17. A Perfect Preamble

Rahn was up before the sun. He had slept little, his mind working around what Aesylt could be keeping from him. And she was keeping something from him. He was certain.

Betraying her wasn't an option, so he grabbed the book on aphrodisiacal flora and wandered to the garden at the edge of the courtyard for some fresh air.

The snow hadn't yet been cleared. The world was still, like he was the first to greet it after the storm. He pulled his furs taut around his mouth, hunkered down, and trudged toward the Wintergarden.

The garden floor was green and inviting, untouched by the tempest of the night before. It was a place where seasons didn't exist at all, where colors that didn't belong anywhere near the frozen north proliferated without resistance. The cherry blossoms were renowned across the kingdom for being the most beautiful a person could lay eyes on, and every time he stepped through their soft carpet, he understood.

Rahn passed a generous magnolia in full bloom, beneath which were the largest, most ornate toadstools he'd ever seen. Farther down was another row of cherry trees, their roots covered in vibrant orange moss, and a grove of citrus trees, a mix of citron, grapefruit, and some sort of dark orange. Nearby was a bench, and he decided it was as good of a place as any to sit and read.

He thumbed to his bookmark and opened the book. The mix of acidic and sweet make the citron a perfect preamble to copulatory activities. Equal benefit can be realized whether it be the man or woman who consumes the fruit, making it a versatile choice for bedchamber delight.

Rahn looked up, suddenly self-conscious. He could pretend he was reading it for intellectual reasons if anyone came upon him, but the truth most likely lived on his panicked face.

"Duke Tindahl, you are a brave soul, venturing out after a Wulfsgate blizzard!" The dainty trill of Nyssa Dereham was nearly lost in the menagerie of exotic trees and plants, but so on edge was Rahn that he'd heard her as if she were standing right on top of him. "And all by yourself? What happened to your partner? Has she abandoned you already?"

"Good morning, Lady Dereham." He startled and closed the book, then thought better of it when he noticed the title, big and bold. He had a good enough read on her to appreciate she wasn't one to miss much. "Aesylt is still resting, as I imagine most of the keep to be."

"Wrong," Nyssa said, appearing from between two cherry trees with a flushed face and a vibrant grin. Her gown seemed to be giving her trouble, so full and layered it was. "Wulves rise before the sun."

"Not the wulf in the tower," he said, and they both laughed. If Nyssa knew why Aesylt had been so tired that morning, they'd be having a different conversation. "And you? What has you wandering alone?"

Nyssa made her way closer, her eyes traveling the wonders as if she hadn't seen them a thousand times before. Every movement she made seemed fully intentional. The sweep of her gaze, her chin tilted downward, was precisely choreographed. Her forefinger and thumb pinched the layers of her skirts, leaving her pinkies uplifted. With her eyelids fluttering, she at last fixed her gaze on him with a demure smile. "I was in my father's study, and I saw you walking across the courtyard. Curiosity prevailed."

"Ah." Rahn smiled politely, hoping it was just friendly enough not to offend but with enough coolness to indicate he wasn't looking for company. "I'll see you at morning meal then?"

Nyssa's eyes narrowed in interest as she stepped closer. "And what are you reading, Duke Tindahl, that has you so engrossed?" She daintily lowered herself onto the bench beside him and reached for the book without asking, flipped it. Her eyes widened to saucers. "Indeed. I imagine this is entirely helpful for you in your... astronomy research."

Rahn cleared his throat, but he could do nothing about the mortifying heat flooding his face and neck. "Your brother curated some books for us. It was quite the assortment."

"My brother, you say." Nyssa licked her lips. "He's been a deviant ever since he ran off." Her words died there, and she gestured into the cool air instead, as if they both know where Pieter Dereham had been for years. "But really, don't feel obligated to indulge his utterly bizarre behavior. I hardly think he expected you to read them. He simply wanted to get a reaction." Her smile formed again. "Unless you believe the contents might be useful to you?"

"Purely intellectual," Rahn assured her, tensing to keep from adjusting his itchy, cloying collar.

"Of course." Nyssa nodded like she were indulging a child's fantasy. She leaned in, close enough he wondered if she was going to rest her head on his shoulder next. "I came to ask if you might be kind enough to save me a dance at my soiree?"

"What soiree?" Aesylt appeared, rescuing him from whatever awkwardness Nyssa had planned for him, but the irritated scowl on her face kept his relief at bay. It was at Nyssa her gaze was aimed.

