Chapter Twenty-Three

Cold. I was so cold. I huddled under the spray of hot water, my head bent so that it pounded on my back. But the heat didn't seep past my frozen flesh. I shivered and hugged my knees to my chest. Yes, I was sitting on the tiles. Because I was dying. No Dragon could survive hurting his mate, as I had hurt mine. Please, just let me die.

Stop it! the Eye shouted.

She'd been badgering me all night, ever since I left Aras asleep in bed and started pacing the bedroom like a caged animal. The constant haranguing was making my head spin. I couldn't focus. Not that I had much to focus on beyond the horrible things I'd done.

Stop it right now! she started again. You are not this person. You are not weak. Get up! Aras is even now rising. He will see you.

Let him. I don't care.

Get up! If you die, they all die! Your parents. Your friends. Your people. This will have been for nothing.

I cried out, the sound a roar of frustration, grief, and despair. It echoed through the room and probably through the city. So great was my grief, the Gods probably heard it. I prayed for their help. Their guidance.

“Ly!” Aras came bursting into the room.

Fuck! Get up or all you did last night will be worthless, the Eye hissed.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” I pounded the sides of my head.

Great fuck, you look like a maniac! You sound insane! Get up! Do you really want him to see you like this?

“What the fuck?” Aras whispered.

Somehow, I found the strength to gain my feet, but only to lean against the tile wall and close my eyes. I couldn't look at him. Oh, fuck. The things I had said. I tried to wash them away in his blood. My mate's blood. And he let me.

“Ly!” Aras shook me and spun me to face him. “What the fuck? What is going on with you?”

Shuddering, I opened my eyes. I couldn't stop myself from saying, “You are so very beautiful.”

Aras frowned. “Lyrandir, I want to shoulder this with you, whatever this is. Stop pushing me away. I know that's what you're doing. Just stop. I can help. I can—”

I pushed him away, just as he bade me not to. Literally this time. “I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes.”

“Fuck!” Aras screamed. He screamed like a wounded cat. Screamed without words. Just pain.

And it cut me to the quick. I stared at him, the whole of me screaming along with him.

“Why won't you let me help you?” Aras wailed. “What ails you? What's happening to you, Ly? This isn't normal.” He waved at me. “I think the strain of war is getting to you.”

I sighed, then straightened my shoulders. I would tell him as much as I could. “I need the Eye to win this war, Aras. I need you to focus on finding it for me.”

Aras blinked. “The Eye. It's always the Eye. Is that what's standing between us? You can't be mine until it's yours. Is that it?”

I grabbed him by the throat and shoved him against the shower wall. Aras yipped, then gaped at me. He was naked, having come straight from bed, and that worked well for me. I smashed my mouth over his and shoved my tongue past his yielding lips. He went limp in submission, a moan vibrating through his throat and into my fingers.

Shoving my wet, naked body against his, I ground our cocks together. My body undulated without my direction, desperate to feel something other than pain. Lust came to my aid, shooting through me to harden my shaft just as his lengthened. Water dripped between us, creating a nice glide. I sighed and softened the kiss. My hand fell away from his throat.

“Ly,” Aras murmured as he bent his head, taking his kiss to my throat. He scraped my skin with his fangs and slid his hands over my hips to cup my ass. “Let me in.”

I knew Aras meant for me to do so more than just physically, but I turned and rubbed my ass over him. Aras didn't protest, not with my ass cheeks split around his slick shaft, and not when I reached behind myself to angle him against my entrance. Bracing myself against the wall, I shoved back onto Aras, impaling myself completely with one go.

“Oh, fuck!” Aras cried.

I shoved back again, grunting. Both hands against the wall, half bent over, I fucked my mate grimly, focusing on desire alone. But then Aras slammed forward and folded around me to set his hands over mine on the wall. He changed the pace, slowing into a deep thrusting, and licked my neck. His wet fur clung to me with every withdrawal.

“I need you for more than pain, Ly.” he growled.

And yet, it seemed that was all I could give him.

“I want this too,” he went on. “I want slow and gentle. I want you to kiss me with tenderness, even if you don't feel it. Will you give me that?”

I shuddered, a tear slipping free. But it was all right. My face was down and against the wall, and the water also helped to hide my tears.

“Yes,” I said. “I will give you that until I can give you more.”

Aras paused. “Then we will be fine, Your Majesty.”

My breath caught. Aras was so incredible that he was willing to endure this lunacy even when I refused to tell him what prompted it. I loved him even more then.

Reaching back, I kneaded his ass as it clenched with every thrust. His flesh filled me perfectly, going deeper than any lover before. I lit up with ecstasy and lifted my head with a cry of relief. The pain was abating. Hope was returning. All those emotions spun, whirling, some shooting out while others drew in to bond with the gathering pleasure.

I turned my head to look at Aras. He was glorious, his face set into determined lines as he fucked me. That icy stare lifted, the dark ring around his irises making them glow. He licked his lips and deliberately lowered his gaze to where we were joined.

“I'm going to come all over your ass,” Aras said. He lifted his stare to add, “And then I'm going to suck your cock until you're hard again. When you're wild with need, I'm going to lay you on your back, drape your legs over my shoulders, and fuck you again, watching you pump your cock until you come all over yourself.”

“Yes, you are,” I snarled. “Get to it, Captain.”

Aras shouted wordlessly, pulled out, and came across my ass. The feel of his hot seed hitting my flesh sent me over, and my body jerked forward as I came too, adding my cry to my mate's. I fell against the tiles and Aras fell against me, the water still falling around us. A lot of falling going on. Especially inside me.

Then Aras drew me back, out of the spray, and helped me lie down on the shower floor. Kneeling between my legs, he held my stare as he proceeded to fulfill his promises.