Chapter Six

There she is again.

Violet pressed her lips together tightly as she walked behind her sister and her father through St James’s Park. A cursory glance around the park had drawn her attention to one small group of ladies and gentlemen and within that, she had spotted Lady Caroline.

Violet turned her head away quickly, finding herself still very anxious indeed when it came to the lady. Yes, Miss Chesterton had reassured her that all was well and that Lady Caroline did not hold anything against her but that did not convince Violet that all would be well. What if Lady Caroline had only said such a thing so as to convince Miss Chesterton to say that to her, only to secretly plan to berate her publicly thereafter?

“Will you keep pace with us, Violet?” Lady Craighall snapped, turning her head and throwing an angry glance towards her. “You are dawdling.”

“Though do still remember to stay behind us,” her sister added, her sharp tone and sweet smile clashing furiously. “I am to be the one noticed, not you. You would only bring the worst sort of attention.”

Violet did not respond other than to lower her head. She struggled with all that her sister placed upon her, the harsh words and reminder of her lower status even in her family’s eyes biting down upon her. The sun was warm, the air pleasant and yet Violet’s spirits sank low. Her sister was correct in all that she said. Violet would bring the very worst sort of attention, for the ton would soon remember her previous engagement and would, no doubt, be laughing at her foolishness in ending such an engagement, now that the gentleman had become a Duke.

“Lady Violet?”

Violet stopped suddenly as her name was called, only to see Lady Caroline hurrying across the grass towards her. She swallowed and looked away, wondering if she might hurry after her sister and her mother and pretend that she had not heard Lady Caroline call her name, only to realize that to do such a thing would be very foolish indeed.

“Lady Violet!” Lady Caroline was a little breathless as she drew closer to her, her cheeks a little pink but a smile wreathed across her face. “How glad I am to see you.”

Violet dropped into a curtsy, keeping her gaze low. “Good afternoon, Lady Caroline.”

“Oh, please do not concern yourself with such formalities,” Lady Caroline exclaimed, as Violet managed a small smile though still struggled to look at the lady. “I am not in the least bit different now that my brother has become a Duke. I can assure you, I am just as I always was.”

Violet licked her lips. “I see.” She did not know what else to say, unable to look into the young lady’s eyes and finding herself worrying about what it was she was going to say to her. There was a short silence and Violet, glancing ahead to where her mother and sister had stopped, found her fingers knotting together as she held her hands in front of her.

“This is difficult, is it not?” Lady Caroline smiled a little ruefully as Violet glanced at her and then nodded.

“I am sorry for that,” Lady Caroline continued with a small sigh. “It has been a long time since we have been in one another’s company and – ”

“I am sorry I did not write to you.” Violet closed her eyes and shook her head. “It was perhaps wrong of me but I did not know whether you would want to receive my letter or not.”

“I understand.” When Violet opened her eyes, Lady Caroline was still smiling and there was not even the smallest hint of anger or upset in the lady’s voice. “Though I will not pretend that I understand what took place and I certainly will not give the impression that I have always been quite contented with what took place, I do want to assure you that I would have been glad of your letter.” Her head tilted as Violet took her in, seeing the steadiness of Lady Caroline’s blue eyes – so similar to her brother’s – and the small smile which curved her lips. Lady Caroline, she recalled, had always been something of an open character, whereby she could never easily tell lies or express any sort of falseness without it becoming clear in her expression and so, on this occasion, Violet found herself accepting what Lady Caroline said.

She sighed.

“I am all the more grieved that I did not write to you, then,” she said, quietly. “Though I can only apologise for what injury I must have caused you by stepping away from your brother.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, her eyes closing tightly to hide the sudden rush of tears. “It was more than dreadful for me to do such a thing.” When she opened her eyes again, Lady Caroline was studying her again, the smile no longer lingering on her lips. “I know that it must be spoken of and I do not want to hide from it but – ”

“Might I ask you something?”

Violet blinked, her heart clinging to her worry. “Yes, of course.”

“It is rude of me to have interrupted you and even worse now to be speaking to you of this matter when it was not my wedding, but might I ask… ” She hesitated, biting her lip then took another breath. “Might I ask if it was your decision alone that brought this about?”

Pulling her gaze away, Violet shook her head. She could not say a word, her throat tightening as fresh tears burned behind her eyes.

“I did not think that it was and I told my brother that repeatedly, when he would listen to me,” came the quiet response. “I am truly sorry about whatever took place that forced your hand in that manner.”

