17

Fourteen Years Old

MORIAH GROANS. "WHAT SHOULD I wear?"

"A dress."

"Ha ha ha, you're so funny. I meant between these two options."

I roll over to my stomach on her bed. On her laptop, she presents two dress options. A lavender cocktail dress that looks like it belongs on someone going to a club, and a sky-blue dress that is, thankfully, a little longer.

"You're pretty tall, so the purple one would probably be a little risky for homecoming."

"I want to be risky. I want to stand out. I want Atlas to look at me and think I'm pretty."

My stomach twists itself in knots. "Aren't you going as friends?"

I know it shouldn't matter to me. I'm going with Trey. But Trey agreed to go with me as friends. I have no intention of trying to get a boyfriend by the end of the night.

And selfishly, I had hoped that maybe it would make Atlas jealous. Although that clearly didn't work.

"Yes, I know," Moriah says, sighing. "But I want to dance with him. I want…"

I sit up, letting my book fall to my lap. I'm realizing that this dance isn't going to be the fun friend bonding experience that Atlas has painted it as. Moriah wants to impress him, which means she wants something more to come out of this night than just a dance.

She wants to walk out of there with a boyfriend.

I swallow my pain and rise from the bed. "I think you should go with the sky-blue one, but you make the final decision. It is your birthday money you're spending." I gather my stuff. "I forgot I have some homework left, so I should get home. But I'll see you tomorrow."

She gives me an odd look. "You always say you have homework. I'm starting to think you don't want to hang out with me."

"No, it's not that. I just… am a bit behind on school. I have to catch up." The lie rolls off my tongue easily. I've been using it as an excuse to get away from anything having to do with Moriah and Atlas growing closer and closer.

I don't like pushing Moriah or Atlas away, but I can't talk about my issues with them. Not when it involves them.

Moriah sets her laptop aside, crossing her arms against her chest. "Ophelia, just tell me what's up. I know you're hiding something."

A shiver runs up my spine despite the fact it's not that cold in Moriah's room. My hand is resting on her bedroom doorknob, my escape so close I can touch it.

Yet she's starting to see through my lies. I exhale slowly. "Do you like Atlas?"

"Of course I like Atlas! We're all friends, aren't we?"

I shake my head. "I didn't mean like that. I meant do you like Atlas?"

Moriah seems to consider my question. "I don't know. I thought you had a crush on him."

My face flushes. "What? He's my best friend. I don't—"

Moriah giggles lightly. "Ophelia, I'm not stupid. I see how you look at him longingly. I watch how you two interact. I thought he was your territory."

Something doesn't add up. There's her words, but there's also the flirting banter. The not-so-innocent touches on his arms or hands. If she thought I wanted to date Atlas, why would she do those things? Something gnaws at me from the inside out.

Do I trust her with my longest-kept secret?

"Well?" she asks impatiently. "Do you have a crush on him or no?"

"I… no."

No.

I shouldn't trust her. Not with this. Yet somehow it feels like I've hammered the final nail into the coffin. Something about the finality of the word "no" strikes me.

"Ophelia, you've never been a good liar."

"What?"

Moriah sighs, rolling her eyes. "Your nose twitches slightly when you try to lie. Emphasis on the word try . You're not good at lying. I can always tell. So do you want to tell me why you're scared to admit you like Atlas? I mean, you're best friends. I think developing feelings is perfectly normal."

"It's not… I don't…" It's no use. "Fine. Yes. I've liked Atlas since I was thirteen. But it doesn't matter. He's my best friend, and that's important to me. Feelings can come and go."

Moriah smiles. "I'm not trying to get Atlas to like me, if that's what you're worried about. We're all friends here."

Something tells me there's more to it than that. Is she the one lying now?

"I'm serious about the homework," I say, finally opening her bedroom door.

Okay," she says, her focus returning to her laptop and the lavender dress on the screen. The one that will show off her curves and her legs. "I'll see you later."

I leave her house without another word, heading around the corner to my house.

