Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Carly walked with her hands fluttering in front of her, her feet carefully shuffling over the ground. Justin's blindfold blocked out every shred of light, and despite his steadying hands on her shoulders, she was afraid she'd trip or run into something.

The past few weeks had been very difficult on her. She was depressed for the first time in her life. Justin's polite, impersonal treatment made her chest ache with loneliness. She missed the man who had teased and laughed with her. She missed playing poker with Justin by the fire and belting out 80s love songs at the top of their voices as they biked down these deserted roads. She missed his pranks. He had once sworn with wide and innocent eyes he had no idea how that rubber frog she put into his sleeping bag had ended up in her oatmeal bowl. She missed his stories of his foul-mouthed commanding officer and the hijinks he and his fellow soldiers had gotten into during The Unit's training. She missed their easy camaraderie most of all.

She lost her appetite and could only pick at her food. By the time they reached Edmonton, Carly needed a new wardrobe because everything she owned was hanging off her thin frame. Even her snug sports bras had to be replaced, and Carly didn't take as much care to select comfortable undergarments this time. She just grabbed things from the rack of the store they stopped at, barely looking at them other than to confirm the size. She would later regret that when she was poked by underwires and scratched by clasps.

Carly knew Justin was worried about her, but that was a distant concern on the horizon of her mind and made little impression. He wanted to give her medication. She caught him once, speculatively eyeing a bottle of Prozac, but she was pretty sure there wasn't a pharmaceutical cure for situational depression. Her circumstances were the problem, not a chemical imbalance.

They were entering the more populated areas of Canada, and little towns dotted the road. There were also more traffic jams, some that stretched for miles, and accidents that blocked the roads, sometimes with the victims still inside. Carly knew better than to look into the interior of any car, but sometimes she caught an accidental glimpse, and she would see those bodies in her dreams.

Except for quick forays to scavenge and replace supplies, Justin kept them out of towns and cities as much as possible. They saw more people as they neared the border and though they hadn't had another violent incident, Justin was wary. Most of the travelers wanted to trade. To trade goods, to trade news, to trade advice.

Sam took his cues from Justin and growled if anyone got too close. People were afraid of him, but Carly still saw him as a puppy. After all, Sam had just lost the last of his milk teeth. At the rate he was growing, though, he was going to be massive when he was mature. He no longer seemed to like Justin, as if he somehow knew his human was acting so strangely because of him. When Justin threw the tennis ball for him one day, Sam had gone to retrieve it and then walked around Justin to drop it in the bed of the wagon.

Carly plodded along. Her days fell into a bland sameness. She woke when he told her, ate mechanically, rode her bike in silence, stopped when he told her, went to bed when he erected the tent, and slept like the dead. She wished she could spend more time asleep, more time away from this dreary world. In her dreams sometimes, she replayed the memories of their fun times together, and she would wake with tears on her cheeks.

"I have a surprise for you," Justin had said that afternoon.

Carly had looked up without much interest. They had stopped on the outskirts of a small town, and Justin had disappeared for an hour or so after setting up their camp. Justin returned to move around some of their supplies in the wagon to create a small space for Carly to sit, and then he took out a long black piece of cloth and tied it around her eyes. She didn't object; she felt only a mild curiosity as to what he was doing.

Justin biked them into town, and she heard him open a door and pull the bike and wagon inside. He drew her to her feet and led her forward. Carly took a deep breath and smelled... it couldn't be ...

Carly heard Justin tell Sam to stay with the wagon. She could just imagine the look on Sam's face. A little haughty, a little hostile. A look that said, "I'll do it, but only because my human hasn't kicked you out of the pack."

Justin removed Carly's blindfold, and she saw they were in a library. A small one, just a single floor, but there were hundreds of books around her. Carly took another deep breath of the scent of books and sighed. She'd missed this smell.

On the floor, Justin had laid out a blanket with a picnic basket. A bottle of wine and two glasses stood by it. A battery-operated CD player sat beside it, and pillows taken from the couches and chairs were scattered around it. And in the center, there was a vase with a single wildflower sticking out from the top.

Justin reached down and turned the CD player on, and Leonard Cohen began to croon. When had she mentioned how much she liked Leonard Cohen? She must have for Justin to know, but she couldn't remember.

Carly turned to him, blinking in confusion.

"Please, sit down." Justin gestured to the cushions and Carly plopped down on one of them and put another on her lap. Justin sat down beside her and took one of her hands into his. "I can't stand seeing you like this, Carly. It tears at my heart. You've been so unhappy lately, and I know I'm the direct cause of it."

He reached out and stroked a hand over her hair. Carly froze. She barely breathed. That simple touch meant so much, and she was afraid to do anything which might cause him to draw away.

His eyes were so warm that Carly's heart skipped a beat. "I brought you here to try to show you how sorry I am that I hurt you. I'll make it up to you, Carly. I swear I will. I thought distancing myself was the right thing to do—for your sake. I thought I would end up making you unhappy. But cutting myself off from you was worse. I never wanted to hurt you, honey. I hope you know that."

Carly nodded. She'd known all along. In his mind, Justin was saving her, trying to spare her from wanting something that, in his mind, could never be.

He looked down and a hint of a flush appeared on his cheekbones. He looked a little nervous—a little uncertain—a way Carly had never seen him before. It made her ache to throw her arms around him and tell him that everything would be all right. "I care for you, Carly. Deeply. I—I like you. I've liked you from the moment we met. And if that's the foundation of a good relationship, like you say, then we have a solid foundation indeed."

"What do you want from me, Justin?" Hope was growing in her heart, like a seedling pushing from soil warmed by the spring sunshine, but she needed him to be clear with her. She didn't think her heart could take being crushed again.

Justin's hand fell away, and she felt cold where his hand had been. "I...I want things to go back to the way they were. I want to be your friend again. I want to laugh and sing with you, and I want to hold you when you cry."

It was so hard to say the words. It took courage she didn't even know she had, but she asked, "Is that all?"

"I don't think I can stop there," he said, and the flush that stained his cheekbones deepened, but he held her eyes steadily. She knew this had to be difficult for him, to bare the heart he had hidden so carefully behind protective walls.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she tried to push back the rising hope. "But you would, if you could."

"I meant it when I said I'm not right for you, Carly. You should have someone your own age, someone who doesn't have the shadows I do. Someone normal."

"Someone ‘normal' would probably be dead by now. You asked me once if I believed in God. Do you remember?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe?"

Justin hesitated. "I'm really not sure."

"But you'll at least admit the possibility?"

He nodded.

"What if God led you to me? What if there was a reason you were supposed to save me? What if there was a reason you came to Alaska this summer? Were you at your house in Chicago before that?" It was something she'd been mulling over. Of all of the places in the world Justin could have ended up, how had he managed to be in exactly the right place at the right time to see her scurry from her apartment to the store on one of the few instances she had ventured out? It didn't seem possible to have happened by chance alone.

Justin shook his head. "I was back in Omaha. I felt this... compulsion to see it again, though I can't explain why. Afterward, I decided to do the Deadhorse Rally on a whim. I arrived earlier than expected and had some time to kill, so I came to visit some of the places I'd never been."

"My point is..." Carly took a deep breath. "What if we were meant to be together?"

"Meant to be together in what way?" That uncertainty was back, and Carly realized that Justin needed her to bare her heart, just like she needed the same from him. There could be no misunderstanding, no words left unspoken.

"In whatever way seems natural to us, I suppose. If we weren't meant to... have a relationship, would we want to? I mean, you'd think if we weren't supposed to have anything to do with one another, these sorts of feelings would never have developed. If we really weren't suited for each other, wouldn't it just be... you know... physical?" Carly could feel her cheeks heat up a little from her last words.

"I can't imagine God would want a guy like me with a girl like you." Justin shook his head. "I'm too old, too damaged. I wish I could be good enough for you, Carly. I really do."

She tilted her chin up. "Shouldn't I be the one to decide who's good enough for me?"

Justin gave her a small, sad smile and took a corkscrew from the basket. He stabbed it into the bottle's cork and began to turn it. "I don't think you realize yet how special you are."

"Maybe you don't realize your own value, either."

With a pop, Justin pulled the cork and poured the white wine into the glasses. Carly took a sip and hummed in appreciation. It was sweet and fruity. Justin poured himself a glass and tapped the brim of hers. "To our underappreciated selves."

She sipped again. "What made you break into your precious trade goods for this?"

"I wanted to give you something special." Justin traced the pattern on the blanket. "Something you would enjoy." He glanced around at the shelves of books. "I knew you'd like coming here."

"I don't have a card for this library." Carly gave him a little tentative smile.

He gave her a grin, appreciating her attempt at humor. "I've got connections. I can get one for you."

"What do you want in return?"

His eyes fell to her lips. "I'll think of something."

Carly took the bull by the horns. She put down her wine glass, leaned forward, and kissed him. It was soft, gentle, and hesitant; part of her feared he might change his mind and reject her again. He moaned softly, and his arms went around her, pulling her closer to him. He turned that soft, hesitant kiss into a ravishment of the senses. She heard herself gasp when his lips left hers to trail down her throat. He drew back for a moment, and his eyes searched hers intently.

"Are you sure?"

