Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

H e’s going to ask me to marry him.

It was all Edwina could think as she and Lord Kentrow danced together. They were on their second dance now—he’d requested another after the first had come to an end—and she knew that she was leading him on.

Unless she wasn’t, of course.

Because what if…it felt almost insane to even think it, but…what if she did want to marry him?

Marriage had always felt like something Edwina would never consider. But here on the dance floor with Lord Kentrow, she could acknowledge that she had made that decision after having been treated badly by gentlemen in the past. She had told herself that she wouldn’t settle for anything less than a kind and loving gentleman, and she had spent years convincing herself that such a person didn’t really exist.

She looked up at Lord Kentrow. He was smiling at her, his face open and unguarded, and she knew that there was no cruelty or malice in him. Not this man. He wouldn’t ever treat her badly. He wouldn’t manipulate her or try to bring shame upon her. He wasn’t the sort of person to do that.

If she married him, she would be safe.

And though she wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened, she knew that he did care for her. He had invested so much time and effort into her that it was impossible to think of anything else.

Maybe being married to such a man wouldn’t be so bad after all. Maybe she would be able to live with it. Maybe she would even enjoy it. Sharing her life with someone who was kind to her, someone who cared about her…things could certainly be worse!

She sighed. What a conundrum this was. She knew what Matthew would want her to do, of course, and what Lavinia would say, but she had been the unattainable spinster for such a long time. Letting go of that would be like setting herself adrift, leaving the harbor of the life she had chosen for the wild unpredictability of a life at sea.

And besides…she didn’t love him.

Was it fair to him to marry him if she couldn’t return his affections? And for that matter…was it fair to her ?

She didn’t know.

The music ended, and Lord Kentrow offered her a little bow. “This was lovely,” he said. “It pains me that we must be parted, even for a short while…but perhaps we will meet again later tonight.”

Would he propose marriage later tonight? Could it come so quickly? She felt fearful at the thought. “Perhaps we will,” she said, having no idea of how she might respond if he did indeed offer her a proposal. If he had asked the question right then and there, her answer would have been as much a mystery to her as it could possibly have been to him.

Lord Kentrow smiled and gave her hand a squeeze before releasing it, and Edwina felt as exposed as if he had kissed her right in the middle of the room with everyone watching. Of course, no one would have been able to discern that little hand squeeze. It wasn’t the sort of thing one could observe. And yet, she felt as if surely everyone must know what had happened.

She was about to walk off the floor when a shadow appeared above her, and her stomach dropped. Even before she looked up, she felt certain of who she was going to see.

“Lady Edwina.”

She’d been right. The Duke stood over her, dark eyes brooding and intense, and Edwina wanted to run away, yet she also wanted to throw herself at him. Her heart rate seemed to accelerate to the pace of a galloping horse. It was difficult to breathe.

It occurred to her, sickeningly, that Lord Kentrow had never made her feel like this and that he never would.

But this couldn’t be love. This was terrible. This felt like having a fever. There was something the matter with her.

And besides, she wasn’t in love with the Duke. She didn’t even like the Duke. What a thought. The fact that she lost control of her senses around him didn’t mean that she admired him. It only meant that he was a rake and that he was impossible to spend any time with.

“What do you want?” she demanded.

She thought he might laugh at her, that he might tease her for allowing her emotions to get the better of her. That would have been very like him.

But he didn’t even smile. He held out a hand. “Dance with me.”

“Why would I do that?” She blinked. “You know I have no interest in you, Your Grace.”

“That’s not true,” he said. “You know it, and so do I. You and I…there’s something between us. That’s why you want me to stay away. You’re afraid of the way you feel about me.”

“You’re not even trying to hide your flirtation anymore, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” he agreed. Now, he did smile, but the smile wasn’t the easy, open, friendly smile she’d gotten from Lord Kentrow. It was dark and a little intimidating, as if he understood something she did not. “I have nothing to hide,” he informed her. “I have no reason to pretend. I know you feel the same thing I do.”

“I feel nothing. You’ve tried all this time to charm me. You haven’t succeeded, and you won’t. Don’t bother.”

“If I haven’t succeeded, then dance with me,” he insisted. “What do you have to lose? Why would you refuse me unless you feel something that disturbs you? And if you feel nothing, what’s to stop you?”

“Very well ,” Edwina snapped, her anger spiking. She hated that he was capable of provoking her like this. She stalked onto the dance floor without waiting to see whether he had followed her.

He had. As the musicians began, he took her in his arms. He held her close, she observed—slightly closer than he should have. And she ought to have pulled back, established some distance between the two of them, but she didn’t. Being held like this made her feel alive, awake in a way she simply hadn’t felt when dancing with Lord Kentrow.

She wondered if Lord Kentrow was watching right now and, if he was, what he might think of what he was seeing. Would he be jealous? She had never known Lord Kentrow to act angry or unpleasant in any way. More likely, he would simply smile passively at the sight of her enjoying herself and never think to question whether something was moving her that hadn’t been present when she had danced with him.

For a moment, she actually felt angry. She wished he would fight for her. But it was Lord Kentrow. It was difficult to imagine him doing any such thing.

“I knew you’d give me a turn tonight,” the Duke said to Edwina.

“You hardly left me any choice.”

“Of course, you had a choice,” the Duke countered. “You’ve always had choices, Lady Edwina. If you had no choice in your life, you would not still be a spinster. You would have been forced into marriage long ago. You know perfectly well that it’s what your whole family wants for you.”

Edwina couldn’t answer. She had no argument. He was perfectly right, of course, and she felt as if the words had been stolen right from her mouth.

“And if you truly didn’t want to dance with me,” he added, “you would have simply told me no. You know me well enough by now to know that I wouldn’t have dragged you onto the dance floor against your will.”

“You never seem to go away when I ask you to,” she argued. “I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve told you now that I want nothing further to do with you, and yet?—”

“And yet your actions prove you wrong at every turn,” he said. “You accept a dance when I offer it to you. You nearly kiss me?—”

“You’re the one who nearly kissed me,” she protested.

“You could have walked away from me at any time, and yet you didn’t,” he said. “And for all you say about wanting nothing to do with me, you keep coming back, and it’s simply impossible to believe it. I think you’re confused as to what you want.”

Edwina would rather have kissed him right here in front of everyone than admit it, but he was right. She was confused and desperately so. She didn’t know what to do about the way she was feeling except to pull away, to put distance between the two of them.

“You can’t keep doing this,” she said. “I’ve told you to leave me alone.”

“And I don’t believe that’s truly what you want. Convince me.”

“Lord Kentrow is going to ask me to marry him.”

The Duke dropped her hand and stared. Now, he was the one who was clearly lost for words, and Edwina felt a sense of satisfaction knowing that she had set him back like that.

“You don’t wish to marry,” he managed eventually.

“And neither do you,” she said evenly. “So, what are we doing here? Why do you continue to bother me? Why do you care what I do? Why can’t you hear me when I tell you that all I want is to be left in peace?”

He opened his mouth and then closed it again, and she felt satisfied by the knowledge that she had finally managed to say something that had left him feeling just as taken aback as he usually left her.

“Enough,” she said. “I’m going now. Thank you for the dance, Your Grace—but it will be the last that the two of us share.”

She turned and walked away quickly before he could call out to her and try to bring her back—and before she could change her mind. Her heart continued to race madly until she left the dance floor behind. She hurried over to the table where drinks were being served and collected a glass of wine, hoping that it would be enough to settle her nerves.