the sheets, using a folded set she found in the linen cupboard. Sleeping in someone else's bed felt strange enough, but it also seemed unhygienic to trust the sheets were clean.

She went back into the kitchen and down the stairs into the basement. She shined her flashlight around and hollered up to Justin, "You're gonna want to see this!"

She heard his feet clomp on the unpainted wood steps behind her. "Holy shit," he said.

The homeowners had a huge stockpile of food. Most of it was stored in Mason jars, but there were also rows of cans on the shelf. They must have treated the basement as their pantry.

"I'm going to need a bigger wagon," Justin said and rubbed his hands together in glee. "We've got to take all of this stuff. It's too good to pass up."

"We can restack the stuff in the wagon. There's room if we move some things around."

"But how do we keep the jars from knocking together and breaking?"

"I'll make cardboard dividers for the boxes." She licked her lips as she stared at the canned tomatoes. They looked delicious in comparison to the stuff they'd been eating from tin cans. There were green beans, tomatoes, corn, beets—those could stay on the shelf as far as Carly was concerned—and a variety of fruits.

"Oh, my God, peaches!" Justin moaned. He picked up the jar and hugged it. "We're taking every single one of these."

"What's this?" Carly picked up a jar containing something light beige in color. "It looks like hamburger."

"It may be. Meats can be canned just like vegetables if you have a pressure cooker. We'll have to look for one to make sure all of this was canned properly before we eat it."

Justin took a jar of peaches upstairs with them while they searched the kitchen cabinets. "Thank God," he said when he found the pressure cooker. He sat right down at the kitchen table and opened the jar of peaches.

"You'll spoil your dinner." Carly watched with amusement as he eagerly shoveled them into his mouth.

"This is my dinner," Justin said around a mouthful of peach.

Carly tried the water and found it still worked. Justin paused in his peach inhalation to speculate that it was possibly due to the windmill outside, drawing water up from the well.

"I'm going to take a shower," Carly announced with delight. She dug in her pack, grabbed some clean clothes, and trotted into the bathroom with the lamp. There was a bottle of honeysuckle-scented body wash and a very expensive salon-brand shampoo. The water was chilly, but Carly was used to that. She sang as she washed her hair.

Then a pair of warm male hands slid around her waist.

Carly jumped and laughed softly. "You scared me!" It was a first; she'd never shared a shower with anyone. The water suddenly didn't seem so chilly with Justin's warm body behind her.

Justin kissed her shoulder and licked off some of the water droplets. "I heard you singing. You, naked and wet, was a thought more appealing than peaches." She tasted them on his lips when she turned her head to kiss him.

"Tilt your head back," he said, and when she did, he gently rinsed her hair. Carly moaned in delight as his strong fingers massaged her scalp. Every muscle in her body seemed to melt. "Done?"

"Yes." She'd normally use conditioner but she didn't want to waste the time.

"Good." He turned off the water and picked her up. Carly squealed and threw her arms around his shoulders. He walked to the bedroom, both of them dripping all over the floor, and laid her on the bed.

"We're going to make the bed all wet," she murmured between kisses. He kissed his way down the column of her throat, and she forgot what was she was saying.

"We'll sleep on the other side," Justin mumbled. He seemed to find the water droplets on her skin fascinating because he kissed and licked up every one of them until Carly was writhing and begging.

His delicious weight settled over her, and Carly put a hand to his chest. "Condom." She was surprised he had forgotten, but hid a smile. Maybe she was just so sexy, she had driven all rational thought from his mind, and the thought made her giggle.

Justin groaned, rolled out of bed, and darted for the living room, where he'd left his pack. Carly saw clothes fly by the door as he started flinging things out in his haste to find condoms. She pressed a hand to her mouth so he wouldn't hear her laugh. He bolted back into the room and made a flying leap onto the bed, landing on his elbows and knees, braced above her. The laughter vanished as she gazed up into his eyes, fiery with passion, intense with love.

He put it on and when he joined her, they both gave a soft groan, like a sigh of relief. It was fast. Neither could hold back for very long, and they both quickly came to a shuddering peak.

He gave her a small, rueful grin. "Our first quickie?"

She stretched luxuriantly, her body well sated despite the speed. "You can make it up to me later."

"It's a da—" Justin froze. He didn't even breathe.

"What's wrong?"

"It broke."

"What broke?" Carly sat up, knowing the answer before the question had left her lips. She hoped he was referring to something—anything—other than what she thought.

"The condom. It broke." Justin's face was as white and waxy as it had been after he was shot. "Oh, fuck. Fuck!"

"Justin, calm down." His panic was more alarming than the possible consequences.

"I can't calm down! It's—"

"Justin," Carly said, her voice low and firm.

He stopped and took a deep breath. He dropped his head into his hands, his fingers buried in his tousled hair. "God, Carly, I am so sorry."

"There's no reason to be sorry," she said. She didn't know why he was so frantic. Odds were she wouldn't get pregnant from one accident. Some couples had to try for years. She needed to calm him down so he could think rationally about it, and then he would see there was no need to panic yet.

"Yes, there is. I should have waited until we had backup contraception."

"It's not like you had to coax me into it." She pointed out the obvious. "I was more than willing, so it's as much my fault as yours." She put her arms around his shoulders, and he swore.

"We can fix this. We can fix this." He stood and strode out of the room, and she saw him scoop up a pair of sweatpants from the floor and practically jump into them before heading out of the back door. What on earth is he doing? Carly went into the bathroom to clean up and came back to find him standing in the bedroom with a packet of birth control pills in his hand.

"A little late for that, don't you think?" she said. She kept her voice calm and steady, though a bit of his anxiety was beginning to affect her. After all, Justin knew more about this medical stuff than she did. What if he knows something I don't? What if—

"Taking several of these is the equivalent of the morning-after pill." He had the factsheet that came with the pills and peered at it intently. He found the information he wanted and held a finger beneath it. He closed one eye and moved it closer then further away. With an exasperated growl, he handed it to her. "Please, read that part to me."

He began to pop the pills out of their little plastic bubbles before she had finished reading. "With this brand, three should do it." He glanced from the packet back to her face. "When is your period due, honey?"

She blushed a little. "About two weeks. I'm not always regular, though."

Justin closed his eyes and swore softly.

"What?"

He shook his head and gave a small, humorless laugh. "This couldn't have happened at a worse time."

"If I take the pills..."

"They're seventy-five percent effective."

Carly felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. "Oh, God." She looked at the pills in his palm and grimaced. "Justin, I get as sick as a dog taking one of those, let alone multiple pills."

"Which would you rather have: nausea or pregnancy?" His words were clipped and terse.

He was right. How could they bring a baby into this world of uncertainty? But a vision of a little boy with Justin's dark eyes flitted through her mind, and the wave of longing she felt was so intense it surprised her.

She looked up to meet Justin's eyes, which were silently begging her to take the pills. He knew the risk, the danger, the uncertainty. Still, her heart ached a little, even as she nodded.

She held out her hand, and he dropped the pills into her palm.

"Carly?"

"Mmph."

"Carly?"

She groaned. "What?"

"Get up, honey. It's time to go."

Carly sat up slowly. Her hair hung in her face but she didn't have the energy to push it away. She was miserable. Justin had fried some eggs for breakfast and the whole house reeked of it. She couldn't even take a deep breath to try to calm her stomach. Everything stank. The bed stank of the fabric softener used on the sheets. Her clothes smelled awful. When Sam bounded up to her for his morning petting, she gagged from his stench of dog and the sharp scent of outside air that clung to his fur.

"Can you eat anything?" Justin asked.

Carly shook her head.

