Chapter 25

CHAPTER25

“Jane!” Leo shouted as loudly as he could, but she would not turn around.

He set to run after her, but Seth grabbed him by the arm and kept him in place. “Never run after a woman, Leo.”

“But…” Leo stuttered, looking longingly in the direction where Jane had run off to mere moments ago. “Jane is upset. I need to find out what happened!”

Seth kept a firm grip on his friend’s arm. Leo was grateful for it. It allowed him to gather his thoughts, so he could think straight and know which questions to ask his friend.

“What on earth happened?” Leo finally managed to put his thoughts into words.

Seth scratched the back of his head. “To tell you honestly, I am not quite certain myself.” He sounded mysterious as if trying to avoid answering.

“What do you mean?” Leo demanded. “Did something happen? Did you talk about something that upset her? Did I do something?”

He could not imagine that he did something in the few minutes that he was gone with the host. Jane felt disoriented. It was truly too hot inside. He felt that way as well. But he could not foresee such a reaction. It made no sense. Something must have happened and Seth had to know. He was with her.

“I simply asked her if she was all right,” Seth started explaining. He seemed like he was choosing his words carefully, speaking in a slow and measured manner. “I was referring to her feeling disoriented, but instead she told me that all of this was going too fast.”

Leo frowned. “Too fast? All of what?”

Seth shrugged. “That was my initial reaction as well. Then, I realized that she was referring to… your marriage.” Right now, he sounded apologetic as if he knew that it wasn’t his place to meddle in such affairs, but he was drawn into it by Jane. When she chose to reveal her predicament to him and not straight to Leo, she got Seth involved.

Leo had to admit that he didn’t like the sound of this. He was under the impression that they had reached a certain place in their marriage where they were open with each other. He was hoping that she would come to him if she had any doubts, any fears, any trouble of any sort. However, she just proved to him that wasn’t the case. Still, he refused to believe that he did anything to push her away so aggressively. If she needed reassuring, he would gladly do so. But he needed to speak to her in order to be able to do that.

“What else did she say?” Leo asked, endeavoring to calm himself down, but that was easier said than done.

He was wasting time speaking to Seth when he could have just run after Jane, stopping her and finding a way to persuade her to speak with him. Although, he knew that Jane was a stubborn woman. In fact, she was more stubborn than anyone else he had ever known, whether man or woman. If she were in such a hotheaded state of mind, he doubted that she would wish to speak to him. Forcing her into a conversation would only do more harm than good.

“She said that she needed more time to think about everything,” Seth added. “I asked her if she regretted marrying you.” Here, he paused as if he himself regretted mentioning this right now.

“What did she reply?” Leo asked, eager to find out the answer.

“She didn’t say anything, old boy,” Seth admitted, his voice lowering to a barely audible whisper.

“Well, that isn’t good,” Leo sighed, trying to lighten up the mood, but it didn’t really work.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Seth comforted him. “Marriage is overwhelming even as an idea, let alone going through it. I’m certain that she just needs some time to herself, and she’ll come around.”

“I don’t know about that,” Leo pointed out. “Jane isn’t the kind of woman who isn’t certain about the way she feels. Giving her time might not make much of a change in that respect.”

“In this situation, all you can do is respect her privacy,” Seth advised. “If she wants some time to herself to think things through, give her that.”

Leo lifted his gaze to meet Seth’s. “Do you really think so?”

“Yes,” Seth nodded. “I think we can both agree that Lady Jane is… a special lady. You should treat her as such.” Leo’s eyebrow rose at the possible insinuation that he had been doing anything less than that, so Seth quickly added. “Not to say that this isn’t how you’ve been treating her until now. But something is obviously not going well.”

Leo had to agree with that although he was under the impression that it was exactly the opposite. He still remembered how she melted in his arms, how she moaned his name. Everything about her was pure, unconditional love. He believed they had finally found a path to each other, and there were no more obstacles between them. He was obviously wrong.

“Just allow her some time,” Seth repeated, patting his friend on the shoulder. “Sometimes women are like that. They fear commitment as much as men do.”

Leo frowned. He never had the impression that Jane feared commitment. Quite the opposite, he felt that bringing their marriage to a whole new level, making it more real, was something they both desired. Was it all just a charade? He wasn’t certain any longer.

“I thought things were going so well,” Leo said with a sigh.

“This doesn’t mean that it’s not going well,” Seth pointed out. “She just needs… to be reminded of some things, and only she can remind herself of them.”

“I suppose you are right,” Leo admitted, gazing into the dark distance.