"Oh, Aesylt! The little wulf in the tower awakens." She curtsied from the bench but stayed firmly in place beside Rahn, winking at their private joke. "I was just explaining to your dear scholar that my father has decided to go forward with my invocation. You do remember me telling you about it?"

Aesylt rolled her tongue around in her mouth with a sour look. She hadn't acknowledged Rahn at all. "And what is an invocation?"

"A woman's invocation into society? A coming out event? Do you not... No, of course not. The Vjestik are a bit arcane, aren't they?"

"Your brother said it wasn't going to be a big event," Aesylt replied.

"And what would Pieter know of a woman's business?" Nyssa dusted herself off like she needed to be rid of the thoughts themselves. "Well, of course I want you to come as well! I even have the perfect dress for you! It might need to be taken out a bit, of course, to fit you properly."

Rahn could see clearly what was happening. Nyssa was preening, poking Aesylt to get a reaction, just as Pieter seemed to be doing with the books. And it was working.

Red-faced and disgusted, Aesylt flashed a comically ineffective smile. "I have my own gowns, but thank you."

"Not for an invocation, you don't." Nyssa laughed as though they all understood what was funny.

He decided to put an end to it by standing and creating distance between himself and the debutante. "Lady Nyssa, it was lovely to see you this morning, but Aesylt and I?—"

"Did you forget your citron, Scholar?"

"What citron?" Aesylt eyed them both in baffling suspicion.

Rahn tensed his jaw, watching Aesylt come unraveled before his eyes. "As I said, Lady Nyssa. Purely intellectual."

Nyssa winked at Aesylt. She held out her hand toward Rahn, who took the hint but ignored it. She waved it again, and he pecked it with a kiss that had her blushing and touching her cheek. "A gentleman, you are. So few of them around. Are you sure you're not on the marriage market?"

"He's sure," Aesylt groused.

"As for that dance?"

"I..." Rahn tried to catch Aesylt's eyes, but she'd turned her annoyance on the grove of citrons. "It would be impolite to refuse."

"Splendid." Nyssa curtsied and backed away. "We should meet like this every morning, Duke Tindahl. A girl could get used to it."

Rahn said nothing, and after a beat, she turned and left.

Aesylt followed, but Rahn rushed forward and grabbed her arm. "Squish."

The look she turned on his hand was scorching. "You could have told me you were coming to the Wintergarden to see her."

"I didn't tell you because I wasn't," Rahn replied, his words quick and harried like he'd done something wrong. "I came to read. Alone."

"The book about the fucking sexual lemons? I read it too." Aesylt snatched her arm away and grabbed the book. "No wonder she thinks you're ready to ask for her hand."

Rahn balked in surprise. "You read it? When?"

"When I couldn't sleep last night." She readjusted her furs and sniffled from the cold air. "She's lovely. But if you're going to court her, then we should stop what we're doing."

"Aesylt, that is not—" Rahn exhaled through his dawning understanding of the situation. "You're jealous."

"What?" Aesylt's face crumpled in annoyance. She reached up to wipe her red nose. "That's ludicrous. Of what?"

Rahn's mouth fell open in astonishment. "What's ludicrous is you thinking I have intentions on courting Nyssa Dereham."

She crossed her arms and lifted her chin. "Yet you haven't denied it."

"I should not need to issue a denial when we both know I have no such intentions, toward her or any woman." The book fell from his hands, and she reached down to grab it at the same time he did, but she was quicker.

"Hm." She pursed her mouth and turned the book over. "Pick a citron. Or not. I need some air."

"But you're already outside!" Rahn was dumbfounded. He didn't know what to make of her behavior—how to address it or if he even should. It was entirely nonsensical and utterly unlike her.

"Different air."

"Do you realize how you're acting? You are not yourself."

"Maybe I'm not." She smiled thinly, still glaring at the tome in her hands. "But I'd really like to be anywhere but here right now. Enjoy your book, and..." She waved her hand around.

Aesylt handed the book back without looking at him. Incredulous, he watched her march across the fallen cherry blossoms until she disappeared into the distance.

Oh what a foolshe'd been! An absolute and complete fool. She knew it through every painful, pulsing second of the encounter, and worse, so did Rahn and Nyssa. She had no idea how she was going to face them at morning meal and decided it was probably best she not go at all.

