Chapter 24

Chapter

Twenty-Four

Nigel

T he door closed behind Nigel. He leaned against the wall for a few seconds, calming his breath and the jitteriness that threatened to take over. Once he was certain he was in control of his own being, he walked away down the corridor.

I cannot believe I just confessed I love her. I can hardly believe it! What must she think of me now? Confessing I love her and then turning my back on her? She must despise me!

Nigel's mind ran wild with many thoughts. He no longer could make sense of his own meanderings. All he knew was that he had to divide himself with Kathryn. Loving her would merely bring them both pain – he'd been down that road before, and he'd vowed not to do it again.

"Ah, Doctor Beille."

Nigel halted at his name.

Lady Georgiana stood in the middle of the landing with the butler and the maid at either side of her. Eloise was fidgeting with the apron over her dress, clearly nervous, and Lady Georgiana clutched firmly to her walking cane as she walked forward to meet Nigel.

"Tell me, how is my cousin?" she asked.

"Fear not for her." Nigel forced himself to smile, despite the pain in his chest. "She is quite well, but in need of rest. I think exhaustion from her busy life here, all her lessons and the events of the ton, have taken their toll. The body must be allowed to go through its natural processes at this time."

"Yes, yes of course." Lady Georgiana nodded in agreement.

"I think a day's rest in her chamber is the best thing, then perhaps the next few days should be taken a little easier as she recovers," Nigel suggested. "All will be well for her."

"Thank you, Doctor. I am comforted by your words already."

"Excellent. Now, shall we attend to our own appointment, my Lady?" Nigel followed Lady Georgiana downstairs to the garden room where they conducted many of their appointments. He checked her pulse and asked about the fluttering of her heartbeat. He also checked on her wrist that was recovering well once again. Finding Lady Georgiana was in good health, he soon stood to take his leave.

"Thank you for being so attentive to myself and my cousin," Lady Georgiana said, lifting her chin to meet his gaze. "You have given much time to me as of late. I hope your other patients have not suffered because of my need for your attentions."

Nigel saw an opportunity in what she was saying. Just as he had told Kathryn they had to avoid one another for now, he saw the possibility of dividing them properly.

It is for the best, is it not? Soon the season will be over, and Kathryn will be returning to Dorset regardless. What would happen then? I'd be broken hearted anyway when she left! Best to divide us both now, before any chance of scandal can befall.

"My other patients have not suffered from neglect, but I do fear I shall have to attend to them more over the next couple of weeks. Rather than our regular appointments, perhaps we could shift to you sending word if you need me, my Lady? Would that be acceptable?" he asked.

She nodded at once, without hesitation.

"Of course, Doctor. I thank you for the time you have given me."

"Always, my Lady." He smiled and took her hand. "Give my best to your cousin too. I hope she feels better soon."

Lady Georgiana didn't quite let go of his hand, but held on for a few seconds longer, urging him to look her in the eye once more.

"She will be sorry to lose the pleasure of your company, I am sure. There have been moments in this house where I thought the two of you enjoyed one another's company very well indeed." The knowing smile on Lady Georgiana's face made his stomach quiver.

Does she know? Does she suspect?

He retrieved his hand from hers and forced an easy smile.

"Miss Fitzroy has that natural knack of putting many men at ease. I saw at the tea party the other day how men flocked to her. You have done wonders with her lessons, my Lady, but if you will forgive me for speaking out of turn…" He trailed off, wondering if it was a wise thing to say or not.

"Go on, Doctor," she encouraged with a wave of her hand.

"Well, I believe Miss Fitzroy has many charms to her character. She draws attention not because of her ladylike manners but because of her good heart and her humor," he explained, looking down between the two of them, not sure he could meet Lady Georgiana's eye now.

"I quite agree with you. I only hope that the man who eventually calls for her hand will see her in the same way."

"I wish you luck with finding such a suitor for her." Nigel offered a deep bow. "Good day, my Lady."

"Good day, Doctor Beille."

As Nigel left the room, he felt the keenness of Lady Georgiana's stare on his back, but he didn't turn to meet it again. He feared if he did, she would see something in his expression he was trying to hide, that envy, the fear that Kathryn would indeed find another man someday.

It is right that she should. Kathryn is not mine to claim.

Kathryn

Emily. He loves this Emily.

Kathryn thought the same words for what had to be the hundredth time over the past five days. Ever since Doctor Beille had confessed to her that he was in love, she had felt crushed.

He loves her. That is why he wishes to part company with me.

He'd clearly seen her affection for him growing, and fearing scandal or being forced into a marriage that he did not want, he'd urged their lessons to come to an end.

"This is unbearable," Kathryn muttered as she turned the books over in the library once more. In front of her were all of the notes she was making on the works that Doctor Beille had sent to her. Despite his assurance the other day that he would still send things to her to read, nothing new had arrived at the house. She was left with all that he had already sent.

She sifted through the books, finding something strange in the stack before her. Oddly, she could not find Arabella's book. She could only presume she had accidentally placed it on one of the many shelves in this library.

She stood from her seat to find it, yet dizziness washed over her, and she sat down again, tipping her head back so far that she rested it on the shelves behind her.

"Kathryn?" a familiar voice called form the doorway.

"Yes?" Kathryn opened her eyes, trying to persuade that dizziness away as she looked at her cousin.

Georgiana walked through the doorway with a stack of The Women's Periodical hooked under her arm. Her head was cocked to the side, and she once more reminded Kathryn of some sort of bird of prey, examining intently.

"You do look ill, child. These last few days, you have grown even more listless than before. You were dizzy just now, were you not?"

"I am fine." Kathryn forced herself to smile. "I am simply not sleeping well at the moment, that is all."

