19. Jax

Jax

R afe's face stiffens, and he jerks his chin quickly, indicating something behind me, and steps back, putting space between us. I tense and turn, ready for a fight as I feel someone approach us.

"Good morning, Jax," he says, but his eyes are on Dane and Rafe.

"Hi, Richard," I say and relax.

Richard is wearing a suit of navy blue. His dark hair is brushed back, and his smile is skin deep, his true emotion of complete boredom is reflected in his eyes. He's got a book in his hands, which, interestingly, is titled Building or Buying . I wonder what he's building now.

"What are you up to this morning?" His question comes out almost like an accusation.

"Working." I shrug my shoulders. "I'm doing a tour guide gig."

Richard splutters. "Tours? Of Hurricane?"

"Hey, it earns a living."

Richard gives me one of those long looks that makes me feel like a child with grubby hands caught touching something I shouldn't. "Yes. Well, while I'm here, I'll pass on a message from Mr Harmon. He'd like to organise a dinner in two days. You're to be there." His smile is shark-like when he aims it at me. "Why don't you bring your tourists with you?"

I scowl but nod. "Sure, I'll be there, and I'll ask them if they'd like to come."

Richard looks past me to Rafael. "Dinner. Be there."

"Yes, sir."

Richard nods tightly, turns on his heel, and leaves. I roll my eyes at his display of arrogance. He's got to die with that haughty attitude of his.

"Is he always like that?"

"Yes. Richard is…Edward Harmons' business partner, but he's a workaholic. Always has been. This is who he is."

Dane comes out from between the shelves and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. It looks good on him. I jerk my eyes away and catch Rafe grinning at me.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just wondering-"

"There's nothing there," Dane snaps. "Let's go."

Rafe makes an annoyed sound. "Are you ready to go? Repeat after me. Are you ready to go?"

Dane gives him a puzzled look. "Yeah, let's go."

"Dane. Try…harder."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I press my lips together and watch the two of them. I want this kind of relationship, where I can be myself. Rafe and Dane don't realise how lucky they are. It causes a twisting pain in my chest. I put my hands in my pockets and pretend to watch the librarian.

"Wait a second." I grab Dane's arm and pull.

I stop when I realise what I've done and turn to see him staring at my hand on his arm. I drop it instantly and back up.

"Sorry."

"Don't be," he mutters and brushes past me.

I follow him but abruptly turn and detour to the counter. An old woman peers up at me with coke-bottle glasses that make her eyes look ten sizes too big. Her wispy hair is tied neatly in a bun. If I dyed her hair red and smoothed out those wrinkles, I'd have recognised her in a minute. How did I miss it the first time?

"Mrs Brass?"

"Ms Brass, yes, that's me."

Hearing her voice drags me right back to my childhood.

"I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about a student that used to come here."

She glances up, and the shrewd intelligence I discredited in my youth is still there. Her mind is razor sharp.

I hold out one of the books with the drawings in it. "I'm an artist, and I've been hunting down an unknown artist that used to come here and draw in the books."

She takes the book and strokes the pages, her eyes turning soft. "They were wrong about him. He was such a sweet young man, he could never have done what they said he did." She taps the side on her nose. "You ask me, it was the woman."

I die a little on the inside. Shame rises like a tidal river to drown me. Even here, even here , they blame me.

"He disappeared," she says softly. "He was such a good boy."

"Did the police ever talk to you?"

"Oh, no, dear. Why would they think I had any information?"

I chew my lip and decide to press my luck. "Do you know his name?"

Her eyebrows snap down, and she closes the book and places it under the counter. "Are you a policewoman?"

I shake my head.

"Journalist?"

"No, ma'am, I just adored his work, and I wanted to hold an exhibit with a tribute piece to him, but I can't find out his name."

"Louis Falcon."

I shake my head. "No, ma'am, that wasn't his real name."

She startles a bit but settles down and ponders what I've said. "Curious. The school would have records. Photos that they displayed on the walls. His name might be on there."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome, lass."

I turn away when she calls outs.

"Why don't you speak to his friends?"

"His friends?" I ask, startled.

"The little Harmon girl and Jacob Keylore."

