Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

I t was maddening to Edwina that the Duke had seen through her so easily, although, if she was being honest with herself, she had done nothing at all to disguise the fact that she was angry with him. He was perfectly right—she had made a show of ignoring his gift in hopes that he would notice it. So how could she feel frustrated now that that exact thing had happened?

Perhaps it wasn’t the fact that he had noticed how she was feeling that bothered her. Maybe it was the fact that he had said something about it. She had rather thought he might be confused as to why he was being treated the way he was, and that didn’t seem to be the case at all. Instead, he had understood everything almost at once.

And maybe the truth was that she was simply frustrated with herself. She knew it was silly, playing games like this, acting bothered, and refusing to say why. It was much more in character for Edwina to simply speak her mind, but somehow, she didn’t feel capable of doing that in the presence of the Duke.

They stopped beside a large rock. The Duke sat on the edge of it, and Edwina leaned back against a nearby tree. She looked at the water rushing by. She had always enjoyed this spot when she’d attended this garden party in the past. It had been a good place to come and think. Today, though, it seemed they had come to argue.

She wished it was otherwise, and that made her feel even more frustrated and angry with the duke. He made every single aspect of her life more difficult, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to wish him away.

“So, tell me what’s the matter,” he urged.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Of course, I do. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

She turned away from him briefly. She couldn’t tell him what she and her father had discussed, surely? Could she really say that her father was convinced he wanted to marry her? He would laugh.

Well, what was wrong with that? She had laughed when he’d said it.

“The gift didn’t upset me,” she said eventually. “Not really.”

“Well, I didn’t see why it would. I suppose if you really don’t like the gown, you don’t have to wear it.”

“No, that’s not it. The gown is fine.” She shook her head. “It’s lovely, actually. It was very generous of you.”

“You wouldn’t rather have a book, then?”

“Of course, I would, but it’s not as if you made me choose. You gave me books as well. I’m not so ungrateful as to be angry with you for giving me a second gift.”

“You did seem angry about that.”

“You’re right. I think I’m allowing my feelings about other things to affect my response to the gown.”

“But what other things?”

She sighed. “Your Grace…I want to know why you bid on the five dates with me.” It was the closest she could come to asking him whether her father had been correct.

“I’ve told you why,” he said. “I want to prove that I can win over the unattainable spinster. Is it working yet?”

“No,” she said. “And I also don’t think you’re being honest with me.”

“You think I’m lying to you?”

“I think you’re holding back a part of the truth. I think this is about more than proving you can win me over.”

“And what makes you believe that?”

“The amount of effort you’re putting into it,” she said. “If this was a game to you, as you claim it is, would you really be trying so hard?”

“I try my hardest in everything I do,” the Duke informed her. “Of course, I would be giving this my best effort even if the game was my only reason. I want to win.”

“But the very words you used just now suggest that the game is not your only reason,” she pointed out. “Your Grace, you have no chance at all of winning me over via dishonestly. I may be a very stubborn lady. You’ve said so many times, and I won’t argue. And stubbornness might be a wall you believe you can break down. Maybe you’re right. The one thing I can say for sure is that you will never impress me by being dishonest with me. That will only push me farther away from you. So, I want you to tell me the truth about what you hoped to gain from all this.”

She waited, holding her breath, hardly able to believe she had dared to ask the question. It was an incredibly bold thing to have done, and she knew it. But if her father was right, if he truly did intend to marry her, she wanted to know.

The Duke sighed. “Very well,” he said. “The truth is that I’m looking for my perfect duchess as you well know. We’ve discussed it.”

“Yes.” Was he about to tell her that he thought she might be the perfect duchess after all?

Why didn’t that thought make her feel frustrated or defensive?

In fact—it seemed to her as though, if that was what he wanted, she might actually entertain the idea.

She swallowed hard, waiting to see what he would say.

“The truth is,” he said, “I thought spending time with you would help me find my duchess.”

“Help how?”

“These five dates have brought all sorts of attention to the two of us. You must have noticed it yourself. Gentlemen have been paying you more attention than ever before—and you were never unpopular. Isn’t that so?”

“Yes,” she conceded, wondering where this was going.

“Well, the same is true of me,” he said. “More ladies than ever before have approached me. Shown interest in me. And if my perfect duchess is out there, perhaps this brings her to me.”

