31. Jax

Jax

" D ad's going to kill me," I whisper as I stare at the news trucks camped outside the mansion. "This time, he's going to actually kill me."

"No, he won't."

"How do you know?" I ask Dane with a quick glare before ducking my head down to avoid the camera that swings at the car window.

"Because I won't let him. It's better if the truth is out, anyway."

I groan from the floor behind the driver's seat. "I'm going to be sick. He's going to hate me. They all will. What was I thinking? I should never have come home. Stupid. Selfish. Reckless."

We pull up as close as Dane can get to the stairs. Rafael climbs out and opens my door. He looks over the car and then nods.

"Run."

I dash up to the front doors. Mason pulls it open and tugs me inside before I even get time to knock.

"Are you all right?" He grips my face in his hands. I pull away gently and cover his hands with mine. So awkward.

"I'm fine, Mase."

"What is going on out there, the things they are saying? What the fuck, Jackie?" He spits at me. "Do you have any idea how pissed your dad is?"

I wince and relax slightly when I feel Rafael slip his hand into mine. "I need to see the family," I say coldly.

"Excellent, you can explain your filthy behaviour to all of us." Jeraldine's face has broken out in hives. I can only remember it happening on two occasions. Severe stress, if I recall. Another mark against my name.

"Lead on," I say to her gently.

She glares at me and searches my face as if looking for the hidden insult, but I have nothing. Not this time.

I walk into the room, and it falls instantly silent.

"Hi."

Andy explodes up. "What the hell, Jackie? Now you're a fucking criminal. Why didn't you stay dead?"

I recoil, but there's nowhere to go.

"Andy!" Dad chides, but his eyes are on me, and in them, all I see is heartbreak.

"I'm sorry. This was never supposed to happen." My voice is weak, even to my ears.

"Explain it to us," River says from the couch, but even he's wearing a guarded expression. You should have told me.

I wanted to.

He looks away from our silent conversation, and I try to ignore the pain in my chest.

"All right, sit down, everyone. Let's hear this story out, and then we can ask questions and work out what we're dealing with." Dad perches in his favourite wingback chair and focuses all of his deadly attention on me. I inhale and notice that everyone is here. The whole family, Mason, Stannis the butler, Matilda, who runs the house, and Richard, who looks particularly furious.

It's probably bad for business.

Rafael squeezes my hand, and Dane stands shoulder-to-shoulder with me.

"I ran away when I was sixteen because I was making everyone unhappy, no, no, hear me out. It was true at the time. When I left Hurricane, I left with Louis Falcon. We went out, found a city and jobs, and together, we made a life. After a while, romance came into the equation, and then, eventually, we got engaged."

I wince, hating how cold I sound.

"Six years ago, I opened the door to a pair of detectives. They told me everything Louis had done, showed me photos, and basically kept me in there for days while they tried to make me confess. I found out a bit later that Louis had chosen his victims from my friend circle. Left clues and details that would lead back to me if anything happened to him."

I squeeze the bridge of my nose.

"So, I kinda had a breakdown and ended up in a psych ward for a little while. I was released a few months later, but the detectives have never given up, and there is a court mandate that says I need to attend weekly sessions with a court-appointed psychiatrist. That was my life. No one believed I was innocent. Everyone everywhere hated me." I don't even dare look at Dane or Rafe. I haven't told them this part yet, and I haven't admitted it out loud. I'm crazy, I'm sick, my medical file says so.

"Why did you come back?" Stevie glares at me from the darkest corner of the room.

"Two reasons. I want answers for the victims and my stalker."

"Stalker?" Dad sits up. "Wait, are you saying you're in danger?"

"Uh, yes. So, a few years back, I got a letter with a photo of me, and it was just too strange. I let it go, but after letter six, I decided I needed to come back and see if I could find out more about Louis." It's not the truth, but it's close enough.

"So, Louis is the Black Dahlia killer, is that correct?" Jeraldine barks out.

I nod. "Yes. That's what the police said."

"The same one that's back."