"It might help. Some crackers, perhaps? I found an unopened box in the cabinet."

She shook her head again.

"Oatmeal?"

"Justin, please. Just stop with the food talk, please?"

He was worried. She could see it in his eyes. Carly couldn't look at him too long, or it made her all teary. Yesterday, when they were packing the jars into boxes, she had dropped and broken one of them and burst into sobs, as if her heart were breaking. She was embarrassed about it even as she wept, which made it worse.

They'd stayed for three days; after the second dose of pills, Carly started vomiting and couldn't keep anything down, even water. She'd slept as much as possible and stayed in the bedroom, rather than inflict her miserable, grumpy, weepy presence on Justin, but he came in to be with her. The scent of peaches on his breath made her gag.

The poor man tried. Justin tried coaxing her to eat bland, mild foods to soothe her queasy stomach, and when that didn't work, he tried to get her to drink one of the meal replacement shakes. She'd never noticed how horrible they smelled.

Emotionally, she blamed Justin for her predicament. Though her mind knew it wasn't his fault, her emotions didn't care what her brain thought. And so poor Justin bore the brunt of her outbursts. Carly had to give the man credit; he had incredible patience. He never once retorted with a sharp word or rolled his eyes when she burst into tears.

She'd helped him re-pack the wagon, using every inch of space as efficiently as possible. "It's like Tetris," Justin had said, and then he laughed when she asked what Tetris was. "Generation gap." He'd chuckled, and then she'd cried because she thought he was bothered by how much younger she was.

"Just ignore me," Carly said between sobs when he stopped and pulled her into a hug. "I'm being stupid, I know."

"You can't help it. All of those hormones are messing with you."

"I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry, Carly." He put a finger under her chin and lifted her face. "I still love you, you know?"

That made her cry again. I don't deserve such a sweet man. The practical side of her said if he still loved her after seeing her at her worst, she was a lucky woman. She pressed a hand over her stomach. "How long... How long before we know?"

"A week." Justin shoved another box into the wagon. "We'll get a test and see if..."

"Justin, what if I am?" Carly's voice was a hoarse whisper.

"Then we'll deal with it." He was staring off into space, his jaw set. She could tell he was trying to remain calm for her sake, but his posture was tense, and she could see the white-knuckled clench of his fist.

"What do you mean? Deal with it how?" It wasn't like they had a lot of options.

He sighed and sat down on the end of the wagon bed. "Carly, listen, if it happens, we'll have some decisions to make. You will have some decisions to make—it's your body. And I'll be here no matter what you decide. But let's not borrow trouble, all right? Don't worry now. We don't know yet, and there's no sense in fretting over the unknown."

"But if I am, will the pills I took hurt it?" Michelle had told her it was dangerous for a pregnant woman to take even something as ordinary as aspirin. Her thoughts were a conflicting jumble. The idea of being pregnant scared her, but if she was, she didn't want to harm the baby she carried.

Justin shook his head. "Please, Carly. Just don't worry about it right now, okay? Let's worry about getting as far south as we can before we have to hole up for the winter. We can't change anything right now."

How was she supposed to put it out of her mind? It was impossible not to worry about it. The thought occupied her mind as they set off on their bikes. She was still queasy, but a little better as the day wore on. Maybe the hormones were finally fading out of her system.

Carly forced herself to eat a small lunch when they stopped, a handful of saltine crackers smeared with peanut butter. Justin made them one by one and handed them to her until she could take no more. He was such a sweet man. She never would have imagined him like this when she was peering at him from her apartment window, back when he was the Biker Guy, and his size and tattoos frightened her.

But the nausea never fully left her. Four days later, Carly leapt off her bike and ran over to the ditch, where her breakfast abandoned ship.

Justin was behind her with a bottle of water. She rinsed her mouth and took a cautious sip. Back up it came, and she ended up retching helplessly, the dry heaves worse than vomiting.

"Should I still be so sick?" she asked him. Justin shook his head. His jaw was tight.

"Maybe I just have the stomach flu. Or maybe I ate something bad from one of those jars." She knew she was grasping at straws, but she wasn't ready to accept the other possibility.

"Maybe," he said, but she could tell he didn't believe it.

Over the next few days, Carly's anxiety grew. It wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. She was the queasiest in the mornings, but it lingered all day. She slowly started accepting what she feared was almost inevitable.

She thought of a nature documentary on birds she'd once watched. The birds flew in huge flocks; a complicated, roiling cloud that tumbled through the air. The narrator said it was protection from predators as it made it almost impossible for a predator to target one bird. That's how her mind seemed; a whirling riot of thoughts and she couldn't grasp onto any one.

I think I am. What will we do?And always after this thought, she would see the image in her mind of the little boy with Justin's eyes or a little girl with dark hair and her father's smile.

She knew what the pregnancy test would show even before they looked at the lines on the test stick.

Pregnant.

She was pregnant.

Carly had to sit down. Her head swam.

Pregnant. Oh, God.

Justin was also still staring at the stick. He looked up at her with naked fear in his eyes. "Carly."

Her eyes filled with tears. "What are we going to do?"

"That's the decision you'll have to make." His face was carefully blank.

"What? It's not like I can pop down to the local abortion clinic."

Justin winced at the word. "There are alternatives."

"That pill," she said. "It was all over the news. I remember." Numbness made her words sound distant even to her own ears.

He nodded over at the pharmacy where they'd gotten the test.

"I—I..." Carly couldn't speak. Couldn't think. She gazed at him helplessly.

Justin pulled her into his arms. "Shh. Shh."

A sob tore its way from her throat, despite her best efforts to hold it back. "What do you want to do?"

"It's not my decision." She looked up and saw his face was still blank; a look he assumed when he didn't want her to know what he was thinking.

"Yes, it is," Carly said insistently. "It's both of us, Justin. Your opinion is just as important as mine. I need you to talk to me now because I don't know what to do. I'm scared. And I'm confused. And I just don't know what to do."

He kissed the top of her head and walked back into the pharmacy. He came back out, holding a paper packet of pills. She opened it. The pills were there, as well as the instructions. She looked up at him. "Is this your answer?"

"No. It's one of the options."

Carly closed the packet and put it into her back pocket. "Justin, I need you to help me with this."

He groaned and thrust his hands into his hair. "Carly, what do you want me to say? What I feel or what I think is the practical thing to do? You and I have already discussed what bringing a child into this world would be like."

She nodded. So many dangers, so much uncertainty. A world where life was once again nasty, brutish, and short; a lawless, uncivilized world where the strong preyed upon the weak.

"We won't be able to get proper medical care for you or for the baby. You could... you both could die. And I'm terrified of the possibility." For a moment, his emotionless fa?ade dropped, and she saw raw fear in his eyes. He dropped his hands and put them on her shoulders. "Despite all of that, it's your decision. If you want to have this baby, I'll do everything in my power to keep the both of you safe. To get you what you need."

She licked her lips. "I want to know—I want to know what you're feeling. I already know the practical side. Tell me what your heart says."

In his eyes she saw the same sadness and longing she felt. "Emotionally, I want to have this baby. I'm thrilled. I've never thought I'd make much of a father, but you would be the world's best mother. I couldn't ask for a better person to share the upbringing of a child. And I'm picturing a beautiful little girl who looks just like you, or a little boy who has my eyes, and, I hope to God, your nose."

Carly gave him a watery smile, touched that he shared her vision of the dark-eyed little boy and that he also felt the pang of longing. It made her feel better to know Justin felt the same way; if their circumstances had been different, they would both be able to greet this new life with joy and love.

