15. Katerina

It only takes a second for everything in your life to come crashing down. Only a couple of days for my life to change irrevocably.

I’m not too surprised though, my sins were bound to catch up to me eventually.

I spent the last two days trying hard not to think about Xander and what he promised me. But every nerve in my body is bunched up in anticipation with every moment the thought of seeing my son crosses my mind. I wouldn’t even know what to say to him, where to start. I don’t even know what the meeting would entail. If Xander will decide to tell him the truth or not.

It’s only 5pm but I’m lying in bed, after spending an entire day at work too distracted by my problems to really focus. There’s a knock on my door and I’m surprised when Rico walks in. His jaw is clenched tight, his eyes shadowed.

Him walking into my room is surprising enough. He hasn’t said a word to me in two days, not after I told him everything. The entire truth, even what went down with Sokolov. He listened and then he just shut down. It’s made me even antsier because I have no idea what he’s going to do with what he’s learned. He has every right to be angry but I wish he would just talk to me.

“We have a huge problem,” he announces in a hard voice.

I sit up even straighter, my heart starting to race. “What is it?”

“Tomorrow morning, a story’s going to be released in the press. About you and Alexander Steele,” he tells me.

My eyes furrow. “Rico, what are you talking about?”

He’s about to say more when my phone starts ringing beside me. It’s Xander. Now I’m officially worried. I look at Rico once before picking up the call.

“Hello?”

“We have a problem,” he says, bypassing a greeting.

“So it would seem,” I say, my mouth curling downward. Can they just tell me what’s wrong so I can try to fix whatever problem this is? “What’s is it?”

“They know, Katerina. They know about Nate.”

My heart stops. I swear one moment its beating and the next, nothing.

“Who?” I manage to ask.

“Well as of tomorrow morning, everyone will know.”

He then goes on to tell me everything. How a picture of us was taken and then sold to a reporter. The reporter digging further and finding out about our past relationship. Him filling in the blanks and concluding that Nate is my son.

By the time he’s done, my heart’s started working again. But now it’s racing. So fucking fast.

“Oh God,” I whisper, my breathing growing choppy.

Everything starts to disappear behind my eyelids. My hands start to shake as my heart begins thumping loudly in my ears. A drop of sweat rolls down my spine. Somewhere far away, someone’s calling my name. Rico. Rico’s climbing onto the bed. But I can barely make him or the words he’s saying out.

I double over with a gasp.

“Katerina!”

Somehow, his voice manages to penetrate the haze. I blink, coming back slowly. His voice is still in my ear, light commanding words.

“Breathe, Katerina. Just relax, breathe,” he says softly.

I latch on to the sound of his voice, letting it trickle down my throat and into my body, warming me from inside as tremors shake my frame. Finally, I exhale a gasping breath.

“Good girl,” Xander says over the phone.

I’m surprised I didn’t drop it. I blink, once, twice.

“Just breathe, princess.”

“I’m back,” I say shakily.

“Okay, good, good. I’m sorry for laying that on you. It’s a lot.”

“I can, I can fix this,” I tell him, finally looking at Rico who’s on the bed beside me. “Bury the story.”

He shakes his head. But Xander’s the one that replies.

“You can’t bury the story. Colton’s behind this. He’s intent of making sure it gets out.”

“What?”

Rico speaks up then. “I intercepted the man that was going to deliver a message from Colton to your father. Asked him to give you a couple of minutes to gather your thoughts. But Eduardo’s going to know soon, Katerina. Things are about to get ugly.”

I’m nodding at his words but in reality it’s not really computing. I’m still having a hard time believing everything’s going to shit so fast.

“Katerina,” Xander says over the phone. “Nate wants to see you.”

“What?”

“Nate wants to see you,” he repeats. “I told him the truth earlier today. And he wants to meet you.”

My hand goes up to my mouth as my eyes widen.

“You need to go,” Rico tells me, gauging from my reaction what Xander said. “Leave now before your father finds out.”

“Xander,” I say softly.

“I’ll send you our address,” he states easily. “Be careful, Katerina.”

He hangs up after and I get to my feet unsteadily. My cousin’s looking at me, gaze not as hostile as it’s been the past two days.

“Under normal circumstances, I’d say you should go to Sophia first and explain everything before she finds out the truth. But I know your son takes priority right now. I’ll go to Sophia.”

My eyes well up with tears. My sister is never going to forgive me. Even if everyone else somehow finds a way to forgive me, she won’t.

“Be strong, Kat. You can’t fall apart. Not right now,” Rico says.

I nod once, taking in a huge breath as I try to gather my courage. “Thank you, Rico.”

“I’ll have someone bring around a car. Get changed quickly.”

