32. Never The Same Again

32. Never The Same Again

Warrose

I feel like I’m screamingunderwater.

No one can hear me.

They’re all above the surface.

And I’m forced to sit in the cage on her right. Hearing her sniffle. Peering at her from the corner of my eye to see her swollen face stream endlessly with tears.

The man in me who cares for the sassy, strong, argumentative Ruth wants to hold her hand. He wants to wipe away her tears. He wants to kiss her again.

That man is drowning, unable to take in a single breath as she cries.

How the fuck did life just turn upside down without any warning? How did I not catch on that this was all a performance? I can’t even bring myself to think about every moment we’ve shared. Each sweet image is a paralytic being injected into my spine. A thousand different emotions course through my body in less than a second. Anger, devastation, white-hot fury, panic, humiliation, agony.

Ruth chose him. Maybe it was him all along. How long has that relationship been going on? The memory of his arms wrapping around her makes me want to bash my head against the bars, banging until my skull cracks wide open.

Kaspias fucking Valdawell.

She chose him. Right in front of me. Right after we shared that kiss. I couldn’t sleep last night after I gave her small pecks all over her cheeks, her small nose, her long eyelashes. She giggled with pink-stained cheeks and starry eyes. My heart raced until everyone woke up.

And now this.

Ruth and Kaspias. I might throw up. I might break through the floor of my cage just to get away from her.

She’s still crying.

Should I cover my ears? How is it that I can’t stand the sound of her in so much pain, even after everything she’s done?

“You’ve betrayed us all,” Skylenna says in a low, detached voice.

I turn my head to look at her. She’s leaning against her cage, eyes out of focus, face pale with a thin sheen of sweat, and she doesn’t even look like Skylenna anymore.

She looks like a broken doll left to gather dust.

“No amount of fake tears will make us trust you again.”

I can sense Ruth turning her head to my left, but she doesn’t say anything. What is there to say? Skylenna is right. We’ve told her our secrets. Our plans. We’ll never be able to talk to her about anything important again.

The finality of that makes me want to curl up and slowly die.

On the other side of Skylenna, Dessin is sitting in his own rageful silence. He’s glaring at the rocky floor like it might hold answers. This must kill him as much as it does me. He’s the one with the craft of knowing someone’s deepest secrets. He can sense betrayal a mile away. How did he not see this one coming?

For at least an hour, we lie in silence, awake, alert. It’s as though we’re all bleeding out. Waiting for death to fall like a deep sleep over our eyes.

The wheezy sound of a man sobbing ruptures this bubble of grief we’re all trapped in.

I sit up, catching Dessin do the same in my periphery.

Niles is hunched over, head between his knees, as his upper body shudders. The tan skin on his neck and shoulders turns red. His entire body seems to bear down like he’s under attack.

Ruth clutches her hands to his bars, making a panicked whine at the sight of his abrupt breakdown. Marilynn reaches for him, too. But it doesn’t matter, does it?

No one can fix the damage Ruth has done to this family.

“Niles,” Ruth pleads, kneeling toward him. “Oh, Niles!”

The noises leaving his muffled face are heartbreaking, even to my stone heart. And it’s astonishing to see and hear. Niles has always been this quirky, obnoxious, weird, inappropriate addition to our family. The kind of man who will crack a joke before he comments on his real feelings about a situation.

Yet here he is.

A grown man.

Sobbing hysterically.

On his birthday.

And it damn near kills us all.