5. John

CHAPTER 5

JOHN

I'd been in Portland for three days and had never been so anxious in my life. I was forty-five years old and couldn't recall a single time I'd felt this much low-key anxiety for such an extended period. Not even on deployment. When we were sent in, shit needed to be taken care of in a timely matter. My team went in and got the job done.

But waiting around for Brent to get back so we could talk was killing me. There was no way I could decide my future until we discussed our impromptu wedding in Vegas. I just wanted to know when he was coming back.

Coffee. That's what I needed.

As I walked out toward the kitchen in Jesse's high-rise apartment, I heard the distinct sound of Livie talking to one of her dads. It made me smile while filling me with regret for the time I'd lost with my daughter.

"Papa, can I have chocolate milk with my breakfast?"

I rounded the corner and stopped to watch them. She sat on the cabinet looking hopefully at Dominick as he scrambled eggs in a bowl.

"I think we better save that for this afternoon. We need to start the day with protein to build strong muscles and make our brains work," he said, leaning over to kiss the end of her nose. "But you can definitely have it after school."

She giggled as he went back to adding milk and some cheese into the bowl. I continued watching them until Jesse snuck up behind me.

"Good morning," he whispered, making me jump.

I scowled as he laughed, more relaxed then I think I'd ever seen him. He'd obviously just finished a workout if his sweaty t-shirt and shorts were any indication.

"Motherfucker. Sneaking up on a SEAL can get you hurt."

He laughed and ran his hands through his blond hair. "True. Whatcha doing creeping on my husband?"

"I'm not creeping on him," I said, looking back into the kitchen as he plated eggs for his daughter. "I just didn't want to interrupt them."

The wistful tone in my words prompted him to put his hand on my shoulder. "You wouldn't. We're happy to have you here, John. But I have to admit sometimes I stop and watch them together too. He loves her so much, and I'm not sure what we'd do without her."

I turned to look at him just as my phone pinged with an incoming text. Jesse stepped back as I pulled it from my pocket. Glancing at the screen, my mood shifted as I read the message.

Austin: Good morning. Trainor's at the coffee shop near our condo. Doesn't have his phone on him. Wanted to know if you could meet him there for coffee now that he's back. I'm headed out of town.

I breathed out a heavy sigh, despite finally getting what I'd been waiting for. He wanted to see me? The stupid grin on my face didn't go unnoticed as I quickly typed a response.

Me: Be there in ten.

"Good news?" he asked, as I checked my watch for the time.

"Yeah, I hope," I said, looking at him. "But I've gotta go. Brent wants to meet for coffee."

Jesse grinned. "He texted you? I didn't know he had your number."

I shook my head. "No. It was Daredevil." I clapped him on the shoulder before heading toward the door. "I'll see you later."

With an entirely new sense of anxiety, I took the elevator down to the bottom floor and headed out to find my husband.

Once I was on the street, I broke into a light jog, ready to get to him. Again, I couldn't remember a single time in my life I'd been this eager to get to someone. But the last thing I needed to do was run in and jump him. So I slowed my roll and walked the last block and a half.

Checking my watch again, I closed in on the local coffee shop and reached for the door. The smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air as I held the door for several people to enter before me, but once inside, I stopped and looked around for him.

With my hands in my pockets and my heart beating like a damn teenager with their first crush, I scanned the shop until I found him standing by the register. I smiled to myself as I memorized the man I hadn't seen in way too long.

Brent's dark hair was a little longer than the last time I'd seen him, as was the beard he wore over his chiseled jaw. He was dressed in a gray t-shirt with the sleeves cut out to reveal his incredible shoulders and arms. The shirt clung to his torso and showed every single muscle in his upper body. His black sweats fit him perfectly and showed off that bubble butt that was mine.

A barely audible growl rose from my chest and startled me. I don't know how long I'd been standing there staring at him when I noticed the barista turn and look at me. The kid's eyes went wide, drawing Brent's attention my way.

He raised to his full height and drew his shoulders back. I couldn't read his expression as we stood there looking at each other like two cowboys from an old western movie ready to duel. I wasn't sure which one of us would draw first, but evidently, it was me.

I relaxed my expression and took the steps to close the distance that separated us. Brent never took his eyes off me as he walked toward me, like two magnets drawn together. Memories of our night flooded me, making me want to reach out to him. But I didn't. I stopped right in front of him, leaving only a foot or so between us.

The glint in his eye as he took in my face and my longer hair made me think he might remember our night, too. He'd asked me to come, so I was going to make our reunion memorable. Like a goddamn romance movie when two long-lost lovers finally reunite.

And I couldn't help myself. My hands found his upper body while one slipped under the hem of his shirt, greeting me with warm skin and the scent of fresh man's sweat.

"Hello, sweetheart."

His eyes narrowed and for some damn reason, I thought that was the right time to pull him in for a kiss. Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

The moment his lips met mine, all the world fell completely away. The familiar taste of him sent a fire up my spine. His palms found my chest, and I fully expected him to push me away. But he didn't. He balled my shirt in his hands and pulled me closer to deepen our kiss.

We couldn't get close enough.

