8. Jax

Jax

D ane helps me out of the car, and I'm torn between amusement and annoyance. They're hovering, treating me with kid gloves like I'm broken.

I am broken, far more so than I was before I met them. I'm possibly as broken as I was the day the cops knocked on my door the first time. I keep trying to understand why, why is it different? But Louis is dead, or not dead, and he killed my friends, and he's hunting in a place that should feel safe. I feel like he's closing me in, backing me up against the wall, and I can't win.

"Back off!" I bark out without thinking.

Dane freezes and then takes a step back, away from me. "Sorry."

The rage that was so potent leeches away, leaving guilt and shame in its place. I turn my head, watching him out of the corner of my eye as I approach the door. I reach out to grab the handle, but it yanks open before I can touch it.

Rafe bounces up on his toes when he sees me and laughs. He springs forward, pulling me into his arms, holding me tight. When he puts me down, the anger and discomfort is gone. Rafe has that effect on me. He's a tonic and balm.

"What's the matter?"

I shake my head and pull out of his arms. Dane stomps past us and into the house.

"I'm such a bitch. "

Rafe glances at the door and shakes his head. "We know you have some trauma. We know that things are going to be hard for a while."

I turn my face into his chest, hiding, always hiding. "Do you ever wish that you could filter the words that come out of your mouth before you speak?"

"Sometimes," Rafe says.

I sigh heavily. "Are you sure you three want me around? I'm really worried about, you know-"

"We know, and we don't care."

I shiver at the venom in his tone. "Rafael…"

"No, Jax. We know he's the bad guy. If something happens to us, it's on us. We want you here. We understand the risks."

I squeeze my eyes closed and nod tightly. "Okay."

Rafe kisses my forehead, then links our arms together and leads me into the house. It smells strongly of chemicals but looks the same as the last time I was here. This place, with its huge ceilings and the industrial theme, feels more like home than any of the other places I've lived.

I make a mental note to go back to the last place I lived. There's something I need to get.

Dane is in the kitchen cutting up vegetables, and I find myself drifting towards him. His shirtsleeves are rolled up, and his tanned forearms are on display, flexing as he makes dinner. I move closer until I'm brushing up against his back.

"I'm sorry."

He grunts.

"I was thinking about…bad things, and you were there, and I just freaked out."

His chopping slows but doesn't stop.

"I love it when you're near me. I love the way you touch me, care for me. Dane, I love you. Please, don't be mad. "

His knife is still until he drops it and grabs me so quickly I let out a startled squeak. He drags me in between him and the bench and puts the knife in my hand.

"Don't apologise for reacting. Just talk, use words." He skims his lips down the side of my neck. "Help me with dinner."

His hand grips mine lightly, guiding me as we cut the vegetables. I'm barely aware of the knife. All my focus is on where he's touching me. My hand tingles. His cock is hard, pressing against my ass. Every breath shifts us just enough, its torture, and it feels so good.

He leans down, his breath hot against my ear. I tilt my head to the side, giving him access. He kisses his way down my neck. My whole body responds, breaking out in goosebumps, my nipples tightening as my breaths come in pants. My back arches as he grips my hip and then slides his free hand across my belly. I whimper, on the verge of desperate keening, when he steps back.

I whirl, following him, barely conscious of the fact that I've still got a knife in my hand. The carrots are forgotten.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to have a shower."

"What? No!"

He plucks the knife out of my hand and places it on the bench. "Rafe, you're cooking dinner."

I take a step after him, but he flashes me one of those heart-melting smiles and holds up his hand.

"No, we're celebrating tonight."

"Yes, we are," I purr back.

He laughs, and the sound is just…fucking enchanting. I find myself standing there grinning back, not even voicing a complaint when he skips out of the kitchen. I lean against the stainless steel fridge and smile at the spot where he was standing.

"What is that?" Rafe teases. "This silly smile, what is it for? "

I glance at him and then turn away, but I can't get rid of the smile. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, yeah, you do. That smile, it's telling me everything I need to know."

I laugh as he grabs me, swinging me back into a hug.

"You want to really drive him wild?" Rafe whispers.

I cock my head to the side.

"Take your clothes off."

There's a hint of dare in his voice that I can't plausibly ignore. I pull off my top, grinning as his eyes drop to stare at my breasts.

"Do you want to touch them?" I tease, running my hands up my body and squeezing my nipples hard.

"Oh, in a second. We need to get you ready first," Rafe whispers. "Bra. Pants. Underwear. All of it off."

I do as he says, giggling as he moves in closer to me, tweaking a nipple.

"Right." He turns to the fridge and returns a moment later. "Help me cook dinner."

I glance at his hands. "I don't think dinner requires chocolate or whipped cream."

"No, it doesn't, but I need snacks."

My core clenches, and I have to brace myself on the bench. "Rafe."

He steps closer to me, lifts me up, and puts me on the bench. "Sit right there and don't move. In fact, lean back a little."

Rafe winks and pours chocolate sauce over my breasts. I gasp, but then in the next moment, he's added huge swirls of whipped cream.

