Chapter 23

Chapter

Twenty-Three

Nigel

" I beg your pardon?" Nigel stared at the butler, certain for a minute that he had imagined the request, for it could not possibly be true.

"Lady Georgiana has asked that you examine Miss Fitzroy first this morning," the butler said again. "If you would follow me." The butler bowed his head then turned away, encouraging Nigel to follow him.

Yet Nigel didn't follow straight away. He was too shocked. He picked up his medicine bag and scrambled to catch up, hurrying through the hallway.

This can't be happening. It cannot be!

He was shown up the stairwell, with the butler only glancing back at him on occasion to check he was there. Part way up the stairs, Nigel heard sounds across the landing. He looked up to see a maid leaving one of the bedchambers. She had a deep frown on her face and shook her head as she moved down the corridor, clearly perplexed.

Nigel walked across the landing, following the butler to the same bedchamber where the maid had just left.

"What are her symptoms?" Nigel asked the butler, hoping to at least get some idea of what was happening in advance.

Has she fallen ill since she left me this morning? Did she have some incident in the road?

Guilt raged within him. Damn the consequences of being seen with her at such an early hour. He should have escorted her himself to make sure nothing happened to her.

"I do not know, Doctor." The butler shook his head. "All I know is that Lady Georgiana was most insistent you see Miss Fitzroy first." He knocked on the door, standing tall as he waited for it to open.

When the door opened, Nigel held his breath, waiting to see the face of Miss Fitzroy. Instead, Lady Georgiana was the one who answered the door, with her walking cane at her side. Her eyes darted to Nigel at once.

"Ah, I am glad you are here, Doctor. Please, come in."

"What has happened?" Nigel asked, stepping past the butler and walking into the chamber. "Miss Fitzroy?" He looked across the room, his concern palpable. When his eyes fell on Kathryn, he stilled.

For a minute, he feared the past would be repeating itself, or God forbid, his nightmares were coming true.

Kathryn was sitting up against the pillows of the bed, her brown hair wild about her shoulders. Her chin jerked up at his entrance, the night rail slipping off her shoulder to reveal the hint of her chemise beneath. To see her so unclothed only made things worse. Nigel clamped down on a tightening in his stomach, forcing his gaze away to look at Lady Georgiana instead.

"My Lady?" he encouraged her to speak, desperate for an answer.

"One minute, Doctor." She purposefully closed the door on the butler, giving them privacy. "Please, examine my young cousin. She is struggling with some dizziness, a headache, and some…other symptoms." She colored red, clearly nervous to talk of what it was.

On the bed, Kathryn raised a hand and hid her face in her palm, clearly just as embarrassed by this conversation.

"Georgiana, please, this is awful enough as it is. Must I have this conversation with Doctor Beille?"

"I wish to be sure you are well, child. The doctor may be able to provide something to help the pain." Lady Georgiana moved to the bed and squeezed her shoulder in comfort. "How about this? I shall leave you two to talk alone. The door will be left open, so you can have a little privacy, but the butler will stay in the corridor as a distant chaperone. How does that sound?"

"Yes, thank you." Kathryn lifted her head from her hand, seeming suddenly excited by the idea.

Nigel's brows lifted as he looked at her. The same excitement filled his own stomach at the thought of being alone with her.

I need to get a handle on this. At once!

He smiled to Lady Georgiana as she passed and walked out of the door. Nigel waited until her footsteps retreated, along with the butler's a little, then he crossed to the bed as fast as he could, lowering the medicine bag down to the floor. He took a stool and dragged it close to the bed, leaning toward Kathryn just as she leaned toward him, off the pillows.

"What has happened?" he whispered to her. "Was there an incident as you walked home?"

"No, no. Far from it." She shook her head.

"Then, what is it?" He took her head. He meant to take her wrist, to check her pulse and ensure all was well, but in his fumbling gesture, he did what he truly wished to do instead, and took hold of her palm. Her gaze shot down toward that grasp. In her shock, she said nothing at all. "Kathryn?" His whispered use of her Christian name made her head snap up again, her gaze meeting his.

"There is nothing wrong," she assured him.

"What?"

"This is all some dreadful ruse. Oh dear, I hardly expected it to become so out of control." Her hand slid against his own and he entwined their fingers together, not truthfully thinking about the inappropriateness of doing this when they were alone together in her chamber. All he wanted was to be closer to her. "When I came back to the house this morning, I did not have enough time to change or make the chamber right. To explain my attire, my manner, everything, I told my cousin I had a headache, was a little dizzy, and…" She sighed deeply.

"And?" he encouraged her on.

"And that I was suffering from a woman's usual monthly affliction." She widened her eyes pointedly at him.

Nigel couldn't help smiling at the ingenuity of such a lie. Most people avoided talking about such topics. It was a clever way to attempt to stop Lady Georgiana talking about her problems altogether.