"It makes my heart want to sing, but then the practicality steps in. And it tells me it's morally wrong to bring a child into this world." Justin tilted up Carly's face until their eyes met.

She blinked back tears. "If everyone thought that way, our species would die out."

"Maybe it was supposed to."

Those words fell like a brick into the silence between them. Carly knew Justin didn't think much of mankind as a whole, probably because he'd seen the worst of humanity when he was in the service. And among a few of the people they had encountered during their travels, for that matter. But to have no hope, no dreams for a better future, was something Carly couldn't really comprehend.

She swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. "How long do I have to decide?"

"Two months. But it would be much better, Carly, if you decided as soon as possible. It would be easier on you."

"Easier emotionally or physically?"

"Both." Their eyes met and held for a long moment.

"I don't know what to do."

"Think on it," Justin said. He put an arm around her shoulders and tucked her against his side. "This isn't an easy decision, Carly. It never is."

"What if this was meant to happen?"

He took a deep breath but said nothing.

"I know you're not really a believer, but there could be a reason, you know. A reason why the pills didn't work."

"If that's true, go ahead and down the pills in your pocket," Justin said, and his tone was a little sharp. "If it's meant to be, those won't work either, right?"

Carly looked away.

"I'm sorry." When Carly didn't look at him, he gently reached out and nudged her chin toward him, waiting until she met his eyes before he continued. "Really. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to mock your... Do you want to call it faith?"

"I don't know what I want to call it," Carly replied, wiping away the tears that were dripping onto her cheeks, despite her best intentions not to start crying. Again. She must have cried buckets over the last two weeks. "It's just a question circling in my mind. I told you about it before. It's this strange feeling I have, which lingers at the edges of my thoughts. I told you before I wondered if you were supposed to find me, and maybe there was a reason for it. Maybe we're headed for something. Somewhere we're supposed to go. Something we're supposed to do."

"Or maybe we're just wandering around the back of beyond, and we're like a puddle marveling that the pothole was perfectly shaped to hold its water." Justin softened the words with a small smile, but Carly still found them bleak. She didn't reply.

"Come on, honey." Justin stood and offered her a hand to help her to her feet. "Let's go pick a house on the outskirts of town, preferably some place with a garden so Shadowfax can get even fatter."

Carly gave him a faint smile. "You'd think with all the exercise she's getting, she wouldn't gain any weight."

"I'm beginning to think she's part pig." They walked over to their bicycles and set off down the empty street.

The house they chose was a beautiful old Victorian, which had been lovingly restored by the owners. Carly wandered through it while Justin got their things from the wagon. Upstairs, she paused in a doorway, and that's where Justin found her, staring into the nursery.

Carly could hear thumps and bangs from outside where Justin was reloading the wagon after moving some of their things around to make room for the supplies they'd found in the house. She knew if she walked over to the window, she'd be able to see him out there with Sam and Shadowfax, and he might look up at the window and smile at her as he had done when she was hiding in her apartment. But Carly hadn't made it as far as the window. When she entered the nursery, she had stopped at the rocking chair and settled into it, staring at the crib.

The room had the air of expectation, not occupation; a place prepared but never used. The baby for whom it had been arranged hadn't slept in the bassinet, or played with the pastel, stuffed animals smiling in the corner of the crib. The tiny outfits in the basket on the changing table had never been worn.

Around the top of the wall, Disney cartoon animals had been painted with more enthusiasm than skill. Carly imagined the expectant mother and father working together to decorate this room, revealing their excitement and hope in every detail. And then she saw herself and Justin as the couple. Justin put down the paint brush and placed his hands beside hers to feel the baby kick within her rounded belly, and they exchanged smiles of delight.

Carly closed her eyes, and the tears that had gathered fell. She pressed a hand over her still-flat abdomen.

Is the fate of humanity to be a world of empty nurseries? Is this the end for all of us?She suddenly realized she hadn't seen a baby or child since the Crisis, except for the child in the fishing cabin. All of the travelers they'd encountered had been adults.

A wave of despair threatened to engulf her. Carly sobbed, and it sounded horribly loud in the quiet, cheerful little room. Resolutely, she pushed it back. She couldn't believe it was the end. She refused to believe it.

The vague musings about fate and destiny that had occupied her thoughts sporadically over the last few months came together, and she saw them as an unbroken chain leading her to what was meant to be. There was a reason for this. If mankind had been meant to go extinct, there wouldn't be any of them left, and she wouldn't be carrying a baby. She didn't know whether to call it God or destiny, but there was some force in the universe that had brought Carly and Justin to this point.

She thought of the pills she had tucked away in her bag, and the pain was like a hot knife blade in her heart. She knew then she couldn't do it. Despite all the perils they faced and the uncertain future, she wanted this baby. She already loved him or her, this tiny, precious life, this part of herself and Justin. She saw that vision in her mind again, of the dark-eyed little boy, but the thought was no longer painful. It made her happy. She thought once he got over his worry, Justin would be happy, too.

This wasn't the end. It was the beginning. It wasn't going to be easy, and the road they traveled was fraught with danger, but she had to have faith. Whatever had brought them to this point would see them through whatever challenges lay ahead in order to fulfill their destiny.

"Carly?"

Justin found her in the nursery, and a dart of alarm struck him when he saw the tears on her cheeks. But she smiled at him, and her eyes were bright.

"I think you're wrong," she said. "I don't think humans were supposed to die out during the Infection. And I think those of us who survived have a duty to protect the next generation. We're starting over, Justin. We're rebuilding the world. And this time, we're going to make it even better."

Justin saw it in his mind, his fate written as clear as day. Carly would have a little girl with her beautiful eyes and caramel hair, and she would only have to smile to wrap her father around her little finger. And Justin would go crazy when she started dating. No man would ever be good enough for her, especially guys like him. Or the child would be a boy, with dark eyes that sparkled with mischief, and he'd give his father heart attacks with the adventures he would get into. But just like the little girl in his vision, all his son would have to do is give that wicked little grin and he would get away with anything.

Doomed, he thought, but it made him smile.

Justin went over to her and knelt down by the rocking chair. "I'm not trying to talk you out of it, but I want to make sure you understand all of the risks."

Carly nodded. "I had girlfriends who'd had kids. I know a lot about it, and I saw some of the things they went through that modern medicine could fix, but if it happened to me... Yes, Justin, I know what I'm facing and what could happen, but I truly believe this is what we're supposed to do." She took one of his hands in hers. "And I know what you're facing, too. This can't be easy for you."

She had no idea. The thought of losing her sent Justin into a blind panic. But he forced himself to remain calm. Carly was young and healthy. Statistically speaking, even without modern medicine, her chances were good. He would just have to keep repeating that to himself. But she was so small, and she'd lost way too much weight over the past few weeks. The thought cheered him a little. Here was a problem he could solve. He'd find a way to fatten her up. His mind started racing, and he thought about french fries, chocolate, and all of her favorites he could somehow find for her.

"Justin, are you at least a little bit happy?" she asked with a timorous little smile.

"Oh, Carly, honey." He squeezed her hand. "Yes, I'm happy." And he was. The idea of a baby to love, to raise and protect, a part of himself and Carly, delighted him. His practicality nagged but couldn't gain a foothold in his mind. He would think of the problems and fears later. For the moment, he wanted to concentrate on the woman he loved and the tiny life within her.

They were both uncharacteristically quiet as they traveled. They were both occupied with thoughts of the baby, as Justin revealed when he would suddenly mention something they needed to get for her or the baby. Carly was vacillating between excitement, worry, happiness, and fear. She wasn't as confident in her maternal nature as Justin was. She needed to get some books—books on pregnancy and how to care for a baby. Maybe she could even find a book on pediatric medicine somewhere. Justin had training in adult medicine, but he probably wouldn't know how to treat a sick baby.