Holy shit.

But he simply puts the bottle and can down and starts peeling carrots.

I shift my arm, but he growls. "Don't move. "

He cuts the carrots up and puts them in the pot that I'm glaring at. That's why I miss him suddenly ducking down and licking across my nipple.

"Fuck!" I shout and squirm on the counter.

"Quiet or I'll have to share you," Rafe grumbles and sucks my nipple into his mouth. "God, you taste good!"

I arch my back, pressing myself into his hot mouth. He pulls back, his face covered in chocolate and cream. I don't hesitate to kiss him. I lick his lips clean before he pulls back and moans.

He stands up and adjusts himself. I follow his stare to the cucumber, and my eyes widen.

"No!"

He grins. "I really think that should be a yes!"

I choke on a laugh as he picks it up and steps between my thighs. "Just the tip?"

I moan at the fake plea. I'm beyond words now. All I can do is watch him as he lowers it down and starts stroking up and down. It's cold, and the shock of it makes me gasp.

"What if I like it more?" I tease.

Rafe pauses, lifting his eyes and glaring.

"Let's test the theory, then." He pushes it into me. I lean back, spreading my legs wider as he slowly slides it in and drags it out.

"How's it feel?"

"Mm, good. Do it again. I need another reference."

Rafe does it again. And again.

Then he pulls it from me and hurls it across the kitchen. Neither of us pays attention as it ricochets into the sink.

He leans over me, licking and sucking off the cream and chocolate. He pulls me off the counter and spins me around.

"Oh, yeah. I love this view."

He slides his hand through me .

"So wet, Jax. You're really into this, aren't you? The cucumber working you up? Are you a needy little snack?"

"Yes. It's hot. You're hot. Rafe, please, I can't wait any longer. Fuck me or give me back the vegetable."

Rafe growls and shoves into me. I don't even know when he got his jeans open, he must have done it while he was violating me with the vegetable.

I cry out, a wordless sound of surprise at how he suddenly fills me up. Oh, he feels so good. He starts fucking me with hard, quick movements.

"Oh, this is better. So much better."

"I'm better than a cucumber?" Rafe shouts. "Say it louder!" He laughs and presses a kiss to the back of my neck.`

"You're better than a cucumber," I shout.

We both laugh. He sneaks his hands around and grips my breasts, pulling at my nipples and twisting them.

"You're my delicious snack. My gorgeous snack. I want to eat you all day long!" Rafe roars. "I'll fuck you with a carrot! With a zucchini! With my eggplant!"

I'm losing my shit, laughing while my orgasm builds, getting closer and closer.

"I am better than cucumber!" Rafe roars even louder this time.

"What the fuck is going on?" Dane shouts.

I turn my head and watch as he appears, dressed in only a towel. His eyes widen, taking in the picture we're portraying.

Rafe fucks me harder. "Come now, and I'll let you eat a donut off my dick. Oh, yeah, I'm better than a donut! Mmm, a pretzel."

I snigger, but he doesn't play fair. He reaches down and pinches my clit. The pain sends my orgasm barrelling through me.

I sob as I rock back against him, my whole body trembling.

He hugs my body hard, burying himself inside me, and growls. His cum splashes deep inside me as he bites down on my ear .

"Good, good snack," Rafe says with a grin and hefts my breasts up before squeezing them hard. "You are one delicious, divine snack."

I snort a laugh, which makes me move and sends ripples of pleasure through me.

"I'll be your snack anytime!" I say coyly.

Rafe bites my shoulder. "Good snack. You can have a carrot next time."

"Did you violate my vegetables?" Dane asks in a waspish voice.

Rafe murmurs his assent. "It was so good. And next time, she gets to eat a donut off my dick."

Dane shakes his head and tsks. "Clean up my kitchen."

"Yes, Daddy!" Rafe and I say at the same time

We both burst into laughter that covers the sound of Dane's mutters as he disappears.

"And order in!" Dane shouts from his bedroom. "I'm not eating your sex vegetables!"

It sets us off again.

The ease vanishes over dinner. I don't know why, but I can't seem to relax with all three of them around me. I find myself checking my clothes, patting my hair, flicking nervous glances around. After dropping my fork three times, Gideon finally gives me an exasperated look and sets down his cutlery.

"All right, let's talk it out."

I inhale sharply, my stomach exploding into butterflies. I try to glance at them, any of them, but I can't lift my eyes off my plate.

I push the mushrooms around in the gravy, and then set my fork down.

"Fine. Let's talk," I agree. To be honest, I want to get whatever has been circling between us for the last few days out. I want it out in the open .

I lift my eyes and pin Gideon. He raises an eyebrow, challenging me.

"Louis is alive," I say the words firmly, calmly.

"He can't be," Gideon says back.

I shoot him a furious glare and push my plate away. "He is."

"Impossible," Gideon snaps.

"No, I'm with Jax. He's back. It has to be him," Dane says.

"I'm not sure," Rafe says. "I mean, it could be him. But it could easily be someone else."