"Holy… fucking… shit," I heard someone say from behind me, breaking me out of our kiss.

Brent pulled back and looked me in the eye. His lips were swollen, just like after he sucked me off, and I had a hard time looking away.

"That's a hell of a greeting. And don't call me that. Call me Brent."

The familiar retort had me smiling at him. "I've missed you. Don't you greet all your friends that way?"

"Not usually. Dare doesn't like it when I kiss him."

"I bet," I laughed. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

He pushed back a couple of inches, just enough to adjust himself in his sweats. Studying me for a single moment, his brows furrowed. "What are you doing here?"

I wiped away our kiss from my lips as blood made its way back to my brain. "I came to see you. Austin texted that you wanted to meet for coffee. He said you didn't have your phone on you, so you asked him to text me instead. So here I am."

Brent took a step back, held up his phone, then propped his hands on his sexy as fuck hips. I knew there was a prominent V under that fabric that I wanted to trace with my tongue.

But now I wasn't so sure he wanted that as he slowly closed his eyes and tilted his face down toward the floor. He huffed out a breath. "That asshole. I didn't ask him to text you, John."

My brow furrowed, and I took a step back, suddenly embarrassed by my actions. I glanced around the room, noticing only half the people in here were staring like they couldn't wait to see what happened next.

A self-deprecating chuckle escaped from me as I breathed out, rubbing the back of my neck. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him away from the middle of the floor toward a table in the corner. I sat down and motioned for him to do the same. When he was seated, we looked at one another again.

"I should probably say I'm sorry, but I'm not."

He huffed out a small chuckle and ran his fingertips over his still kiss-swollen lips. "That was one hell of a hello, Commander."

"Yeah well," I said, relaxing momentarily, "We both know you bring out that uncontrollable side of me."

Brent smiled. "I guess you do the same to me if Vegas is proof of anything."

I stiffened in my seat, just enough for him to notice. "About Vegas," I began. "We need to talk."

Brent leaned back and smirked.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, drumming his fingers on the table. "Wait. Let me guess. You want to know if we can hook up again?"

I shifted in my chair, suddenly a little uncomfortable that he could read me so well. Was I that transparent? "Something like that."

"John, let me put your mind at ease. I can see you're nervous by the way you're squirming in your seat."

I furrowed my brow and gave him a hard look. "I'm not fucking squirming."

He grinned. "Oh, you are, John, you are. You're concerned that if we give in to this mutual attraction, I'm going to develop feelings for you. But let me stop you there. That's not me."

Brent leaned closer across the table, causing me to do the same. I could smell him and it was driving me crazy.

"I don't do feelings or relationships. And I certainly don't do love. So we're good to fuck around if you want."

I narrowed my eyes. "Let me make sure I understand what you're saying. You never intend to have a relationship of any kind, or to get married."

He sat back and stretched his arms over his head. My eyes snagged on the sliver of exposed skin. "That's what I said. No worries about that from me. Ever."

I nodded as a plan formed in my head. I knew what I had to do.

But he kept talking. "Just don't fall in love with me and we'll be fine."

I tried not to smile, but he was so fucking cute when he lied like that.

"I don't think you have to worry about that Brent." I knew it was a lie. I was already on my way down. "At this point in my life, I'm not looking for a fuck buddy. I want one person to settle down with. Get some dogs, maybe a house, and travel." He didn't need to know I was referring to him.

"And as long as you don't have a problem with us working together, then we're fine." I lied right back. We were both big fat liars.

"Oh… yeah, okay. I guess being an old man like you, that's probably wise."

I raised one eyebrow at his smartass comment, making him chuckle. He rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced over at the counter. The twink barista looked up and smiled, then pointed to the cups he'd left on the counter.

Brent raised a finger as if to tell him to hang on a minute.

As I watched, he turned back to me, but his smile didn't light up his face. "I can be your wingman. Maybe I can help you find the one you're looking for."

One look into his eyes proved he was full of shit. And we both knew it. The undeniable attraction we shared was unprecedented. But no matter how much bullshit he spouted, I couldn't stop smiling whenever he was around. And that made my decision to stay very easy.

He pulled out his phone and stood up. "I've got to run. Gotta go home and shower before my doctor's appointment."

"You okay?"

He smiled down at me as he pushed in the chair. "Yep. Just my regular checkup and STI check. Time for a refill on my Prep."

I gave him a nod and stood up. "Hey, we need to talk about Vegas."

He frowned and shook his head. "I don't think we do. It's in the past. Let's just leave it there. "

I was already irritated. "Then give me your number."

He laughed. "Okay, Commander. Give me your phone."

The smartass reached for it and opened my text messages. Before he handed it back to me, his pinged.

"See ya later," he said as he walked back to the counter to collect his coffee.

As I watched him flirt with the baby barista, I knew there was no way to leave what I had to tell him in the past. Now was not the right time to hold that conversation. So it would wait until we were alone at home.

Trying to hide my smile, I found GQ's number and gave him a call. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Yes," I said, keeping my eyes on Brent. "I'm officially accepting your offer, so I'm gonna need a key."