Chapter 32

Returning Home

Walford Estate, London

“Iwant to explain myself to you,” Edwin said.

“You have nothing to explain,” Beatrice assured him.

She wanted to speak with him, but there was something else she wanted to do, and it involved doing something very different with their mouths.

Edwin took her by the shoulders. “No, I must. Be with me for a moment while I explain. You deserve that.”

“All right,” Beatrice sighed. “Yes, we must get this out of the way before we move on to the next thing.”

“Then we shall get it out of the way quickly.”

They had apologized to each other in the coach on the way home, and that had been enough for Beatrice, but it was obviously not enough for the Duke. His apology had been heartfelt, and so had hers, but if he needed to speak more so they could get past their troubles, then they would do so.

“Come,” he said.

He took her upstairs to his room, and she felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach. She was disappointed when he sat her in the chair by the bed and did not take her to the bed, but they were close now.

He stood in front of her, before he paced a little and then came to a stop in front of her again.

“I was angry because I worried something might have happened to you. I was not only worried that you would be spotted, but that someone would harm you. My anger was my fear, and I projected that fear on you. I was not angry, but scared. I was scared something would happen to you. I should never have let my fear get the better of me. I apologize for being so angry at you. I have spent years not being dictated by emotion but by logic, and I slipped for a moment and almost ruined everything.”

The explanation had started well, but the more she listened, the more it sounded like he was admitting that he was locking his feelings back up. How could they have a relationship without any feelings? She wanted to explain to him that his feelings had not weakened him, but she did not know how.

“Come,” he said, lifting her into his arms.

Beatrice was conflicted, but as soon as his lips met hers, she forgot about her worry. She could explain it to him later when they spoke properly, but for now, she would get what she had been yearning for since he had kissed her earlier at the charity gala.

She took his bottom lip between her teeth, chewing on it softly. She welcomed his tongue into her mouth, sucking on it. She ran her hands over his back, but there were too many layers between them. Beatrice pulled off his jacket as they kissed. The Duke replied by lifting her into the air, and she wrapped her legs around him.

She felt heat pool into her core when his clothed member rubbed against her, and she wrapped her legs tighter around him, needing to hold onto him.

“I feel like I am home,” she murmured.

“You are home,” the Duke said. “You never need to leave again.”

“I won’t,” she promised.

The Duke put her down, and she immediately tugged at the buttons on the front of his shirt. However, she did not have time to undo any of them before he spun her around and untied the ribbons on the back of her dress. He removed them all quickly and pushed the dress over her shoulders—it fell to the floor.

Beatrice turned back around, wearing only her shift. She felt her nipples stiffen at the thought of the Duke pleasuring her. Her hand went to the buttons on his shirt again, and she was sure she broke a couple of them in her haste to remove his clothing. She placed her palms on his bare chest when she had his shirt off, and she kept them there when he kissed her again.

Their tongues danced together, their lips moving from side to side. Beatrice’s hands went down to his crotch, and she fumbled with his belt. She stopped for a moment as he kissed her. There was something different about his actions and motions, as if he was holding back for fear he would hurt her.

She only started moving again when his hands came down to his belt to help her unbuckle it. Beatrice pulled open his trousers, and they fell to the ground before the Duke kicked them away.

He continued plundering her mouth with his tongue, and he grabbed her rear, hoisting her up again. She could feel his warmth now as she wrapped her legs around him again, with only the thin fabric of her shift separating them.

She moaned and gasped as he kissed her. She needed to bite and suck on his skin. Her lips trailed down his chin, neck, and shoulders, and she bit his upper arm a little harder. She felt a furious pleasure rise within her, and there was only one way to deal with it.

“Take me to the bed,” she pleaded. “I need you.”

Beatrice felt her nipples rub against her shift as her breasts were pressed against the Duke’s chest. He took her to the bed and tossed her down on the mattress, eliciting an excited gasp from her lips.

She looked up at him as he towered over her, and her eyes flicked to his crotch again. She wanted to release the monster beneath the thin fabric and push it inside her.

“What are you looking at?” the Duke asked with a sly smile.

“I don’t know,” Beatrice replied. “It’s hidden. You must show me what you keep down there.”

“All in good time. All in good time.”

The Duke climbed into the bed, running his hands up her thin shift, over her breasts and nipples to her neck, and then back down again. A shiver ran through Beatrice’s body. Their time apart had made her want her husband even more, and she knew the pleasure that would come would be a dozen times better than what had come before.

Edwin planted a kiss on her thigh, then her stomach, her breast, and her shoulder, all above her shift. He was teasing her, and she wanted to rip off her shift as much as she needed to rip off his drawers. He kissed her lips gently, slowly. He held himself above her, gazing into her eyes.

And she saw the same look again.

“What is the matter?” Beatrice asked.

“Nothing is the matter, my dear.”

“No, something is the matter,” Beatrice insisted. “I can see it in your eyes. Something is bothering you. What happened when we were apart?”

She wished she had not asked the question when she saw the look in his eyes change.

“No, I must not dwell on it,” he murmured, cupping her breast in his hand. “I need to pleasure you.”

