Chapter 30

Chapter

Thirty

Nigel

P erceptive man.

Nigel stared back at Lord Fitzroy, tongue-tied and struggling for words. It seemed plain to him now that the baron could see exactly what was on his mind, and in his heart. Nigel looked back at Kathryn, but she wasn't staring at him. She was looking at her father instead.

I have made my declaration, and I do not believe it is enough.

As they had danced together, Nigel had hope that Kathryn cared for him too, yet it was not to be, was it? Perhaps she couldn't forgive him for his behavior, of being so willing to draw them both into scandal, he could understand that. Or perhaps she feared disapproval now? He wasn't sure. Either way, she said nothing, and his declaration to her was left unanswered.

"I have said what I have come to say, my Lord." Nigel looked back at Lord Fitzroy, seeing his wife no longer pulling on his arm, but looking sharply at him. There was almost hatred in that gaze. It made Nigel wish to run, apologizing as he went. "I must apologize now for intruding on your evening. I will take my leave."

"So soon?" the Duchess of Gordon said from the baron's other side, but Nigel was no longer listening.

I have to get out of here.

He turned back to Kathryn and bowed to her, snatching up her hand to clasp it briefly, before he walked away through the crowd. As he walked, he felt rather sick, a sudden clamminess in the palms of his hands.

He'd been so certain on his journey here that this was the right thing to do, so that Kathryn knew the whole truth, and had her earring and notes back, but now he wasn't so sure. He'd put his heart on the line, and now he would have to go to this military camp, knowing he had no chance of having her love.

He stood in the doorway of the ballroom, catching the eye of the butler who appeared.

"May I have my coat and top hat please?" Nigel asked. The butler nodded and hurried off. Footsteps behind him, urged Nigel to look around, to find that Kathryn had followed him to the doorway. Beside her was her aunt, but her mother and father hung back in the room, still staring in their direction.

"Do you not remember what I said?" the Duchess of Gordon was hissing the words to Kathryn, but so loudly that Nigel could hear them.

"What?" Kathryn asked distractedly, moving to Nigel's side. He hoped she would ask him not to go, but she said nothing, and simply stared at him.

The butler returned with his top hat and coat, and he took them, hurrying to put them on.

"In my letter," the Duchess of Gordon continued.

"You told me to grow up," Kathryn whispered, but still loud enough for Nigel to hear. "I know I have brought disgrace to my family, Aunt. I do not need the reminder now."

"What? No, no, Kathryn, you misunderstand," Arabella said in a rush. "I was urging you to realize what is important to you. To go after it. Oh dear, perhaps I should have said, realize who is important to you."

There was sudden silence as Nigel buttoned up his frock coat. In the quiet, he couldn't help looking back at Kathryn again. The hope he felt twinged in his gut. Kathryn's gaze met his own and they looked at one another, without blinking. For a few seconds, he thought of the night she had stayed in his apartment, how they had fallen asleep leaning on one another. Never had he woken so happy and settled as he had done in her company.

To have that happiness again, I would give anything.

Nigel bowed his head in parting to the two of them, finding he couldn't bear the infernal silence anymore. He took a step through the doorway, moving into the entrance hall.

A sudden scuttling followed him.

"Wait," Kathryn called.

Nigel halted. He slowly turned on his heel, his body flanked by the candles on either side of the hallway. He was isolated in the hallway, with Kathryn a few strides in front of him. In the doorway far behind stood the duchess, though she seemed to be making an effort to hang back, to give them privacy.

"Do not go," Kathryn pleaded suddenly, walking across the room toward him.

"I think I must." Nigel looked down, unable to look at her.

Was she going to let him down easily? Did she intend to keep him there to tell him as kindly as she could that she couldn't love him in return?

Maybe she only ever wanted me for a tutor, and nothing more.

"It is for the best. I have said what I had come to say and judging by your family's obvious and rather justified opinion of me," he grimaced, "I must leave." He turned again, hearing her step forward once more.

"You lost one love, do not make the choice now to lose another." Her sudden words had him freezing.

He blinked, with his gaze unfocused as he stared down the hallway. He turned away, disbelieving the proof of his own ears. Kathryn was staring at him, her chest rising and falling with quick breaths as she smiled at him.

"What did you say?" he whispered, in disbelief.

"I said," she murmured, stepping toward him once more, "stay. Please." She closed the distance between them, stopping in front of him. "If you feared opening your heart again because you were worried about losing love, then this moment is the worst possible one to walk away." Her smile continued to grow, and she breathed in deeply. "My heart is yours, Doctor."

Nigel snatched up her hand, dropping the top hat he had barely noticed was still in his grasp. It rolled away across the floor as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed the back with sudden passion.