He leaves and I quickly put on some clothes. And then for good measure, I pack a small bag of things that are necessary. My laptop, another change of clothes. Knowing my father, I won’t be able to return home for at least a couple of days.

He’s going to be furious. He might actually kill me.

But I can’t think about that. Not now. Not when I’m about to meet my son for the first time. I gave birth to him nine years ago. And I’m about to meet him for the first time today.

My mind is miles away as I drive towards the address Xander sent. I’m surprised I get there safely. When I arrive, I only have to state my name at the reception before I’m allowed up to the penthouse. I’m a complete and total wreck the entire ride up.

The elevator door opens, giving me a view into their home. Xander’s standing right in front of the doors when I arrive. His eyes trail over my face immediately, cataloguing my expression. I’m sure I look like a hot mess. He doesn’t look too good himself, his hair looks like he’s all but pulled it from his roots.

And yet when he smiles at me, it momentarily feels like everything will be okay.

“Hi,” I say unsurely.

“Come in,” he gestures with his hand.

I walk into the house my eyes immediately colliding with a spectacular view of the city. The far wall of the room is nothing but glass, a long endless wall of glass. I take in the dark clouds in the sky, the skyline of the city, the view nearly magical.

The interior of the house itself is large and spacious and homely. It has a large living area with a long plush couch and a loveseat. There are various tones of grey and blue in the room. The far end of it has a long electric fireplace with art hanging on the walls.

My eyes take in the artfully decorated penthouse to distract me from the impending meeting. My heart feels like it’s about to explode. The marble floors are black, streaked with gold and contrasting nicely with the entire décor. There’s an open kitchen with a dining table that can easily fit six people and stools scattered across the island.

There’s a staircase curved to the level above and I’m guessing it leads to the bedroom. When I look back at Xander, his eyes are still on me, watching me carefully.

“It’s a nice house,” I say for lack of something better to do.

“Yeah, Isabella took care of everything,” he informs me.

I remember Isabella’s his stepmother. She seemed like a nice woman. Although I only met her once at the thanksgiving dinner that ended horribly.

“Nate will be done soon. He’s a little nervous,” Xander tells me, eyes shining with sympathy.

I nod in understanding, feeling a tremble go through me. He notices, just like he tends to notice everything. It’s a little annoying.

“It’ll be okay, Katerina.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” I murmur.

Then we hear light footsteps padding down the stairs. My lungs seize and I hold my breath almost involuntarily as he finally appears.

The first thing I notice are his eyes. His big green eyes that stared at me with so much wonder in them when I gave birth to him. Now they regard me warily, unsurely. He continues to stand at the foot of the steps, both of us staring at each other.

He has freckles dotting his nose. Adorable little freckles and a head full of light brown hair. It’s curly, just like mine, just like his dad. But what really kills me is the fact that he looks like me. My hands go over my mouth as a sob escapes me.

I am going to lose it.

Nate takes slow careful steps towards me until he’s right there, looking up at my face.

“Hello,” he greets politely, gently.

And because I’ve lost complete and total control of my mind, all I can do is gasp softly.

“Hi,” I finally say. “You’ve gotten so big.”

I mentally face palm. Of course he’s gotten big, Katerina. The last time you saw him, he was a baby.

“Thanks, I guess,” he tells me with a shrug, the action reminding me so much of his father. “Dad told me you’re my mother.”

“Yes. My name is Katerina.”

“Katerina,” he says testing it out. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

I just stare at him, unsure where this conversation is going. He’s too calm about all this. I thought he just found out I was alive today. I look at his father and he seems just as confused as I am.

Then when Nate speaks again, my heart breaks. “Where have you been all this while?”

Forget breaks, it practically shatters. The tears I’ve been trying to keep at bay start to flood past my eyelids. I slowly lower myself onto my knees so that I’m eyelevel with him.

“Nate,” I say softly. “I am so, so, sorry. I could spend the rest of my life apologizing to you and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’m your mother but I wasn’t there for you. I left and I never should have left. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I did it because I had no choice.”

He listens quietly and then he speaks.

“But you’re here now?” he asks.

I nod without hesitation. “I’m here now. I won’t go anywhere again. I promise.”

He nods too, very slowly. But then he doesn’t say anything. My hands shake as I work up the courage to ask something else.

“I’m very sorry, Nate but can I just give you a hug? Just one hug, please.”

He looks towards his dad and I don’t know what Xander does but then he’s looking back at me and nodding again. I pull him into my hands and for the first time in nine years, I feel like I can finally break.

“Oh my baby,” I say as tears fall down my face. “My beautiful, perfect boy.”

The last time I cried so much was when I left him on that doorstep. And because he really is perfect and the sweetest person on earth, he hugs me too, his small hands going around in circles as he tries his best to comfort me.

My body shakes and racks with sobs but I hold him through it all. And he lets me.