What the bloody devil is wrong with me? she thought as she climbed the stairs of the tower in shame. She'd never been one to leave things unsaid, and not making time to speak with Nyssa, to understand the abrupt shift in who had once been a treasured friend, was a personal failing. Letting her get under her skin, when that had been her obvious intent, was another.

With luck, Rahn would go straight to the keep, and she'd have an hour or two of quiet admonishment. She couldn't even muster an apology when he'd rightfully called her on her conduct, because she was too far mired in her own irrational feelings to do anything but sulk.

She climbed higher, already winded. Of course Rahn wasn't trying to court Nyssa. Nyssa had fixed her gaze on the scholar from the moment she'd met him, and she had probably followed him, hoping to catch him alone. Goading Aesylt had just been a delightful bonus.

Sighing, she stopped to gather her breath. Jealous. Yes, she was jealous, and she detested herself for it. There was no damn reason to be. He was not her beau, nor even her lover, but her partner—a point she had hammered home in defense of them working together. Every bit of intimacy between them was for one reason and one reason alone. He'd made it excruciatingly clear he'd never see her as anything but his favorite disciple, no matter how ardently he'd worked her last night. No matter how dark and heavy his gaze had been as he'd watched her ride his hand like he'd not seen anything like it.

Maybe she should feel ashamed for that too, but she didn't.

Aesylt sighed again and finished the last leg of the climb. She owed him an apology. More so, she needed to pull herself together and remember why they were doing what they were doing—and disabuse herself of any other illusion.

She dug in her pocket for the key, but the door was cracked. Except she knew she'd closed it.

Going for her dagger occurred to her, but it was a silly notion. She was safe in Wulfsgate, safer than anywhere else. It was likely a member of the kitchen staff cleaning up their supper remnants or leaving more fruit in the bowl.

Except the staff always left and collected their food outside the door.

There was only one way to find out.

Straightening, Aesylt entered and found Pieter sitting in her chair, hunched over, a piece of vellum in his hand.

She knew right away what it was.

Unanticipated fire exploded within her. She launched herself across the room, practically flinging herself through the air, as he looked up in shock, in disbelief. He had just enough time to cover his face before she was clawing for the letter.

"That's mine!" she screamed, reaching for the paper he held high above his head, higher than she could reach. "You had no right!"

"Aesylt, calm the?—"

She leaped for the paper and went crashing onto the desk when she missed. "Give it fucking back!"

Pieter shot to his feet, his hand still stretched above his head like a challenge. But he was remarkably tall, and there was no chance of besting him in a game of height, so she sucked in a hard breath and hurtled herself at him as hard as she could, knocking them both to the floor.

She growled and climbed him, but he held her back with an arm at her neck. When she started gasping and choking, he relented but asked, "Will you calm down?"

"You have no—" She coughed and spat in his face. "That is not yours. You cannot?—"

Pieter bolted upward and licked her face, catching her so off guard, she momentarily relented. He used the opportunity to shake her off of him. "Guardians, Aes, I don't remember you being so damned feisty. Will you calm down? Please?"

"I will calm down," she said through gritted teeth, panting as she pushed back to her feet, "when you return my property."

"I wanted to tell you that I can help the two of you, with your Reliquary conundrum."

Aesylt went for her dagger. She unsheathed it and held it out, drawing a stunned look from Pieter. "Give. It. Back."

"I'll give it back," he said calmly, unruffled by her brandished weapon, "when you cool down."

Aesylt sucked in through her nose, her entire body aflame. He'd read the letter from Val's family. The one no one else knew about—and could never know about. "That letter, Pieter, is none of your business."

"Oh, I disagree." Pieter shook his hand in the air. "This letter is why you're here, in my home. So it is my business."

"You mean the home you turned your back on?" She narrowed her eyes, her nose flaring. "Where were you anyway? What did you do that your own family won't even speak of it?"

He tossed a casual glance up at the letter. "I don't recommend complying with the Barynovs' extortion. It won't end with marriage. They'll use you to push your brother out and take his place, and I would not expect it to be bloodless."

Aesylt closed her eyes momentarily to center herself. The letter was one problem, but why he was in her room, rooting around, was the real issue. "Tell me what you were doing in my room when you thought I wasn't here."

"Looking for this," he said coolly. "I knew there was more you weren't saying. I have to know what trouble might find its way to our steps."

"Do you even care? The heir who turned his back on his birthright?"

"I care about my family." He cocked his head. "I care about you."

Aesylt's fury returned in an instant. "You've been playing me."

"Untrue."