"I want this," Carly whispered. Being in Justin's arms was like coming home and exploring an exciting, unknown realm all at once. Her heart hammered in excitement as he lowered his lips to hers once more.

Outside, Shadowfax screamed. Justin and Carly froze for a fraction of a second and then jumped to their feet. Sam was already at the glass door, snarling, his hair raised all around his shoulders. His muscles bunched as he poised to jump right through the glass.

"No, Sam!" Carly shouted. "Wait!"

They burst out the door and saw three people trying to control Shadowfax. One of them had looped a rope around Shadowfax's neck, and a skinny man with blond hair was trying to grasp her halter, but Shadowfax kept lashing at him with her hooves as she reared against the rope. There was a dark-haired woman attempting to climb onto her back, and the man holding the rope was shouting instructions to her as she tangled her hands in Shadowfax's mane. Their heads all turned when they heard Carly and Justin burst through the door, guilt and fear widening their eyes. The woman saw Sam and screamed. Shadowfax, seeing the cavalry was on its way, fell back down to all four feet. The woman clinging to her back pounded her heels against Shadowfax's heaving sides. For a moment, she looked like a little kid on a wooden carousel horse. Shadowfax wasn't budging.

Sam charged with a vicious snarl. The man holding the rope dropped it and ran while the one holding Shadowfax's halter shouted, "Oh shit!" as Sam leapt at him and knocked him to the ground. Carly heard the man's screams of pain and Sam's snarls. She didn't look.

Justin dropped to one knee, holding the pistol steady, and aimed at the woman. "Get off the fucking horse."

The woman tried kicking Shadowfax harder, and the mare reared again. The woman lost her balance and fell to the ground. Freed from the strange humans grabbing at her, Shadowfax ran over to Carly. She was trembling, and she tossed her head repeatedly. Carly swept the rope off her neck and threw it to the ground.

Sam left the limp and bloody man lying still in the street and dashed over to stand in front of his pack. The woman in the street rolled and clutched at her arm as she let out staccato moans of pain.

"They used to hang horse thieves," Justin said. "Consider yourselves lucky."

"David!" The woman dragged herself over to the bloody blond man, who lay as still as death in the gutter. Sam had blood on his muzzle. Carly swallowed and hid her face against Shadowfax's neck.

Carly heard a shot, and the pavement next to her foot cracked, sending small chips flying. Carly stared at it stupidly, but Justin was on his feet in a flash. He grabbed Carly and shoved her back into the library while firing his own gun. Shadowfax and Sam followed them inside.

"Get to the back door," Justin said. "Cover it. Be ready to run if you have to. We don't know how many are in their group."

Carly took the gun out of its pouch on her belt and checked the load and the safety as Justin had showed her. She had the fleeting thought she could have shot the people just for interrupting what had been turning out to be a very interesting kiss, much less trying to steal her horse.

Poor Shadowfax! She had followed Carly to the back door, though she still trembled. Sam stood between her front legs. He sent her up reassuring glances with a wag of his bushy tail. Carly didn't know if Shadowfax could read the wolf's expressions, but she seemed comforted to have him there. She bent her massive head, snuffled at his ears, and didn't recoil when he ran his tongue along her jaw in a big, sloppy kiss, despite the blood on his muzzle.

Carly peered out the small glass window set in the side of the door. It had embedded wire mesh. All she could see was a residential street, and the only movement came from trees and foliage swaying in the soft breeze.

Justin fired off another shot and ducked behind the door before it was returned. The shot went wide and shattered the window far to Justin's right. "Amateurs," he muttered. He waited until another shot was fired, and then he ducked around the corner and fired off three shots. A faint cry of pain told him he'd hit his target.

"Wait for me here," Justin called over his shoulder to Carly.

No way would she let him go out there alone. She waited for a moment before following him outside, imitating the way he swept from side to side, looking for targets. There was no one else on the street. Carly ducked behind a bush near the end of the sidewalk. The only sounds were the keening sobs of the dark-haired woman as she embraced the still body of the blond man. His blood pooled in the gutter beside them.

Justin quickly shifted from car to car, using them for cover as he made his way across the street and around to the passenger side of the car parked on the opposite side where he crouched with his gun extended. "Please don't kill me!" a male voice begged.

"You're gut-shot," Justin replied dispassionately as he rose to his feet, apparently confident there were no other shooters nearby. "You're fucked. If I don't kill you now, you'll die in lingering agony a week from now."

"Please! Just don't!"

"You got a round for that thing?"

The only reply was a sob. Justin sighed and popped the clip on his gun. He flicked the top bullet off with his thumb and handed it down. Then he turned and walked back toward the library. Carly saw the barrel of a pistol thrust out from behind the bumper of the car and didn't have time to call a warning to Justin before a shot rang out, and the pavement about two yards to Justin's left gained a divot. Justin paused. "You've got to be kidding me." He shook his head and called over his shoulder, "You're going to be sorry as hell you wasted that shot in about three days."

Carly stood. Justin gave her a reproving look.

"We're a team." Carly crossed her arms and lifted her chin, daring him to disagree.

His eyes softened. "We are."

"Stupid, stupid man, walking around out in the open like that!" Carly took him into her arms and gave him a little swat on the shoulder at the same time.

Justin snorted. "They pretty much established they couldn't hit the broad side of a barn." Her ear was pressed over his heart. She felt his lips brush the top of her head, and she tilted it back so he could do the same to her lips. His kiss was soft and sweet.

They went back in the library to gather up their things and were greeted by a nervous horse and a wolf that stood on his back legs "hugging" Carly by putting his paws on her shoulders. He licked her chin respectfully, and Carly scratched his ruff and told him he was a good boy, a bit of praise that made his tail wag with glee.

Carly looked around at the setup Justin had put so much thought and time into and realized she hadn't yet thanked him. "Justin, this was so incredibly sweet. Thank you."

Justin smiled, though it was tinged with sadness. "I wish you had been able to enjoy it longer. Why don't you go and pick up some books for yourself while I pack this up?"

She smiled at him, picked up her wine glass, and downed its contents in one gulp before she headed into the stacks with the flashlight. The beam landed on a series she had enjoyed, and she felt a little ache in her heart that she'd never know how it ended.

Carly emerged about fifteen minutes later with a stack of books so large she staggered under its weight. Justin took them from her with a chuckle. "Maybe we should set up a new rule you can't take more from the library than you can carry out in one trip." He dumped the books into the wagon and covered them with the tarp.

Shadowfax and Sam followed them outside, both in a state of high alert. The dark-haired woman still lay over the body in the street and wailed with grief. She didn't seem to notice them passing by. Sam growled softly at her, but at a motion from Carly's hand, he stilled. The one behind the car moaned in pain and begged for someone to help him.

Carly winced. "We're just going to leave him there?"

Justin didn't look at her. "He's not going to survive. He'd need surgery in a hospital and still might not make it. I did the only thing I could—I offered him a way out. He threw it away. I'm not wasting another bullet on him."

Carly mounted her bike, steeling her heart against the pitiful moans. The man had made his choice.

Shadowfax stayed close to them as they headed out of town, Sam right by Carly's side as if to assure her she would be protected. Carly wondered if the poor horse had been traumatized by her treatment. She hoped horses had short memories.

They rode until after sunset, chatting the whole way, as they had done before what Carly thought of as the "Soda Tab Incident." Justin took them off the main road and up a side road a bit before they settled down to set up camp. He was pretty confident no one would come after them, but he wanted to be cautious, nevertheless. Carly started the fire as he erected their tent and collected the supplies for supper. He hung a pot from the tripod he made of branches and filled it with two cans of beef stew. Carly was about to object to the amount he was making when she realized for the first time in weeks that she was hungry. She devoured the first bowl he gave her and then a second. Her belly pleasantly full, she leaned back in her chair and sighed.

"Want to play cards?" Justin asked. "Loser washes dishes?"

"You're on."

The dishes never did get washed that night. They played several hands as the score was so even. Then game time was over because Justin had said something that made Carly giggle, and enchanted by the sound, he had kissed her. The kiss grew, continued, and deepened until they both were panting against each other's lips.

Justin picked Carly up and deposited her on his sleeping bag inside the tent. He pulled the zipper closed and then returned to Carly—returned to those hot, drugging kisses. His hand slid up her torso, slowly, giving her time to object before he reached his goal. Carly's response was to whip her T-shirt over her head and tug at his.

Justin had such a beautiful chest, despite the scars and tattoos. She ran her hands over it, glorying in the sensation of his skin beneath her fingertips. His skin was a creamy golden color, warm and firm with muscle. In the confines of the tent, he looked even larger than normal. Carly's breath came faster.

Justin traced the outline of her bra with his fingertip and looked up at her with a question in his eyes.

"Yes. Oh, God, yes."

He slipped his hands around Carly's back and fumbled with the clasp of her bra. He frowned in concentration, tugging at it this way and that. He muttered a curse and craned his neck to look over her shoulder.

The guy could pick a lock in seconds but couldn't unhook a woman's bra. His claim about being picky seemed much more legitimate at that moment.

"I'll get it," Carly reached up behind her back and unfastened it.

Justin swore again, softly, as she took it away. "God, Carly... You're so beautiful."