“I don’t like this,” Beatrice said. “Not this,” she clarified, gesturing between them. “Something is troubling you and preventing you from being here with me fully. I want to help you.”

“I don’t know if you can,” the Duke sighed. “I’m worried it will only make things worse.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Beatrice asked. “I already apologized for my mistake, and I promised it would not happen again.”

“No, it is not that,” the Duke replied. He rolled onto his side, keeping his body close but not on top of her. “I am not angry at you but at Miss Jennings.”

“Miss Jennings!” Beatrice spat. “Did she come here while I was gone? Did she think she could have you because I was not here? If she did, I will make her regret it.”

“No. Well, yes and no. She did not come here while you were away. She came to me at the gala after we kissed.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Beatrice scowled.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Edwin replied.

Beatrice wanted to resume what they had been doing, but she was not feeling like it anymore. “And now you have worried me more by keeping it from me.”

“You snuck out and kept it from me,” Edwin shot back.

“That’s not fair.”

“Nothing is fair,” the Duke groaned. “I’m only trying to protect you—to protect us.”

Beatrice sighed and looked up at the sheer fabric covering the top of his four-poster bed. “What did she want? What is she threatening us with now?”

“She wants me to divorce you,” the Duke revealed.

“What?” Beatrice had not expected that, and it shocked her. “Divorce?”

“Yes,” the Duke sighed.

“And?” Beatrice prompted, becoming worried.

“And I said I would not.”

“All right,” Beatrice murmured. But she was still worried. “And what did she threaten you with? What story will she invent this time?”

“She won’t invent one,” the Duke said solemnly.

Beatrice held her breath, her heart sinking to her stomach.

“She claims she has proof that you snuck out of the estate dressed as a man. I would not believe a word she says, but that is exactly what you did.”

“I’ve ruined it all,” she moaned.

She wanted to cry, but she would not allow herself. She sniffed quickly and put her mind to work. She needed to fight. She had let down the Duke once by sneaking out, but she would not let him down a second time. “What proof does she have? Was that her in the tavern, or did she send someone? Had she been following me?”

“I have no idea,” the Duke said. “She did not reveal her proof to me, but I know she has one.”

“All this to ruin me for stealing you from her,” Beatrice huffed.

“Not quite,” the Duke said. “She wants me to divorce you and then marry her. She informed me I could save face and be rid of you and the problems you bring.”

When Beatrice thought about it, she realized a startling truth.

“Well, she is right,” she admitted. “It would solve all of your problems, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t have to deal with Miss Jennings attacking you, and you wouldn’t have to worry about the sabotage from the inside.”

“Sabotage from the inside? You are not sabotaging me,” the Duke claimed.

“I already have, haven’t I? And I can’t promise it will not happen again. You must have already learned that, Edwin. If you hitch your wagon to my horse, I will only bring you down.”

“Don’t say that.” Edwin placed a hand on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her.

Beatrice wanted to be with him, but was it not true that if you loved someone, you should set them free? She did love the Duke—she knew that now after being apart from him. But how could he be with her when it would only cause more problems?

“You should accept the proposal,” Beatrice urged. “You should forget about me. I promised I would not sneak out again, but I can’t promise that. I want to do it again, and I am sure I will become bored with my life or want to solve a problem and do it again.”

“Bored with your life?” the Duke echoed. He placed a hand on her stomach as if she might run away at any moment.

“I don’t mean it like that. My life with you has been anything but boring, but I’m not the type of woman who likes to be tied down. Don’t you know that about me by now? Miss Jennings is much better suited. She will do as you wish to protect your reputation, and she will do it a lot better than I ever could.”

“Tosh to my reputation. I have never cared about that. No, it is not going to happen. She wishes for me to make an announcement in public, but I shall not.”

“An announcement in public? No, I don’t want that. You must get rid of me quietly—that is all I ask.”

“I am not getting rid of you,” the Duke growled. “I shall keep the arrangement for you sister and mine to attend her event, but only to give me time to sort this out. I shall find a way by then.”

“There is no other way,” Beatrice insisted. “Don’t you see that?”

“I would take any other way over that,” the Duke replied. “I don’t wish to be wed to that woman.”

“Then get rid of me and find someone else to wed.”

“I thought Miss Jennings was speaking madness, but it must be contagious. I don’t want to wed anyone else. I wish to be wed to you.”

“Do you?” Beatrice challenged.

“Yes,” the Duke claimed. He ran his hand up her side. “I would not be here if I did not want to be married to you.”

It was still not enough for Beatrice.

“Why?” she asked. “Why do you want to be married to me? For convenience? Because I am helping your sister? Because your family likes me? What is it?”

“No, it is not that,” the Duke replied.

“Then what is it?” Beatrice pressed.

He looked down at her, wrapped up in his emotional shield. She wanted to hear him say it, but the fear in his eyes had returned. He saw love as a weakness, and that meant he would never love her.

Just tell me you love me, and I can declare my love to you, and we can be happy!

“Just let me deal with her,” the Duke said instead.

“Oh, forget it,” Beatrice snapped. She jumped out of bed and grabbed her clothes.

“Where are you going?” the Duke asked.

“I need to be alone,” Beatrice huffed, before storming out of the room.