"What is it you expected to find in here?" Another thought, this one far more terrible, occurred to her. Her notes... But the drawer was still locked. Unless he had a copy of the key?

Rahn's notes, however, were stacked on his desk in a neat pile. It was impossible to tell if they'd been disturbed.

"I didn't know what to expect." He rolled the shoulder of his outstretched arm, clearly straining. "You didn't even hear me when I said I can help you. I can get your correspondence to the Reliquary without your foes being the wiser."

Her eyes traveled to the letter. She couldn't let him leave with it, even if they both ended up a tangled, bloody mess. If Drazhan found out... "And why would I trust you with something so important when you clearly cannot be trusted?"

Pieter wilted with a wounded look. "Your inability to be forthright is not my shortcoming. Now I know, and we can move on."

"We can move on when you give me my letter back."

"Ah, but you seem to be growing angry again, and I?—"

The growl started deep within her, born of something primal and long neglected. A deep, painful rage bubbled up, one unlike any she'd felt for years. It was wholly incongruous to the moment, but she wasn't thinking about that at all as she leaped up, grabbed his shoulders, and scaled him like a tree.

Pieter yelped in surprise and they went stumbling, tripping, and falling onto Rahn's bed. The force caused her to lose hold of her dagger, and it went flying, then clattered somewhere. She clambered up and over him, but his hands shot to her hips where he held her, pinning her from going any farther. Aesylt screamed in his face.

"You're like an animal, listen to yourself!"

"What's going on?" The door slammed. Heavy, hard boots on stone followed. "Aesylt?"

Pieter lifted his head to look, and Aesylt quickly stretched forward and grabbed the letter. It tore at the corner, and she shoved it into her dress with haste, just as she toppled over.

"You want to tell him, Aesylt?" Pieter asked.

She attempted a graceful return to her feet, but her hair and dress were a frightful mess. "What, that you were snooping around in our room when we weren't here?"

"Ah, so you don't." Pieter sprang up.

"Tell me what exactly?" Rahn asked, dividing his attention between them. Each word sounded like he was straining them through his teeth.

"Morning meal awaits. I'll... have them send yours up instead." Pieter clapped Rahn on the shoulder. Rahn flinched, his nose curling in anger, but Pieter was already gone.

Chest heaving, Aesylt plopped onto the bed and leaned over her knees.

"Squish. Look at me. What happened?" Rahn dropped to his knees before her and lifted her face, studying it. "Did he hurt you?"

"I came back and he... He was rifling through our things. I may have lost my temper," she breathed.

Rahn's expression clouded. "What was he looking for?"

The last thing she wanted to do was lie to Rahn, but she couldn't tell him about the letter. "He said he thought I was keeping something from him, and he wanted to know what it was."

"What does it matter what you keep from him? You don't owe him your secrets." He ground his jaw. "Did he find our notes?"

Aesylt hung her head and shrugged. "Not mine because the drawer is still locked. Whether he found yours... I don't know. I don't know, Scholar, I don't know why..."

Rahn stretched up and gathered her in his arms. "It's all right, Aesylt. I'll talk to Lord Dereham, let him know how grossly inappropriate his son behaved toward you."

"No." She pulled back, shaking her head furiously. "Please, say nothing. Please."

"Pieter cannot?—"

"Please." Her eyes burned with tears that wouldn't fall. "We need this place to work for us. We have nowhere else to go."

Rahn watched her, reading her for several terse moments. His mouth drew tight, his head shaking. "If he comes near you again like that, I won't even do him the courtesy of going to his father. I'll handle it myself."

Aesylt nodded, trying to stand and put the horrible episode behind her. But Rahn stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"You're bleeding," he said, hollow and distant, and went to the basket of bandages and balms in the corner.

"I am?" Aesylt patted her face all over. It was her temple. She withdrew her hand, surprised at how much blood came back. "I don't even know how..." The room swam. Her words slurred. Darkness encroached the edges of her vision.

When she came to, she was lying in the same bed. Rahn's bed. "You scared me, Squish."

"I didn't mean to." She tried to sit, but wooziness prevented her. "It doesn't hurt. It's nothing to fuss over."

"You lost consciousness. That isn't nothing." Rahn returned with a rag and a bowl, along with some cloth bandages. "I have half a mind to march into that savage's bedchamber and do the same to him."

"Except... It's my fault. I'm the one who charged him like a raging bull and engaged him in a ridiculous battle that I'm frankly embarrassed by, now that I'm calmer."

