Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

“ Y ou’re late,” Seth said the following evening.

“I apologize, Your Grace.” Lady Lavinia crossed the room and settled into the armchair by the fire. Seth was pleased to see that she had remembered yesterday’s lesson—she wasn’t picking at her gown, and she moved with considerably more grace than she had even one day ago. Seth had to admit that he was rather pleased with the progress she had already made.

Still, her being late was not something he could simply ignore. “Explain where you’ve been, please.”

She looked at him, eyebrows lifted. “Explain where I’ve been?” she repeated. “What are you asking me? Do you mean to imply that I have some duty to present myself here, just because you’ve summoned me? That by not arriving promptly, I’m in violation of some sort of rule?”

“These are etiquette lessons,” he reminded her. “You’d do well to remember that. And what that means is that, among other things, you should demonstrate proper etiquette with me. When you promise to be somewhere, you do have a duty to present yourself at that place at the promised time. So yes, you should have been here.”

“I’m only five minutes late,” she pointed out.

“It’s not a matter of how late you are. If you truly couldn’t make it at the promised time, your best recourse is to provide me with an explanation. I shall be happy to hear it.”

She sighed. “I was nervous in the halls, Your Grace,” she said. “I was worried I might be caught, and it caused me to move more slowly than I might have.”

“Why were you nervous? Did you see or hear someone?”

“No,” she said. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking about what would happen if we were caught, and how it would not be a good thing for either one of us. I don’t wish to make trouble for you, Your Grace.”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” Seth said. “I’ll be fine.”

“But I know how much you worry about being caught in a scandal,” she said. “And I’d especially hate for it to happen to you because of me.”

“Especially you? Why especially?”

“Well…” She paused. “It’s just that you’re a duke—one of the most eligible men at this party, if not the most. You could have any lady you liked, I’m sure.”

“I don’t know what point you’re making in saying that,” Seth told her.

“If you’re going to be stuck with a lady you didn’t choose, it ought to be someone worthy of you,” she explained.

He blinked. “Well, that’s disappointing.”

“What is?”

“I thought I had communicated to you that the most important thing you could do—if you wish to attract the interest of a gentleman—would be to show some confidence,” he said. “You can’t be in the habit of telling gentlemen that you’re unworthy of their interest. You need to make them believe that they must earn your interest.”

“Even if I knew how to do that, what difference does it make now?” Lady Lavinia asked. “It’s only the two of us here now.”

“But you’re meant to be practicing the skills that will help you get someone to fall in love with you. Try again. Pretend I’m telling you that I’m worried about a scandal between us. Don’t be apologetic. Be confident.”

She bit her lip. “If you want me to be like Lady Genevieve…”

“No, of course not. I’m not saying you should be bold or inappropriate. But I’m asking you to find a way to let me know that you are worthy, and that you know it. Because you are, Lady Lavinia.

“You can’t think of yourself as having less value to a gentleman than the other ladies of the ton . You’re as good as any one of them. You only think otherwise because you’ve been trained to think that way—that if a gentleman pays you no attention, it means you don’t deserve his attention. Isn’t that right?”

“All right,” she agreed. “That’s true. But it’s also a fact. If gentlemen don’t pay me attention, it’s because I haven’t done anything to earn their attention.”

“It’s because you’ve never learned how to show them who you are,” Seth said. “It’s nothing more or less than a simple lack of etiquette training. You don’t truly believe that your sister is worth more than you, surely?”

“Edwina is beautiful,” Lady Lavinia said quietly. “And I’m unremarkable.”

“You’re not. Haven’t you noticed that more gentlemen have looked your way since you’ve begun dressing in your new things? I know you’ve noticed it. And today you carried yourself differently than you have in the past. It’s already beginning to work.”

Lady Lavinia nodded. “Perhaps you’re right,” she conceded. “I was approached by several gentlemen today. They were only introducing themselves, so I didn’t think that much of it.”

“Trust me—you caught their eye,” Seth said. He couldn’t quite bring himself to look at her as he spoke the words—they felt like a confession. It was as if he was admitting to the fact that he found her beautiful. Well, that was no particular secret. He had made it clear already that he thought the gowns suited her very well.

Why did he feel so unsure of whether he was doing the right thing by making this confession? What did it matter whether or not she knew that he thought she was desirable? He wasn’t saying that he wanted her.

Lady Lavinia rose to her feet, moving with a practiced ease and grace. “In that case,” she said, “perhaps it’s best if I respect your need to protect yourself from scandal and leave you on your own. You wouldn’t want to be seen with someone so noticeable.”