She knew she was anything but beautiful in her current state; her ribs were visible under her skin, and her hipbones poked up sharply. But she was touched and delighted he thought so. He bent his head to kiss, lick, and suck at her flesh until she forgot her thought, until she forgot everything, until she was squirming and moaning beneath him.

Justin popped the button on her jeans and unfastened her belt. She heard the sound of a zipper. Hers or his? It didn't matter. Soon they were both bare, and she sighed in bliss at the sensation of his skin against hers. Her fingers dug into his back as his hands swept lower, and she explored him as well, making him moan, his hot breath tingling on her skin.

Justin reached beneath his pillow and pulled out a foil packet.

"Let me do it," she said.

He handed it to her and lay back against the sleeping bag as she smoothed it over him. Justin didn't roll back on top of her. Instead, he gripped Carly's hips and guided her over him. They both sighed with pleasure when she settled down.

Carly had always felt slightly awkward in that position, but with Justin's hands helping her keep the delicious rhythm, the way he leaned up so he could kiss her, and the way he enveloped her body with his own, she loved it.

He slipped a hand down between their bodies, and she burst into gasps of pleasure as her body pulsed with bliss. "Ah, fuck, Carly," he ground out and then dropped his forehead against her shoulder while he shuddered.

They both sagged down onto the sleeping bag, limp and exhausted. She lay on his chest, gasping for air. He rolled over to gently deposit her on the sleeping bag. "Back in a moment," he whispered and pressed a kiss to her lips.

Justin returned with a warm cloth and soft words. She let him take care of her, still floating in a humming cloud of pleasure. He unzipped the bag, tucked her inside of it, and pulled her bag over to zip them together. "Our bed, now," he murmured.

Carly might have agreed. She wasn't sure. She drifted off into a sweet sleep of comfort and good dreams.

"Morning, Carly." Justin nibbled on her ear.

"Mmm," Carly replied, snuggling closer to his warm body. And then she discovered he was a lot more awake than she was. She reached under the pillow and found another packet.

It was slow and sweet, and Carly dozed back off when he left the sleeping bag and waking when he came back with breakfast. She sat up and accepted the cup of coffee. She pushed her tumbled hair off her face and took a sip. "Delicious. Wow! Breakfast in bed. You could really spoil a girl, you know."

"I'd like that," Justin murmured. He lay down beside her with his own plate.

Carly heard sniffing outside the tent. "Is Sam mad he didn't get to sleep in here last night?"

Justin chuckled. "Yeah, I'd say so. He gave me a rather indignant glare and refused to look at his breakfast bowl until I'd walked away. Shadowfax, on the other hand, seems to be cheering us on. She sniffed me and gave that snickering sound."

"Well, as long as the horse approves."

Justin seemed to have forgotten his own breakfast. "I haven't seen you smile like that in weeks."

"Hmm, I wonder what could have made me smile?" Carly stretched and sighed. Deliciously sore. She wondered if he'd be willing to give it another go before they broke camp.

Alas, no. They had slept in late and needed to get on the road. Carly picked up her pillow and saw five more condoms stashed beneath. She looked over at Justin in astonishment. "Were you just being really optimistic?"

Justin grinned. "Maybe a little."

Carly grinned back at him. "You owe me five more."

"That is a debt I will be glad to pay." Justin cupped the side of her face in his hand and looked into her eyes, his own intent and searching. "No regrets?"

Carly didn't even blink. "None."

He nodded and then leaned in for a kiss, burying his hands in her hair. The kiss stretched on, neither of them willing to break it.

Sam butted his head inside the tent and gave an irritated "Hmph!"

They parted and laughed. Carly crawled out of the tent and grabbed some clothing from the pack. "Justin, I'm going down to the creek."

"I'll come with you. Let's pack up first, and we'll park the wagon on the bank where we can keep an eye on it." Justin was becoming much more cautious with more people around. He rarely let Carly go anywhere out of his sight.

The creek was hip deep, and the water was icy cold. Carly shivered through her bath and darted back up onto the bank as soon as possible. She pulled on her clothes and searched through her pack. "Justin, do you know where my hair ties went?"

There was a long pause. Carly turned to him and saw a flash of guilt on his face. "I... uh... I like your hair loose."

"So you took my hair ties?"

His smile was sheepish. "Sort of. I kind of made sure they got lost."

"Justin!"

He strode up out of the water and used his towel to dry his hair first.

"Are you hoping to use your sexy body to distract me?" Carly demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Is it working?"

She struggled to suppress a smile. "A little."

Justin turned around and gave his bottom a little shake in her direction. He looked back at her over his shoulder. "Are you distracted yet?"

Carly laughed. "Yes, now I'm officially distracted. But I'll probably be mad at you again around lunch time, so as a preemptive measure, you may want to get naked as soon as we stop."

"If I must."

"Oh, you must! You must!"

Justin pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "I missed you so much, Carly."

"I missed you, too."

They started off down the road, and Carly took a deep breath. "Isn't it beautiful today?"

Justin smiled at her. "It certainly is. But that reminds me of something we need to talk about."

A worried frown flitted across her face. "What do you mean?"

"We're not going to make it to the South before winter, Carly."

She was faintly alarmed. "What are we going to do?"

"We're going to find a nice, old farm house with thick walls and working fireplaces and a comfortable barn for Shadowfax. I'd like to try to get through North Dakota because the winters can be very harsh there, but I'm not sure we'll make it. We have to have some time to gather up the supplies we'll need before winter."

Carly glanced back at the wagon.

"Not just food. Though we could use more of that, just to be on the safe side. We'll need firewood, and hay for Shadowfax to eat."

"Can't we just give her the pellets?"

He considered. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Maybe there's something in the hay they need."

"I'll find out. I got a book on horses at the library."

"Smart thinking," he said and her cheeks pinked a little at his praise. "What we have to think about is the fact we'll be essentially snowed in until the spring thaw. There won't be any snowplows to come and clear the roads. We won't be able to move on until early summer, once we're sure there won't be any surprise blizzards that could catch us in the open."

Carly thought of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books she'd loved so much as a child. The Long Winter had told of the family's suffering during a South Dakota winter, when the whole town starved because they couldn't get trains through to deliver supplies. The idea was terrifying.

"Isn't there any way we could get a vehicle and hook up a horse trailer for Shadowfax? So maybe we could get farther?"

Justin shook his head. "We don't know if she's ever been inside a trailer before. If she gets scared, she could thrash around and hurt herself. Secondly, we'd have to stop every few miles and find a new vehicle as we encounter pile-ups and traffic jams. It wouldn't help us. And that's even assuming we can find a vehicle that still works after sitting unused for so long."

"You said something about that before. What do you mean? Does gas actually go bad?" She'd never thought of gas having an expiration date like a gallon of milk.

"It can. Sitting in a car like that, the biggest concern would be water contamination. The tank could gather condensation from heating up during the day and cooling off at night. If the tank isn't airtight, part of the liquid can evaporate off, making the fuel thick and gunky." Justin paused for a long moment and she was surprised to see him blush a little. "Speaking of dependability, how would you feel about going on the pill? I'm still going to use condoms, but it would be wise to have a backup."

"I can't," Carly said. "It makes me really sick. I tried when I was with Noah. My doctor even tried me on some of the low-hormone types, but it didn't help. They make me nauseated and moody."

"All right. We'll use a spermicide. I'll just have to stop at a pharmacy the next town we visit."

Carly had always wanted to have kids of her own. She liked children. To her, they represented the best humanity had to offer with their curiosity, their potential, and their simple joy in life. That had been one area of contention between her and Noah. His emphatic insistence he never wanted kids was one of the reasons she finally came to the conclusion they just weren't compatible. "Do you ever want to have kids, Justin?"

Justin's jaw tightened. "I never did; I didn't think I'd make much of a father. Now, it seems almost criminal to bring a child into this world."

She hated to admit it, but he was right. But knowing it didn't ease the ache in her heart. It would be wrong to bring a baby into this uncertain life, where danger lurked around every corner and there was no guarantee of surviving to see the next day.

Carly realized suddenly that all of the old child killers, like disease and infections, would return due to the lack of vaccinations and antibiotics. Diaper rash would no longer be a minor irritation; it could turn fatal. Tooth infections, ear infections, allergies. Even something as minor as a stomach upset could kill if there wasn't a medication to stop diarrhea.

Carly realized she might be witnessing the sunset of humanity. They weren't prepared to care for the next generation without their modern conveniences and medicines. The percentage of children who didn't live long enough to have children of their own could be too high to sustain their species.

And what of childbirth itself? A woman dying while giving birth had been a rarity in the United States, but without skilled obstetrics, that number could rise to what it was back in the old days, or that of undeveloped nations. Carly's own mother probably would have died without modern medicine. She'd needed a cesarean to deliver Carly. Carly felt a cold shiver of unease creep down her spine. What if she had the same problem her mother had? How would she know? She didn't even know what the problem had been; she'd only been told about her difficult delivery when she'd asked about the scar on her mother's abdomen.

Justin watched the expressions flicker over Carly's face. "What are you thinking?"

"That you're right. We need a backup."

"I'm sorry," Justin said, correctly interpreting the wistful sadness that had lingered in her eyes for a moment.