Carly didn't feel very well, but she tried to conceal it from Justin as much as possible. She didn't know if it was the residual hormones from the pills causing it or the pregnancy. Morning sickness isn't supposed to last all day, is it?

For lunch, Justin made her some rice with powdered milk and sugar, something he said was supposed to be inoffensive to the stomach, but Carly could only force down a couple of bites. She tried, God help her, she tried. She knew Justin was worried she wasn't eating enough, but she just couldn't do it. It smelled like powdered milk, a stink that made Carly nauseous most times, let alone while pregnant. He offered to remake it using canned milk, but Carly didn't think it would be any better.

"Is there anything you want?" he asked. "Anything that sounds good at all? Aren't pregnant women supposed to crave things?"

Carly thought hard, going through every food she could think of, and then found one she thought she could keep down. "I want a baked potato."

After that, Justin was a man on a mission. He stopped at every house they passed and searched gardens for potato vines. Shadowfax thought he was finding gardens for her to plunder and was just about as happy as a horse could be. He found some potatoes that evening, and they set up their camp right beside the garden. Justin dug up the whole bed of them, stacking them on one of the tarps. Shadowfax headed over to nibble on the pile and was crushed to discover he wasn't unearthing them for her. She consoled herself with cabbage.

Justin washed the potatoes carefully, and then stored the extras inside a pillowcase. He wrapped a few in tinfoil and put them in the embers at the edge of the fire to bake. Carly dozed off while he was working on setting up the camp, and she woke with a guilty start when he said her name softly. He held one of the plates out to her, and there was a big, fluffy baked potato on it. "I didn't know if you wanted butter," he said.

The powdered butter was a bit more palatable than the powdered milk, but Carly declined. She took an experimental bite, and her stomach considered the matter. Success! She ate the potato with a sense of relief. Finally, they'd found something her stomach didn't object to outright. Justin looked relieved as well and offered her a second. Carly declined that, deciding not to push her luck.

She scraped up the last bite and laid her fork on her empty plate. "Justin?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you think the baby will be immune to the Infection?" Faith wasn't easy, she reflected. Though she believed everything would work out as it should, thoughts like those still niggled at the edges of her mind.

It was a moment before he answered. "I believe so. If we're carriers, as I suspect, the baby has already been exposed to the virus. If we're not, it's possible we passed down some genetic resistance since we're both immune. And the baby will get antibodies from your breast milk."

She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

He took her plate to wash, and Carly dozed off in her chair. She woke when Justin picked her up to carry her into the tent.

"Mmm, I like this."

Justin smiled down at her. "Being carried?"

"Yes, like a heroine in a romance novel. Are you carrying me off to your bed to ravish me?"

"You're feeling well enough to be ravished?" Justin asked with a faintly surprised lift of his brow.

He laid her on the sleeping bag and stretched out beside her. He'd taken his T-shirt off at some point during the evening, and Carly traced her fingertip over his tattoos. "I think I could be convinced. And a thought has occurred to me..."

"What's that?"

"No need for condoms. I can't get more pregnant."

A slow grin blossomed on Justin's face and he pounced.

Justin was looking for something. Carly could see it in his eyes as he studied every farmhouse they passed. They would stop, he would look around, and then they would continue down the road while he muttered under his breath. Carly wasn't in the mood to interrogate him. She was tired; she was tired all the time. She knew it was a phase; her friend Michelle had experienced the same exhaustion early in her pregnancy.

What made things worse was Justin had found another pharmacy and brought back a big pharmacist's supply bottle of prenatal vitamins, which Carly was certain had been designed solely to torment pregnant women. She took them at night, as was recommended to keep down the side effects, but in the morning, the metallic nausea made her curse the pill makers.

On the third day of Justin's mysterious search, they came upon a brick farmhouse. It was a simple, rectangular building with flat sandstone sills at the top and bottom of the windows and an unadorned facade. A porch had been built onto the front and side of the house, relieving some of the stark look with jigsaw decoration in the woodwork. Each end had a chimney poking out of the roof, almost as if the house had horns, Carly thought. On the back there was a clapboard addition. On the far side of the yard stood a small, red painted barn, and a windmill turned in the backyard.

Justin's eyes had sharpened when he saw the house, and he brought Carly up onto the little porch on the addition and laid one of the sleeping bags and a pillow on the swing for her. It was a lovely place to nap. Sam lay down on the porch floor beside her, dozing, but still alert to every sound.

There was an apple tree in the front yard where Shadowfax parked herself, chomping the fallen apples with apparent delight. Sam trotted over to see what was so delicious and returned disappointed. Carly smiled as he lay down with a "Hmph!" and she drifted off to sleep.

Justin couldn't believe his luck. The house was ideal. Had he been asked to design the perfect winter home, he couldn't have come up with anything better. He cast a glance up at the sky and fleetingly wondered if there might be something to Carly's belief in fate after all.

The house had a simple four-up/four-down floor plan with a hallway and staircase set in the middle. The walls were a foot thick, brick covered with plaster. Justin entered through the backdoor into the kitchen. Wood cabinets, dark with age, lined the walls. The floors were bare wood—wide boards battered and scuffed by a century of wear. They creaked as Justin made his way through the room, something he would have to fix. His instinct for stealth, honed by his time in The Unit, made a squeaky floor unbearable.

An old-fashioned cast-iron stove sat in front of a brick fireplace, the only stove in the kitchen, which meant it had actually been what the residents used for cooking. The top had round plates that could be lifted with a detachable handle, and he peered inside to see wood ash on the grate. He grinned to himself. Carly was going to love this. She thought cooking on a modern stove was difficult enough, never mind a stove where the only way to control temperature was to close the damper or add more wood.

He turned on the tap and water poured out into the sink. He saw no sign that electricity had ever been installed in the house. He didn't know if there were any Amish in North Dakota, but the residents of this house had lived as simply.

He passed from there into the dining room, which had an unvarnished oak table, pale with age, with a bench along each side for seating. A sideboard stood along one wall, and in the corner was a triangular cabinet with punched tin door panels.

The living room across the hall had a small grouping of four armchairs around a central table and one beneath the window. There were no family photographs or trophies—none of the little souvenirs of life a family home acquired. The mantle over the fireplace was empty save for a set of matching vases that adorned both ends. It was as impersonal as a hotel room, which Justin saw as a benefit. Carly wouldn't be as uncomfortable living in a place that had little evidence of the previous owner's personality.

Behind the living room was a small bathroom that appeared to have been installed in the 1920s or 1930s. It still had one of those toilets with the high, suspended tank that flushed by pulling a chain. He flushed it and was pleased to hear the tank refill. There was only a tub, no shower; he'd have to fix that for Carly.

Beside it was a bedroom. Judging from the home medical supplies, the occupant had been elderly or had a chronic illness. The body lay in the bed, wizened and nearly mummified. Justin went back to the kitchen door and peeked at Carly to ensure she was asleep before he bundled the body in the bedding and carried it from the house.

There was a small, fenced-in pasture beside the house with a creek bordering it, lined with trees. Justin carried his burden there, after a quick stop at the barn to grab a shovel. He dug quickly and lowered the body into the hole before replacing the soil. He turned to walk away, and a thought flitted through his mind of how Carly would react if she knew. He never intended to tell her, of course, but her way of thinking was influencing him more than he realized until moments like these. He laid the shovel down and went in search of what he needed: two straight limbs he fashioned into a cross using a strip of cloth ripped from his T-shirt.