“You’re doing this because you want to attract the attention of other ladies.”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s time for me to marry. It’s already past time, truth be told, and I need to face up to my duty. I won’t compromise when it comes to the lady I marry, however. I won’t settle until I find the perfect duchess. But I need to do everything I can to find her sooner rather than later, and this is a step toward that.”

“I see,” Edwina said softly.

It was difficult to speak—she had a lump in her throat, and she couldn’t say exactly why. Hadn’t this been what she had hoped to hear? She’d wanted him to tell her that he wasn’t interested in marrying her. She had wanted her father to be wrong about what he had suggested. And this vindicated her. She had been right all along.

That ought to be a good thing.

But it wasn’t, somehow. Edwina felt a deep sense of what she could only describe as loss. And that really didn’t make sense. She hadn’t lost anything. When it came to the Duke, she had never had anything to lose in the first place. And she hadn’t wanted to! Why this feeling, all of a sudden, that something important was gone?

She didn’t know.

But she would have to ponder that later because right now the Duke was watching her, waiting to see what her reaction would be to what he had said. And she couldn’t let him know that she was feeling these things. He might laugh at her. Worse yet, he might pity her.

“Well,” she said at length, “I suppose that makes sense.”

“Was it what you wanted to hear?”

“I wanted an explanation,” she said. “I didn’t understand why someone would do what you did—bid so much money for five dates with me. Some might do it for charity, but if that was the reason, I’d think you would simply give the money to a charity and leave me out of it—or perhaps bid on one of the art pieces.”

“You’re right, I could have done those things.”

“And I knew you had told me it was all about the game,” she continued. “But I never believed that. Not really. I know the game is a part of it for you—I believe you do truly relish the challenge you’ve set for yourself, trying to make me fall for you.”

“I suppose you still claim that’s not going to happen?”

“Nothing’s changed.”

But that wasn’t true. Something had changed. Edwina didn’t know how to define the change, and she certainly didn’t know how to explain it, but the way she felt about him was different. And when he had suggested that he was only with her because he wanted to meet another lady—one better suited to him…

She actually felt jealous. She couldn’t believe it, but she couldn’t ignore it either. Not anymore. If she was honest with herself, the feeling had been coming on for a long time.

He was watching her, his head cocked slightly to one side, and the warmth in his eyes made her feel like she was melting. It was a pleasant feeling—but it was awful because she knew she would never be able to admit to it. And if he knew what she was thinking—how she was feeling—he would probably be horrified.

Her feelings had changed—but she knew she could never let him know it had happened. She was simply going to have to guard her heart and keep everything she thought to herself. It would be one of the more difficult things she had ever done—but she knew she could do it.

It’s not as if I’ve fallen in love with him, after all , she reminded herself. That would be so much worse. All that’s happened is that I’ve developed a fondness for him. It’s more than I ever meant to allow myself to do, of course—but ultimately, it’s something I’ll be able to work through. It’s good that I know for certain now exactly what he wants from this relationship.

Edwina cleared her throat. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for clearing that up for me. I can promise you now that things will be different between the two of us.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you’re only doing this to try to meet other ladies, there’s no reason for me to put up so much resistance,” Edwina explained. “I’ll go on the remainder of our dates—I’ll cooperate with you. Then you’ll be able to find the lady you’re looking for.”

“That is a change.”

“I know I’ve been making things difficult,” she said. “I see no reason to go on doing that. In the end, what you want has nothing to do with me, so why should I object to it?”

“Well—I suppose that makes sense.” His eyebrows pulled together as though he doubted what he was saying. Or perhaps he simply didn’t understand it. Maybe the fact that she had changed her tune confused him. Edwina wouldn’t have faulted him if that were so. She was sure that she was being rather confusing. What was more, she believed that the Duke did enjoy the little game they had been playing. He had wanted to try to break through her defenses, and now, she was dropping her guard.

But what she was saying was the right thing for her, and she knew it. She wouldn’t let him continue to try to win her over. It didn’t matter anyway, so the best thing was to go along with what he wanted for a few more dates and then return to her life. They would go their separate ways, he would find his perfect duchess, and it would be as if none of this had ever happened.