"It's not that big of a deal," Carly replied, but didn't meet his eyes. "I probably liked the idea of kids more than I would have liked the reality."

"I think you would have made a wonderful mother."

"And you would have made a great dad."

Justin snorted. "What do I know about raising kids? You're set. You had a great family and know what good parents are supposed to be like. I would have no idea what I was doing."

"That's the way most new parents are, actually. At least, my girlfriends who were married and were starting their families used to say that. They were always scared to death they were going to do something that would mess up the kids or hurt them. My friend Michelle was on the phone to her mom constantly, asking for advice or afraid because the baby was crying and wouldn't stop. She must have taken that baby to the emergency room at least a dozen times in his first year, certain he was dying because she'd heard him cough." Carly chuckled and shook her head. "Noah was friends with one of the nurses, and he said they'd always chorus, ‘Here comes Michelle!' when they saw her burst through the doors. The doctor was patient with her, at least."

"If the animals following you around are any indication, you would have done a damn fine job," Justin said. He laughed, and Carly knew he was thinking of the moose that had followed them for a few miles back near Saskatoon. Justin had sighed with relief when it finally wandered off. He'd told her later he had terrible visions of the creature trying to crawl into the tent with them that night.

"We're not going to make it, are we?" Carly asked. "Humans, I mean. As a species."

"I don't know. We've seen enough people along the way to make me think there's a large enough breeding population, but whether the children survive or not, that's another story. We don't know if they'd be immune to the Infection or not."

Carly's eyes widened in horror. She hadn't even thought of that possibility.

"That family back near White Pass—they all survived because they isolated themselves. As more travelers pass by, or they decide to move back to town when they're out of supplies, they'll all be exposed. There probably aren't very many intact families, and we don't know how the immunity is passed on. Both of your parents died, even though you were immune, so you didn't get it from them."

It made no sense immunity would just be random, especially, as Justin had noted, since it wasn't a natural virus to which people would have built up a genetic resistance. "All of us who were immune must have something in common. We just have to figure out what it is."

Justin cast her an amused look. "Are you going to start polling people?"

Carly ignored that. "Were you up-to-date on all of your immunizations?"

"Yes. And I had some the general public wouldn't because of my line of work. Smallpox, anthrax, rabies, yellow fever, and meningitis were just a few of the ones I had."

"Did you get a flu shot last year?"

"Yes. Always do."

"So did I. My parents didn't. My mom had sort of a needle phobia, and my dad just didn't bother if she wasn't going to do it. Do you know what company made your shot?"

"Cederna Pharmaceutical Services. They had the contract from the army for vaccinations. Why?" A small frown tugged at Justin's lips, as though her questions disturbed him.

Carly couldn't help but be a little smug. "Maybe there could have been something about that particular batch. Cederna made my shot, too. They sent me a receipt I was supposed to send to my insurance company for reimbursement, but I didn't have insurance. I remember because they had that strange logo that had all of the letters twisted together."

"Probably just a coincidence." But he was still frowning as he said it

"Yeah, probably." Carly decided to humor him, at least until she had stronger evidence. The vaccination theory didn't explain the animals' immunity, after all.

They rode in silence for a moment.

"Carly, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I saw your necklace last night."

Carly had tried to keep it hidden under her T-shirt, but he would have seen it when that shirt came off. She said nothing.

"I wanted to ask you about the things you have on it."

"What about them?"

Justin wouldn't miss the defensiveness in her tone, just as he wouldn't have missed the details of what she had strung on that chain. He was too damn observant.

"Will you tell me why you are keeping those things? I understand your father's ring, but the others? What do they mean to you?"

"My apartment key is pretty self-explanatory, I think."

"Are you keeping it in case you return?" Justin's voice was free of inflection, but she understood why he asked.

"No, I know I'll never go back there. It's like keeping a piece of my home." Carly swallowed hard around the lump in her throat.

"And the penny?"

"I found it after I shot the crazy man in Fraser."

"I see," he said, but she was sure he didn't.

"It's a memorial, in a way. Not to him, but... sort of." She struggled for words. "It's a memorial to the life I took."

Justin lifted the arm of his T-shirt and showed her the three bands of lightning that circled his bicep. "I understand, Carly. Maybe better than you know."

She nodded. Maybe he did after all.

"And the soda tab?"

"It was supposed to remind me not to... get attached to you."

Justin was silent for a moment. "Will you take it off now? Please?"

Carly nodded.

"I'm sorry I did that to you. I didn't mean—"

He looked so guilt stricken, Carly's compassion was immediately aroused. "I know you didn't. You were trying to do what you thought was right because you cared about me."

"I do. More than you know. I want you to know something. If you find someone else—"

"Jesus, Justin!" She gaped at him. Did he really think she was the kind of woman who would shop around for a replacement while she was already in a relationship? She wasn't sure if she should be offended or not.

"Let me finish." His voice was low, and he didn't look at her as he spoke. "If you find someone else—someone your own age, someone better—I won't stand in your way. I care about you, and I want you to be happy, even if that means you're with someone else."

Carly felt her temper flare, but she managed to keep her tone calm and even. She told herself he didn't understand how insulting the implications of his statement were. He'd never had someone in his life who hadn't abandoned him, after all. There had to be part of him that expected she would do the same. "I'm not like that. I'm no cheater."

"I didn't mean to imply you were, but you could become unhappy in our relationship and want out. For whatever reason. If you do, all you have to do is say it."

"Thanks," Carly said acidly. "Nice to know it would be so easy for you to walk away."

Sometimes she resented how well Justin controlled his temper. His voice was mild as he replied. "I didn't say it would be easy for me. I said I would do it for you."

"Well, I wouldn't do it for you," Carly retorted. "Call me selfish or whatever, but I would fight for you if some other girl tried to take you away."

Justin chuckled. "Thank you. You have no worries there. I'm no cheater, either."

"Have there been a lot of girls in your life? You told me it was ‘less than I would think,' but what does that mean?"

"Three."

She blinked. "Three? Really?"

"My first was a long-term relationship. We became a couple when we were fourteen and it lasted all the way up until after I joined the service."

"Even as much as you moved around?" Carly was surprised by that.

He shrugged lightly, but he had that blank look on his face again. "They tried to keep foster kids in the same school district, if possible."

She supposed that made sense, trying to keep their lives from being disrupted as much as possible. "What happened between you?"

"I thought she'd wait for me after I joined the service. She didn't. The other two were, well, I don't want to say one-night stands, but that's pretty much what they amounted to because I made it clear I didn't want another relationship."

"Do you still not want another relationship?"

Justin glanced over at her. "It's difficult—opening yourself up when you know you can be hurt. It was a long time before I was ready to do that again, and I hadn't found anyone yet. Until you." He gave her a small smile. "What about you?"

"Breaking up with Noah didn't leave any scars. It really was mutual, about the most amicable a breakup can get. We just weren't right for each other, and it was time to move on. But, like you, I hadn't found anyone new yet."

"So, Noah was the only one for you?"

"Yeah." She felt her cheeks heat.

"Don't be embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with being selective."

"I bet your army buddies teased you about it."

Justin chuckled. "A bit. They nicknamed me The Priest."

"Some of my girlfriends worried about me because I wasn't dating very much. They thought Noah had really hurt me, no matter what I said about it. They were always trying to set me up with guys. It was exasperating sometimes, but they did it because they cared about me and wanted me to find someone who would make me happy."

"They'd probably have heart attacks if they could see you now."

"If you made me happy, they wouldn't care if you were the Elephant Man."

"It sounds like you had good friends."

Carly nodded and smiled, even though she felt tears sting her eyes. "I was picky about that, too. I miss them. I'll always miss them. Did you have a lot of friends?"

"No, not really. I stayed in touch with a few guys from The Unit, but I was mostly a loner."

That made sense. With the way he'd been uprooted so often as a child, Justin would have learned early not to get attached. "That sounds lonely."

"Not really. You can be alone without being lonely; just the same as you can be lonely in a crowded room."

Carly wanted to put her arms around him. "You'll never be lonely again. I promise."

His eyes were wary. "Carly, you can't promise something like that. You don't know what the future holds for us."

"I know I like you, Justin. I don't see why we couldn't go on being friends even if we decided a relationship wasn't what we wanted anymore."

Justin shook his head. "No, Carly, I don't think I could do that. I could let you go, if that's what you wanted, but I couldn't stay around and watch you with someone else."

Carly had no idea how to answer that. Fortunately, Sam provided a distraction when a rabbit made a foolish dash across the road in front of them. With a joyous wag of his tail, he bolted off in chase. He returned, prancing, with a dead rabbit hanging from his jaws.

"I guess that's our signal to break for lunch," said Justin.

They pulled their bikes over to the side of the road. "I'll go check Shadowfax's hooves," Carly said hastily as he took the rabbit from Sam. Shadowfax had lost one of her shoes, and Justin had removed the rest of them. Shadowfax walked mostly on the grass anyway, looking for yummy plants to snack on along the way. So far, she didn't seem to be bothered by her shoeless state, but Carly checked her hooves every time they stopped, just to be sure.

"Not so fast, honey. It's time you learned this."

