33. Jax

Jax

L ouis smiles at me, his lips stretching too wide over his teeth.

"Who is that?"

I sound like a little girl. Memories flash through my mind. So many of them. Happy, sad, joyful, even the awful ones. So many, a lifetime of memories, and they weren't enough. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"Louis, oh, god, please, oh, please, who is that?" I'm crying. I can't even stop. "Louis," my voice breaks, and I shove away from him. "Tell me you didn't. Tell me I'm not seeing it."

"He figured it out," Louis says coldly.

"No." I moan and drop my head down to my chest, shaking it in helpless denial. "Louis. No. Why would you do that?"

"He's been driving me crazy for years," Louis says and blinks down at me as if baffled by my reaction.

I sob, and my knees buckle. I fall to the floor and crawl slowly towards him. My sobs get louder as more of the person comes into view. Until I can finally see his face.

"Daddy," I sob. "Oh, god, Dad. Please, Daddy, get up." My wails get no response. "You killed my dad. Louis, what have you done?" I'm screaming, but I'm blind through my tears. The pain is so deep inside me.

I gave up so many years to protect him, and it didn't make any difference. So much time wasted. I ran. I hid. Fuck! I lived spitting distance from him and watched him have a life without me so he could be safe. I gave up my family so that he could be happy, and then, so they could live. Over a decade missing this man, and he's just gone.

Oh, god, Dad, what did you do?

"Dad?" I touch his hand. He's cold and covered in wounds. The pool of blood on the floor is a darker colour, and when I slip and my hand lands in it, it's cold.

I vomit again.

"My dad. Oh, god, you killed my dad, Louis. What the fuck? Why would you do that?"

Louis frowns and then crouches beside me. "Calm yourself, my love. It won't matter in a minute. It will all be over."

I blink, trying to make sense of his words. "What?"

"There, my Jojo, you're so pretty when you cry."

A flicker of orange catches my eye. I turn my head and find flames licking the curtains. Panic restarts the dead heart inside my chest. I don't want to die here. I don't want to go with him.

I scramble to my feet.

For a moment, I'm frozen. The flames flicker in slow motion. I see everything. I feel everything I've ever felt. All the years of knowledge are at my fingertips. I live my years in Hurricane in the blink of an eye. I fall in love with Louis and then am thrown deep into his nightmare. The broken version of me comes home to hide in a hole, existing but not living. I fall in love.

I fell in love.

I don't want to be afraid anymore.

I'm tired of being scared.

I'm tired of being hunted.

I'm not dying here.

Louis has taken everything from me. He's terrorized my entire life. No, I don't deserve this. I deserved a life. I'm not responsible for Louis. His crimes belong to him. I want to live and love. To choose my path. I choose Gideon. I choose Rafe, and I choose Dane.

I'm not dying here. Not like this. I killed him once…I can do it again. He should not have forgotten that about me.

"Louis!" I cry out.

He stands up, spreading his arms wide. "We are the gods now. We will transcend even death."

He's insane. He probably always has been.

I race through the house and throw open the first door I come to. I snarl when I realise it's the basement, but I can hear Louis right behind me, so I throw myself down the stairs.

"Jojo, come back."

"Fuck off!" I shriek.

He laughs and steps down the basement stairs slowly. I race to the cupboards on the wall, pulling it open. I cough and choke as the smoke burns my lungs and eyes. Photos of his crimes are the only thing I find. For a moment, I stare at them, stunned. I go to the next drawer and yank it open. Underwear and that damn branding iron jump out, slapping my memories back. I pick it up and throw it at him.

He pauses and tuts. "That was just rude."

I yank open a draw and find camera bits and microphones. So much technology. He's getting closer.

"You can brand me, terrorise me, stalk me, kill everyone I love. But I will never be yours!" I howl.

I yank open another drawer and find it full of knives. Yes. I look back to see how close he is. Can I kill him again? Will a knife actually kill this prick this time?

"Jojo." He sighs and spreads his arms wide. Fucking insane psycho. He's behaving like some kind of holy man. I'll send him back to the fucking devil with my regards.

Fuck yes, I can. I'm going to kill this motherfucker .

I pick up one of his knives and hide it behind my leg. I'm cornered. There's nowhere to go, and the thick, black smoke is pouring down the stairs.

He approaches me like I'm a wild animal, making soothing sounds but keeping his arms spread to stop me bolting. I back into the corner. Watching him like he's a fucking snake. His eyes are the same Louis brown. How did I not notice his eyes changing colour? This is Richard. Our Richard. Who had blue eyes, not brown, never brown.

No, it's not, not anymore. Not for a long time. Louis and his insanity stare back at me.

"Please, let me go," I beg once more.

"I'm sorry, Jojo, but I can't do that. You know, I did try when we were teens, but letting you go is impossible. I can't see colour without you. We are one. It's the way it is. I can't feel without you. I can't create without you. All the kills, everyone was done for you. They are my courting gifts. So we can be together. We can be honest this time. I'll make you my partner. We'll step into our lives as gods and take new bodies. You and I, together forever."

I shake my head in awe at the crazy I'm hearing, but he closes the distance between us. I have to stare up at him. At my ex-lover. Louis Falcon. Lee Banewood.

The boy of my childhood.

The savior of my youth.

The man who had my heart.

The nightmare who robbed me of everything.