"Yet you are well?" Nigel asked, needing to be sure.

"I am," she assured him, her smile matching his own. "It is just that I was so close to being discovered that I was scrambling for lies." She sighed and laid back on the pillows. "I am certain Eloise suspects something."

"The maid…" Nigel presumed, watching as Kathryn nodded.

Nigel felt as if he had been winded, punched squarely in the stomach as he gazed at Kathryn and held onto her hand. The night before, she was taking care of him, in a completely illicit situation. Now, he had been asked to come and take care of her.

Their web of lies was becoming greatly entangled and complicated. If this continued on for much longer, then they could both be tossed in scandal.

There was more to this fear though. It was about protecting Kathryn from scandal, and also protecting himself. Had he not vowed never to care for another woman again? Yet here he was, clinging to her hand, as if it was the very thing that kept him alive?

I must retreat. I must protect us both.

He disentangled his hand from Kathryn's. She let her hand drop to her stomach, though she now stared at him, a small frown on her features.

"Worry not," he assured her in a whisper. "I shall tell Lady Georgiana that you are quite well, but just overwhelmed with your new life and all these lessons. I shall prescribe rest."

"Thank you." Kathryn sighed with relief, tipping her head back on the pillows. "I do not like lying to my cousin, but it must be done."

"Yes, it must be," he murmured. He wrung his hands together as he rested his elbows on the edge of the bed. He longed to touch her again, to hold onto her hand, but it would be wrong to, especially now he had made the decision that for both of their sakes, they had to retreat from one another. "You and I must talk of something else too."

He looked at the door, straining to hear for any footsteps. He had to make sure that neither the butler nor the maid was close enough to hear their conversation. There were no sounds at all, encouraging him that they were quite alone. The butler must have taken his place up as chaperone standing quite far down the hallway.

"Miss Fitzroy, our lessons must come to an end." He refused to look at her as he said the words but stared down at his hands instead.

Out of the corner of his eye, he was aware of her movement. She hurriedly sat up, so fast that one of the pillows fell off the bed. He hurried to catch it, before it could knock against a teacup resting on the table beside her and spill tea everywhere.

"What? What are you talking about?" she hissed in a panicked whisper.

He reached behind her, returning the pillow.

"They must end," he said with resounding firmness. "You know it as well as I."

"Why must they?" Her eyes wouldn't rest still. They darted across him, resting on various parts of him. He loved that look, then hated himself for desiring it. "I was learning from you. The notes you have given me, all the things you have said, it has helped so much?—"

"I shall give you more notes, but this thing must end."

"Why?" she asked again, her voice growing higher in its pitch.

He longed to take her hand again. Instead, he sat back on the stool, increasing the distance between them.

"You know it is for the best. You were nearly caught this morning," he reminded her, gesturing to the position she was in now.

"I could be more careful in the future."

"And what happens when you are caught? Hmm?" His voice was a little sharper than he had intended. She stiffened on the bed. "Your good name will be ruined, your reputation, and mine too. No one would employ me as a doctor again, you can guarantee that."

"But no one need ever know?—"

"Kathryn, it has to end." The simplicity of his words took the wind out of her. She moved back on the bed, inching away from him, her lips hanging open.

Where before she had looked pink cheeked, she was now strangely pale. He longed to reach out and touch that cheek, to offer some sort of comfort, yet he knew he could not.

"There is more to this, is there not?" She looked down at the covers between them. "Something you do not wish to speak of."

"Perhaps," he whispered. He looked down too, finding his hands had clasped together so tightly in his lap that the knuckles had ridged white.

I cannot tell her what I feel, but can she see it?

"It is best we do not talk of this other reason," he murmured, fearing saying the words aloud.

"Why not? Love is no awful thing to talk of." Her words made him close his eyes.

Love is pain, Kathryn. It always is.

"I am right, am I not?" she asked, her voice breathy, as if she was afraid to speak at all. "You are in love, Doctor Beille?"

"I…" He inhaled deeply and raised his head, meeting Kathryn's eye. "I am." He waited for her to realize exactly what he meant, staring at her.

I do love you, Kathryn. God knows how it happened or exactly when, but it happened anyway.

"And that is why I cannot see you again. It is why these lessons must come to an end. For both of our sakes. You understand, do you not?" he asked, sitting further back on the stool, staying as far back from her as he could.

She said nothing, but nodded, then turned her head away.

Is that tears?

He caught a wetness in her eyes, and then it was gone.

"Kathryn?"

"I understand." Her breath hitched. "Please, Doctor Beille, leave me now. If it must end, then let it end at this moment."

Nigel slowly stood, looking down at her hand as it rested on the covers. He longed to take that hand, raise it and kiss the back, but he couldn't cross that boundary now. Instead, he gave way to momentary temptation and brushed the back of his fingers across hers, then he left swiftly, heading for the bedchamber door.