"Ugh. Do I have to?"

"Yes. It looks like Sam will keep you fed if something happens to me, but you need to know how to clean game so you can eat it."

He took the knife from his belt and made a slit down the center of the rabbit's torso. Carly gulped. She listened as he explained how to remove the organs without puncturing them and showed her how to skin the animal. He rinsed the body in clean water and then hooked its limbs together so it would hang over a spit. Carly looked over at the rabbit's severed head. Its eyes were partially open and seemed to stare at her.

"I don't know if I can do this," she said. Sam trotted up and ate the organs in one gulp. He took the head with him and laid down for a satisfying chew. She blanched. "Should we let him have that?"

Justin washed his bloody hands with foaming antibacterial soap before rinsing them with bottled water. "He's a wolf, Carly. It's what he'd be eating in the wild. Wolves get most of their vegetation from the stomachs of the animals they eat."

"Yeah, but what if he gets worms or something?" They both gathered branches and bits of wood from the patch of trees beside the road, putting together the beginnings of a fire.

"I'll see if I can find some medications for him if we pass a veterinarian's office or a pet store."

Carly had never had a dog. Her mother was allergic, and when she'd been out on her own, her hours were irregular and she couldn't have taken care of a pet. "Do you remember all the stuff he'll need from back when you had your dog?"

"I think so." Justin pulled the Zippo from his pocket and held it steady until the tinder caught.

"What kind of dog did you have?"

"A mutt." Justin smiled at the memory, though the smile was tinged with sadness. "He was a stray I found in Darfur. I named him Winston." At her questioning gaze, he shrugged. "It seemed to fit. He just looked like a ‘Winston' to me. Great dog, not terribly bright, but very affectionate. He helped me through some tough times because I could talk to him the way I couldn't talk to a human. And he'd sit there with this interested look on his face—like he'd been a shrink in a former life."

"What happened to him?"

"Old age. He was probably already around six or seven when I found him, and he'd had a rough life from what the vet could determine. He got to the point where he didn't want to get up off his dog bed anymore, and I knew it was time."

"Oh, Justin, I'm sorry."

"It's part of having a pet, honey. We try to give them long and happy lives, but we also have the responsibility of easing their way when we know their lives aren't healthy and happy any longer."

Carly couldn't bear to think of Sam as too old and miserable to get out of his bed. Like everyone who's ever loved a pet, she hoped Sam would be healthy and vibrant up to his final day, when he would pass in his sleep.

"You're taking good care of him, Carly," Justin said, with that uncanny ability of his to follow her train of thought. "He's getting good exercise, a healthy diet, clean water, and a safe place to sleep. Wolves can live up to twenty years if they're with humans, twice what they'd have in the wild."

"We need to get him some vitamin tablets to make sure he's getting everything he needs as he grows."

"I'll keep an eye out for them." Justin erected a spit and suspended the rabbit over the fire. "Guess what? Next one, you get to clean."

"Ugh." Carly shuddered.

"There's no crying in baseball," Justin said. "And there's no being grossed out in an apocalypse."

That evening, Carly gagged and grimaced her way through cleaning the young raccoon Sam brought them. Justin said it was a perfect animal for her to practice on as it was large, and they weren't going to eat it anyway. She perforated the organs in a couple of places—any one of them would have tainted the meat and rendered it inedible, but Justin declared it a good first try. He brought her a bowl of bleach-purified water and the container of antibacterial soap, and Carly spent a good twenty minutes scrubbing the blood from beneath her fingernails.

Sam seemed insulted they hadn't eaten his catch, so he took the bloody corpse from Justin with a huff and went over to lie down and eat it himself.

As their dinner cooked, Justin showed her their progress on the map, and she was surprised to see they were near the U.S. border. They'd been traveling for a month and a half, and it seemed like Canada was endless. She couldn't believe they'd actually completed half of their journey.

"Are you sure you don't want to keep on going?" Carly asked. "Another month and a half and it will only be the middle of October."

Justin shook his head. "We're going to be traveling slower now since there are more cities in our path. We're going to have to take side roads and sometimes leave the roads entirely."

She tilted her head. "We can't ride the bikes through a field."

"We're going to have to do a lot of walking, Carly. I'll load up Shadowfax as much as possible and pull the wagon myself until the terrain gets too rough, but we're probably going to have to carry a good bit ourselves."

Carly took a deep breath. "All right, then."

Justin smiled at her, pride gleaming in his eyes. "We're not going to make it as far as I'd hoped, but I'd like to try to make it through North Dakota before we hole up. It just depends on how much progress we make."

They retired to the tent to snuggle inside their joined sleeping bags after dinner instead of playing their usual card games or reading. They zipped the tent flap closed and heard Sam's indignant huff on the other side of the nylon.

Justin drew back from a sweet, passionate kiss and traced his fingers over her cheek. "Maybe we shouldn't do this until we have a backup," he said reluctantly.

"There are other things we could do, you know."

He grinned and blinked his eyes at her with exaggerated innocence. "Such as?"

"Shall I demonstrate?"

"Please do."

Carly smiled wickedly and disappeared beneath the sleeping bag.

In the morning, Carly found Justin in front of the campfire, doing some sort of elaborate martial arts dance. For such a large man, he moved with incredible grace, probably the product of years of training.

"Whatcha doin'?" Carly asked as she emerged from the tent, still in the tank top and pajama pants she had donned last night. She'd woken earlier than usual this morning. Usually, she slept until Justin woke her, so she'd never seen his early morning routine.

"Tai chi."

"Mmm. I used to get those from Starbucks."

"You're thinking of chai tea," Justin said automatically and laughed. "You're teasing me, aren't you?"

"Yup." Carly grinned at him. He arched out one leg and followed it in a turn—a flowing motion that reminded her of a slinking jungle cat.

"Smartass. Get yourself some coffee. Breakfast will be ready soon."

She eyed the pot sitting on some hot embers. "We're not having oatmeal again, are we?"

"Yes, we are."

Carly grimaced, but said nothing.

"Oatmeal is a good, hearty breakfast. Sticks to your ribs."

She poured herself a cup of coffee and took a sip. "That sounds like a terrifying medical condition. Do you do this tai chi every morning?"

"Whenever I have the chance." Justin's smooth, slow movements were almost hypnotic. "It's very good for you. Improves circulation and keeps you limber."

"I'm limber enough."

Justin cast her a naughty grin. "Yes, I think you are."

Carly blushed and ducked her head.

He finished his routine and took his seat in the chair beside her. They sat in companionable silence for a moment. Carly took off her necklace and pulled the soda tab off the chain. She tossed it into the fire and fastened the chain around her neck again.

"I need to get you a new symbol," Justin said.

Maybe a ring?The thought popped into her head unbidden, and she ducked her head to hide anything her face might reveal about her thoughts. Fortunately, he was involved in dishing out their breakfast and didn't notice.

They crossed the U.S. border at mid-morning. Both sides had long lines of cars, frozen where they'd waited to be allowed to cross. Carly kept her eyes carefully to the side of the road, so she didn't notice what Justin did.

"These cars have already been looted. There's nothing left."

"Perhaps the occupants took their stuff with them when they got out and walked."

"Maybe some of them, but most of them are still sitting in the cars."

Months after the Crisis. Carly remembered the flies and pressed the back of her hand over her mouth as nausea swept through her. Before they had approached the border, Justin had stopped them. He got a jar of menthol jelly from the medical supplies, and dabbed a smear of it on her upper lip. She hadn't understood why at the time, but as they passed the line of cars, she did. The menthol numbed her nose so she couldn't smell anything.

They passed through the border guard station. Justin reached into the pocket of his duffel bag. "Good thing I have this with me." He held up his passport and then tossed it down on a pile of them lying near the door.

"Wait, Justin, don't." Carly picked it up and put it in her back pocket. "We may need it someday."

Justin sounded a little amused. "For what?"

"Well, the government will start up again one day. We'll want to be able to prove we're citizens." Carly didn't have a passport—she had never needed one—but she had her birth certificate and driver's license sealed in a plastic bag, buried deep within her pack.

Justin nodded. "You're right in one respect, if survivors gather together, they'll form a government, but it won't be the same government we used to have, Carly. The United States is dead."

He spoke with such finality that she stared at him, her mouth slightly agape. "It doesn't have to be."

"The survivors will be forming something like the Kingdom of Springfield, if anything. Democracy is a luxury for wealthy civilizations. In this new world, where we all cling to survival, strength will determine the ruler, not a tally of votes." Justin's voice was indifferent, as though he were delivering a lecture to a class of students, not talking about the fate of their society.

Carly, who had been raised to revere democracy and the Constitution, was horrified. "So, we've devolved back to warlords and fiefdoms?"

"It's what I've seen in every nation when the centralized government went to hell," he said, and his voice was grim. "Society has been stripped to its bare bones. There's nothing to stop the strong or more aggressive from preying on the weak. People will band together under a strong leader and hope for safety in numbers. And the criminals will band up as well."

Carly tilted up her chin. "We can still be Americans if we want to be. We're starting over and this time, maybe we can get it right."

His eyes held a touch of pity, which irritated her. "Maybe."