The sky above them was dark. It was cloudy with barely any moonlight. That was how he himself was feeling right now, stuck in a dark tunnel, and he could not see the way out. Not yet. Not without Jane.

He still felt that undeniable need to forget all about the advice his best friend had just given him and follow her. He would get her to talk to him, somehow. But he kept forgetting that it was her who did not wish to speak to him. She had made that perfectly clear. Otherwise, she would remain here, or she would allow him to follow her. They would return home, discuss things, realize that it was all one big misunderstanding which happened for whatever reason, and they would spend the rest of the night making love to each other.

“Let her be for a few days,” Seth added as his hand was still on Leo’s shoulder, and now, he was slowly guiding him back inside.

Leo was certain that he would not be able to go a single day without speaking to Jane. Allowing her a few days of solitude while he was being torn apart by doubt and fear? Absolutely not. He would go to her as soon as tomorrow, asking to speak to her. If she refused to see him, he would keep coming every single day until she agreed.

In his opinion, allowing her time to be on her own proved that he did not care about her. It proved that he didn’t care whether she was all right or not while in fact it was the exact opposite. He cared about her more than he cared about anyone else in the entire world, even more than he cared about himself. Her wellbeing was of the utmost importance. The only way he would show her that was to be right in front of her doorstep tomorrow morning.

“Now, let us go back inside and try to forget all about this unpleasant business,” Seth advised as he pushed Leo back towards the ballroom.

Leo had no desire to go back inside. In fact, he wished to excuse himself and go home, but he doubted that he would be able to fall asleep. He would just stare at the ceiling, thinking about Jane. Perhaps it was a far wiser choice to be surrounded by people who might distract him with their stories.

He allowed Seth to lead him back inside, and immediately, the heat of the room as well as the presence of everyone else made him feel even more estranged. He hoped for a distraction, but all he received was the remainder that Jane was the only person he wished to spend his time with. None of these ladies or gentlemen managed to keep his attention and focus on themselves, no matter how witty or pretty they were. They simply weren’t Jane.

He managed to endure another hour before he explained to Seth that he would be going home. Despite his friend’s insistence on staying a bit longer, Leo wasn’t having it. He provided enough of an excuse to his host and then hired a carriage to take him home. It seemed to take forever, during which he was lost in the whirlwind of his own tumultuous thoughts.

He could not stop thinking about Jane. Several times, he was on the verge of telling the coachman to take him to Jane’s estate and leave him there. But he knew that he would not be able to change anything tonight. If anything, he might even make things worse. That was the last thing he wanted to do. If Jane needed some time, he would give her a day. Well… half a day. That was as much as he could handle. If she needed more, she would need to tell him that, instead of choosing Seth to share those most intimate feelings with.

For a moment, he felt jealous. Seth was there for his wife when he himself wasn’t. That wasn’t Seth’s fault. That was his own. He chose to go and speak with the host of the ball instead of take care of his wife, who was obviously feeling unwell. While it was true that she herself urged him to go, he should not have done that. He should have stayed by her side. If he had, this wouldn’t have happened. Or at least, she would have spoken to him and not to Seth.

He reminded himself that Seth had been his best friend for so many years. Feeling jealous was uncalled for. It was merely his own heart reacting to the presence of any man other than himself in Jane’s surroundings. He never felt this way about anyone before, and it was difficult sorting out his emotions, putting them all in order.

He knew that love was never selfish, and yet, he wanted Jane all to himself. He had to work on that. He was willing to work on that, but first, he had to see if she would allow him to remain by her side. The thought of living without her terrified him. Now that he had a taste of what it was like to have a blissful life with her, he knew that nothing else would suffice, no one else would ever be able to take her place.

Suddenly, the carriage stopped, rocking him gently. He remembered how they kissed passionately in his carriage, the one she left in. He wondered if it still smelled of their heat, of their insatiable need for each other. Because he needed her even more now than before. That was the incredible thing. Instead of having her and losing interest, his interest seemed to grow. He wanted her more and more with each breath he took. He had to have her explain what she was so afraid of, and he had to find a way to make her see that, as long as they were together, no one could harm them. Never.

Leo climbed out of the carriage and slowly dragged himself to his bed chamber. He slumped down onto the bed and closed his eyes. It was a futile effort at beckoning sleep to come to him. The only thing that soothed him was the fact that he would see Jane tomorrow whether she wanted to see him or not.

But that changed soon. After only an hour of tossing and turning, Leo knew that there was only one thing that could provide some peace of mind. He quickly got up from the bed, put on his coat and pants, and headed out to ready the carriage. He had to see Jane at any cost.