32. Jax

Jax

" A ll right, Joe Hinklestein should be around here somewhere, just drive a bit slower."

Rafael slows down but checks the rearview mirror repetitively. "I think we lost them. Tenacious fuckers. Who would have thought the media could be so resourceful!"

"You have no idea," I mutter. "Wait, stop, I think I saw something."

Rafe pulls over, and I jump from the car before it even stops moving. I dash through the opening of a shell of a building and catch sight of a man jumping through a window. A cry escapes me as I burst into a run across the concrete slab, narrowly avoiding glass bottles and bits of debris. I fling myself through the window.

"JOE! Wait!"

The old man pauses and cocks his head to the side. He looks exactly as he always did, just older. His hair is in matts, his face is lined with wrinkles and in a perpetual scowl, and he looks emaciated. I'd know him anywhere. I used to feel sorry for the way people treated him. I gave him my lunch once. He wasn't scary, just…lost. "She talking to us? She can't be talking to us. We be invisible."

"Joe, I don't know if you remember-"

"Jackie Blackwell, nee, Harmon, also Jax Shade, and the fiancée of one very evil Louis Falcon. I know you, little girl. You growed up and out. Got fat. Should try my diet, it's called air."

I purse my lips and bite the inside of my cheek so I don't hiss out a furious retort.

"Air will keep you slim. Air will keep you healthy. Air will make sure you can run when you need to run." The old man stabs air with a yellow fingernail.

One side of the building is dark, with bits of wood planks and old machinery sitting like someone walked out one day and just never returned. The other side has a huge tear in the wall, and nature is slowly encroaching inside. Joe is framed in light, making it hard to make out his features.

I frown. "Why do you need to run, Joe?"

Joe surges towards me, ignoring Dane and Rafael, who rear up to stop him from getting too close.

"Not me, stupid girl, you. You need to run now. He's back."

I feel the blood drain from my face. "He can't be," I whisper. It's not possible.

"He is. Looks so different, but under the skin, he's the same evil little tot that climbed into the dark wilds of Hurricane and spilled blood upon our hallowed grounds."

"Louis?"

"Don't say his name," Joe hisses and darts into the shadows. "He's always watching. Eyes everywhere."

"Uh, Jax, are you sure?" Dane asks under his breath.

I ignore Dane and step closer to Joe. "He came back here? You saw him?" I press.

"He took the girls. The poor little girls. Dragged em, weeping and whining, into the darkest parts. Into the maze no one can find him in. If we go into his playground, we all die." Joe tilts his head back and howls so loud it scares the crap out of me. I cast a furtive glance around, just in case he is right and there are eyes.

"I have to. He's got Jacob's wife," I say when he stops.

"That fat pastor boy? He should count his blessing's that Louis didn't come after him. Cut his losses and walk away."

"But-"

"You were the only one he cared for. The only one he showed mercy to when he would have drawn blood. Why? What's so special aboutcha? I saw the moment he paused, knife raised, and chose a different path. Why? What is special about Jax Blackwell?"

I shrug, my shoulders tight. This is the second time in hours that's been asked. I'm wondering the same thing. I keep my eyes on Joe, not daring to glance at Dane. Louis was going to kill me and chose not to? That's news to me. "Nothing is special about me, Joe."

"No, no, that's not true. Shadows are dripping from your skins, ghostly hands all over you. Who are you?"

The hairs on my neck lift.

"Joe, please, we need your help-"

"NO! I can't. I won't."

"But-"

"We have money," Rafe pulls out his wallet but stops when Joe sneers.

"Money ain't going to keep me blood in me skin bag, is it? Stupid boy. You don't know what you're messing with. Louis is harder, faster. He's got all the upper hands, and there are only two things he wants for now. His queen and his kingdom. And he'll have them both before the end, mark my words."

Joe twitches and turns to the empty spot beside him. "I know. I know I said too much, but she's got to know. What's coming is going to be bloody and screaming, so much screaming. Does she listen to us, though? I don't know. Well, it's my call. I decided."

Dane slides his hand down my back, and it brings me back from the growing horror that has been slowly rising in me. Poor Joe. He's insane.

Joe looks up, and the light reflects into his eyes, turning them a ghostly white. He draws himself up, taller than he should be, straighter, wider.

"The balance must be righted." His voice echoes around the building, hitting off walls and coming back.

He looks over my shoulder, straight at something I can't see.

"The balance must be righted," he says again, but this time, I'm positive it's not to me. "A life for a life. A trade for a trade."

Joe starts to shake, violent, trembling shakes that cause his teeth to slap together with a sickening crack. He doubles over like a marionette that's had its strings cut and inhales so deep and loud that he sounds mortally wounded.

"Stupid prick, coulda warned a body," Joe wheezes, dropping to his knees. "That hurts!"

That breaks the spell that is holding me frozen, and I rush over to him. He scrambles back on his hands, scuttling like a crab to avoid my touch.

"Keep your death hands away from me!"

I jerk back and stand up slowly. He cautiously rises to his feet and looks over my shoulder. He lets out a peep, a small, high noise of fear that goes straight through me, and before I can speak, he launches himself through the nearest window and vanishes from sight.