Justin started to walk away again and paused. He felt like he ought to say something, even though part of him laughed at himself for such sentimentality. Carly's influence again, he was sure of it.

"Requiescat in pace," he murmured. "I... uh... Thanks. For your house, I mean. Carly's going to love it. We'll take care of it, I promise." Feeling a little foolish but oddly relieved, Justin propped the shovel against his shoulder and headed back up to the house.

"Carly?"

"Mmph."

"Carly, honey, wake up."

She sat up woozily. "Are we leaving?"

"No, I think we're staying, as long as you're happy with it."

"Happy with what?"

"The house. If you like it, we'll stay here."

"Oh." She blinked. "I thought you wanted to keep going until we were out of North Dakota."

Justin smiled faintly. "Plans have changed."

He helped her to her feet and held onto her because every so often she grew dizzy after lying down for a while.

He led her through the house. To Carly, it looked like the set of a movie or a museum, not a home, but he was enthusiastic about its features. The stove in the kitchen and the working fireplaces should keep the house warm. Carly saw no evidence of another heating source—no vents or radiators. None of the windows had an air conditioner, either, but the cross breeze between them seemed like it would be enough to keep the house cool.

"Did you open the windows?" Carly asked.

"Yes. It was hot and stuffy in here. I let it air out a bit before I woke you." Justin said this with a nonchalant shrug. Too nonchalant.

Carly reached for the doorknob to the last room, and Justin caught her hand. "Let's leave that one for a bit, okay?"

Carly dropped her eyes. She didn't want to know the answer if it was related to the open windows. That was something she'd rather not ever know.

Justin took her upstairs and showed her the two bedrooms with charming canopy beds. Each had a fireplace. One of the rooms was set up as an office, with papers stacked neatly in trays and all of the pens in their wooden cup. Carly opened the door across the hall and found a child's play room. In the center of the room was a large and convoluted racetrack for toy cars. The cars were still scattered on the carpet where the child had dropped them. In the sunshine streaming in through the windows, Carly could see dust had gathered on the track. She looked away and noticed the wood letters that read "Jeremy" mounted on the wall in a whimsical arc, clumsily painted and adorned with stickers. Tears stung her eyes, and she backed out of the room.

"I'm sorry," Justin said. "I shouldn't have—"

"It's okay. I'm sorry I'm so emotional. It's silly."

"You're not silly." Justin hugged her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "It's just a playroom. He didn't live here."

"That's good." Carly looked down at the runner rug covering the hallway's wood floor. It was powder blue with little pink roses. She tried not to think of what might have happened to the little boy who'd owned these toys or why the cars had never been put away. She decided they wouldn't use this room. Moving those things seemed like a violation of a shrine—the only memorial that little boy might ever have.

"What do you think, Carly?"

"It's a good house."

"Do you think you could live here for a while?"

He looked so hopeful and concerned that she had to smile. "Yes, Justin, I think I could live here."

He smiled in relief. "Good. I'll start bringing in our stuff. Pick one of the bedrooms for us."

Carly picked the one on the left side of the house, above the kitchen, which Justin told her later was a good choice; it would be warmer from the heat of the stove in the kitchen below. Carly was secretly delighted when he said so, as she always was when he praised her decisions, and pretended that had been her reasoning all along. She put their clean clothes away in the drawers. Either this had been a guest bedroom or Justin had already cleaned out the belongings of the previous residents.

She went downstairs afterward and found Justin busy storing their food in the cabinets. There was already a good bit inside, and Carly's organized nature was offended by the jumble of cans and jars and horrified at watching Justin stuff the cans inside wherever he could find a spot.

"If you swell with any more indignation, you're going to pop." He chuckled and put the cans he was holding down onto the counter below. "How about if I just bring these inside for you and let you decide where they belong?"

Carly blushed a little and laughed at herself. "Maybe that would be best." And she began organizing, from left to right, rearranging the cans in alphabetical order. The Mason jars went in the last cabinet, organized according to contents, vegetables on top and fruits on the bottom, both in alphabetical order. It was a relaxing and enjoyable chore. She sang while she worked, a sound that made Justin smile while he unloaded the wagon of all of their supplies.

"Something I forgot to show you," he said when he came back inside with the last load of canned goods. He went over by the stove and pulled a ring set into the floor. A door swung open to reveal a dark staircase below.

"A cellar!"

"Not really. Not large enough for storage."

"What's it for, then?"

"Storms. We're in Tornado Alley, though they're not as common up here as they are in the central states."

Carly flinched. "Oh, God, Justin, there won't be any sirens or weather alerts."

"It's okay," Justin said with a reassuring smile. "There's a barometer out on the addition."

Carly shook her head. "What good will that do, especially in the middle of the night?"

"Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on it during dangerous weather."

God, another thing to worry about.

"I'm storing the meds down here," Justin told her. "It's the best place for them—cool and dark, with a steady temperature." He gave her a little smile. "I'm storing them by grouping, so please don't go down there and alphabetize them."

She knew he did that since his dyslexia made the labels difficult to read, and she'd never re-sort the boxes because of it, but Carly grinned at him. "I make no promises."

They'd left the back door ajar for Sam, and he pushed his way inside. He had something dangling from his mouth. Lunch, most likely, Carly thought as he dropped it at her feet. But the creature was still moving, and it let out a plaintive little Mrow!

It was a kitten. A little ginger ball of fluff with blue eyes, bedraggled from wolf slobber and painfully thin. Carly picked it up and cooed at it. The poor baby was trembling, but what cat wouldn't be after being clasped in the teeth of a wolf? She peeked beneath the kitten to see if it was a boy or girl.

"Sam, where did you find her?" Carly asked as if Sam would answer. He sat, his eyes hopeful, his tail swishing back and forth across the floor.

Justin sighed. "I guess we've got a cat now, too." He sounded a little glum at the prospect, and Carly cast him a reproving look.

"Poor baby is starving! Justin, would you get me a packet of tuna?" He did, and Carly tore it open. She stood the cat on one of the counters and fed the tuna to her bit by bit, slowly, as not to upset her stomach or overfeed her. Justin came back in a few minutes with a plastic tray he'd filled with sand he got from the banks of the nearby creek. He laid it down on the floor by the stove with a sigh. "What's her name?" he asked Carly in a resigned tone. "Frodo? Arwyn?"

"Tigger," Carly responded, and Justin burst into laughter.

"From Lord of the Rings to Winnie the Pooh? Is this the baby's influence?"

Carly grinned at him. She put the kitten on the floor and was surprised when she trotted over to Sam and rubbed her cheek against his leg. He lay down, and the kitten curled up beside him.

"I'll be damned," Justin said with a shake of his head, and went back to transporting the medicines down into the cellar.

From the outset, Tigger was Sam's cat. She followed him everywhere, and Sam showed remarkable patience toward her. He never snapped or growled when Tigger attacked his tail or climbed all over him. It was Sam who taught her to hunt, though Carly sincerely wished he'd skipped those lessons when Tigger began to bring back "presents" of half-eaten mice and moles. Carly always acted as though she was thrilled with them, though, and even pretended to eat them to spare the cat's feelings, which Justin found hilarious.

Justin was gone a lot during the day over the first few weeks in their new home. He was scouting the countryside for supplies and any potential threats. There was no one in the nearby homes, and he stripped them of both food and firewood. The latter he stacked on the porches around their house as he collected it.

He had found a harness for Shadowfax, and she willingly pulled a large wagon for him when he went on these collecting missions. Justin had fitted out the barn for her, covering the floor with a thick, comfortable layer of straw and stacking the bales of hay he'd brought back so she could eat in the winter. There were also bags of feed, for variety's sake; Shadowfax would be snug and warm during the winter.

