Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

“ E dwina, we must speak.”

Edwina looked up at her elder brother, surprised by the serious tone of his voice. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No, certainly not. Nothing at all,” he assured her. “But we do need to have a conversation, and I’m afraid it is rather serious. Will you join me in the Duke’s study?”

That seemed to Edwina a strange request, but she put down the book she had been reading and followed her brother into the study.

He closed the door behind him. “Perhaps you ought to sit,” he suggested.

“Matthew, you’re beginning to alarm me with all this.”

“No, there isn’t anything to be alarmed about,” he assured her. “In fact…I hope you will think this is happy news. But we do need to discuss it.”

“Tell me what it is.”

“It has to do with Lord Kentrow.”

“Lord Kentrow? What about him?”

“He came to me the other day and asked me for my permission to propose marriage. He’s going to ask you to marry him, Edwina.”

Edwina felt shocked into silence as though surely, she must have misunderstood.

He was going to ask to marry her?

In all honesty, she couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t seen such a thing coming. She had known that it was his intent to take things between them in that direction. She had never dreamed, though, that it might happen so soon. “We’ve never even talked about marriage,” she murmured.

“I suppose he thought the thing to do was to speak to me first,” Allan said. “It’s not an idea I can argue with, truthfully. He was right to do it.”

“What…” She hesitated and cleared her throat. “What did you say to him?”

“I told him that he could ask you.”

“I wish you hadn’t done that!”

“Why on Earth not? Shouldn’t he ask you if it’s truly what he wants?”

“But I don’t want to marry him, Matthew.”

Matthew closed his eyes briefly, and Edwina had the sense he was frustrated with her, but when he opened them again, she saw nothing but compassion.

“I didn’t say that you would marry him,” he said. “I told him he could ask you the question. I told him that I would honor whatever decision you made.”

“And do you truly mean that?”

“Certainly,” Matthew said. “If he’s able to convince you—and I must tell you that I hope he is?—”

“He won’t convince me.”

“ If he does, I will happily approve the union. And if he doesn’t convince you…Edwina, you must know that I have no desire to force you to the altar. Surely you know that I have never wanted any such thing.”

“I don’t know,” Edwina said. She was trembling, feeling uneasy, as if she had found herself in a most dangerous situation without understanding how she’d gotten there. “I don’t know what to think, Matthew. I know how much everyone wants to see me marry. The whole family yearns for it—sometimes, I think you most of all.”

“I do want to see you married,” Matthew agreed. “I won’t deny that. But Edwina, I only want it because I want your own happiness. I know Lavinia feels just the same.”

“You know because the two of you talk about it. You must know that I’m aware of your conversations on the subject.”

“We talk about it because we care so much for you. You are our younger sister. All we want is your happiness. And I know you don’t believe it, but I am firmly of the opinion—and so is Lavinia—that the quickest way to achieve your happiness is through a good marriage.”

“Like a marriage to Lord Kentrow.”

“It need not be him, Edwina, if you don’t care for him. But I think you do care for him. I see that you enjoy his company. You do, don’t you?”

Edwina could only nod. “I do,” she confessed. “I think he’s a kind man. I like him a great deal.”

“And if that’s how you feel about it, would it be so awful to marry him? If he’s a good man and you like him, what could be the matter with the idea?”

“Do you truly think after all this time that I would abandon my solitude for the first man to be kind to me, brother? Did you think that was all I was waiting for?”

“I merely ask that you consider him,” Matthew advised. “If you decide that he truly isn’t the one for you?—”

“He isn’t. He is not the one for me.”

“Edwina, listen,” Matthew said. “We’ve all been very patient with you about this wish of yours to avoid marriage, but the older you get, the more worrying it is to the whole family. You must understand that you are going to run out of chances—you’re going to run out of options. Right now, today, you have a wonderful choice before you. You can marry Lord Kentrow, who is young and amiable and would make anyone an enviable husband. Wait a few more years, delay a little bit longer, and you will find that your choices have abandoned you for good. Nobody wants to see that happen to you. I know you haven’t wanted to marry, and I’ve tried to be patient and empathetic, but you truly must at least consider this proposal. I don’t know how many more you are going to get.”

“I don’t want it,” Edwina said. “I don’t want to marry him, Matthew. How hard can it be to understand?”

“You’ve been different lately,” Matthew told her. “We’ve all noticed it. Lavinia and I have spoken of it.”

“You and Lavinia speak of me far too frequently,” Edwina said bitterly. “Perhaps you should talk of your own affairs instead of mine. I may be the youngest of us, but that doesn’t mean I need your constant care as you seem to think I do.”