"Good one of us is calm," he muttered, dipping the rag in the water.

Aesylt, finally, really looked at him and what she saw sent her heart into tatters. He was truly angry, his face a barely disguised tableau of hot rage. The flush in his cheeks didn't fade when his eyes softened, when he dabbed the rag gently against her wound.

She lifted her hand to his, stilling his movement. "I'm really all right, Rahn."

His entire expression shifted at the sound of his name. Tension rippled along his jaw. His hand went rigid under hers. "You may have persuaded me not to confront him, but you cannot stop me from looking after you."

"I can dress my own wound."

"And yet I'm doing it for you anyway."

"In the celestial realm, I can actually heal myself. I have all sorts of magic I can't use here in our world." She angled her face inward, toward his outstretched arm. On a whim, she pressed her lips to the soft underside of his forearm and left them there, breathing in.

Rahn stilled again. The only sound between them was their unmatched breaths. "I need you to say the words please."

"What words?"

"And another... another with me."

"You want to go to the celestial realm? For me to heal myself?"

"Just say them." He sucked his teeth with a tight inward groan. "Please."

"And..." Her voice trembled against his skin. "Another with me."

The world shifted. She barely had time to adjust before Rahn's lips were on hers in a crushing kiss. A soft sob escaped him and he pulled back, just enough to wrap her in his arms.

She let him hold her like that for what seemed like minutes, during which her wound slowly closed and the pain dulled, but she could no longer restrain the question. "You wanted to come here to kiss me?"

"I just realized... I realized..." He swallowed, his eyes traveling toward her healed wound before continuing. "How many things in our world are actively trying to destroy you right now. And I needed to take you somewhere that couldn't happen. Just for a little while. Can we stay? A moment?"

Aesylt bit her lip, nodding. Something had changed, but as usual, she couldn't read him. She couldn't discern his intention at all.

He could have kissed her in the real world. He could have bolted the door, locking them away if he wanted to keep her safe.

Rahn wanted something else. He just didn't know how to say it.

Aesylt sat up so she was beside him. She flattened a palm against his chest and let it slide down to his belly. "I want to apologize for how I acted in the Wintergarden."

"No." He shook his head. "You don't need to."

Aesylt closed her eyes and breathed deep. "I do. It was out of line, and you didn't deserve that side of me. I hardly recognized myself out there."

"I didn't know Nyssa would be there," Rahn replied.

"I know."

"I would have waited for you, Aesylt, but I felt you needed your rest after... the night we had."

"What I'm saying is there's no need to explain anything." She lowered her eyes, then lifted them with a nervous squint. "I came looking for you because... I was working up to a way to tell you I was ready to climb the final rung of the ladder with you. That I'd... I'd been ready last night, but I feared scaring you if we moved too fast."

"Scaring me?" Rahn repeated her words, but his eyes had traveled away from her. "I look to you for how we pace this. Your comfort."

"If it were up to me, Scholar..." Aesylt lifted onto her knees so she was looking down at him. She didn't finish.

Rahn tilted his head up to look at her. "What? If it were up to you, what?"

Aesylt's words caught. If it were up to me, we'd be making love instead of talking.

"When I saw you and Pieter in here, I thought, at first..." He pursed his lips. "And then I saw what he did to you, and I was furious, like I haven't been in years."

Aesylt ran her hands down his face and kissed him firm on the lips. "There's no reason we can't start this day over. No reason we can't climb a little higher and put the past hour behind us."

He seemed more surprised than he should. "You know what the next rung is?"

She nodded, looking up at him.

"Aesylt." Rahn tucked his chin when she nipped up for another kiss. "Are you sure? Are you sure I'm the man you want to share this memory with, and not someone you love?"

She let the word love roll over her."I'm sure that if you ask me the question again, I'll shove you onto your back and take advantage of your vulnerable position, corrupting us both forevermore."

Rahn's calm demeanor disappeared. He licked his lips. "Promise?" A soft smile appeared and then dissolved. "We don't have to do this now. I can see you healed yourself, but?—"

"Healing is a curious magic, Scholar. More complicated injuries linger, requiring multiple sessions, but simple wounds can be erased in an instant, like they never happened." Aesylt wrapped her arms around his neck, letting her hands fall down his back as she leaned in. "I need you to lead. Can you do that for me?"