"Well, that was exquisite."

"Shut up, Dane," Rafe snaps. "You okay?"

I shake my head. "That was weird."

"I'm so fucking glad you think so!"

"Dane, for fuck's sake, shut up."

I turn in a slow circle and try to see things from Joe's perspective. It's hopeless. All I see is an abandoned building full of dust and dirt.

Rafael scowls. "I'm going to sit in the car. I'll wait for you both there."

I watch Rafael storm away and turn back to Dane with an eyebrow raised.

"Rafael doesn't like to lose his temper. I believe it was frowned upon in his family."

"How the hell does he keep it living with you?"

Dane growls and circles around me. "You aren't the most sweetest of creatures, darling."

"I never claimed to be, Dane."

"You're a pain in my ass."

"And you're a pain in mine," I hiss.

We're both circling now.

"What is it about you? You're just so untouchable, so far away. All this mystery and drama and so damn independent, so much like-"

He cuts himself short and stands there, nostrils flaring.

"So much like who?" I cock my head to the side.

"Terry. So much like him. It's infuriating."

Everything inside me softens at the pain in his voice. "I'm going to find those answers for you, I promise. No matter what it takes."

Dane lifts his eyes and meets mine. There is something in them, dark and shadowed, pained and furious.

"Not no matter what. Don't you dare. That's exactly what I mean. I want you to save yourself, be selfish."

I shake my head. "I don't understand you, Dane."

"You let everyone believe you were in on it when you withheld the truth. You tried to find the answers yourself while suffering. Dammit! You should have gone home, Jax. You should have gotten help."

"No! It would've hurt them."

"So fucking what?" Dane screams. "So what? Why should you be alone? Why? Fuck sake, Jax. I can't…I couldn't bear it if something happened, and I didn't know…"

I swallow hard around the lump in my throat. I want to tell him nothing will happen, but we both know it's most probably a lie. Our lives are in flux. Too many unanswered questions from the past ,and the future could tear us apart as easily as wind through tissue paper. This thing growing inside me is as fragile as a seedling. Anything could tear down my house of cards.

We stare at each other, and the anger, frustration, and pain we both feel and share rises up between us and changes to something else. The air is alive with electricity. I can sense him in a way that I haven't been able to before. It feels like destiny or fate or something. I was meant to be here at this moment with this choice. Will I take it? Will I be brave?

His eyes sharpen and watch me with a hunger that I feel inside me.

"Come to me, Jax," he purrs.

There is no hesitation when I move towards him. It's as natural as breathing. It's as right as anything has ever been.

I move towards him, my hips swaying as I stalk. He mirrors my movements until we meet in the middle, our chests touching with every breath and falling apart when we exhale.

"You-"

"Shut up, Jax," Dane growls and seizes the back of my hair. He pulls on it, not enough to hurt but firmly, tilting my head back even further. He buries his nose in my throat, drawing upwards in a slow, steady path until he catches my ear lobe in-between his teeth.

"Why don't you listen?"

I shiver at the dark menace in his voice. "It's a good thing-"

"Jax, shut up."

"Stop telling me-"

"I know one way of shutting you up." Dane's eyes are dark, his eyebrows lowered, and the light shining through the windows makes his face look even more angular. He swoops down, claiming my lips in a kiss that sears all thoughts from my mind. It's a dance, a passionate, fiery dual, both of us pushing back against the other.

The hot, hard length of his body presses into mine, and I press myself into him, striving to be closer. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself up on tiptoes. I tear my mouth away from him, gasping for air.

He kisses down the side of my neck, and then reaches for my t-shirt and yanks it up over my breasts. His hands go back down, hard and hot, stroking up my sides and then gripping. He kneads them firmly, running his thumb over my nipples before pulling back and ripping the top over my head.

I free my hands from his neck and throw it away. This time, I grab his hair and drag his mouth to mine before sliding my hands down and pulling his shirt up. I slide my hands around his back, feeling all the muscles and listening to him groan into my kiss.

I grin against his lips and nip the bottom one.

"You're going to pay for that."

"Oh, yeah?" I taunt in a husky voice and pull his shirt over his head.

As soon as it's gone, he grabs my hips and slams me against him, grinding the hard length covered in denim into me. I gasp, my mouth falling open as heat turns me molten.

"I'm not going to stop."

"I'll kill you if you stop."

"Good."

I reach for his jeans and flick the button open. He grabs my hands and moves me backwards, walking me until I'm firmly pressed against a wall.

His fingers undo my jeans before I can even vocalise, and then he's pushing them down over my hips.

He sucks in a breath, and my eyes snap open to find him staring down at me.

"I told you, I hate pink."

"I love nude," he murmurs back with a grin and bites down on the side of my neck.

My head falls back, and I grip his hair, moaning. Somehow, his other hand has found its way up my back, and, one-handed, he's unclipped my bra. It falls loose, and he pulls away from my neck to yank it from my body.

"I'm not going to be gentle."

"I don't want gentle."

