34. Jax

Jax

I wake up in a familiar room, and for a long moment, I'm startled, confused as to how I got here, but then it doesn't matter because I'm home. Back in that white room where I spent so long after Sparrow released me. I look around and find a drip, the line running down to a needle in my wrist. A hiss escapes me as I grab it and rip it out. I sit up with difficulty, swing my legs over the side of the bed, and stand. I almost immediately collapse.

I manage to hold myself up by grabbing the bed, but my legs are weak as jelly. As soon as I think about my weak legs, I remember Gideon, then the fire, Louis. Dad.

Oh, god, Dad.

It all comes back, and I sink blindly to the floor. I crouch low, my forehead almost on the ground, and let out a high keening sound.

A door opens, and I flinch, crouching lower. Someone kneels beside me and pulls me into arms that are familiar, that feel safe.

I turn my face into the chest, not even caring.

"Hush now, Jax. It's over. It's all over," River says in a low voice that echoes my pain. "He wouldn't want you to cry like this over him. He wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

I cry for a long time, but River just holds me, saying the same thing over and over.

"How long have I been here?" I ask after my tears have long since dried.

"A week," River says. "Just a week, this time."

I struggle to stand, so he helps me.

"Now, before I go and tell you what happened, I need to go get everyone."

I pull out my clothes and get into a pair of grey tracksuit pants and pull on a black jumper, then I sit cross-legged on the bed and wait.

The first person I see is Dane. He slams into the room, almost tripping over the door, and half climbs up on the bed in his haste to hug me.

"I only stepped out for a minute to make a phone call!" he says and pulls back so he can kiss me. "Thank god you're okay."

I hug him back tightly, but then he pulls away and out of my reach. Another person moves into his place.

I stare at the woman I don't know. She's got her hair in a messy bun and is wearing a white coat. My hostility is instant.

"Who are you?"

"I'm your doctor. My specialty is mental health and trauma. Your brother is paying an exuberant amount of money to have you treated at home."

I glance at River.

"She hasn't been in the room alone with you," he says in an icy voice. "We won't let her."

I can't tell them how much that relaxes me. I watch the woman as she checks my lungs, my breathing, my bloods, and finally stares at my eyes. "Are you having headaches?"

"No."

"Do you remember everything?"

"Yes."

"Any dissociation or hallucinations, any delusions?"

I study her and shake my head. I'm not mentioning the three ghosts standing behind her .

"Great. I'll be out in the hall if you need me. Try not to overstimulate her."

River and Dane pull out chairs and sit around my bed. Stevie sneaks in, leans against the door, and gives me a tight smile. "Glad you're okay," she mouths.

I smile and nod back.

"Where are Rafe and Gideon?" I ask Dane before he can open his mouth.

"I'll tell you what happened to them at the end. Let's do it in order. Because I don't think I'll be able to get this out more than once." He swallows hard, his eyes landing everywhere but on me.

I gulp and lean back on the pillows. My nerves are bouncing like live wires inside me. I see Louis', no, Richard's face in my mind and flinch.

"We found a photo of a young Richard and realised he was Louis' father. We saw you at the car park. Hell, we saw him take you." Dane's chest heaves. "Jax, that was the worst moment of my life. Worse than losing Terry, worse than anything. Knowing he was taking you right in front of us and there was nothing I could do. There was nothing we could do. Nothing." He trails off and looks down at his hands. After a moment, he clears his throat. "So we tracked the van to Wayland. It turns out, Internal Affairs was looking into him for multiple strings of crimes, including homicide, fraud, and blackmail."

Dane smiles ruefully and shakes his head. He stands up and starts pacing, running his fingers through his hair and making it stand on end.

My eyes widen. Internal Affairs?

"Descario is the one who saved us." Dane barks a laugh. "I can't believe it, either, but she listened to the entire story, broke into Wayland's home with us, found proof of a man named Richard/Louis, and then hours later, a report came in of a man screaming about almost being killed and a woman still being held hostage. We were already on the scene, thanks to some of her help getting the address. Everything happened so quick. We were right there!" Dane growls. "So close, and we almost lost you!"

"Jacob called for help?" I whisper. My heart is breaking for all of us. It's going to take a long time to recover from what happened.

"He tried to run back in for you," Stevie says.

I snap my head in her direction, taking in the regret and grief in her face. She lost her father, too.

"That young man was beside himself. It was awful to watch. There was nothing anyone could do. Sorry. The security cameras filmed it. Jacob made the news."

I swallow thickly, regret and shame rising up, trying to choke the life out of me. "I thought he left me."

"No, sweetheart," Dane says, "he went to get help."

I nod, swallowing that information and feeling ill for doubting him.

"Descario got us there minutes before the house caught fire. We broke in and got you out, and you've been under for a week in order to let your lungs heal and your mind calm." Dane pauses and takes my hand. "But-" he clears his throat and looks at River before he returns his gaze to me, "they got the fire out, and they found…well, everything. All the photos, all the proof. They found the shit Wayland had done, and the detailed blackmail, and transcripts of your sessions with Sparrow. They found the bodies, and they found the heads. It's over. You're clear. Richard is the Black Dahlia Serial Killer, and his body has been recovered. It's really over, Jax. You're free."

The words echo around and around in my head. I'm free? I'm free! Louis is really gone.

I hear Richard's voice and feel his hands on me, I see Dad dead on the floor. I see all the heads, all the bodies.

I'm never going to be free of this.

I start to cry.