He nodded, the edges of his cheeks tightening. With a grunt, he lifted her onto his lap. His eyes traveled her face, then moved down her neck. She started ripping at the stays of her dress, offering him a slow reveal.

Soon he was helping, sliding the gown off her shoulders before bunching it and lifting it over her head. He'd seen her nude before, but not so vulnerable and exposed. His shaky inhale told her he was just as nervous.

"You're truly exceptional, Aesylt. Never settle for anyone who doesn't remind you of this every damn day." He dipped in to kiss the hollow of her neck, saving her from a response to the second most wonderful thing anyone had ever said to her. You are as imitable as the stars in our interminable sky. Her skin raised as his warmth traveled lower, across her breasts, and stopped at one of her nipples, which he took into his mouth.

"Oh," she moaned, her eyes burning with more tears that would never form. You're truly exceptional, Aesylt. Never settle for anyone who doesn't remind you of this every damn day. "That feels lovely."

Rahn whispered something unintelligible as he suckled her, then moved to the other breast. She knotted her hands in his hair and tilted her head back, ready to be lost with him.

His hands moved down her sides, sliding along the curve of her hips, and tightened when his fingers dug into her ass. She tore at the buttons on his shirt, frustrated when they wouldn't open fast enough, but then she had it off, pressing it over his shoulders and strong arms.

Rahn released her nipple and kissed her mouth again before gently laying her back on the bed. She pulled her legs up tight, conscious of her exposure, but something in his eyes made her relax them again. He moved off the bed and unbuckled his trousers, letting them fall to the floor before climbing back up, the throb lifting the bottom edge of his shirt.

He brushed her hair off her face and kissed her. His cock rested on her mound, sending her whole body into a solid clench of anticipation. She almost hoped he didn't fit, that he would plunge inside and tear her open until the pain was replaced by something new and beautiful.

And then the sensation was gone, because he was sliding down her body, spelling it with kisses in places she never knew could be sensual. Her collarbone. Her shoulder. The underside of her arm.

Rahn sighed along her flesh, trailing the tip of his tongue. Her skin pebbled, the hair standing up in response to his passing through. Aesylt closed her eyes and relinquished herself to the raw openness, to the trust she felt for the first man who'd made intimacy seem not only desirable but safe.

He exhaled down the center of her torso and moved to her thigh, which he hooked over his shoulder, peppering more gentle kisses all the way to her knee. Aesylt sighed in capitulation, her legs falling wider as she let go of her awareness of her exposure.

Rahn nibbled the edge of her foot and kissed the underside, drawing a surprised giggle from her. He grinned against her flesh and did it again before moving to the other leg and repeating every tender ministration, moving back between her legs for another gentle graze.

He made a soft, rumbling sound when his tongue met her readiness. She used to think she'd be mortified if he ever knew she was always ready for him, but not anymore. He enjoyed seeing what he did to her. He was proud of it.

His head raised, his eyes full of hunger. For her. Science or no, he wanted this. She would make sure he knew how much she wanted it too.

Rahn came down over her, spinning her pulse faster and faster. "You decide the pace, Squish." He locked his mouth to hers and lingered. "You decide, at any time, if it ends."

She nodded, knowing full well she would push him all day and night if he allowed it.

With his forehead pressed to hers, balancing himself on one arm, Rahn reached down and circled his cock in his hand. He pumped it twice, his eyes rolling back. Aesylt tightened in expectation. Then he met her eyes once more, settling his head at her opening. He seemed to be waiting for one final confirmation.

"Yes, Scholar," she said, breathless.

Rahn's push was gentle, but the pain was immediate, the new incursion mingling with the last one. Her hands tangled in the blanket, tensing. Relax. His eyes widened in alarm at her response, but she brought her hands around to his ass with an encouraging squeeze, to show him she was fine. His mouth fell open as he pushed in farther, and this time she did everything she could not to let him see how much it hurt, how overcome she was by the wild sensation of being stretched and filled. She channeled the pain through the curling of her toes, locking her feet behind the back of his thighs as he slid past the last of her body's resistance and sank himself deep inside her.

Rahn paused for her reaction.

She looped her arms around his neck and lifted to kiss him, whispering, "You're the perfect fit, Scholar."

Something changed in him. It began with a shadowing of his expression, the feral rigidity to his limbs reminding her of a predator zeroing in on prey. "The only fit, Aesylt." He dragged himself all the way out and back in, repeating until her eyes rolled back and her mouth could no longer close. "Like my cock was made for you."

