Chapter Seven

“Brother?”

Stephen closed his eyes and sighed, only for the door to swing open and Caroline to walk into his study regardless.

“You need not look so disgruntled simply because I have come into your study,” his sister declared, snapping at him. “I have come because you have received an invitation. We all have, in fact.”

“All?” Stephen arched an eyebrow as his sister handed the letter to him. “Who else do you mean?”

“I mean Lord and Lady Rutherford and Lord Hampton,” his sister responded, though she did not walk from the room but instead sat down and looked back at him steadily. “You have not yet stepped out into society, even though you have been in London for a sennight.”

“I am very well aware of that,” Stephen responded quickly, “and I have been quite contented here also, Caroline. I have done my duty as regards the gentlemen who have come to call upon you and –”

“Are you going to attend the masquerade ball or not?”

Stephen blinked, only to look down at the invitation in his hand. “A masquerade ball?”

“Yes.” Caroline lifted her chin just a little. “That is what the invitation is. Lord and Lady Gilmerton are throwing a masquerade ball to which we have been invited. I am certainly going to attend.”

Stephen considered this for a few moments, finding himself growing a little hot as he thought about what it might be like to step out into society again. He would be able to hide himself away without ever revealing his true identity. He could leave the ball before the unmasking began, so he would never have to show his face amongst the ton.

“No-one would know you,” Caroline said quietly, as though she knew his thoughts. “It would be the perfect way for you to step back into society, would it not?”

“It might be,” Stephen admitted, frowning, glancing away from the invitation and then back towards his sister who, for whatever reason, was smiling though her gaze was away from him. Stephen gestured to the invitation. “Why are you smiling like that, Caroline? It is not as though you are happy at all in my company, not as though you have any sort of enjoyment in my presence. Why, then are you smiling at the thought of my attending the ball?” A sudden rush of concern mixed with anticipation ran through him. “Do you think that…?” Realizing he had been about to ask about Lady Violet, Stephen closed his eyes for a moment to regain a steadiness of thought. “Why are you smiling, Caroline?”

“Oh, it is not because of the ball that I am smiling, brother.” Caroline rose from her chair, her eyes fixed to him. “I am thinking about something that happened earlier today. A conversation which has proven to me that my thinking on one particular matter has been quite correct.”

“And what matter was that?” Stephen asked, unable to keep that question from his lips. “Who were you speaking with?”

Caroline tilted his head. “I spoke with Lady Violet this afternoon.”

It was as though a lightning bolt had struck him. Stephen was pinned to his chair, unmoving, barely breathing as his eyes stared back into Caroline’s. Ever since Caroline had told him that she was present in London, he had been unable to stop thinking of her though he had forced himself, time and again, to set her back out of his mind. It had been a bitter battle, a difficult struggle and it had forced him back into himself all the more. All thought of going out into society had been chased from his mind and though he had sat with Caroline and the gentlemen who called upon her, he had chosen not to step out, not even into Whites.

“Do you want to know what we spoke of?” Caroline asked, her voice a little softer now. “I will tell you if you ask.”

Stephen’s throat knotted and he looked away, aware of the desperate war within him. Yes, he wanted to find out what it was that Lady Violet had said to Caroline but at the very same time, he told himself to remain strong, to put all thought of her away from him and his thoughts.

“She did not look very well,” Caroline murmured, softly. “She seemed… lonely.”

“Lonely?” A streak of anger ran down Stephen’s spine. “Of course she appeared lonely! The ton will, no doubt, be aware of her return and they will all want to speak of what she did! Therefore, she will find herself with very few friends.” The way his heart twisted had Stephen scowling. He did not know whether it came from a sympathy for the lady, a desire for her not to escape such things or from a sense of almost relief that she was receiving some sort of consequence for what she had done to him. “That does not surprise me, Caroline.”

His sister shook her head and let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders dropping a little. “Is that truly how you feel, brother?” she asked, softly. “You are still so angry with her, so upset that you cannot see the pain that she too is in?”

“Pain?” Stephen let out a hard laugh, his voice filled with raw anger. “Do not mock me with those words, Caroline. I am in pain. I am the one who has endured our separation, who was thrown aside without warning or without explanation.”

“And you think that she too was not injured by that?”

“No, I do not!” Throwing up his hands, Stephen got to his feet. “She was the one who decided to do such a thing, she was the one who ended our engagement and ruined what was going to be a happy future! So no, Caroline, I do not think that she was injured.”