"It's not the same-" I cut myself off, I can't explain that. "Yes."

"The killer who goes after people in your circle?"

I lift my eyes to hers. "Listen, I tried to stay away. I hid. I changed everything and stayed out of your sphere of friends."

Dad puts his head in his hands and just seems to collapse in on himself. I want so badly to go to him. I bite the inside of my cheek and stay perfectly still.

"So, who are they?" Andy asks and clutches Phil's hand tighter.

I glance at Rafe and Dane.

"We're investigators."

"Oh, this is gold, just gold." Stevie stands up. "You brought the Black Dahlia Killer down on our heads. Say you ‘tried' to stay away. Bring two guys in who are seeking information on our lives and home and masquerade them as your boyfriends and lie to us."

I narrow my eyes. "If you had known, that shit that is happening on your driveway would have happened every day for years. I kept you out of the loop-"

"At your expense," My father thunders. He stands up and stalks over to me. "How could you do that? I would have come, I would have fought, I would have been there-"

"And lost your business, your job, your lifestyle, friends, reputation, social status. Family." My words fire like bullets into the room, silencing everyone. And my father flinches with every word. The truth is, as much as he tries to keep himself grounded, he loves being rich. Losing his lifestyle would have ruined him.

"Trust me, Dad. There are plenty of times I wanted to call. But there were more reasons not to. Sending the lawyer I requested was enough."

"Him! I'm going to have words with him about keeping this secret from me," my father hisses.

"Dylan died a month after I was released. Hit and run, Dad," I say softly.

My dad's mouth falls open, and he pales even further.

River stands up, his expression black. "Damn you." He spins on his heel and stalks out of the room.

He's taking my still-beating heart with him. I know it because the pain in my chest can't be real.

"So, why, after all this time, has he come after you again?" Stevie shouts. "Why you? Why now? What the fuck is so fucking special about you, Jackie?"

I shake my head and stumble to the chair River abandoned. "I don't know."

"Well, this is just great, just wonderful," she explodes.

I jerk my head around and only just resist baring my teeth at Phil as he gets to his feet and dabs at his forehead with a white handkerchief.

"What are we supposed to do with this media circus? What about the wedding?" he hisses.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that, Phil." Mase smiles in a way I've never seen before. "Since you're the one who called and tipped them off."

I jerk my head towards Phil and stare at him. He goes red and splotchy. His eyes go straight to Richard, who is currently leaning against the wall, writing into his phone.

"Stevie said Titan was looking for her-"

"You were going to sell out my daughter to a criminal gangster?" Dad roars.

"No! I was just going to get her away for a while. She's a distraction, she's bad for business!"

I feel sick, my stomach is turning, churning. Hurting my family was the last thing I wanted to do.

Dane crosses the room before anyone else can move and punches Phil in the mouth so hard he tumbles back into the wall.

"Piece of shit."

"Fuck, how are we going to fix this?" Stevie howls.

Richard clears his throat and pushes off the wall. "It's quite simple, really, we do what we always do. No comment. Do not deign to answer a single thing. Just ignore them and continue on."

Richard catches my eyes, and I mouth a silent thank you. He nods, and I think maybe, for a second, his expression softens. Who would have thought Richard would become an ally?

"Good plan, thanks, Richard." Dad scowls, but his eyes haven't left Phil.

"If you think-" Richard pulls Dad aside and talks to him in an indistinct murmur.

Phil grabs for Andy, but she spins out of away, stalking across the room to stand next to the silent Jeraldine. I study her, and in return, she studies me.

"You did the right thing." My stepmother, the woman who has hated me since the day she clapped eyes on me, says with a nod of what looks scarily like respect.

It's so quiet I almost miss it, but I know what I heard, and I see the ghost of a grateful smile on her lips before she whirls and leaves the room, Stevie and Andy behind her. Something inside me settles.

Mason sidles up next to me and both of us ignore Rafael's silent bristling. "You all right?"

"No."

"What can I do?"