"I was made for you," she answered, delirious from the shift in his demeanor, the side of himself he'd held back for so long. Only in the celestial realm would he ever show her, but she'd cherish every cursed moment while she could.

Rahn groaned through every thrust, his back dipping and arcing with each fluid movement. She climbed her legs higher to lock them around his back, and he went faster, plunging even deeper than before, a move that made her vision skip.

"This is so... much... better than I imagined," she cried, lifting her hips to match his rhythm, remembering how important it had been to him that she articulate her experience. "More."

"You've been such a good girl," he panted, sliding his tongue along hers in the deepest kiss he'd given her yet. "How could I deny you?"

She moaned into his mouth, whimpering when his pace slowed and howling when he withdrew and then slammed into her with enough force to leave her wondering if she'd be walking when they were done.

"Tell me," she whispered between ragged breaths. "Tell me what... what you would do if there was nothing stopping you."

"I would..." Rahn pulled out and slammed in again, drawing gasps from both of them. "Fuck my favorite little researcher until the stars wink from the sky and the ocean replaces the land."

Aesylt traced her tongue along her lips, then rolled them into her mouth. "More."

Rahn slowed as he considered her question. His lips peeled back. "I would stretch her until she begged me to stop."

"But you wouldn't stop."

"No force exists capable." He rocked her so thoroughly, her feet slid away, and she couldn't re-fasten them. He reached behind to lock them in place and fucked her harder, then slipped his hand between her legs.

"When you close your eyes at night, it's me I want you to see," she purred into his ear, dangerously close to coming. "Every. Night."

"You're too late for that," he mumbled, his head falling back with a soft, eyes-closed moan.

His confession was a truth for the celestial realm only, one he'd never acknowledge in the real world, but then, there, Adrahn Tindahl was hers and she was his.

Suddenly she was clenching, coming all over his cock as her body pitched up and off the bed.

"Come for me, Aesylt." He moaned. "Come for me until you can't find your breath."

"Come in me," she panted before she was crashing again.

"Try to stop me."

"Do everything to me here that you can't do to me out there," Aesylt whined, digging her hands to the soft mattress.

His response was lost to a grunt, which had him tensing, sending a flood of delectable warmth into her. He held his position until the last of it left him, and he fell beside her and landed on his back. Panting, he rolled his face her way and asked, "Please say something, Aesylt."

She'd still been woefully sore from the finger session the day before, so she had become so raw, she was afraid to move at all, but something else had changed. It was not only the loss of her virginity, which she'd never held onto for any honorable reason anyway. It wasn't even that she and the scholar had actually had sex, a fact that would need time to settle. It was knowing that Rahn could be an open man, a readable man, when he wasn't afraid.

She answered by climbing over him and grinding against his tender but still-hard cock, suppressing a wince. "I like this side of you. I want more of it. How's that for ‘something'?" Remembering how he'd used his hand to guide himself, she reached down to do the same, stroked him until he was ready, and nestled him against her tender entrance.

He stared up at her, flushed and wordless, a brief flick of his tongue dancing across his lip.

"I know this means nothing in the real world, Scholar, but I wouldn't have wanted my first time to be any other way. Or with any other man."

"Aesylt..." he whispered, but she had no intention of letting him finish his sentence.

She lifted to take him in, and they moaned together. From pleasure. From pain. From the freedom of consequence.

"Ah," he said, half under his breath. His next words were meant for her to hear. "You are as imitable as the stars in our interminable sky."

Her breath shuddered to hear him repeat the words she'd wondered, in her most raw and helpless moments, if he'd forgotten saying it at all. But he hadn't. And this time, they'd been the confession of a lover.

Rahn clamped his firm hands to her hips and guided her, showing her how he wanted it, which turned out to be exactly how she liked it too. She shed the last of her innocence, the last of her silly fears she wasn't pretty enough... wasn't as sexy as the glamorous, infamous women he'd been with on Duncarrow.

It didn't matter.

He'd chosen her.

Perhaps not forever.

Perhaps not even tomorrow.

But in the celestial realm, Rahn Tindahl belonged to her the way she belonged to him everywhere, always.

They stayedin the celestial realm all day and into dusk, returning to the real world occasionally as a precaution. But all they found were trays of food left outside their door.

Aesylt slept on his bed in the real world. She'd earned her sleep, as insatiable as she'd been. Three times they'd had sex, though Rahn had only finished twice.

