Chapter 33

A Weight Removed

Edwin lay awake all night, his mind consumed by the image of Beatrice storming out of his room. He knew better than to follow her, recognizing the fire in her eyes. He understood that any attempt to speak to her now would be futile, and so he waited, his heart heavy with the weight of their unresolved issues.

With Beatrice back home, he felt a temporary relief. He knew, however, that these other issues would need to be addressed sooner or later.

He almost laughed when he thought about it. He thought of his troubles briefly, as if they were minor nuisances when they threatened to ruin his life. Still, with Beatrice by his side, he could face any challenge, much as Agnes had suggested about the two of them.

Edwin went down to the breakfast room, hoping to find Beatrice, but he found Modesty instead.

“Good morning, Mother,” he said. “Have you seen Beatrice?”

“I have not, but it is nice to have her back. Did she have a good visit with her sister?”

“Yes, she did,” Edwin replied. “She was happy to be home again.”

He became a little frightened when he saw his stepmother’s expression change. “Then why has she run off again?”

“What?” Edwin frowned.

“I asked you why she has run off again,” Modesty said sternly. “What have you done this time?”

“I haven’t done anything,” Edwin claimed. “Where did she go?”

“People might think me a fool, but I am not an idiot,” Modesty warned. “I know Beatrice was at her sister’s house for a week, and I might not know why, but I know it had something to do with you. I saw the way you were with her gone. You messed things up, and then you only got annoyed about it before you decided to get her back. Your father would have never let something like this happen.”

“My father!” Edwin boomed. “My father is the man who got us into this mess in the first place, and I would not have to run around, fixing a million problems if it were not for him.”

“And how is that working out for you?” Modesty asked.

Edwin was not sure he had ever seen his stepmother so angry. He did not have a chance to respond when she continued.

“Not very well,” she said, answering her own question. “You are stubborn and ruthless and altogether too unemotional for your own good. You believe you can get through life by making good business decisions alone.”

“So, I should be a pushover like my father? Should I give in to any demands anyone has of me instead of standing up for myself? The reason we have a life at all is because I am nothing like my father.”

“Well, that is certainly not true. Do you call this a life, Edwin? Look me in the eye right now and tell me you are happy with your life!”

Edwin could not do that.

“You can’t continue to blame your father for everything. Yes, he made some mistakes in life, but he is not responsible for any troubles in your marriage. And you do not need to be exactly like him, but you do need to be more like him. Yes, he was a pushover at times, and he did stray from the middle ground, but you have gone so far in the other direction that you can’t even see the middle ground anymore.”

A maid entered the room carrying more bread, and upon hearing Modesty shouting, she turned on her heels and scurried away.

“Your father was taken advantage of, but that was his burden to carry for all the good he did in the word. I could tell you stories for days about the people he helped. He always had a coin, a kind word, some food and shelter, or a piece of advice for those around him. Your decisions since his passing have helped us, but how many other people have they helped, Edwin?”

The Duke was still shocked that his stepmother was shouting, but he was even more shocked at how right she was about everything.

“Love is always worth it,” Modesty continued, not stopping for breath. “Love is always worth every sacrifice, and your father sacrificed a lot. Yet, he loved me dearly, and he loved you and Elizabeth, and he loved the people around him. He even loved strangers. I would not change the man he was for anything in the world. I am grateful for everything you have done for me and Elizabeth, but you need to start doing things for yourself, and that means opening up to the people around you.”

“I’m the fool,” Edwin stated miserably.

“You will be if you let her go,” Modesty replied. “She is the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you are prepared to throw it all away, and for what? Because you are scared to become your father?”

Edwin looked down in shame. He tried not to feel it, to feel anything, but it came rushing at him.

Modesty moved to the chair beside him and placed a hand on his cheek. “You are like him in so many ways, even if you don’t recognize it. He had all the same traits and characteristics you do—you both just utilize them in different ways. You are not weak, Edwin, but neither was he. Gosh, I miss him every single day.”

“I do, too,” Edwin admitted. “I still think it might all be one big joke, and he is ready to jump into the room and surprise us all. Sometimes, I think if I can fix everything, he might come back.”

“I wish that were possible,” Modesty admitted, wiping away her tears. “There is not a day I don’t wish for your father to be back by my side. I have a good life, but life was always better with him by my side. You don’t have to fix the world, Edwin, but you do have to fix this. If Beatrice is gone, Elizabeth will never forgive you. You have no idea how much your sister relies on her. I will forgive you—your father taught me well—but I will be very, very, very disappointed.”

Edwin managed a sad smile. “I will get her back.”

He pressed a kiss to his stepmother’s cheek, then left the breakfast room without having anything to eat.