I inhale so fast I choke. I don't know if it's hearing my own name or Keylore that surprises me more. Jacob, I remember him; I haven't thought of him for years. He was a short and fat kid with a seriously bad case of acne, but he was shy and sweet. He was Louis' friend and mine.

"The Harmon girl is in the wind. I have not been able to track her down," I say evenly.

The librarian looks at me, a little puzzled, but nods. "She moved away at the same time. She was a good girl."

There is some relief that she hasn't figured out that the Harmon girl who left Hurricane is the same one she's accusing of committing murder.

I smile tightly at her. "Thank you. For the information, that is." I make my way to the guys, ignoring their curiosity.

"The Harmon's had another daughter?" Rafe asks.

I flinch and force a shrug.

"Yes, but don't go saying anything. No one knows what happened to her, and it upsets the family."

I feel bad lying, but there is no way I want that connection out in the open. After all I've done to keep my family separate and in the dark, I don't want to blow it here.

"Were you friends with each other? You and the Harmon girl?"

I shrug and make sure I don't look away from Dane's probing eyes. "Not really. We ran in different circles."

He grunts and pushes open the library doors. I slip through, sucking in a breath as my arm grazes his chest.

I stop dead when I see Dr Sparrow and turn back in a panic. There's nowhere to go. I grab Dane by the shirt and drag him up against me, hiding me from view, and slam my lips on his.

I kiss him with my thoughts on Sparrow, but when his lips move under mine, everything disappears. He takes control of the kiss, moving his head to an angle that allows him better access. His thumbs slip under my top, rubbing circles on the sensitive skin of my waist. I feel alive. I wind my arm around his neck and cling to him.

Dane pulls away, and I stare at his lips. I want them back on mine. I want this more than I want air. Oh, shit, Sparrow. With trepidation making my stomach tight, I peek around his shoulder, and my whole body slumps in response to the relief I feel. I stiffen as Dane cages me against the wall. His blue eyes have darkened, and his teeth catch his bottom lip as he studies me.

I saved myself from Sparrow, but I may have opened the lid on a box that I should have left alone with this man. He looks…hungry. My stomach flutters, and I hold the eye contact, though I'm desperate to look away.

"I'm thinking you didn't want to kiss me just for the sake of kissing me," Dane says, and the gravel tone of his voice sends a shiver up my spine. He is a wall of sexy heat, and everything has melted away from my mind but him. There is only that predatory look in his eyes and the way he is almost, but not quite, touching me.

"I-"

"You don't have to answer that, Jax." Rafe slaps Dane's hand away from me and pulls me out of the cage Dane's arms have made around me. Again, in as many minutes, relief makes me sag. A few more seconds of that, and I might have bridged the distance myself, to hell with everything. I haven't been this tempted in forever.

"I'd like the answer," Dane says dryly.

"She doesn't have to answer you," Rafe snaps. "Come on, Jax."

I'm glad I don't have to answer that because I have no answer for that. What can I say? Oh, by the way, I'm a certified crazy person who is court mandated to attend psychiatric appointments for now until forever. And though you know some of it, you haven't even met my crazy yet. Yeah, that'd go down faster than a burning house.

Rafe glares at Dane, and then smiles softly at me, and it's like an arrow to my almost overworked guilty conscience. How can this man be this sweet, this good? I just kissed his friend for evil purposes, and he's still being nice to me.

"Jax."

My gaze jumps to Rafe. He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my face up so I'm looking straight at him.

"You don't need to explain your whole life to us. We aren't going to judge you. You can tell us or not, whatever you want."

I can't hold his gaze anymore and look away, breaking free of his hold. Breaking free of his spell he's got me under is proving to be impossible.

"Shall we," I clear my throat to get rid of the husky sound, "shall we go to the school?"

"Sure, let's do that." Dane pulls out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on his face.

Rafael falls in behind him and starts whispering harshly.

"Didn't we have a plan, Dane?" Rafe snarls before they move out of earshot.

I follow along more slowly, and when I catch my reflection in the mirror, I realise I've been walking along touching my lips. How long since I was kissed? Louis, he was the last one. Gideon doesn't count. Nor does Titan. One more last erased. I'm slowly whittling the list down. There's a pang and a relief, a confusing contradiction that has my mind chiding my heart. I should be over him, I shouldn't have pangs. I am over him, but I can mourn what was, I think stubbornly back.