Carly was worried about Shadowfax, for she seemed to get fatter every day. Her belly had an odd bulge that didn't seem natural, and Carly started to wonder if she had picked up a horse disease or worms during their journey. Other than the huge, swollen belly, she seemed to be healthy and happy, so Carly didn't think it was colic. She didn't seem fevered from what Carly could tell—she couldn't get Shadowfax to leave the thermometer in her mouth long enough to be sure—and she showed no signs of distress. The book on horses Carly had gotten from the library didn't contain a reference to symptoms of horse illnesses, so she spent hours looking over the various ailments listed under the Diseases section, trying to find one which just made the belly swell up. But the book seemed designed for people who already understood about caring for horses, and Carly was at a loss. She asked Justin to get some de-wormer for all of their animals if he found a veterinarian's office.

He didn't say anything, but she could tell he was worried about Shadowfax, too. At some point, their little menagerie had ceased to be just Carly's animals and became Justin's, as well.

Justin woke before dawn and dressed quietly. He went around to Carly's side of the bed and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'm heading out, honey."

"Mmph," she replied and burrowed down into her pillow. He tucked the blanket up around her neck and tiptoed from the room. He felt a little guilty for leaving while she was still asleep, but he thought it would be easier on her. She worried about him when he traveled around the countryside; if she'd known where he was heading today, she would have begged him not to go and he would feel awful for refusing her. So, he was cutting the Gordian knot by sneaking out like a coward. Sam hopped off the foot of the bed and followed Justin downstairs, wagging his tail.

Justin opened the front door to let Sam outside and began to arm himself from the cache in the hall closet. In the back of his mind, he heard Lewis's voice dispensing advice on firearms: Take as many guns as you think you need, then double it. He put a handgun holster on each hip, his knife in the back of his belt, and loaded extra clips into a backpack.

Sam butted the door open with his head. He looked up at Justin questioningly and gave a wag of his tail.

"No, buddy, stay here and guard Carly," Justin said. As if Sam had understood what he said, he headed for the stairs. "Don't wake her up!"

Justin closed the door behind him and headed for the barn. Shadowfax gave one of her snorting rumbles when she saw Justin and ambled over to him. He spoke to her softly for a few moments before he began to harness her to the wagon. He kept returning his gaze to her bulging sides. He wished he knew what was wrong with her.

Despite the amount of exercise she got every day, she continued to swell. Justin had little experience with horses, except what he'd picked up in the Middle East, where some of the people still used them as daily transportation. He theorized she had a blockage of some type in her digestive system. It frustrated him to be so powerless to help her. The bulging stomach didn't seem to bother her, and she seemed otherwise healthy, so he hoped it was something from which she could recover on her own—and not only for Carly's sake.

Shadowfax and Sam were the first animals he had let into his heart since Winston died, and as much as his practical side might urge him to protect himself, there was no way he could keep his emotions disengaged.

He and Shadowfax started out down the road just as the sun broke over the horizon. He expected to reach town by about noon, and his estimate was not far off. He watched Shadowfax carefully for any signs of nervousness as they approached the small town, but she seemed relaxed.

The streets were silent except for the chirping of birds from the nearby trees and the skitter of a few fallen leaves across the pavement. Justin kept a watchful eye on the windows of the buildings they passed, searching for signs of movement or the flash of gunmetal in the folds of a curtain. He listened carefully for any interruption to the chatter of the birds in the trees, which, experience had taught him, was an excellent indicator of danger.

Weeds were growing up through the cracks in the pavement, and many of the buildings were already showing neglect; some were missing shingles, and others had broken windows. Nature took over quickly without maintenance. Many doors had been forced open and hung ajar like gaping mouths.

Justin stopped the wagon in front of a grocery store and unharnessed Shadowfax; he didn't want to leave her vulnerable. The horse tossed her head and butted his shoulder with her nose before ambling over to check out the selection of vegetation at the side of the parking lot.

The glass door in the front of the store had been broken. Justin pushed it open and crept inside. The lack of debris on the floor among the shards of glass told him the window had been broken recently, and though his instincts and senses told him he was alone inside, he remained cautious.

He clicked on his flashlight and swept the beam across the room. The shelves were mostly bare. There wasn't even enough to fill his backpack, but he carried it outside and loaded it into the wagon before heading to the baby aisle.

It gave him pause to see the shelves of diapers untouched.

Justin didn't know if Carly had noticed the lack of babies and children, and he certainly didn't want to bring it up. He didn't like to think of it or speculate as to the reasons why. If he was wrong about the baby being exposed to the Infection while in the womb, they could be facing the grief of losing their child after it was born. The idea terrified him. Already, he could feel a bond of love forming between himself and the baby, and the bond grew stronger every day.

He had tried to hold his heart in check and had tried to caution Carly to do the same with his warnings of the things that could go wrong. But she couldn't hold back any more than he could. A few centuries ago, parents could expect to lose half of their children before adulthood, but Justin imagined they hadn't been any more successful at "protecting" their hearts from the grief of loss, as much as they expected it.

He carried out armloads of diapers to the wagon. He had no idea how many diapers a baby used on a daily basis, so he took every package plus all the baby wipes. He remembered Carly furtively trying to clean up with them when they were on the road and she wasn't able to bathe; it made him chuckle. He'd known the lack of hot showers would be hard on her the moment he had seen how stringently clean she kept that little apartment of hers.

He saw a package of pacifiers and plucked them from the rack. He frowned at the package, a vague memory tugging at the edges of his mind, something about pacifiers not being good for babies, but he couldn't remember. He tossed them into his bag, just in case. Carly could always throw them out if she didn't want their baby to use them, he reasoned. It was better to have them and not need them than vice versa.

There weren't many jars of baby food left, likely taken by adults when they couldn't find anything else, which further confirmed his suspicion the town had been picked clean of food. But there were some cans of baby formula and containers of powdered mix. Carly intended to breastfeed, but Justin knew there was a possibility it might not work, and there was no lactation consultant she could go to for advice. He took a selection of baby bottles and differently shaped nipples, an item which interested him as he'd never known there was any variation or that babies might prefer one type to another.

He was then faced with the bewildering array of baby medicines and toiletries. There were creams for diaper rash, baby washes and shampoos, and teething medication. He picked up a box of the latter and flipped it over to read the back, hoping it might indicate at what age babies began to grow teeth. The words danced across the box, and he blinked hard to try to force them back into place.

He gave up with a sigh of frustration and turned the package over again. The baby pictured on the front was sitting up, and he knew they couldn't do that right away, but other than that, he had no way of estimating the baby's age. He knew less about babies than he did about horses.

He added the package to his backpack—just in case—along with a bright yellow rubber duck he found on the shelf below. It made him smile. Every kid should have a rubber duckie, he thought. He'd never had anything like that as a kid, but he was sure he would have loved it.

At the front of the store, Justin vaulted over the Customer Service Desk and searched around on the shelves below until he found a phone book. He flipped through the pages and cursed himself for not thinking to bring along his plastic filter. The tiny words were scrambled all over the page, but he managed to glean enough information to know where he needed to go after consulting the map in the front of the book.

There wasn't a pediatrician's office in town, but there was a small clinic. Justin went out to the wagon and whistled for Shadowfax, who trotted over to him, still chewing on a bunch of flowers she had ripped up, stems and all. He harnessed her and steered the wagon through the silent streets.