“Oh, do stop,” Matthew said. “You can’t convince us to stop talking about you and worrying about you. You know perfectly well that it’s all done out of love—and you know, too, that you and I have spent plenty of days talking about Lavinia, particularly during her debut season when we feared she was too much of a wallflower to ever be plucked.”

It was true, of course. They had worried over Lavinia many times together. Edwina was momentarily chastened.

“We both see that your demeanor has changed,” Matthew said. “We both see changes in you, and we both wish to see those changes manifest themselves in something good for your life. I believe there is a part of you that does wish to marry, Edwina. I believe your mind has changed.”

“Even if that were so…”

“Then it is true. I knew it.”

“Matthew, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I can see something worthwhile in the idea of marriage. That still doesn’t mean I’m going to marry the very first gentleman who will have me!”

“Lord Kentrow is hardly that! Do you think I would grant my blessing to a gentleman who was unworthy of you? And besides, you like him. You said so yourself. What more do you want in a husband? If you’re willing to entertain thoughts of marriage, what is it you’re looking for that Lord Kentrow lacks?”

Edwina shook her head.

She knew the answer to the question. In fact, it was one of the easiest questions she had ever been posed.

But she couldn’t say it. Not to her brother, and probably not to anyone ever. She couldn’t speak the words aloud. It was both too frightening and too humiliating. She could hardly admit it in the privacy of her own mind, much less anywhere else.

Her brother squinted at her.

“Oh,” he said, his eyebrows lifting. “Oh, dear. I see.”

“You don’t see.”

“This is about the Duke.”

Feeling sick, she turned away from him.

“Edwina,” he said gently.

She shook her head.

“We shouldn’t have let him spend all that time with you. It’s our fault.”

“Nothing is anyone’s fault. There isn’t anything. This is nothing.”

“You have feelings for the Duke of Harbeck. It’s all right. You can tell me.”

“Do keep your voice down,” she implored him.

He glanced toward the door, as if to make the point that it was closed, and no one could hear them.

“Someone could be walking by outside,” she told him.

“No one is out there.”

“Matthew, I beg you.”

“Edwina…” He moved toward her and took both of her hands in his. “You understand what that man is, I trust?”

“I understand.”

“He’s selfish. A rake and a cad. I wouldn’t entrust him with any lady I cared about, and certainly not my youngest sister.”

“He’s your best friend.”

“He’s a good friend. That doesn’t mean he’s good to ladies. He doesn’t consider their feelings. It’s shameful. I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this position…Has he acted improperly at all?”

“Oh, no,” she said quickly. “No, nothing like that.”

She would never reveal the kiss. The last thing she wanted was a marriage the Duke had been trapped into. He wanted a perfect duchess. He would hate to settle for anything less, and he would resent her for the rest of their lives if such a thing were to occur. They would both be miserable.

“Ver well,” Matthew said. “In that case, I can only advise that you distance yourself from the fellow as quickly as you possibly can, Edwina. He’s of no use to you. You know he won’t be proposing marriage. Hasn’t he made it clear from the start that he didn’t want any such thing?”

“Yes, he has.”

“So at least he’s been honest. Do not let him stop you from accepting a good proposal from a good man. You’ll be happy with Lord Kentrow, Edwina, and you deserve that happiness. Accept it.”

Edwina nodded slowly.

“You’ll accept the proposal?”

“I’ll think about it,” she whispered. “I don’t truly wish to marry him, but…”

“I think it’s for the best.”

“Maybe it is.”

How had she gotten here? She had entered the season determined to cling to her independence. When she had been promised to the Duke for five dates, she had told herself that she would not be swept away. She would get through the dates and life would go back to normal.

That was what should have happened.

And yet, now, everything had changed. She found herself seriously considering marriage after all, something she had never believed she would do. Why? What was different in her?

One thing she felt sure of—her brother was right. Something had changed, and she was sure it had something to do with the Duke’s presence in her life. A longing that she had never experienced before had been awakened, and she didn’t know how to put it back to sleep or even if such a thing could be done.

“Edwina,” Matthew said quietly.

She looked up at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I knew the kind of man he was. I knew the effect he had on ladies and that he never took them seriously. I warned you away from him, but I should have simply stepped between you. I should have forbidden the whole thing.”

He embraced her, and Edwina found herself hard-pressed not to cry. It was so good to have an elder brother—someone who truly cared for her, someone who would do anything for her.

But she couldn’t share the sentiment he offered now.

She did not wish he had kept her away from the Duke. She did not wish they had never shared their time.

She was grateful for every moment.

She just wished it didn’t have to come to an end.

But her brother was right. The Duke would never propose marriage, and she was wasting her time with him. He couldn’t take her seriously.

She shouldn’t take him seriously, either.