Who threw us away. Who fucked me in every single way a person can be fucked. Louis, who tore my life apart, attempted to kill me. He took my safety, and he took my sanity. He made me a victim and made me helpless. Louis took what was good about me, and he chewed it up and spat it out, and then, just to be safe, he made sure all the world hated me. I don't have any love in my heart anymore. All I have is hate.

He reaches me and grips my hair, dragging me up against his chest. The pain is almost secondary now.

"I love you, Jax Shade. Jackie Blackwell Harmon," he whispers. "My Jojo. You have been the most glorious dance of my life. You'll be mine for eternity." He brushes his lips against mine.

"I loved you, too, Louis Falcon," I whisper harshly. "With everything in me."

He smiles, his eyes softening at the edges.

"But I'm not yours. I've never been yours. You don't exist. And I'm done living in your nightmare." His lips press against mine as I shove the blade into his heart.

He gasps, his head tilts back, and his weight is sudden and too heavy, collapsing to the ground and pulling some of my hair out.

I stare down at him, waiting. Needing to be certain. His lungs don't move, his eyes glaze over, the light fading from them. He's really dead this time.

Tears fill my eyes as I stare down at him. It's over. "Goodbye, Lee."

I turn and race for the stairs, but the smoke is thick. It burns my eyes. It stings my lungs and makes me cough violently. I struggle to find my way through the house, but I don't know the layout. I've never been here before.

I stumble into a room and peer around. There's a huge bed, king-sized. It looks exactly like our room in the house we lived in together. Right down to the silly photos beside the bed.

The smoke threatens to overwhelm me, so I back out of the room. Black arms seize me. I struggle until I recognise Astaire and then Mason. They push and pull me, shoving me low to the ground, and then drag me to a door. I reach up to open it, but it doesn't open .

I sob.

Another black shape appears.

"Bob?"

He looks over at me, and I see Richard. The real Richard. All this time, Bob the Bastard has been Richard. Trying to tell me. Protecting me. I'm stunned for a moment until he presses buttons on the security system.

But Mason bends over me, breathing into me. It shouldn't be possible, but nothing is real in my world anymore. He turns transparent the longer he's with me, and finally, I hear his voice.

"I love you so much, Jackie. I don't regret any choice I made. Live a good life." Then he's gone, and I'm alone with Bob and a fading Astaire.

Suddenly, the security doors unlock. Bob the bastard, who harassed me for so long, looks down at me with Richard's face.

"I did care about you, Jackie. I couldn't let go while he was ruining your life. It's, well, I'm not as much of a bastard as he painted me to be. I couldn't let him do that to Eddie's kid."

"Thanks, Richard," I whisper and wheeze into a coughing fit that feels like it might break my bones.

I lie there, my chest spasming, staring up at the roiling smoke. The heat is so intense I can barely stop coughing.

I think I hear two children crying. I lift my head.

"It's okay, come here," I whisper. "I'll keep you safe."

The children appear in the doorway. I think I know them, but I can't be certain. I'm so confused and tired.

Another wave of black appears, and this time, I recognise the spirit. The necklace around my neck pulls tight for a second.

"Gideon?" I turn my head and try to sit up, but I can't.

"They're coming. Hold on."

"But the body!" I wheeze. "You need to get back to the body. "

He picks me up, cradles me in his arms. "I don't want to live a life without you," Gideon says quietly.

His words barely make sense, but I'm panicking because he shouldn't be here like this.

"I'm sorry I got you killed," I say so softly it's almost not audible.

"I'm not. That kiss was everything. It changed my life. I'd do it a thousand times over. You have a piece of me, and you always will," Gideon says softly.

"Can we live happily ever after?" I ask him, I'm so tired.

"Yes, you can live happily now," Gideon murmurs and holds me closer. He leans down and breathes into my lungs.

Over and over, he breathes. I can feel him growing weaker and struggle against him, but he holds me still. He doesn't hurt me, but he doesn't allow me to move, to fight him.

Then he's torn off me, and I hear him screaming.

I'm alone then, struggling. My breathing is so loud.

"Dad," I whisper, thinking again of him lying in the other room. "Oh, Dad, I'm sorry."

"When you call, I'll always come." I lift my head, instantly seeking out the shape. A black ghost kneels beside me and brushes back my hair.

"Jackie. My darling, darling girl. You need to live," My father whispers. "I understand it all now. I know everything. You silly girl. You should have come home. Every moment with you was precious. Was momentous. Live ,Jackie. Find a life and happiness. Look after your brother and sisters." Dad leans down over me, and suddenly, I can take a deep breath.

Over and over, he forces air into my lungs, shielding me from the falling embers, from the burning heat of the wall of flames.

"Dad," I whisper. I put everything, all my regrets, all my sorrows, all my love in that single word .

He's struggling, he's failing. It won't be long, and we can be together again. My only regret is that I won't get to see Rafe, Dane, and Gideon again.

I hear the door break, and then I'm falling to the floor and someone grabs my wrist. I look back, seeing the ghost of my father slumped on the floor.

"Dad!" I call out.

He lifts his head but can't hold it up for long. He slumps sideways, and just before I'm dragged out of the room, I see him fade from view.

I start to cry and cough. Black, smokey sobs with soot-filled tears fall from my face as I'm dragged out. Louis is dead, and I killed him again. My dad is dead. Gideon is gone…my heart breaks, shatters, and I run into the broken shards of my mind, allowing myself to get lost in the maze of what was and what could have been.

In that fading moment, I see Dane, his face panic-stricken. I'm so happy I could see him one last time.