Even the houses on the side avenues had been looted. It surprised him. Though the town was at an intersection of two major highways, he hadn't expected so many travelers to pass through. So far, the houses he had found out in the rural area around their new home had provided a bounty of canned goods, but he didn't doubt travelers would begin fanning out once they couldn't find anything in the city.

He stopped the wagon in front of the clinic but didn't unharness Shadowfax. He didn't expect to be inside for very long. It was likely the place would be looted to the bare walls. Justin hoped there might be some sort of reference texts inside. Failing that, there was a used bookstore a few blocks away.

As he had expected, the medicine lockers had been broken out and what drugs hadn't been taken were scattered on the floor in a jumble. He sorted through boxes and bottles, reading them in the beam of his flashlight as best he could. He would have to wait until he got back to the house to be certain.

He didn't find any non-refrigerated vaccines, and though he hadn't really expected to, he was disappointed. He thought for a moment about how he was going to tell Carly. He knew it concerned her. He tried to reassure himself that their exposure to other people would be limited, and so risk was less, but he couldn't talk himself into believing that there was no need to worry and didn't think he'd have any more luck convincing Carly.

He gathered up what he thought would be useful and searched drawers until he found the equipment he thought he might need—items which didn't seem to have been touched. The scalpel he picked up glittered menacingly in the low light. That particular item he wrapped in a towel and hid deep within his pack. He would prefer Carly not see it. If it came down to that... He didn't even want to think about it.

There was an office at the back of the clinic, and the books Justin was looking for were on the shelves. They made him feel a little better. He had more than seven months to study up on the subject and perhaps be prepared to deal with any problems that might arise. Like the potatoes, it made him more confident having a goal, something he could work toward rather than waiting helplessly to see what fate would dish out to them.

Justin exited the clinic to find that Shadowfax had got herself and the wagon stuck when she wandered away to graze on the elevated flower beds. She swished her tail when she saw him, and Justin had to help her figure out how to back the wagon out of the position she'd gotten it stuck in. Justin shook his head. "No wonder you're fat," he told her and patted her sleek neck.

"Next stop, the vet's office," Justin told her. Shadowfax flicked her ears at the word and Justin chuckled. "Not fond of the vet, eh? Well, don't worry. The office is closed until further notice." She turned her head to look back at him, and Justin gestured to the road in front of them. "Ladies first." She ambled forward and Justin leaned back in his seat, the reins held loosely in one hand. Except for a light tug to the left or right, he didn't need to use them. But, to prevent another stuck wagon, he tied her halter to a pillar when he stopped the wagon in front of the veterinarian's office.

There, he had more luck. It hadn't been looted, so he was able to find parasite blockers and the vitamins Carly had wanted for Sam. There was also a nice selection of pain medication; some of them were the same drugs that humans used. He glanced over at the dark, silent refrigerator where the vaccines had been stored and sighed. His biggest concern for Sam was rabies, as often as he hunted, and all Justin was able to do was protect him from heartworm and fleas.

The storage room contained a large selection of pet food, which he loaded into the wagon. A memory of Carly's disgust when he mentioned eating dog food to her back in the grocery store in Juneau flitted through his mind, and he chuckled.

His next stop was the book store, where he found the door was still intact. It seemed people were not yet aware of what an incredible treasure trove of knowledge the store represented. As the years passed, the information would only grow more valuable. He was glad he'd thought to bring his lock picking kit. He wouldn't want to leave the books exposed to the elements by breaking the door open.

Inside he paused, a familiar stench sour in his nostrils. He swept a flashlight around until he found her. The woman was sprawled in one of the chairs, her book still open on her lap, and he estimated she'd been dead for a month or so. Insects scattered and squirmed under the beam of his light, and he saw a small, empty vial of pills on the floor under her slack hand.

Once, he had seen human bodies simply as empty containers, and the old Justin would have walked past her without a second glance, but the new Justin—Carly's Justin—gave her the small gift of last respects.

On the wall was a banner announcing a book festival. Justin tugged it down and laid it over the woman's body. He wondered why she had come to the bookstore, but maybe it had been the place that had once made her happiest. He laid the book on top of her makeshift shroud.

He wondered what this woman had been like and what had led her to the choice she made. Loneliness? Fear she might be victimized? Grief? Despair? He began to see how precious Carly's hope was; hope could give a person a reason to go on when there was nothing else left. He left the woman to her tomb of tomes and headed for the back.

In the staff break room, he found a snack machine. Justin smashed the glass front with the butt of his flashlight and scooped the snacks into one of the store satchels. There were also a couple of large containers of coffee along with containers of creamer and sugar. He checked inside the refrigerator and got a couple of cans of soda and a few more non-perishable snacks from the lunch bags.

From the store, he carried totes stuffed full of books for Carly. She was a fast reader, and he hated the idea of her snowed in with nothing to read. There was an entire section of baby books, and Justin chose a dozen at random, including one on natural childbirth and one on breastfeeding he thought might be helpful.

At the front counter, Justin found something delightful: a battery-powered CD player. Thanks to the hours of duets they'd sung on the road, he knew quite a few of her favorite groups. He filled his backpack with CDs. The store also had a wide selection of used DVDs, and he briefly considered ways to rig up a TV for her, but he remembered the movie in Fraser had just seemed to make her sad, watching memories of a world that was dead and gone.

He was searching the drawers below the counter for anything useful when he saw a picture hanging on the wall behind the register. He couldn't be certain, but it looked like the woman in the chair. In the photo, she grinned, her eyes sparkling with excitement, as she and a customer posed in the midst of making a purchase. A dollar bill was mounted in the matting below the image, above a brass plate engraved with words he could not read. Justin glanced back over at the still form below the banner and understood why she had chosen this place. She had not been able to survive the death of her dream.

As Justin headed for the door, he saw a book on primitive woodworking and paused to pick it up, thinking it might be possible such information could come in handy at a later time. He opened the book to a random page and saw a photo of a project he instantly knew he wanted to do. But where would he get the tools? An idea occurred to him, and he found another phone book under the sales counter. The place he was looking for was only about a block away.

Justin led Shadowfax down the street to the museum. It was located in a Victorian house with a wide lawn. A sign, which swayed and creaked in the breeze, gave the hours of operation and admission rates. As with the bookstore, he respected the contents too much to simply muscle his way in and leave them exposed to the elements. Picking the locks took only a moment.

The door squealed as he pushed it open, and he listened intently for any reaction to the sound before stepping into the hallway. The interior was dimmed by the heavy curtains over the windows, and it smelled pleasantly of old wood and dusty cloth. Except for a few signs which asked visitors not to touch, it looked as though he had stepped back in time into the home of a nineteenth century family.

The two oil lamps on the mantle were the first things he took. He wrapped them in a shawl draped over the back of one of the scroll backed sofas, as though its wearer had just left the room, and carried them out to the wagon. Shadowfax stomped her hoof when she saw him, as though to express her impatience to be leaving. "Just a few more minutes, I promise," he said.

It took him a while to carry everything out to the wagon. From the kitchen, he selected a set of cast-iron cookware, suited for use on the stove they had at home. He hadn't paid much attention to what they had in the house already but was operating on the principle of "better safe than sorry." He found an old-fashioned peeler mounted on the edge of the table. A crank turned the food in a spiral beneath the blade. It wasn't something they needed, but it seemed the kind of item that would amuse Carly. Likely, she'd insist they have potatoes for supper just so she could try it out.

In the open pantry, there was a tin tub with a washboard. Carly had been washing their clothes in sinks and creeks when she could, and Justin realized with a bit of surprise how their tasks had fallen into traditional gender roles. With a grimace of guilt, he vowed to take on more of the household chores, but his grimace turned into a grin when he pictured himself offering to "share" the duty of mucking Shadowfax's stall. He was pretty sure that was one job she'd be glad to leave categorized as "men's work."