She'd fallen asleep in his arms, but after an hour of staring at the rafters, he gently extricated himself from her tangle of limbs and walked to the courtyard for some air.

He passed a nod at Hal, wondering if the guard—if any of them—could read the truth in his anxious gaze.

There was no longer any going back. His relationship with Aesylt was irrevocably changed, and only time would reveal whether it was for the better. His greatest fear all along had been losing her. As his friend, his partner... from the moment he'd met Aesylt Wynter, he'd felt a chasm in him close, one he'd assumed would always remain open, a wound incapable of healing. A wound he couldn't even think about without losing himself.

Sex complicated even the strongest bonds, and no matter why they were doing it, it would complicate theirs.

Still, it wasn't regret he felt. It was the muted shame of knowing he'd gotten exactly what he wanted—and he wanted more. Of all the women... No, there had been none before her, because the memory of every peak and valley of Aesylt Wynter's body was emblazoned in his mind, replacing everything that had come before, just as it had the night he'd brought her to climax with his mouth. Her fingers digging into his back... her soft heels bouncing along his spine. The way her nose curled up whenever she whimpered from overwhelm.

There wasn't a chance he could come again that night, but everything inside of him was screaming to prove that wrong.

Gods, he was a lost man.

When he returned to the tower room, she was awake, staring at the spot where he'd lain. She looked up with a soft smile, but it faded to apprehension. "What's wrong?"

Rahn chuffed and shook his head. "Nothing at all." He sat beside her and smiled. "How do you feel?"

"Like if I have to go ask the kitchen for ice, and they make me explain why, I'll be sent to a monastery for wayward women."

Rahn laughed. "Do you need ice?"

"Will you put it on for me?"

Why, why was even that sensual? "If you need me to."

"Hmm." She slithered under the blanket with a yawn and a stretch. "I feel alive, Scholar. That's how I feel."

As do I. For the first time since I washed up on the shores of Duncarrow with horror in my heart. "Then no ice?"

"Oh, I definitely need some ice." She winced and made a playful oof sound. "But I told you, I'm not afraid of pain. If I was, I could just return to the celestial realm and heal myself. It's... Well, I suppose I should save this for my notes, yes?"

"If you prefer," Rahn said carefully. He didn't just want to know how she was feeling; he needed to know. As the ranking member of their cohort?—

Just stop. Just fucking stop. You desired her. You had her. You want more. If you're going to lie, at least don't lie to yourself.

"But you can also tell me," he said, finishing the thought.

"You won't look at me the same," she said with a sideways glance.

"After everything we've done, it's a few words that worry you?"

Aesylt shrugged against the pillow and turned her eyes toward the ceiling. "I don't have the experience to know why the pain brings me even more pleasure... why it heightens it." She rolled her head to face him, her brows fused in earnest, endearing concern. "Am I broken? I am, aren't I? I'm constructed all wrong. Maybe I was born in the wrong part of the moon cycle. I know you think it's superstitious nonsense, but I'm telling you, there's something to it."

"Broken?" Rahn lay next to her with a reproaching scowl. "Aesylt, don't be ashamed of what brings you pleasure. Ever. If it's receiving pain, so be it." He was hard again.

"And if it's inflicting pain..." She drilled him with a knowing look.

Rahn averted his eyes with a soft laugh. "I gave that away, didn't I?"

"I felt you reading me. I read you too."

"So now I'm readable?"

"Only when your guard is down. Only in the celestial realm." She laughed. "And you did actually confess it, so..."

Rahn didn't know how he felt about any of that.

"But would you not say that makes us the perfect pairing for these experiments?" Aesylt propped herself up on one arm, wincing. "There's nothing I can imagine you doing that I wouldn't welcome."

"We should eat. The food is already cold." He bounced out of the bed, his heart messy at the turn in the conversation.

"You don't think I know what you're doing? Do I need to whisk us away to another world so you can face me again?"

Rahn's hands hovered above the tray. He closed his eyes, stilling. "I don't know where the boundaries are, Squish. All I know is there aren't any in the celestial realm. But here... I just don't know. I'm sorry."

He heard her slip from his bed, followed by the soft patter of her feet as she went to hers. His chest caved in failure. He'd said the wrong thing, though it had been the full and honest truth.

"Then we'll speak of it again when we're in the land of no consequence," she said, her voice soft and groggy. His heart eased. She wasn't upset after all. "Good night, Scholar. And thank you. We should misunderstand one another more often if it ends like that."