"It can't be," Gideon grumbles.

"Explain it then. Because unless he's done what you've done…" I stare at Gideon, feeling all the blood drain out of my head and the food jump violently in my stomach. "No…NO! No!"

"It's a possibility. A copycat is-"

"It's not a copycat," I insist. My voice sounds hollow. Dane and I lock gazes.

"A life for a life, that's what Joe said." I turn away from Dane and stare at Gideon. "How did you take Mason's body?"

Gideon narrows his eyes, the green flashes. "I didn't take the body, Jax. Mason and I had a single thought, a single goal, and we both fought for it together. The body died and Mason moved into the light. I stepped into the space."

I stare at him. "That sounds very amicable. He just abandoned his body?" My curiosity is sick.

Gideon leans back and crosses his legs. "He didn't abandon it. The body died. It was a fatal shot."

"How did you survive in it, then?" I snap back. I don't even know why I'm attacking him.

He stands up and comes around the table. I swivel, turning to watch as he kneels beside my chair.

"Do you wish it was Mason here, instead?" The raw question steals all the air from the room .

I inhale sharply, instantly shaking my head. "No. I don't wish that. I wish you'd both survived. I wish I could understand it."

He covers my hands with his. "He loved you. For a brief moment, we both fought together. All I could feel was how much he loved you."

I burst into tears, unable to hold back. "Louis is alive. I know it's him," I say after a long time. "He gave Phil a message to give me before you were shot. No one knew that. No one could have known it."

"Jax," Rafe moans and reaches out, covering my hand with his. "Don't cry. It will be okay. We'll find Louis, and we'll beat him," Rafe says.

I wipe a hand across my mouth, sitting back in my chair. "He's close to us, living in this community somewhere. I don't know where to start."

Dane clears his throat. "I think you were right the first time. I think it's the start that matters."

My eyes widen. "Lee?"

"Yes, we keep looking at Lee, find as much as we can. Work out who he was, and then who he was with you. Get enough information to figure out who he is now."

"Before he kills everyone I care about," I mutter.

Gideon smiles slightly. He glances at Dane and Rafe and reaches out to take my hands again. "I need to tell you something."

My eyes widen.

"It's not bad, well, I don't think it's bad," Dane interjects.

Rafe snorts.

Gideon stares up at me, and his smile is missing. The nerves return, and I search his eyes.

"Green eyes."

"What? "

"That's how I knew Mason was gone. Your eyes are green, his were hazel."

Gideon blinks. "I didn't know that. No one else has said anything."

"People probably haven't noticed. They see what they want to see," I say carefully. "What did you need to tell me?"

He clears his throat and opens his mouth. "I know who I am, or was."

I stare down at him, confused. "You do? That's…wonderful."

He narrows his eyes. "It is?"

"You might have children or a wife. Family," I choke on the words.

He chuckles. "I have two brothers. My mum died when I was younger, and there is no one else. When I died, I had just fallen in love for the first time. It took me by surprise, but it was a bit difficult. She was in a relationship."

I stare at him. "No…"

"She was an artist. A wildly talented artist."

I pant, fighting for air.

"She was beautiful, accomplished, her smile lit up the room."

I stand up; the chair flies out to land on the ground behind me. I back away from him, pulling my hands free. I don't know when I started crying, but I can't stop.

"Terrance?" I whisper and glance at Dane for confirmation.

He gives me a look of deep sadness and nods. I check in with Rafe, who is looking at his hands, clasped together.

"Jax-"

I hold up my hand. My brain is racing, turning this new information over and over. He's alive, which means that somewhere out there, he died. His body, that beautiful man I loved, is dead somewhere at the hands of my ex-fiancé.

The bright lights illuminating their home flicker. Black steals the edges. I look at the table of food, the couches. The gorgeous kitchen. It all seems so far away.

"No! Don't do that." Gideon grabs me, scowling down at me. "It's not your fault. You can't be responsible for other people's actions. We've been over this. I met you, I pursued you, I kept it a secret. He killed me. Louis, while you were smiling at your artwork, he took my life. That's on him."

I stare up at him. "You're alive."

Gideon, Terrance, Mason, smiles, and it's beautiful. I can see hints of all three men in him. I step closer to him and press my palm to his chest. He imitates the move, and then draws a quick cross.

"Cross my heart."

My heart thumps and starts beating hard in my chest. I lick my lips and stare up at him. Those green eyes seem more vibrant, more intense now than I've seen them before. I shift closer to him. He smiles with Mason's body, but his smile is completely Terrance's, and now that I can see it, I can't unsee it.

"Why? Why are you here? We barely knew each other. Why did you stay with me?" I ask, my voice rising until I'm shouting at him. My fingers knot in his shirt, dragging him closer, but my elbow is locked, keeping him away. "Why, Terrance? Why did you become Gideon? I don't understand."

He moves closer until he's a hand span away. He lifts a hand to cup my cheek so gently that I can't help but bask in the love he claims he feels.

"It's simple," Gideon says, "I'm here because you are the one, and not even death was going to keep us apart."