I catch sight of Atlas, out for his usual jog. Soccer season is coming up and Atlas has played since he was younger. He jogs daily to keep up his endurance. I quickly pick up my pace, hoping he doesn't see me. He'll know with one look at me that something isn't right. I don't want to confess my feelings and I don't want to think about the confession that was forced out of me moments ago.

"Ophelia, wait up."

I keep walking, pretending not to hear. He's still a couple of hundred yards behind me, so I can easily pass it off as not hearing him if he asks later.

"Ophelia, what's wrong?" His voice is near now, not something I can ignore. I stop walking and turn, finding he's caught up. He's next to me now, panting. His face is flushed from the workout or maybe from the sun. It's hard to know for sure. His dark hair clings to his forehead.

"Why did you keep walking?"

"Oh, sorry. I must not have heard you the first time."

I wonder if my nose twitches. I wonder if he knows about that. He seems to believe me, though. Maybe I can get myself out of this conversation quickly.

"It's okay," he sighs, still catching his breath. "What are you doing over here?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just helping Moriah with something, but I have a ton of homework."

"I can walk you home."

"You're jogging. It's okay. I don't need an escort all the time, you know."

He smiles. "I know, but I wanted to talk to you about homecoming. I saw you talking to Trey."

I tense up slightly. I was talking to Trey to be nice, but when he asked me to homecoming, I felt like maybe I should I have some insurance, an alternative to going with Atlas and Moriah and feeling like a third wheel. "What about him?"

"He's taking you to homecoming. He's my soccer rival. So, I guess… I don't know. It seems weird."

Of course, this is the conversation I wanted to have. But not in the context I wished for. This is not going to plan at all.

"It just kind of happened," I say, feeling flustered. "He wanted to ask me. And besides, I told you I might accept another offer if I got one."

"So Trey is a better offer than me?"

I shake my head. "It's not that, Atlas. He's not ‘better.' I'm going with him because he seems really interested. Besides, you'll have Moriah."

I add that last part, wondering if it's true. Wondering if he feels the same thing about her as she feels about him.

"I had hoped all three of us would go together, though."

"I didn't want to feel like a third wheel, Atlas. It's so obvious that you and Moriah aren't just friends anymore. And until you figure it out, it's just too hard for me to be around the two of you."

Atlas's eyes widen. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on. You like her. She likes you. Where does that leave me? It leaves me trailing behind like a lost cause. You're going to the dance with Moriah. You agreed to go with her. That's basically a date. So what's the problem if I got a date to the dance?"

"Um…nothing." He shakes his head, running a hand through his dark hair. "There isn't a problem. But I agreed to go with both of you. As friends. I didn't know you wanted to go with a date."

I didn't want to go with a date. I wanted to go with him. I resist the urge to shake him and scream. "It'll be better this way," I say calmly. "Besides, now you can just focus on Moriah, which both of you want."

"I… what? I mean… Okay." He sighs. "If this is what you want."

"Good. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

I continue on my way before he can argue with me further. I want to be alone, and I'm hoping he realizes that.

I'm not far when I hear his footfalls catching up behind me. He keeps up with my stride. "It's you and me against the world, remember?"

I shake my head, keeping my gaze forward. "Not this time. Moriah… really wants to impress you. And I think you should have the opportunity to go to the dance with a real date."

Atlas is silent for a moment, but I know he's still following behind me. I finally stop, turning to look at him again. His mind is working overtime, according to the look of pure focus on his face. He's trying to figure everything out and come up with a simple solution. Except nothing will be simple about this situation.

"Just have fun with Moriah," I tell him.

He grabs my wrist gently, something he always does when he feels untethered from everything around him. I force my eyes to meet his, even though it hurts to think that after tomorrow, I'm going to lose my best friend.

My crush.

"I won't force you to go with us," he says. "But I would hate not to have you with me. Just promise to save me a dance?"

"Are you sure Moriah won't mind?"

"You are my best friend. I don't care if she minds it or not. I'm not her boyfriend. She doesn't decide what I do. Please?"

I nod, because I'm at a loss for words. This seems to appease him.

"I'm still walking you the rest of the way home," he says softly, letting go of my wrist slowly.

"I know," I say, barely above a whisper.