I laugh and reach for Rafael's hand. Mason's lips tighten, and his hazel eyes flash, but he doesn't say anything.

"I don't know, Mase. I'm looking for anyone who knew anything at all about Louis."

Mason glances around and leans down so his mouth is against my ear. It takes everything in me not to shift away from him. "You remember Old Joe Hinklestein, the bum?"

I nod.

"He's still where he always has been. Go see him."

Mason stands up and touches my cheek. It's a strangely intimate gesture, and I have to fight not to recoil from it. My heart hurts at the disappointment on his face, but I just don't feel that way about him. I can't.

"Stay safe, beautiful, and let me know when you're leaving. I'll get you through that pack of savages."

We watch him leave before Rafe squeezes my hand, drawing my attention back to him. He raises his eyebrows.

"I have no idea," I say honestly.

Dane is arguing heavily with Dad and Richard. They all stop at once.

"You'll move home," Dad says.

"Not a chance," I say back.

"Jackie Blackwell, this is not up for debate," Dad says in the voice that belongs to the man who ran an empire.

"No, it's not because I can't. I'm busy, and if this killer is still out there, then I'm not bringing him here. And it's Jax now."

"But-"

"No!" I shout.

Dad purses his lips and scowls, but Dane looks strangely pleased.

"Dad, just ignore them. I'm sorry, really, truly sorry for what I've brought on the family," my voice catches, and I have to stop. "But I'm going to fix this, trust me."

"You don't always have to do everything alone, stubborn girl."

"I know that, Dad."

"Sometimes, I'm not sure that you do. You keep those boys of yours close."

"I will."

"Good. Richard and I are going to handle the media. You worry about keeping your head down and staying out of this madman's clutches." Dad embraces me in a hard hug, and then heads for the door, Richard at his side. "Phil, a moment of your time. Now."

I've never heard Dad use that voice on someone who is family before, but Phil jumps and scrambles after the two powerful men.

I close my eyes as Rafael wraps his arms around me and lean into him.

"I have to speak to River."

"I know. We'll wait for you here."

"Thanks."

I pull away and move quickly through the house before I can talk myself out of it. River is sitting on the same balustrade we sat on during the day of the engagement party. He looks up and looks away.

"You lied to me."

"I lied to everyone."

"Yes, but it's me. River and Jax against the world. You and me, who never keep secrets. You and me, who have each other's backs. What the fuck, Jax?"

I grab River's face and hold him so he has to stare at me.

"He finds people I love, stalks them and takes them one night, no warning, they just vanish. Louis, my Louis, cuts them apart for three days, and they're alive when he does it. He electrocutes them, stabs them, shoots them, burns them, brands them, and when you have nothing left and you are a ghost of who you were, he kills you."

River licks his lips. His pupils are wide and dilated.

"That's why I lied, and I would do it over and over and over again. I never, ever want you to be connected to that monster. I would have said and done anything to keep you safe, Riv."

"But you were…and you were alone. That's the part that kills me. We were having this wonderful life, and you were locked up, living in poverty, hungry, cold, scared, and we were right here."

Tears fill his eyes and then mine. I have to blink hard to push them away.

"It was worth it."

"What was?"

"The price; to know you were all safe and warm and living your lives was worth it."

River sobs and wraps his arms around me and squeezes until my bones creak, but I hug him back just as hard. He cries onto my shoulder, and my silent tears stain his top.

"I'm sorry my choices hurt you."

River chuckles wetly, pulling back. "I'm sorry your choices hurt you."

"Are we good, Riv?"

He closes his eyes. "Yeah, we're good, but no more, okay? We're a family. Can we, like, start acting like it?"

I pretend to think. "Iunno."

"Idiot."

"Hey, did you see? I think the demon queen is mellowing to me."

River laughs and follows me back to the house. "I don't believe you."

"I swear, Riv, she bared her teeth in an actual grin."

"Nah, you're wrong. I'd put money on it."

There's a lightness in my chest. My secrets were heavy and dark and painful for my narrow shoulders to carry.

Too bad the worst are still inside.