Caroline opened her mouth, then closed it again and turned away.

“Where are you going?”

“There is no point in me speaking with you any longer,” Caroline replied, turning back to look at him. “I have said this to you before and I will say it again: Lady Violet did not want to end your engagement.”

Stephen snorted. “I am aware that you have said that before, Caroline but you know, therefore, that I have never listened either. You cannot know what it was that Violet thought when she penned those words! You cannot know of her intentions!”

“Neither can you,” she retorted, quickly. “And though what you say might have been true at one time, it is no longer true now.”

Those words sent Stephen back to his chair as he sat down heavily, a strange weakness stealing strength from his frame.

“I spoke with her, as I told you,” Caroline continued, her hand on the door handle as she pulled it open, ready to step out. “And I know for certain now that she did not want to write those words. She did not want to end the engagement. So therefore, brother, I can tell you for certain that she has endured just as much pain as you.”

Without another word, Caroline stepped out of the door and walked out of the study, leaving Stephen to sit alone. The room seemed suddenly cold, wrapping tight fingers around his heart and squeezing painfully as he fought to take in steadying breaths.

She had not wanted to write those words? She had not wanted to end their engagement?

Stephen closed his eyes, throwing his head back to rest against the chair as he breathed steadily, his whole body suddenly ignited with a fire which nipped at his fingers and burned his toes.

Violet did not want to end the engagement.

“It does not matter,” he said aloud, sitting up straight and opening his eyes as he spoke aloud to the room. “It does not matter whether she wanted to or not. The fact of the matter is, she did end the engagement. She knew exactly what she was doing and what would happen when she did so. I cannot for a moment think that this makes any difference.” His resolution grew steady as he continued to tell himself such things, to the point that when he picked up the invitation to the masquerade ball, he had managed to put all of his thoughts as regarded Lady Violet away from his mind. It did not matter whether she had been willing or unwilling to write those words. The only thing that mattered was that she had done so and, in doing that, had broken not only his heart but also the happy future which they had expected to share. That had been her doing and Stephen was not about to let himself forget it.

***

“Lord Hampton.” Stephen cleared his throat as he inclined his head. “I hoped I might call upon you for a few minutes but I see that you are about to take your leave.”

Feeling strangely uncomfortable within the four walls of his study, Stephen had chosen to make his way to Lord Hampton’s townhouse in the hope of speaking with his old friend. Quite what he was to say to him, he had not yet decided, but there was, mayhap, an apology to be made. If Lord Hampton had, as he had said, written to Stephen about his intentions for Caroline, then Stephen did have to apologise for throwing to Lord Hampton that he had been irresponsible and silent on his plans to do so. Quite what else he was going to say, Stephen had been uncertain but he had determined to do it anyway.

“You have stepped outside of your townhouse, I see.” Lord Hampton did not smile but gestured to the street. “That is good. Now, I am about to take a short walk to the heart of London and you may join me if you wish. We can walk and talk at the same time, I am sure.”

Stephen shook his head. “No, I thank you.”

“Why ever not?” Lord Hampton frowned. “You cannot be afraid of being seen, I am sure. The gentlemen of London are already aware of your presence and will, no doubt, have shared that with the ladies of the ton. You have been sitting with Caroline every time a gentleman caller has come so it is not as though your presence here will come as a surprise to anyone.”

Still hesitant, Stephen considered walking alongside Lord Hampton but found himself recoiling inwardly. “No, I thank you. I –”

“Please. If not for a long while, then for a few minutes,” Lord Hampton interrupted, beginning to walk away from Stephen in the clear expectation that he would follow. “I am pleased that you have come to call, of course, but I must not be kept from my intentions.”

Sighing, Stephen squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, only to blow out a long breath and then follow after his friend who, Stephen noticed, immediately grinned. He disliked this and almost turned back around again, having no desire for his friend to be pleased with how he had managed to overcome Stephen’s intentions but his feet continued on regardless.

“Good.” Lord Hampton looked at Stephen, his eyebrow lifting. “Now, is there a reason that you came to call?”

“Perhaps.” Stephen cleared his throat, not looking back at Lord Hampton. “Well yes, I suppose there is. I did not… that is to say, I did not want to apologise for everything but one thing I should state is that I… ” Why is this so difficult for me? Stephen harrumphed and then tried again. “I should not have set your letters aside. And I should not have thrown various accusations in your face when you had, in fact, informed me about Caroline’s desire to go to London but I had not read it.”