"A lack of sleep can be a sign of something worrying." Georgiana crossed the room and put the periodicals down on the table in front of Kathryn, covering up all the medical books.

"It is not, I assure you." Kathryn knew she couldn't tell her cousin that her sleeplessness was because of a broken heart. That would lead the trail straight back to Doctor Beille.

He loves another. Meanwhile, all this time, I was falling in love with him. Oh, what a cruel world!

"Is it time for another of our lessons?" Kathryn sat forward, trying to be attentive.

"Yes." Lady Georgiana sat down beside her. "I wished to show you something in the magazine that arrived this morning. Something that I think shall interest you greatly."

She opened the pages of the magazine and thrust it toward Kathryn, pointing down to a particular article.

"Mrs. Harriet Coutts." Kathryn frowned as she read the name at the top of the article. "Who is this?"

"Have you never heard of her?" Lady Georgiana smiled at the idea. "She is a woman who has moved circles in life, Kathryn. She started as an actress in Drury Lane, then married the famous banker, Thomas Coutts. Since his death, she has run Coutts Bank. She is a banker, Kathryn."

"A woman? A banker?" Kathryn lifted the magazine closer to her face again, her eyes darting down over the page. She read the article as hurriedly as she could, taking in the life story of Mrs. Harriet Coutts. "She is a remarkable woman." The more she read, the more fascinated Kathryn became, learning of this woman who was not only celebrated as a beauty and great socialite, but a sound businesswoman who had taken on her husband's business and brought it great success. "Why show me this?"

"Well, I have seen over the last few days that our usual lessons have not inspired much interest from you." Georgiana nodded toward her. "You have been listless, overtired. When I endeavored to show you some new dances yesterday, you yawned so many times I thought you might fall asleep when you were standing."

"I am sorry," Kathryn said quietly, trying to stifle another yawn as it threatened to overtake her. A headache was growing across her temple, and she rubbed it with the palm of her hand, trying her best to soothe the ache. "I am trying to concentrate. I just feel so…" She didn't have the words to describe it, so she shrugged instead.

Who knew one's heart had such power over the body?

She'd never felt this way before, never been reduced so much to melancholy.

"I will be well," Kathryn assured her cousin. "This I find very interesting." She gestured down to the article. "She sounds an impressive woman."

"Oh, she is. I had the good fortune to meet her last season at a ball." Lady Georgiana smiled broadly. "She had the command of the whole room in a way I have never seen another woman do. What struck me most was her canniness; how aware she was of the people around her. She knew well enough when people were attentive to her, just in the hope of ingratiating themselves. Follow in this woman's footsteps if you can, Kathryn. Always be aware of what is around you and make the most of the hand you have been dealt in life."

"How funny." Kathryn laughed softly as she looked at the portrait that had been printed on the pages of the magazine. Mrs. Harriet Coutts was indeed a great beauty, tall and impressive, with thick black hair curled around her statuesque face. "She was dealt a fortunate hand indeed, I'd say. I was dealt a hand that made me clumsy and at times…foolish."

"You? Foolish?" Georgiana took the magazine from her. "I do not think you foolish. Not at all."

"I think I am." Kathryn sighed and looked at the other periodicals resting on the table. She picked up one of these magazines and flicked through the pages, doing her best to concentrate on the words, but her eyes fluttered closed with the strain of her headache.

"You are not well, child." Georgiana reached for her shoulder.

"It is merely a headache." Kathryn yawned. "If I could have a good night's sleep, I am sure all will be well again."

"Hmm." Georgiana stood and walked away, calling out for the butler at once.

Kathryn flinched at the sharp and loud voice, letting her eyes close once more. Lowering the periodical down to her lap, she breathed deeply, trying to will the pain in her head away.

If I could just sleep peacefully. If I could just stop seeing him in my sleep.

It was what happened every time she laid down at night. She replayed the moment in her mind that Doctor Beille had told her he was in love. He had looked her in the eye as he had said it, clearly wishing for there to be no misunderstanding between them.

He loves Emily.

"Send for him at once. Go, deliver this note." Georgiana was calling to the butler.

"Where shall I find him?"

"If is he not at his apartments, then ask around. He may be visiting other patients. If you truly struggle, go and see his brother Gracechurch Street. He may be able to locate him for you."

Who is she looking for?

Kathryn raised her head and opened her eyes again. Georgiana returned to her, striking the cane so firmly against the floorboards that Kathryn flinched with every thud.

"Come, child." Georgiana took her arm. "I think it best you go to bed."

"No. I will not sleep there. I am certain of it," Kathryn insisted, laying the periodicals down on the table again.

"Very well, then come with me. Perhaps there is another way we can make you sleep."

Georgiana led the way to the garden room. Amongst the wicker chairs and the potted palms, there was a longer wicker chaise longue. Georgiana nodded toward it.

"Lay down. I shall sit here close by," Georgiana assured her with a smile.

"Thank you. You are very kind to me, Cousin," Kathryn whispered.

"It is what family does, dear." Georgiana patted her hand just before Kathryn released her and sat down on the chaise longue. "As you have looked after me, it is now my turn to care for you. Lay back."

Kathryn reclined on the chaise longue, curling her legs up underneath her. Georgiana sat down beside her. As Kathryn closed her eyes, the silence felt deafening. In that quiet, all she saw was Doctor Beille's face again as he told her he was in love, then something changed.

Georgiana began to hum. It was a soft tune, one that Kathryn had often heard her mother play on the piano back home. Slowly, the image of Doctor Beille left her mind and she saw her mother instead, playing the piano with a smile on her face.

At last, Kathryn fell asleep.