"I don't understand this, Justin. You served the U.S. and its government, shed your blood for it, judging by your scars. I would think you would want the government to be restored to what it was."

"And perhaps my familiarity with it is one of the reasons why I'm not so eager to see it restored."

"You're such a pessimist," she retorted. That offhand tone of his was really starting to irk her, but it occurred to her that he might be trying to feign indifference to hide how he really felt. She watched him more closely, but if it was a mask, it was firmly in place, and she didn't catch a glimpse of any other emotion.

"I prefer realist. Successful self-governance requires a civic-minded populace willing to personally sacrifice for the greater good. It goes against human nature. You say maybe we can get it right if we try again, and I say we did very well in the old days. With basic survival uncertain, we're not going to improve on the system any time soon."

Six months ago was the old days, as hard as that was to believe. Carly glanced up and saw a tattered and faded American flag flapping listlessly in the breeze.

"Did you bring the cookies?" the man asked her.

Justin cocked his revolver. "Back the fuck off." His harsh tone should have been more than sufficient warning, but the man was too far gone to pay any attention.

The man had rushed out of a house along the highway when he saw them, his face crumpled in anxiety. Justin had already shoved him away once, but he was intent on Carly. He grabbed at her again, and Carly darted behind Justin.

"They should be here by now!" The man's agitation seemed to be increasing by the moment. "Why didn't you bring them?"

He was filthy—his clothes spattered with vomit, his hair matted to his head. He was probably in the same clothes he'd been wearing when he had the Infection. "I ordered them two months ago! You should have brought them!"

Sam jumped between them, his legs splayed and his head lowered as he snarled. The man swiveled his head to look at him and confusion replaced the anxiety.

"I had a dog. I can't find him."

"We haven't seen him," Justin said. "Why don't you go look for your cookies and your dog over there?" He pointed to the woods behind the house from which the man had emerged. The man wandered off, successfully distracted.

Justin and Carly remounted their bikes and increased their speed until the house was a dot in the distance behind them.

"It's terrible," Carly said. "There isn't anyone to care for him or for others like that poor woman with Jeremiah. I wish there was something we could do for them."

"Shooting them would probably be the kindest." Justin's tone was grim.

"That's awful!"

"But the truth. They're not going to get better, Carly. Without anyone to take care of them, they'll freeze or starve. And some of them may hurt others, like that man in Fraser."

"I can't believe compassion has died, too." Carly kept her eyes on the road and blinked hard to force back tears, "It's like everything that made us good has dried up and withered away, and all that's left is the basic, animal drives."

"That's not true, Carly. Our society has undergone a setback, that's for sure, but there are still people who are good." He gave her a faint smile, and Carly smiled back. Pessimistic about human nature he might be, but Justin tried to look on the bright side for her sake. "Think of the number of times we've traded. Most of the people we've met have been decent people trying to survive under difficult circumstances. If society manages to rebuild itself into a civilization again, it will be through the efforts of those people and people like you, who want to help others."

"What about people like you?"

Justin hesitated. "I'm not really sure how to answer that question. You're one of the builders. But I don't know what my role would be. ‘Town Pessimist,' perhaps?"

As he'd intended, Carly smiled. "I think you'd be one of the leaders."

Justin snorted.

"No, I'm serious. You said people would gather around a strong leader for protection. Well, you're a strong leader. You know all of this survival stuff, and you've been in the military, so you know about battles and defenses. You'd make a very good leader."

"I'm not patient enough, and I'm not compassionate, like you, Carly."

Carly held back a snort of her own, just barely. Justin saying he wasn't patient enough was like the Pope saying he wasn't Catholic enough. "Well, maybe I could be your vice president and help you with that."

"Sure you wouldn't rather be first lady?"

Carly stole a quick glance at his face. What did he mean by that? Did he mean—?

"Think about it. You could cut ribbons and make inspiring speeches to schoolchildren. And everyone would copy your outfits."

"Ugh." Carly wrinkled her nose. "I'm no good at speeches."

"You're great at talking."

Carly laughed. "That's different."

"Only because you think it is. Giving a speech is just talking to more than one person."

"Well, anyway, I'd rather not waste time doing it. I'd rather work on stuff that matters."

They rode along in silence for a few moments. The only sounds were the whirr of their bike wheels, the clomp of Shadowfax's hooves as she ambled along behind them, and the sigh of the wind through the trees. Such a beautiful day.

They crested a hill and saw a car accident at the bottom—one car on its side that blocked most of the road and another with its nose crumpled against the bottom of the flipped car. Both were blackened by fire.

"Something's not right," Justin murmured. He scanned the area, searching for the source of the uneasy feeling he had. Sam seemed to feel the same way. He tossed his head back and sniffed the air, then gave a soft whine, but the wind was at their backs, driving away any scents from what might be ahead.

They climbed off their bikes to wheel them along the road's shoulder, and Carly heard Justin gasp. She turned around to spot an arrow sticking out of his chest.

Carly let out a startled scream and dropped her bike with a clatter to the pavement. "Justin! Oh, my God!"

Justin fell to his knees, his face still blank with shock. He fell over onto his side, and blood saturated his shirt. Sam snarled, and Carly followed his gaze to find a man and a woman emerging from their hiding place behind the vehicles. Sam crouched to leap at them.

"Call off your dog, or I'll shoot him, too," the woman spat. She wore a long brown peasant-style skirt with a man's suit jacket. The man she was with was tall and thin to the point of emaciation. His face was oddly narrow, as though his head had been pressed between two boards. He grinned at Carly and licked his lips lewdly. Carly's stomach turned.

"Sam, stay." Sam tilted his head and gave a bewildered whine as he shifted on his paws.

"Go unhook the wagon from the bike," the woman ordered, and the man hastened to obey. She held her crossbow pointed at Carly's chest.

"Holy shit, Jeanie. We hit the fuckin' mother lode." The man had peeled back the tarp covering the wagon and was admiring the things inside. "Booze! They got a shitload of booze in here! And drugs! All kinds of drugs! Oh-ho, baby!"

Jeanie grinned back at him. "Grab it and let's get out of here."

Carly saw her chance and took it. She whipped the gun out of the pouch on her belt and shot Jeanie in the chest before she whirled around and fired at the scrawny man. The impact of the bullet spun him around and off his feet, and he collapsed onto the gravel on the shoulder of the road.

Sam, sensing the command of inaction had been lifted, flung himself with a vicious snarl at the woman. She, too, had fallen, but she was trying to sit up and lift the crossbow with one hand while the other clutched at her wound. Sam sank his teeth into that arm, and the bite was probably what caused Jeanie to miss, but it was so close the arrow tugged at the sleeve of Carly's T-shirt. Carly fired at Jeanie again when Sam darted back, and the top of the woman's head disappeared in an explosion of blood. She fell back, twitching.

Carly trembled from head to toe as she walked over to the man. Always make sure, Justin had told her. Double tap. Remember that.

She stood over the blond man. He was trying to crawl under the wagon, babbling incoherently, and she turned her face away as she pulled the trigger twice. His body jumped and then fell still.

She spun away from him and ran to Justin. She knelt beside him, uncaring that his blood soaked through the knees of her pants. "Justin?"

He didn't respond. His face was white and waxy.

With a trembling hand, Carly pressed her fingers to the side of his neck. She felt a pulse and nearly collapsed with relief. He was alive. Thank God. He was alive.

"Justin?" she whispered. "What do I do?"

Sam sniffed at Justin and whined. He looked up at Carly imploringly.

Carly looked up and around, as if the answer would suggest itself. She could feel panic clawing at the edges of her mind, but she couldn't give into it. Not if she wanted to save Justin. She took two deep breaths and forced herself to think.

First, she needed to get him to safety. Away from that place, anyway. She dashed over to the wagon and shifted things around until she had a space large enough for him to lie down, though his legs would dangle over the end a bit. Carly hauled Justin upright and saw that the arrow went all the way through him. Heaving, groaning, and straining, she managed to get him up into the wagon, lying on his side. It reminded her, horribly, of putting her father in the bed after she'd killed him.

Carly left her own bike where it lay on the pavement, climbed onto Justin's, and pushed hard against the pedals to get the bike going. She hadn't realized what a load Justin had been hauling.

"You're strong," she told him. "That's why you're going to make it."

Carly pedaled hard and fast. She turned down the first side road she came to and pedaled even harder. She didn't know what she was looking for until she found the house. It was burned-out, with a long driveway leading to it. A perfect hiding place since no one would come to loot it. Carly turned down the gravel path, wincing with every bump and hole she hit. She was glad Justin was unconscious. She pulled around the back of the house and climbed off the bike. Justin hadn't moved from where she'd laid him.

"Okay," she said. She took another couple deep breaths and tried to force herself to think calmly, clearly. It was tempting to give into tears, to slip into panic, but she knew she couldn't do that. "You can panic later," she told herself.

Carly knew she needed to pull the arrow out. If there'd been a hospital anywhere nearby, she would have left it in place for the professionals to remove, but there was no one to help them. She hesitated on the edge of indecision for a moment, concerned it might be holding a blood vessel closed and pulling it out would cause him to bleed internally. It had happened to a boy she'd gone to school with who'd been in an accident at his summer construction job. When his panicked coworkers pulled out the jagged piece of wood that had been stabbed through his leg, he'd bled out before they could get him to a hospital. But Carly had no choice.