He gathered up the tub and washboard and piled in other household items he thought Carly would find useful. On his way out, he grabbed the small pendulum clock from the mantle. He could set it tomorrow at noon by watching when the fence posts cast no shadows. Carly would be glad to have a clock again, even if it wasn't completely precise.

He found a selection of woodworking tools in the basement; it was the reason he had gone there in the first place. It took him a while to collect all he needed. He wouldn't have to find a lumber store, thankfully. He had noticed some wood stored in the barn that would work perfectly for his project. The more he thought about it, the more excited he became about his plan. He'd never built anything, but the book made it seem like something he'd be able to handle.

He lugged the last box of tools out to the wagon and relocked the museum door behind him. "One more stop," he told Shadowfax, who seemed a little huffy at being drawn away from yet another flower bed. "Then we can go home, and you can get some dinner. I only pray you don't faint from hunger along the way."

The maternity store was untouched as well, though the door was unlocked. Justin stepped inside, and his gaze landed on an outfit on the clearance rack. He grinned. This was going to be fun...

Carly flew to the front door when she heard the jingling of Shadowfax's harness and the crunch of the wagon wheels on the gravel. Justin was home, and all was right with her world again. She ran out to greet him, jumping up into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist as Sam bounced around his feet.

"Whoa, I guess you're happy to see me," Justin chuckled. He gave Carly a kiss, set her back down on her feet, and patted Sam's head. Tigger gave an imperious yowl so he bent and petted her, too. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm mad at you," Carly said, pressing kisses all over his face. "Furious, actually."

"I can see that."

"Shut up. Let me finish yelling at you." Carly tilted her head and kissed him, long and slow and deep. She drew away and brushed his lips with her own as though she couldn't help giving him one last kiss before she continued. "You scared me to death. You've been gone all day."

"I went shopping," Justin said. She gave him a reproving glance and peeked into the wagon, but the contents were concealed under a tarp.

"What did you get?"

"You'll see. Let me unharness Shadowfax, and then we'll go through it all."

Carly watched him through the window. He patted the horse on her shoulder, and she bumped him with her nose. She saw Justin laugh and give Shadowfax the petting she wanted while they walked to the barn. A few minutes later, Justin emerged with bits of hay on his clothes, which must have come from giving Shadowfax her dinner. He stopped at the wagon, grabbed two large bags, and carried them into the house. He brought them into the living room, and Carly sat down on one of the armchairs, nearly bouncing with eagerness to see what they contained.

Justin sat down in the chair opposite of hers and opened the bag. "I found some maternity clothes at a shop in town. I hope you like them."

"Lemme see! Lemme see!"

He pulled out a dress that looked like a muumuu in bright orange, hideously bedecked with giant blue flowers, and handed it to her, with an expectant expression. However, Carly struggled to keep the horror from her face. It was, quite possibly, the ugliest thing she had ever seen—almost impressively ugly. She didn't even know what to say. Justin smiled coaxingly, and Carly had to drop her gaze.

"Oh, and I found you these." He pulled another outfit from the bag. It was lavender, printed with white flowers, and had a pair of matching pants that looked like they'd fit a bull elephant. Carly bit the inside of her lip. Hard.

"And this one, for when the weather gets a little warmer."

It was a shapeless dress in the most hideous shade of brown Carly had ever seen, and it was decorated with lime green circles. It looked like it had been made from a hippie's discarded curtains.

"Well, what do you think?"

Carly looked up at Justin and saw his eyes were twinkling with mischief. He burst into laughter. "You should have seen your face!"

She swatted his shoulder. "That's not funny!" But she laughed even as she scolded him.

"I couldn't help it. I'm sorry, but I had to." He handed the second bag to her.

Carly took a peek inside and was relieved to find comfortable clothes in a variety of earth tones. Not the bright, vibrant colors she usually preferred, but nothing tacky. She smiled. "Thank you."

"I think you'll like the coat." He pulled it out, and Carly gave a little squeal. It was heavy, down filled, and bright pink with wide bands of faux fur around the cuffs and hood. "It's so cute! Thank you!" Carly kissed him, and Justin beamed. He'd gotten her white snow boots, lined with fur. They didn't match the coat perfectly, but she could tell he'd tried. The scarf and mittens, however, were blue. "They didn't have anything that would match," he said apologetically.

Carly didn't care. The amount of effort he'd put behind it was touching. She was a lucky woman, she reflected, as she drew him down for a long, sweet kiss.

Carly went to try on one of her maternity outfits while Justin unloaded more items from the wagon. She pulled out the tummy of the jogging suit and tried to picture how she'd look when she was further along. Short and fat, apparently. She laughed at herself a little. She'd never been vain, but she was a little worried Justin wouldn't find her attractive once she got bigger.

She went back out into the living room and saw him in the kitchen, plunking a few cans onto the table.

"The grocery store had already been looted," he said. His words had that carefully nonchalant tone that she was beginning to recognize as his don't-worry-Carly voice. "This was all that was left."

Like the grocery store at home in Juneau. "During the Crisis?"

Justin shook his head. "Some of it, perhaps, but there was little debris inside, which makes me think it was done by people in the town since the Crisis ended."

"Are they still in the town?"

"I didn't see anyone, but they might have hidden when they saw me coming."

Carly shuddered, thinking of Justin being watched from behind curtains, maybe by someone with a gun or crossbow. "Please, don't go back there."

"I won't. I think I got everything we need."

"Was there a vet's office?"

"I got de-wormer for all of the animals." He gave her a little smile. "Though I probably should have gone ahead and stocked up for other creatures. You know, for when you start collecting pigs, elephants, and monkeys."

Carly appreciated his attempt at humor, but it didn't distract her from the very troublesome reality of her animals having no protection from disease. "What about vaccinations? For the baby?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Carly."

A chill swept over her before she sat down heavily in one of the armchairs. "What are we going to do?"

Justin rubbed the back of his neck. "Honey, there really isn't much we can do. The baby will get a certain level of immunity from your milk, at least temporarily. I'll keep checking clinics we pass, and maybe we'll find something."

She knew he added the last sentence because he wanted to give her some hope, but she could tell he didn't expect to find anything. She pressed her hands over her still-flat abdomen as though she could shield her baby from the dangers of their new, uncertain world. She told herself she just had to have faith. Surely, if all of this was meant to happen, she wouldn't be blessed with her baby just to see it get sick and die.

Justin handed her two canvas totes, likely his way of distracting her from her worries. Carly peeked inside. "Books!"

"Yeah, the only book store in town was very small, and most of what they carried were used titles, but I got you everything I thought you'd like."

"Oh, Justin, thank you!" She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek this time. "I love you." One of the titles was the classic What to Expect When You're Expecting, a book her friend Michelle had said was a big help to her.

"I got a few things for the baby." He lifted out another bag and handed it to her.

Inside, there was a selection of tiny outfits. Carly held them up. Little smocks with matching pants in pastels, but no pink or blue. Itty-bitty socks. A little sweater in yellow with a duckling embroidered on the lapel. At the bottom of the bag was a plush teddy bear, as soft as a whisper, and a bright yellow rubber duck that made her smile.

"I wasn't sure what sizes to get," Justin said, "so I picked a variety. And since we don't know if it's a boy or girl, I tried to get colors either could wear."

Carly blinked hard to force back the tears. "Perfect." She put her arms around Justin and laid her head on his chest. "Absolutely perfect."

He put his fingers under her chin and lifted Carly's face for a soft kiss.