For a first kiss in six years, I have to admit, Dane was pretty spectacular. It was an unforgettable kiss. Perfect to erase Louis' lips from my mind. But that's all it can be. My secrets are too many. Now, why does the thought of not kissing him again give me another pang? In the reflection, my eyes look huge and dazed, and my lips are swollen. I rip my hand away and hook my thumbs in my jeans pockets and hurry to catch up.

***

The administrator at the school led us into a dark basement and left us alone. If I didn't really want to hide in the dark basement and have something to do to avoid the weird conversations with Rafael and Dane, I would have been offended. As it was, the darkness held a kind of release for me. Allowing my cheeks to finally cool and my shame to simmer down to a controllable level.

Dane and Rafe use their phones as torches and walk around opening boxes. A hand slides up my spine, and I shudder, leaning back into it.

A feeling of intense safety fills me. All my problems seem trivial. I'm here, and he's here, and it makes my heart light.

"G," I whisper and groan when he rakes his teeth across my neck.

He wraps a hand around my chest and drags me back into the shadows. He nuzzles the back of my head as I watch Rafael and Dane sift through box after box.

"I have to go find stuff. We have a lead, G. After all this time, we might have something." My whisper is barely audible.

Gideon's arms tighten and then loosen, and he spins me in his arms and grips my hair, pulling my head back so I'm staring up into the dark outline of his face. I wish I could just see his features, just unblur the blurred. How can he mean so much and not even have a face?

He drops his forehead to mine and draws a cross over my heart.

"I know you're with me," I whisper back. "They seem nice, friendly guys. I don't think they'll try to hurt me, and if they do, well, I've got some tricks up my sleeve these days."

Gideon shakes his head against mine, and I trail off, suddenly unsure.

"I don't understand."

My hallucination breaks apart from me in a rush, and I watch him pace the shadows, his whole body facing Rafael and Dane as he paces in the short cage of darkness. I'm suddenly scared for them. I don't understand it, but my hallucinations are affecting the real world. Maybe they are making me do it, maybe it's freaking magic, but the feel of menace makes my stomach sour and fear grip me. Whatever it is, I have no doubts in this moment, none, that Gideon could seriously hurt those two men, and when I search inside myself, I realise I can't let it happen.

"You can't hurt them." My voice comes out louder than I expect.

He freezes and whirls back towards me, stepping aggressively as I back up.

"Don't hurt them, G." I lift my chin stubbornly. "I'll never, ever forgive you if you hurt them."

"Hey, Jax, we found the box of photos. There's nothing here. Louis Falcon is the only name he attended school under. What a waste of time," Rafael mutters and slams the boxes back into place.

I don't dare take my eyes from Gideon. "Don't hurt them," I whisper. "For me, please."

He lashes out and boxes to my left fly across the filthy room, causing me to jump. Light shines over at me as Rafael rushes over. He eyes the mess and smiles at me in confusion.

"Didn't like those boxes?"

My mouth is dry, and my fingertips tingle. Dust swirls in the light, and I sneeze. Across the room, I see Gideon sitting on a stack of boxes, observing us. Dane is standing to the side, his face half in shadow, but there is something off about the way he's holding himself. I don't have time to analyze it or the way his eyes turn slowly to the back of the room, searching for what I'm staring at. Gideon moves like a panther in the shadows and finds himself another perch, higher up. He puts his hands between his legs and leans down. Coiled, ready to spring. One leap would have him on top of Dane.

Dangerous, he is so beautiful and so dangerous. I forget sometimes, but it's not something I should. I have to get Dane and Rafael out of here.

"Can we leave, please?" It hurts my heart to say the words. It hurts to see Gideon stiffen. But I'll make it up to him later. We'll talk later. I force myself to look away and focus on Rafael. On his real, human features, so clear in the dark. I take his warm hand, the one he holds out to me. He laces his fingers through mine, gently, softly. I don't look at Gideon again. After all, he's not real, except in my mind.

Rafael gives me a soft, reassuring smile that eases the tension wrapping around me.

He squeezes my hand, calls Dane, and leads me out of the darkness. And I feel the glare of the hallucination I love all the way out of the room.