She set up a quick campsite, laying out their sleeping bags and covering them with a thick canvas tarp. She gathered firewood from the wood pile behind the house and lit it using his Zippo and one of the emergency fuel-soaked tinder blocks. She put a pot of water on to boil, though she couldn't have said why she thought she needed it.

Carefully, Carly lifted Justin from the wagon, and dragged him toward the bed she'd made, her arms clasped around his upper chest under his arms. God, he's so heavy ...

Seeing how she struggled and strained, Sam took the cuff of Justin's jeans between his teeth and carried one of Justin's legs. "Thanks!" Carly said with a grunt. Sam gave a small wag of his tail in acknowledgement, though his eyes were troubled.

Carly laid Justin on his side as gently as she could and brought a tool kit and a first aid kit over to her makeshift hospital area. She set up the medical supplies she thought she'd need. In the tool kit, she found a pair of heavy-duty wire cutters and splashed rubbing alcohol over the blades. She took a deep breath and cut off the head of the arrow. Then, before she could change her mind, she yanked out the shaft.

Justin cried out in pain and thrashed for a moment before slipping, mercifully, back into unconsciousness. Blood gushed from both sides of the wound and Carly pressed thick wads of sterile gauze padding over them. Push hard. Push hard to stop the bleeding.

It was a difficult task. Justin's body was wide enough to prevent Carly from being able to lock her elbows. She had to use the strength in her arms to push, and after hauling him into and out of the wagon, that strength was almost spent. But she pushed. She pushed hard, drawing energy from a determination she didn't know she had. She wasn't going to give up. She wasn't going to lose him. She didn't know how much time she spent pushing, changing out soaked gauze for fresh, but it was dark when the bleeding finally slowed to a trickle and she became aware enough of her surroundings to notice.

Carly poured peroxide over both sides of the wound, slathered it with antibacterial cream, and taped a fresh gauze pad over both sides. She left him lying on his side so she could monitor the entry and the exit of the wound to make sure he didn't start bleeding again.

She wondered if it was a dangerous sign that he was still unconscious. She wished she knew if she should try to wake him up, or if sleep was what his body needed to heal.

Carly tried to think of what the arrow might have hit, but anatomy had never been her strong suit; pictures of the human innards had always disturbed her, even if they were just drawings. It wasn't the heart; she knew that, at least. A lung, perhaps? He seemed to be breathing all right, and there was no blood coming out of his mouth or nose.

Carly hugged her knees to her chest. What was she supposed to do now? The gauze pad had a spot of blood on it, but it didn't seem to be getting larger. She stared at that spot for so long she lost track of time until Sam nudged her. She came back to reality with a startled blink. The fire had burned down to orange embers, and the pot of water she'd put on had boiled dry. She wrapped her hand in a cloth and lifted the pot aside before tossing on a few pieces of wood.

Shadowfax stood behind them at the corner of the house, watching the driveway like a sentinel. She made soft rumbling noises and shuffled her feet occasionally, but stood there, alert and watching, and her head swiveled toward every noise.

Carly sat down beside Justin again. She picked up one of his limp hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Justin? Justin, if you can hear me, please wake up soon. I—I'm scared. I'm scared, and I don't know what else to do for you."

Sam crawled up beside Carly and laid his head on her thigh. He gave a soft whine and looked in Justin's direction, then back at Carly questioningly.

"I don't know. I guess we just have to wait."

Sam got to his feet and went over to bump Justin's head with his nose. When that wasn't successful, he settled down beside him and placed his head on Justin's stomach.

All night she waited. Justin never moved. Only the rise and fall of his chest reassured her he was still alive. Dawn came, and the birds began to sing in the trees—an incongruously cheerful sound. Carly put more wood on the fire.

Justin twitched. She held her breath. He twitched again.

"Justin?"

He went still.

She closed her eyes.

Throughout the day, the scene repeated frequently. Justin would twitch or mutter, and Carly would think he was waking, but then he'd sink back into silence. He moaned once, and her excitement rose, but he never opened his eyes, never responded to her. Carly saw beads of sweat on his temples and laid a hand on his forehead. Oh, no...

He was burning up.

She pressed her hands over her mouth, her mind momentarily blanked with panic. He had a fever. The Infection! He has the Infection! Had his wound compromised his immune system?

Don't be an idiot, she chided herself. He doesn't have the Infection. It's his injury.

Were his wounds infected? Carly pulled away the gauze pads and peered at the holes. They were red. But aren't all wounds red? She poured peroxide over them again and reapplied the antibacterial cream before covering them with clean pads.

What if the infection was down inside, where the peroxide didn't reach?

Oh, God, what do I do?

Carly forced herself to think. They had antibiotics in the wagon. She knew that. She went over and pulled the tarp aside and began to shuffle through the boxes. She didn't recognize many of the names, but one stood out to her. Amoxicillin. She'd had a friend who took it for her frequent ear infections. Carly opened the box and took out one of the bottles inside. She turned the bottle in her hand and almost wept with relief when she saw it had instructions for the usual dosage on the side. One tablet every twelve hours.

But what if Justin was allergic? Some people had deadly reactions to antibiotics, but Carly couldn't remember which ones, or what symptoms indicated an allergy. Still, she had to try. He was burning up. She could only hope he would have thought to tell her if he was allergic to anything.

Carly opened the bottle and pulled out the cotton wadding inside. She shook one of the red and yellow capsules into her hand before she realized she had a new problem. How was she going to an unconscious man to take a pill?

She opened Justin's mouth and dropped it inside then pushed his jaw closed. After a moment, she opened it back up and saw the pill stuck to his tongue in the same place she'd put it. There was a bottle of water sitting on the end of the wagon. She opened it and poured some into his mouth, hoping he'd swallow automatically. Justin started coughing and Carly turned his head so the water would run out of his mouth.

Carly lifted his head onto her thigh and stuffed the soggy pill as far back into his throat as she could, then tilted his head back to dribble in a little water, a tiny bit at a time. She saw Justin swallow once, and considered it a victory. The pill was inside him.

Twelve hours. Carly had to wait twelve hours. It seemed like an eternity. She decided to keep herself busy. She erected the tent and then dragged the tarp he lay upon off the sleeping bags, which she put in their proper places inside the tent. She then dragged him inside the tent to rest in comfort. She arranged him on his side before she went back out to the fire, where she burned the bloody tarp and the blood-soaked bandages. She didn't know if there were bears or other dangerous predators in North Dakota, but it was better to be on the safe side.

Twelve hours. How would she know when it was time? Carly looked up at the sun. It was only a couple of hours past dawn. Maybe eight or nine o'clock. So, about sunset should be right, she figured. As long as she gave him his pills at the same time every day, it should work, even if it was an hour or two sooner or later. At least she hoped it wasn't necessary to be exact.

The hell of it was that she didn't know. Carly could be making it worse with her incompetent nursing.

She sat and stared at the fire. What would she do if Justin died? Carly hadn't let herself even consider the possibility, but it was a very stark and horrid reality. He could die. She closed her eyes. The pain that thought inspired was so intense she knew his actual death would destroy her. She'd want to lie down and die herself, but who would take care of Shadowfax and Sam? She let herself cry a little, just to ease some of the hard, hot knot of tension in her chest, but then she wiped her face and got back to work. She had to do everything she could to save him.

Carly had listened to Justin's survival lessons well. She headed downhill, following the contours of the land to its lowest point, and sure enough, she found a small creek where she filled a bucket and headed back to the camp.

She went into the tent and stripped his clothes, cutting off what she couldn't remove easily. "You know, you might actually be turned on by this if you were conscious," Carly told him with a teasing note in her voice. She sang when she ran out of things to say. She hoped Justin could hear her, hoped the sound of her voice soothed him.

She poured rubbing alcohol into the creek water to kill the germs, but she was still careful to keep it away from his wound when she placed water-soaked towels over his overheated body. It was what she and her father had done to try to lower her mother's fever. Carly couldn't tell if it was helping or not. He began to shiver, even though his skin was hot to the touch.

"Carly," Justin said.

Her eyes flew to his face. "Justin?"

But Justin was not awake. He was muttering in his sleep, and she couldn't make out the rest of what he was saying. Carly rinsed out the cloth she had laid on his head and put it back. His hair was soaked with sweat.

At some point, she must have dozed off, and she jerked out of sleep when Justin shouted her name. She sat up, confused for a long, awful moment before reality came back to her. It was dark. She'd missed his antibiotic dosage. She scrambled out of the tent and went to get the bottle.

"Carly! Carly! Carleeeeee!"

"I'm right here," she assured him, crawling back inside. "I'm right here, Justin. Right here." She fished a pill out of the bottle and tried to put it in his mouth, but he tossed his head in his delirium.

"Carly!"

"Here, Justin. I'm here." She pinched his jaw open and shoved the pill into his throat. "Here, drink this, honey." Carly poured a small dribble of water in his mouth. Justin sucked at it eagerly, so she tipped in more, bringing the bottle to his lips.