She started toward the door. Seth frowned. “Wait a moment,” he objected. “Don’t leave. We aren’t finished with this.”

She turned and looked back at him, a small smile on her face. “Confidence,” she explained.

He stared at her, staggered by what she had done. “That seemed very easy for you.”

“Well, when you put it in the way you did,” she said, “I don’t believe that my sister is better than I am. You’re right. I believe I’m worthy of attention and admiration, and if you’re going to be trapped into a marriage you don’t want anyway, you’re right, you could do worse than someone like me. You could be stuck with someone cruel. Whatever else I might be, I’m not that.”

Seth nodded. “You’re certainly not,” he agreed.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that my behavior seems to drive gentlemen away from me,” she said. “Looks are the least of it, really. I’m not beautiful like Edwina, but I’m not repulsive, and I know that. Whatever has stopped me from finding love so far, it’s something else about me. It’s something about my personality.”

Seth pursed his lips. “You don’t have a bad personality,” he said.

“Oh, thank you.” Lady Lavinia rolled her eyes. “It’s so thoughtful of you to say that.”

“You don’t need to get defensive. I mean it,” he said. “I’m not trying to insult you. You think there’s something wrong with your personality, and I’m telling you that it may not be as dreadful as you think.”

“Your Grace, you must have heard from the gentlemen at this party how odd they all find me. How no one wants to remain in my company once they’ve experienced it. I’m an awkward, uncomfortable person. I wouldn’t have said my personality was dreadful , but we don’t need to pretend it isn’t odd. You can change the way I look and the way I sit in chairs, but you can’t change that no matter how much effort you put into teaching me how to behave.”

“You don’t think so?” Seth asked. “I wouldn’t be so sure. I don’t think you should doubt me, Lady Lavinia.”

“It isn’t you I doubt. It’s just difficult, sometimes, to understand what I could be doing to drive people away from me, and that’s not a question I believe you have the answer to.”

“Well, perhaps you should place a little more faith in me,” he told her firmly. “Do you think I would have offered to help you if I wasn’t confident I could accomplish the job, Lady Lavinia? Do you think I would be meeting with you in the middle of the night if I thought we were wasting our time? I don’t believe we’re doing that at all. And you’re right—I have heard tales from the other gentlemen at this party. I do know what they think of you. I know that not all of them hold you in high esteem, and some of them find you downright strange.”

Lady Lavinia stepped back. “You don’t have to say such cruel things.”

“I’m only repeating what you said yourself. I’m agreeing with you. That is what you said, isn’t it?”

“It is,” she agreed. “But you do this far too often, Your Grace. You could have said something kind to me.”

“Is that why you spoke of how strange the gentlemen of the ton find you?” Seth asked. “Were you trying to elicit a compliment from me? Because if that was your intention, it doesn’t surprise me that people find your presence off-putting. What a disconcerting thing to do.”

“Of course that isn’t what I was doing,” Lady Lavinia said. “But I didn’t think you were going to agree with me. I thought you might tell me there was nothing so shocking about me that it couldn’t be overcome. I thought you might tell me that you had encountered someone stranger than me before.

“At the very least, I thought you might change the subject to something else—something that wouldn’t make me feel so ashamed of myself. You want me to be confident, and yet you persist in saying things that would destroy anybody’s confidence!”

Seth felt frustrated. “I merely agreed with what you had just finished saying yourself,” he said.

“There’s a difference between the unpleasant things a person thinks about herself and hearing someone else confirm them,” Lady Lavinia said. “I suppose, if you are as wise a gentleman as you seem to be, that you must often wonder whether your character makes people feel bad about themselves. Well, I’m here to tell you that it does. When you told me you would have married Lady Genevieve to spare her from scandal, I thought you were uncommonly kind. I was impressed by you. And now you tell me that my personality may not be as dreadful as I think . Well, that’s the kind of help I don’t need. This was a mistake. I should never have come here.”

She turned toward the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Seth demanded.

“I’m going back to bed,” she said. “You’ve been very noble to volunteer your time, Your Grace, but I see this now for what it really is. You’re trying to settle the debt you think you owe me by making yourself feel as if you’ve done me some great service.”

“And wouldn’t it be a great service if I were to help you find a husband?” he demanded.

“Yes, but I don’t believe you care if I find a husband or not. You don’t see me as a person you can assist. You see me the way my father does—as a lady full of flaws in need of repair. I don’t wish to be repaired by anyone, Your Grace, and certainly not by you. Good evening.”

She left the room. He watched her go, astonished.

He would never have thought her capable of taking such a stand.