Violet looked back at her quickly, a sudden fear gripping her. “I presume that he is in London with you?” Her eyes flared as shock burned through her. “Is he here now? In the park?”

“No. I have another chaperone at present – that is, I have a chaperone when my brother is not inclined to step out into society with me! Lady Rutherford? Are you acquainted with her.”

Violet shook her head no and, perhaps seeing her concern, Lady Caroline reached out and touched Violet’s hand for just a moment.

“I do not think that you will see my brother particularly often in London society, Lady Violet. Do not let your heart be afraid over that.”

“I will not?” Violet frowned lightly, then quickly looked away. “Forgive me, I do not mean to question anything about your brother. I wish – ” Coming to a stop, she cleared her throat gently. “Forgive me. This is more difficult than I had anticipated. Though, I am glad that you are willing still to continue in conversation with me, Lady Caroline. That was not something I expected.”

Lady Caroline smiled gently. “I am still willing to be your friend, Lady Violet. I have always suspected that what happened that day caused you just as much pain as it did my brother. I will not pretend that I have not held some anger towards you for that is certainly true, but that has quickly faded whenever it has leapt upon me. I do not understand it all and I certainly do not need to understand for that is a matter between my brother and yourself, but I do want you to know that I do not hold any anger against you now.”

Humbled, Violet lowered her gaze as her shoulders rounded just a little. “I am very grateful for that, Lady Caroline.” She glanced up at her again, a question in her mind that she was a little afraid to ask. “I – I must ask you something. Why will your brother not be in society if he is in London? That is not what I remember of him.” Her mind went back to when she had been in the Duke’s arms. “He was always in society, always at balls and soirees and the like. He always enjoyed such things.”

Lady Caroline hesitated, her eyes darting away for a moment. “My brother no longer enjoys society.”

“He does not?” A deep and dreadful darkness climbed into Violet’s soul as she let out a slow breath, realizing what it was Lady Caroline meant. “You mean to say that he will not step out into society now because of me?”

“He will not step out into society because that is not the sort of thing he desires for himself any longer,” Lady Caroline replied, though it was with a great and careful consideration that she spoke, her words coming a little more slowly than before. “He is no longer enamoured with the company of the ton, that is all.”

Violet did not believe this. She saw the way that Lady Caroline would not look at her, noticed how her voice had lifted just a little and how her words had slowed and, after a moment, began to realize what it was that Lady Caroline was saying, albeit without saying it.

The Duke of Lancaster had retreated into himself because of what Violet had done in ending their engagement on their wedding day. Had he become a shadow of himself? Had he shrunk back, hiding in the darkness and no longer desirous of any sort of connection with anyone? Would she even recognize him should she see him again?

“It is because of me, is it not?”

“I will not say that, no,” Lady Caroline replied quickly, though Violet again struggled to believe her. “He has chosen to respond in a certain way to the difficult situation thrust upon him and instead of choosing to behave appropriately, he has decided to respond in a beastly manner which has affected not only himself but also those around him.” Lady Caroline again reached out and this time, grasped Violet’s hand tightly. “Do not blame yourself for how he has responded, particularly if the ending of the engagement was not your own decision. Now,” she finished, letting go of Violet’s hand, “I must take my leave. I can see that Lady Rutherford is waving at me from the carriage so I should return to her.”

“But of course.” Violet managed a smile though inwardly, her heart was aching with sadness and regret over what Lady Caroline had told her. “And please, do not mention a word of what I have said to your brother. I cannot imagine how much pain I brought him and my shame, in knowing that, is still very great indeed.”

“But it was not your doing,” Lady Caroline responded, though she began to step away. “Remind yourself of that, Lady Violet. Good afternoon,”

“Good afternoon,” Violet replied, watching as Lady Caroline hurried back towards the waiting carriage. A sudden tremor ran through her body as she realized that Lady Caroline had not agreed to do as Violet had asked, she had not promised that she would keep all of their conversation away from the Duke’s ears. What would she say to him? Would she tell the Duke that she had met Violet and that they had spoken – and what of the conversation would she share? Squeezing her eyes closed for a long moment, Violet took in a deep breath and then let it go slowly, trying to find a peace which continued to elude her.

At least her first conversation with Lady Caroline had gone well, Violet considered, slowly meandering towards her mother and sister, though she caught the way that Marianne flicked her fingers at her surreptitiously, telling her to stay back. Going to stand under the shade of the tree, Violet kept her head low and her gaze fixed to the ground. No matter where she went, no matter what she did, Violet was sure that this continued heaviness would remain with her. Perhaps it would never truly leave – and mayhap that was exactly as she deserved.