Chapter Three

I am not going to London.

Stephen scowled as he picked up the letter he had received from Caroline. He had already read it three times over but still, it did not content him.

‘I have arrived safely. Lord Hampton has been as good as his word and has provided me with his sister to be my chaperone. Lady Rutherford has been very kind indeed and I am going to be attending my first ball this evening. I will keep you informed as to which gentlemen I meet and which, if any, seek to court me. Yours, Caroline.’

“Lady Rutherford,” Stephen muttered, recalling Lady Rutherford very clearly indeed for he had known her for many years, just as he had known her brother. He had not known that she had married – but then again, he had been setting aside Lord Hampton’s letters – and though she was a suitable chaperone, Stephen feared that she might not have the maturity required to guide Caroline in this particular situation. To find a suitable husband was a very heavy burden for any young lady to carry but usually, that was shared with a brother, father or other suitable chaperone. Lady Rutherford, however, was almost the same age as Caroline and therefore, Stephen was a little worried that she would not give the same weight to her advice as either he or someone else of similar age might.

“But if I am that concerned, then I would have to go to London.” The words burned on his lips and Stephen let out a heavy sigh as though to chase those words away from himself. He had already determined that he would not go to London, had repeatedly told himself that going into society again was out of the question, and yet, the worries in his heart and mind remained, telling him that the only way to find relief was to do exactly what he did not want to do.

He groaned aloud and dropped the letter back on his desk.

A scratch came at the door.

“Yes?”

The butler came in, a letter held out for him. Dismissing him quickly, Stephen took the letter and turned it over.

His eyes narrowed.

That seal told him that this was from Lord Hampton. Thus far, Stephen had not received a reply to his letter which he had sent to his friend, a letter which had held a great many sharp words for Stephen had not held back his anger. Wondering what it was that his friend would say, Stephen quickly unfolded the letter and began to read.

It was a good deal shorter than he had expected.

‘Yes, I have Caroline here and she is doing very well. I was very glad to be able to assist her. I do hope you will come to your senses and join us in London very soon. Yours, etc.’

Stephen stared at it, his mouth going dry. This was not at all what he had been expecting. He had thought that Lord Hampton might apologise, that he might realize what it was that he had done and why Stephen was so upset but instead, he was merely admitting to the fact and telling him that he hoped he would soon join them.

“Was that always his intention?” Stephen asked the question aloud, though no-one came to answer him. He closed his eyes and let out a hiss of breath in clear frustration. Was this what both Lord Hampton and Caroline had hoped for? Not only had it been their hope that Caroline herself would be able to get to London but, in doing that, he would then soon follow? Had they always wanted to force his hand, to demand that he return to London whether he wished to or not?

“I will not – ” Stephen stopped himself from saying anything more, aware that the determination in his heart was beginning to fade away. His shoulders slumped and walking across the room, he looked out of the window and let out a long, slow breath which fogged the window pane for a moment. This was not what he wanted. The determination to stay at home, to remain at his new estate and to bury himself in his business affairs was broken apart when it came to his concern about Caroline. Despite his upset, despite his irritation with her, his worry over her situation and well-being would not fade away. If he remained here, he would do nothing other than worry about her, concerned as to what it was she was doing, who she was meeting and what gentlemen were pursuing her so, therefore, he had no other choice but to make his way to London.

What if Violet is there?

The way his stomach clenched made Stephen close his eyes tight, his whole body suddenly chilled. He had been avoiding the thought of Lady Violet for the last three years and though he knew she sat at the back of his mind, the way he filled his mind with everything other than her had worked for him for many months.

But now, he might have to face her again.

A trembling ran through his frame and he scowled at it, clenching his hands into fists as he determined it to pass. He had blocked up his heart, had pushed her out of it and though she was still sometimes trying to come into his thoughts, he was getting better and better at ignoring them, was he not? There was nothing for him to fear.

“Have I been a coward?” Asking that thought aloud made him shudder and Stephen closed his eyes, frowning hard at himself. He did not much like the thought of being a coward but yet that thought lingered in his mind. Opening his eyes, Stephen imagined what it would feel like to see her, what it would do to him to once more be in her presence.

His lip curled.

