Chapter Twenty-Two

I was breaking. Turning into ice and shattering internally. Vicious shards drifted through my body, spreading the numbness even as they shredded me. I don't know how I survived it. So great was the pain of hurting my mate.

And I don't mean physically. Not that hurting him physically would upset me. It was something Aras craved, and so it was a part of caring for him. But we hadn't gotten to that yet. No, we were dancing. Fucking dancing. And every step he took crushed my heart into goo. The damn thing kept regenerating in time for Aras to do it again. And again. And again. Grinding my love under his boot. His eyes shredding me like razors. His smile—a sledgehammer to my soul. We were both broken, and it was all my fault.

My parents and Ellas didn't understand. They stared at me with as much recrimination as I felt for myself. And my dragon raged. He barreled through me, trying to reach our mate, needing to comfort him. To protect him. Even if it meant killing me. No one liked me at that moment.

And there it was. The path to my death. This would kill me. I would die from the failure to do my duty by my mate. To be honest, right then, death didn't seem so bad.

But the touch of my mate. The feel of him in my arms. The brush of his lips against my cheek with the tickle of his whiskers. It all kept me going, forced my heart to beat on. Make something of the goo on my mate's heel.

Suddenly, I wanted to walk away from it all. Just give up and leave the kingdom with Aras. We could sail away on the Tiger's Claw and live simply. Oh, what a beautiful dream that was! Waking with him in my arms every morning, the salt air coming in through a porthole. The cry of seabirds riding the sunshine. The entire world would be ours but not in the way the Eye offered. In a free way. The path of adventure and love. No payment necessary.

Except for my entire kingdom.

These people would die if I abandoned them. My parents. My friends. Even my friends, who I'd set up as governors of the other enclaves, had sent word that they would abandon their posts if I needed them. They would be considered traitors if the nobles won. Everyone I cared for, all but Aras, would die. And those motherfuckers would win.

And that's why it was just a dream. That's why I couldn't take Aras's hand and run out of the castle with him, straight to his ship. That's why when I did take his hand, it was to lead Aras to our bedroom and command him to strip for me.

As I tied Aras's wrists to the bedposts with strips of leather, I did die. I withered into a husk inside. But outside, I became a seducer. I stroked his skin, then sliced it. I kissed his lips and then bit them. I caressed his cock and then slapped it. I performed as he wanted me to. As he needed.

Because it was all I could give him.

You will give him more, the Eye promised. You will give him everything. Just as soon as you have me.

If I lose him, I will find you just so that I may crush you into dust, I vowed.

Then you had best listen to me, Lyrandir. Listen and follow my instructions. Now, Aras needs you to ride him while you squeeze his throat.

I draw the line at taking your advice about sex. Be gone!

The Eye went silent, but as she did, I straddled my mate and took him into my body. Watching him writhe and turn his head side-to-side, I sensed the truth in her words. Sighing, I leaned down and took his throat in my hands.