"Ahem," the Duchess of Gordon cleared her throat loudly from the doorway. She purposefully looked away from the two of them and blocked the doorway, with her hands on either side of the doorframe, clearly intent on stopping anyone else from reaching them just yet.

"I do?" Nigel whispered to Kathryn, needing to be sure. "Your heart is mine?"

"It has been for some time," Kathryn said quickly. "Though I hardly know when it began." She looked at the grasp he had on her hand. "All I know for certain is how heartbroken I have been since I watched you bow and climb into that carriage, riding away for good."

"Not for good. Not now." He turned her hand over, indulging in a more private and intimate kiss, to the inside of her wrist. The way her lips parted, and she inhaled sharply, made a ripple of excitement pass through him.

He hadn't known such happiness before. He felt as light as a feather, so full of life that he could have run with sudden energy, despite his exhaustion after the long and hard journey down to Dorset.

"We do not need to be parted again," he whispered to her, elated when he saw Kathryn's smile matching his own. "Think you can put up with my company? Despite all my books and reading?"

"I love all that about you. It is you who would have to put up with my over eagerness in conversation, and my clumsiness."

"I love all of that," he whispered. "You are real, genuine, and full of heart, where many ladies I have met before can be cold like stone, you are warm, Kathryn. You have always been, since that first day."

She laughed, as if he had said something quite mad, and Nigel loved that sound.

Their happy moment was disturbed by the Duchess of Gordon clearing her throat once more. She waved a hand madly in the air toward them.

"I think we are about to be disturbed." Nigel released Kathryn's hand in sudden panic. She stepped back, increasing the distance between them, though her smile never faltered.

The Duchess of Gordon stepped to the side, just as Lord and Lady Fitzroy appeared in the doorway.

"I thought you were taking your leave, Doctor Beille," Lord Fitzroy said with a knowing smile.

"What is happening?" Lady Fitzroy looked around, panicked. "Horatio, perhaps you should escort him from the grounds."

"Another minute more, love," Lord Fitzroy said, that smile still in place. "I have a feeling that there is something Doctor Beille wishes to ask me."

"I do have something more to say, yes." Nigel took Kathryn's hand again and led her back through the hallway, toward Lord and Lady Fitzroy.

Where Lady Fitzroy looked ready to object to the grasp Nigel had on Kathryn's palm, the Duchess of Gordon took her arm, holding her back.

"My Lord." Nigel offered another bow to Lord Fitzroy.

"Do not keep bowing all the time, sir," Lord Fitzroy said with a sudden low laugh. "You'll never stop bowing if you continue in this vain. Now, what is it you wish to ask of me?"

"May I have your blessing to court your daughter? Please?" Nigel hurried to add the latter word, feeling strangely awkward in his nervousness.

"Court?" Lady Fitzroy said, her lips parting in shock. "But I thought…" This seemed to alter things entirely as she looked between the pair of them.

"As I said before, I have never dishonored your daughter, and I would not offend your family. Yet I cannot help the feelings I have for her. With your blessing, I would like permission for a courtship." Nigel waited with bated breath, feeling Kathryn's hand tighten in his own. It was the reassurance he needed that she would say yes.

"What are your connections?" Lady Fitzroy suddenly asked.

"Clara!" the Duchess of Gordon spluttered in outrage.

"What? I have a responsibility toward my daughter," Lady Fitzroy said in a rush.

"Dear God." Lady Gordon laid a hand over her eyes, as if she could not believe what her sister-in-law had just asked. "You didn't seem to mind connections so much when I married your brother."

"I…" Lady Fitzroy's face contorted in guilt.

"I care more for his devotion to Kathryn, which seems to be rather strong." Lord Fitzroy eyed Nigel.

He felt rather watched, as if examined by some great eagle.

"If it helps, I am the second son of Viscount Purbeck," Nigel said in a rush. "Though in truth, I do not trade on that position. I work as a doctor and have prided myself on that position more than any other." To his surprise, Lord Fitzroy smiled more at the latter statement than the former one.

"A man with a good career then?" He nodded, approvingly. "Very well, you have my blessing, my Lord. And I hope whilst you stay in Dorset, I shall have the opportunity to get to know you better. Judging from the way my daughter is jumping up and down at your side with excitement, this will not be just a courtship for very long."

The Duchess of Gordon laughed aloud as Lady Fitzroy tapped her husband around the arm in reprimand.

Nigel smiled too, overcome with happiness as he turned to Kathryn. He lifted her hand and kissed the back, just as she tripped in her jumping up and down. He caught her fast, watching the panic in her eyes. As her family laughed, he whispered in her ear.

"I'll always be here to catch you."