His eyes drop to my breasts, and he lets out a groan. The hungry way he's staring at me makes me even wetter. That mix of power and pleasure. I feel like a goddess. I want to be destroyed.

Fuck worship.

"Shit, Dane, you waiting for an invitation?"

"Sassy little shit."

I grin at him, but the grin slips away when he swipes his hand up the middle of my cunt. One quick, firm touch and gone. He raises his hand to his lips and licks from his palm to his fingertips.

"Oh, I'm never giving you up."

My knees weaken, and I just blink back at him, lost for words.

He makes use of my silence to move in, sliding his hands firmly over my hips, gripping and squeezing, until he reaches my breasts. He takes them in his hands and studies them.

"These are mine."

I narrow my eyes. "Not a chance in hell."

He growls and bites one of my nipples. Its lighting and fire. I arch back, letting out a shout while my hips jerk forward. He lets go with his teeth and sucks hard.

"Dane, please."

"Beg me real nice, pretty girl, and I might give you what you want."

I tug on his hair and hiss. He switches to my other breast and draws my nipple into the hot cavern that is his mouth. My mind goes blank, and I sob for air.

One hand creeps down between us, and I almost don't pay attention, so focused on his mouth am I, until that hand slides into my folds, skimming over my clit, finding my entrance, and surging in.

I cry out again and jerk my hips helplessly as he pumps.

"You're so ready for me, aren't you?"

I dig my nails into his shoulders and drag him closer so I can bite his shoulder. He pushes his finger in harder, and I scream into his flesh.

"Fuck. This."

He pulls his hand out from between my legs and steps back. I mumble a protest, but he just kicks his jeans off and comes back to me. I get a look at a thick, hard cock before it's pressed against me. He grinds into me, and I whimper.

"Hold on."

He spins me around.

"Hands on the wall."

I put my hands on the wall, and he walks my hips back and kicks my legs wide. Then there's nothing but air.

A tiny sliver of doubt slithers up inside me.

Then he's over me, hot and everywhere. The doubt vanishes into the aether. He slams into me, and my back arches as my mouth falls open. He settles over me, pausing.

"You good?"

"Yeah," I grit out. "Dane, please."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Move, Dane. Please," I beg, almost in tears. I can't move, but I need it.

He chuckles and lifts his chest away from my back. He draws back and slams into me. I can feel him so deep.

He thrusts harder and harder. I'm so close, so close. I strain back against him. He reaches around and rubs his hand against my clit. I explode, shattering around him. My core clamps down on him, and I hear a furious curse before he slams into me twice more and empties himself in me.

I can barely stand up. My body is in a state of frozen, languid shock. He pulls out of me, drawing away. I expect him to go find our clothes, but I'm surprised when he spins me around and presses the most tender, gentle kiss against my lips.

"Are you okay?"

I nod my head, stunned.

He kisses me again, and I'm stolen into the kiss, teasing, lingering, compassionate. It's a kiss you'd give someone you cared deeply about. His breath and mine are one and the same. I can't help but feel like I've just given Dane more than I expected. He pulls away, and I lift my hand to trace the side of his face. He turns his face into my palm and kisses it.

My heart seizes, and my lips part.

I love him.

I stand on tiptoes and kiss him again with all the knowledge I just uncovered on my lips because that's where they'll stay. We can't be together.

I don't know when I fell for this stubborn, snarling man. I don't know how he wormed his way into my heart.

I close my eyes as he moves away.

I'm in love with Rafael, too.

And Gideon.

All three are so different and all as equally impossible as each other. I peek out of the corner of my eyes at Dane and have to swallow the enormous lump in my throat.

My life is not my own. If I could, I would stay with them forever.

Dane passes me my clothes, and I give him a smile. He searches my face, and something shadows his eyes. He's too good at reading me. Of course, he knows something is wrong. I pull on my clothes until I'm finally back to dressed again and wearing all my mental armour.

"Ready?"

"Yup, let's go."

He reaches for my hand, and though I know I shouldn't, I take his in mine, clinging to the warmth he offers. He leads the way through the building and out to the car. Rafe sits up and frowns, but when his eyes land on my neck, his face clears.

I wait to see if there's any sign of jealousy, but he seems to only have an expression of smug satisfaction.

"Let's go," Dane snaps at Rafael, glaring until he removes his eyes from my neck.

"Where to?"

I sigh and rub my temples. "I have to see Sparrow. Like, if I don't go see him soon, he will send people after me." It still feels weird to talk about Sparrow out loud, and we are well past needing to have a conversation about him.

"All right."

"I'll give you the directions," I murmur.

The car ride is silent as we drive. Rafael loans me his hoodie when we park. I climb out of the car.

"If I don't come back, he's locked me up. Go see Dad, there might not be anything he can do, but there might be something."

"See Dad. Got it."

I turn and stare at the building that houses the man who scares me more than any other.

I don't want to do this.

You don't have a choice, Jax.

I force myself to move, one step after another until I'm inside.

I inhale and exhale slowly, evening my breathing, and lift my hand to knock on the door that has become my own personal version of hell.