“I thank you.” Lord Hampton’s response was quick. “However, do not expect me to apologise in return. I have nothing that I want to apologise for and nothing that I intend to apologise for. The more I see of your sister, the more I see the happiness which she has found here in London, the more I am convinced that I did right in bringing her here.”

The quick, hasty response which came to Stephen’s mind was so filled with harshness that it took him a great deal of strength to pull it back. Instead, he coughed and shrugged, choosing neither to agree nor disagree with Lord Hampton, though his friend did smile.

“Your sister is quite wonderful,” he continued, making Stephen frown heavily. “I am surprised that you have not found her a suitable match as yet. There must be a good many gentlemen who have called upon her and –”

“My sister is desirous of making her own match,” Stephen interjected. “Though I will not permit her to engage or even be courted by anyone I find unsuitable.”

“I hear you have been rather harsh with more than a few of them,” came the reply. “Perhaps overly so.”

Stephen shot a look to his friend but Lord Hampton merely shrugged and smiled, making it quite clear to Stephen that he and Caroline had been speaking about Stephen’s actions as regarded the gentlemen who had come to call. Just what was it that Caroline had been saying about him? And why did he find it so disconcerting that she should be speaking with Lord Hampton?

“Lady Rutherford is more than suitable, if you should ever wish to step back,” Lord Hampton said, a little more quietly. “My sister is well able to understand which gentlemen are seeking a true connection with Caroline and which are only seeking her for her dowry and status.”

Stephen scowled. “I am more than able to look after my sister, I thank you.”

“That is debatable.”

The words hung in the air between them and Stephen did not know what to say or do to have them removed. They stung him a little, making his skin prickle and his heart clamor. Perhaps he had not taken a great deal of care of his sister. Perhaps he had not done all that he should have for her. In coming to London, Stephen had to admit that there was a fresh happiness about her, a happiness which he had not seen in some time.

“Are you going to attend the masquerade ball?”

Pulled from his thoughts, Stephen glanced to his friend. “I might.”

“I think that you should. It would be good for you to return to society. Hiding from Lady Violet will do you no good.”

Stephen’s dark look returned. “I am not hiding from her.”

“Yes you are.” Lord Hampton stopped suddenly, one hand going to Stephen’s arm.

“No, I am not.” A little irritated with his friend’s insistence, Stephen pulled himself back. “Whatever is the matter?”

Lord Hampton grinned suddenly, then turned to face Stephen with a lift to his eyebrow. “Then prove it to me.”

“Prove what?”

“That you are not hiding from her,” Lord Hampton replied, firmly, turning to face Stephen as his arms folded across his chest. “Do you not see her? She is standing just over there.”

Stephen blinked furiously, his heart beginning to pound with such force, it made him a little nauseous. His eyes went behind Lord Hampton to where a group of ladies stood, clustered together and, as he studied them, his eyes fastened to one familiar face.

She was standing a little away from the others, a step or two back but talking animatedly to another young lady that Stephen vaguely recognized though he could not remember her name. His breath hitched as Lady Violet looked over in his direction and before he knew what he was doing, Stephen had taken a small step so that he now stood a little more in front of Lord Hampton, hiding himself from Lady Violet all the better.

“What is it that you are doing?” Lord Hampton asked, his tone a little singsong as though he knew exactly what it was that Stephen was attempting to do but did not want to say it outright. “Why are you – ”

“Excuse me.” Stephen turned on his heel without giving a word of explanation to his friend. “I must return to my carriage.”

“Then you are hiding,” Lord Hampton stated, his voice carrying forward as Stephen stopped, turning around to face his friend again. “Is that not what you are doing?”

“You know nothing of what I think or feel,” Stephen hissed, his voice filled with both anger and frustration as he cut the air between them with both hands. “Nothing.”

“I am not mocking you, friend.” Lord Hampton frowned, that smile gone from his face. “But surely you can see – ”

“You must excuse me,” Stephen interrupted again, making his way back along the street the way he had come, hearing Lord Hampton’s declaration ringing in his ears. He could not bear to stay, could not bear to let her see him – or for him to see her more clearly. His heart ached, his whole body hot, sweat breaking out across his forehead as he made his way back towards the carriage; his only means of escape.