The Duke went straight to the stables and had the fastest horse saddled. As soon as it was ready, he took off toward the Duke of Hayward’s estate.

As he rode, he had some time to think. He had thought he knew everything about the world the previous night, but Beatrice’s reaction and Modesty’s words had pierced his heart. He had been wrong, he could admit that now. He had made himself so unlike his father that he had become unrecognizable, even to himself.

He had to make the journey back from his mind to his heart. He had seen the love in Beatrice’s eyes but had been afraid to return it. He had shown weakness by caring for her, which came back to haunt him when she disappeared the previous night.

Edwin did not need to block out that emotion—he had to embrace it. There would be mistakes, but he needed to be like his father and carry on regardless. There was some strength in how he had been, even if he had been too loving and caring. He had been taken advantage of, but would that really hurt on occasion?

When he had looked into Beatrice’s eyes the previous night and saw the love there, he had been afraid that by loving her, he would have more to lose. His mind wanted to weigh both sides, but his heart would not let him. It did not matter how much he stood to lose; what he gained in return would always be worth it.

As he rode to Hayward Castle, he knew he loved Beatrice, and she had to know that too.

The Duke dismounted his horse as soon as he got to the entrance, not tethering it to anything. He pounded on the front door, and it was answered soon after by the butler.

“Welcome, Your Grace,” the butler greeted, recognizing him.

“I’m here to see my wife,” the Duke said

“I am afraid she is not here,” the butler replied.

“I know she is here. Please go fetch your master for me.”

The butler kept his composure. “I am afraid His Grace is away on business, Your Grace.”

“Then the Duchess!” Edwin exclaimed.

“Yes, please come in.”

The butler stood aside to allow him entry. He led him to the waiting room while he went to fetch Charlotte.

Edwin considered calling out for Beatrice, but he wanted to make a good impression, and doing so would only come across as needy.

Not long after being shown into the waiting room, Charlotte appeared in the doorway.

“I need to see her,” Edwin stated.

“I don’t understand,” Charlotte said.

“I know she is here. I want to see my wife, and I am not leaving until that happens.”

Charlotte looked confused. “She returned to you. What is going on?”

“She did, but… she left again.” The Duke felt the weakness coursing through him, but he had to push through it.

“She did not come here,” Charlotte told him.

It was worse than he had feared. “She has gone home?”

Charlotte bit her bottom lip. “She would have come here before going there.” She hesitated for a moment. “I am afraid I don’t know where she is.”

“Please,” Edwin pleaded. “I need her back, and she deserves to know how I feel about her. I need to speak to her, and if she does not want me after that, I will return home. Please help me be with the woman I love.”

Charlotte thought about it for a moment before she gave him an address.

“That is where she went before. If she had not come to me, she would have gone there so people wouldn’t talk about her—or you. I must warn you, Duke. I know my sister, and if she has gone back there, she might have no intention of returning to London.”

“Let me worry about that. Thank you, Duchess.”

“I know she can be a handful, but she is worth it,” Charlotte said.

“I know.” The Duke nodded.

Edwin was soon back on his horse, and he had a longer ride this time, giving him more time to think. He rode for two hours before getting to the small countryside house. It felt too small a gesture to be turning up to talk. She would think he was only declaring his love to make her return home and save face. After all, he hadn’t been able to say it to her face, which was why she had run away again.

The Duke dismounted and tied his horse to a tree this time. They were in the middle of nowhere, and he feared the horse would run off.

He knocked gently on the door this time. The Dowager Countess of Meadow answered it. He had expected an older woman, knowing she was a dowager, but Harriet was only in her twenties.

“I am—” Edwin started.

“I know who you are, Your Grace,” Harriet interrupted. “She said you might come. It is to your benefit that you have, and I shall tell her you called.”

“So, she is here! You must let me in. I need to speak to my wife.”

“I am under strict instruction not to let you in,” Harriet replied.

“And if I come in anyway?”

“Do you think the best way to win her back is to make a scene?” Harriet asked. “Do you understand how much you have hurt her?”

“I understand, and it was never my intention,” the Duke replied. “Please, will you tell her I love her?”

“No, that should come from you.”

“I will wait here until she comes out,” Edwin stated.

“You do know how stubborn she is,” Harriet warned with a sad smile. “She will stay inside for the rest of her life to prove a point.” She stepped out the door, glancing behind her quickly. “She will be at her sister’s debut. Please don’t mess it up.”

“I won’t,” Edwin said, relief washing over him.

He had ridden out there to speak with his wife and had been unable. He knew where he would see her again, and he would prove his love to her, no matter the consequences.