Carly took the bottle away after Justin drank almost all of it. She didn't want him to get sick from having too much at once. She refreshed all of his cool towels and put some wood on the dying fire. Shadowfax still stood guard in her spot by the corner of the house and she greeted Carly with a soft nicker. Carly went over to her, and Shadowfax lowered her head to rest over Carly's shoulder and hooked her foreleg around Carly's waist as she had done after the attack in Carcross—the equine version of a hug that gave comfort as intended. "Thank you, Shadowfax," Carly said, and laid her forehead against the horse's neck. "After this is over, I'm giving you a sugar cube the size of a Volkswagen."

Sam was curled up by the fire. His tail thumped in the dust when she walked over to him and gave his ruff a scratch. He arched against her hand and his back leg jerked in time. She chuckled, but her laughter died when she realized she hadn't fed him all day. Feeling ashamed, she gave him a can of wet food on top of his dry food, which he seemed to enjoy, if practically inhaling it was any indication.

Carly crawled back into the tent. Justin was still muttering, and she could make out some of the words.

"... save you... can't stay... No, Carly, don't!"

"Justin, I'm right here. Right here beside you." Carly took one of Justin's hands in hers. His skin burned with fever. "Can you feel me? Please, Justin, wake up. Please, wake up." Her voice cracked on the last word. She hung her head and struggled not to cry. It was a battle she lost. She lay down beside him and sobbed like a baby while he twitched, muttered, and called her name.

In the morning, Sam brought Carly a rabbit. He dropped it at her feet when she crawled out of the tent. His tail wagged eagerly, and she petted him. "Thanks, Sam. Good boy. But I'm not hungry."

Sam picked up the limp body and dropped it again, closer to her bare toes. He nudged it toward her with his nose.

"All right, Sam. I'll eat it." Maybe if she cooked it, he would feel satisfied. Carly gave Justin his morning dose of medication. It might have been just her hopeful imagination, but he did feel a bit cooler. Hope could sometimes be a terrible thing.

Carly took Justin's knife off of his belt. She gutted and skinned the rabbit, not even having the energy to be grossed out by what she was doing, and put it on a spit over the fire to cook while she went in and refreshed Justin's towels.

The smell of cooking meat caused her stomach to clench in hunger. As soon as it was done, Carly decided to eat a little of it and wound up devouring the whole thing. Sam seemed mighty proud of himself when she gave him the bones to chew while she set about re-wetting Justin's towels again. She laid the last over Justin's forehead and hair.

"Carly, love you," he muttered. "Love you."

She froze. Did he mean that, or was it just part of his fevered ramblings?

And that's when Carly realized she loved him, too, and it might be too late for him to ever know.

"Carly?"

"Right here, Justin," Carly mumbled automatically. She had woken at dawn to give him his pill and refresh his cool towels, and then she had fallen back asleep, exhausted. She'd lost track of how many days had passed. Time had ceased to matter, except for when the sunrise and sunset told her it was pill time.

"Carly, are you all right?"

She bolted upright, instantly awake. "Justin?"

"Yeah." He rubbed a hand over his face. "God, I feel like shit."

"You got shot," she said. Tears spilled out of her eyes and ran freely down her cheeks. "You're awake. Oh, thank God, you're awake."

Justin gave her an odd look. "How long was I out?"

"Days and days," Carly replied. "I don't know. A long time."

He tried to sit up and groaned. She put a hand on his shoulder. "Please, don't try to get up."

"I've got to go."

"Go where?"

Justin laughed. "I need to piss, Carly."

She flushed. "Oh. Okay. Let me get you the pan."

"Don't tell me," he said with a groan. "You haven't had to take care of me like a baby, have you?"

"I would have done far worse." Carly crawled out of the tent where Sam was waiting at the doorway, eagerly sniffing inside. "Yeah, go ahead, he's awake." The wolf darted through the opening, and she heard the sound of an enthusiastic canine lapping at a face and Justin's soft laugh.

Carly handed the pan inside and wandered over to pet Shadowfax to give him his privacy. He passed the pan back out, and Carly gave him a bottle of water before she took the pan away to dump and rinse it. She returned to find Shadowfax had stuck her head inside the tent. She heard Justin's chuckle. She found Justin lying with his head pillowed on Sam's back, stroking the horse's nose.

"Seems everyone was worried about me," Justin commented.

"I was so worried you were going to die. I didn't know if I was giving you the right antibiotic, or if I was taking care of you properly or—"

"You did just fine. Now, tell me what happened."

"You don't remember?"

"I remember riding down the highway after we crossed the border, and that's all."

Carly told the story. She had to pause in a couple of places to regain control of her emotions, but she forced her way through it.

"You killed them?" Justin asked.

Carly nodded.

"I'm proud of you, Carly. You protected us."

"That wasn't the hard part. Taking care of you when I didn't know what I was doing was worse."

"It sounds like you had good instincts about it. Taking the arrow out, the antibiotics, the cool towels... Thank you, Carly. Thank you for taking care of me."

"You don't need to thank me, Justin. You would have done the same." And I love you.

"Be that as it may, I'm still grateful. Come on, lie down and get some sleep. You look like you need it."

"After I make you some breakfast." Carly scurried out of the tent before he could object.

She made Justin some of the powdered eggs; something she thought would be easy to digest after days of having nothing but the bit of soup that Carly had dribbled into his mouth. She brought him the plate and sat down beside him. "Eat it slowly," she said, still taking care of him.

Justin nodded. "Where's yours?"

Carly hadn't even thought of food for herself. "Sam will bring me something. He's been reminding me to eat by bringing me rabbits and squirrels."

Justin shook his head with a soft laugh. "I take it that you've learned to clean game?"

"Yeah. While you were sick, my mind was on you, not on what I was doing, so it didn't really bother me." Her voice trembled a bit, remembering those dark and terrible hours when she didn't know if she was helping him or hurting him, when she knew that he could possibly die and there was nothing she could do about it. She never wanted to feel that horrifying helplessness again.

"Oh, Carly." His eyes were soft and sad. "I'm so sorry that I scared you so badly."

"I was just scared I wasn't doing the right things to help you."

Justin put his plate aside. "Come here."

Carly went happily into his arms and laid her head on his chest. The strong, steady thump of his heart reassured her.

"You never cease to amaze me," he whispered into her hair. "Every time there's a challenge, you surpass it with flying colors. You know, you're more of a survivor than I am."

"What do you mean?"

"The way you adapt, figure things out, and refuse to be defeated by anything. I'm trained. I do these things from knowledge. You figure them out on your own, and you never back down in the face of adversity. And you have the kind of courage that seasoned warriors would envy." The soft rumble of his voice beneath her ear was soothing, as was the kiss he brushed on the top of her head. She remembered him telling her right after they had left Juneau that he thought she was a survivor. Was this the sort of thing he had meant?

"I'm not brave," Carly said quietly. "I was scared to death."

"Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's forging ahead despite that fear."

"I just did what I had to do."

"That's what's so special."

Carly could see that he wasn't going to understand, but she felt weird allowing him to believe she had virtues that she didn't. "Eat your eggs before they get cold," she said and left his embrace.

"Share with me. You made me far too much."

"I'll go get a fork."

He shrugged. "We'll share that, too." He speared a mouthful of eggs on his fork's tines and held it out to her. Carly opened her mouth and he placed the bite inside.

"I'm amazed at how good these are," she said. "I'd never believe that powdered stuff would taste this good."

"One of the rare exceptions. Open up."

Carly did, and he put another forkful of eggs into her mouth before taking a bite himself. He alternated feeding himself and Carly until the plate was empty. Both of them were pleasantly full.

"Wow, I really did make too much," Carly said with a sigh. She lay back on the sleeping bag beside him. He reached out a searching hand until he found hers and clasped it, twining their fingers. They lay in companionable silence for a while.

She peered over at him to see if he was asleep and saw his eyes were open. He was gazing at the top of the tent with a thoughtful expression. "Justin?"

"Mmm?"

"I need to tell you something."

"What?"

Carly took a deep breath. "I love you."

Justin said nothing, though his eyes widened. A sharp dart of pain stabbed her heart at his silence, but she didn't regret saying it. If this experience had taught her nothing else, it was that important things like that should never remain unsaid. You never knew when life could take away your chance to do it, when it would suddenly be too late. She forged ahead. "I love you. When you were laying there so sick, I kept thinking you might die without knowing it, without ever hearing it, and I needed to tell you."

The silence was heavy, oppressive. Carly wanted to run out of the tent and hide herself in the woods for a nice, long cry.

Justin rolled over to face her. His hand tightened on hers until it was an almost bruising pressure. "Oh, God, Carly, do you really mean it?"

"Yes, I mean it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it with all my heart. I've never felt this way."

He brushed the hair back from her forehead. "I love you, Carly."

She choked back a gasp. "Really? I—Are you—?"

Justin chuckled. "Articulate as ever, sweetheart. Yes, I love you. Did you ever doubt it?"

He'd never said the words, but looking back, he didn't need to. He'd said it with every one of his little acts of kindness, his thoughtfulness, and his care for her. It was in the sweet gestures he made, like the picnic in the library, the wildflower he'd picked the week before and inserted in her hair behind her ear. Tears trickled from her eyes as she drew him down for a soft, sweet kiss.