“I will simply ignore her,” he told himself, firmly. “It will be as if we have never been acquainted.” With a nod, he turned away from the window and, walking across the room, rang the bell. Then, he began to pace up and down the room as he waited for the butler’s arrival, determining not to step away from his decision.

“Yes, Your Grace?”

“Good heavens, Wilson, what took you so long?” Stephen snapped, his eyes narrowing as the butler immediately inclined his head and began to apologise. “Now, have the staff prepare my things. I am leaving for London first thing tomorrow morning.”

The butler did not even lift his head, avoiding Stephen’s gaze. “But of course. Your Grace. Is there anything else?”

“No. Now do hurry. I want everything to be ready so I can leave with haste.”

“I understand.” The butler hurried from the room and Stephen let out a long slow breath, fresh heat beginning to pour into him – but it was not the heat of concern or worry but rather of shame. He had snapped angrily at his butler, had spoken harshly when the man had done nothing wrong. It had only come from an outworking of his own upset and frustration.

“But then again,” he muttered to himself, rubbing one hand over his face, “I am supposedly something of a beast, am I not?”

Pain sliced through him as he remembered the way Caroline had shot those words at him. They had struck him more than she had realized and given the way they came quickly to mind, Stephen knew they had stuck in his heart. Swallowing hard, he walked across the room, poured himself a brandy and threw it back in one gulp.

He was going to London. The decision had been made. Despite the fact he did not want to go, despite his own disinclination towards returning to that place, he had no other choice. His loyalty and responsibility towards Caroline was still present and very strong indeed, forcing him back into a place and into a situation he did not desire.

There was nothing else he could do but pray that, perhaps, Lady Violet was already married and would not be present. He did not want his heart to pain him all over again. It would be too much for him to bear.

***

Stephen took in a deep breath, hearing laughter and conversation coming through the door to the drawing room. When he had arrived only a few minutes before, he had not only astonished the butler but thereafter, had brought such a hubbub of activity as the staff had been assembled in order to make sure that his rooms would be prepared for him with the greatest haste.

Stephen had waved away the butler’s worries and had asked where his sister was. Having been told that she was in the drawing room, he had made his way there with the greatest haste, only to pause at the sound of laughter. He was about to step into that room and break apart whatever good humor was in that room. By his presence alone, he was going to ruin the joy that his sister felt at the moment.

But I am the one injured, he reminded himself. This is her doing. Whatever consequences follow, they will be because of her inability to do as she was told and stay at the estate.

With a nod to himself, he put one hand to the doorknob and pushed it open, stepping inside with a lifted chin and a steady gaze.

The smile on Caroline’s face faded in an instant, her eyes rounding just a little.

“Good afternoon, Caroline.” Stephen cleared his throat, turning to look at the other two people present, seeing them both rise to their feet. “Ah, Lady Rutherford, good afternoon. How very good to see you again.” He bowed but did not smile, looking to the gentleman beside the lady. He was tall and rather slim, fair hair flopping to one side of his forehead and an easy smile on his face. Rather too easy, Stephen considered. Who was this gentleman? Someone that Lady Rutherford had concluded would be suitable enough to come to call upon Caroline?

“Lord K… that is, Your Grace.” Lady Rutherford smiled, blushing as Stephen shot her a quick look. “Forgive me, I forgot for a moment that your title had changed.”

“Of course.” Stephen glanced to Caroline who had not moved from her seat but had, thereafter, begun to frown rather than stare at him with great astonishment. Evidently, she was not particularly pleased to see him. “And might I ask who this gentleman is?”

Lady Rutherford blinked, then glanced to the fair haired gentleman. “Forgive me, again I have made a mistake in thinking that you are already acquainted with my husband but from what I recall, you were not able to attend the wedding.”

Stephen deflated instantly, realizing with embarrassment, that the gentleman beside the lady was, in fact, Lord Rutherford and not someone that Caroline had been entertaining. “No, I was not,” he muttered, shame beating down upon him. “Lord Rutherford.” He put out one hand and Lord Rutherford quickly shook his hand, smiling despite Stephen’s rude manner.

“Your Grace,” Lord Rutherford smiled, stepping back beside his wife. “I am delighted to meet you, though I did not expect you to be in London.”

“No, I am sure you did not.” Stephen’s tone dropped low, turning to look back at his sister though Caroline only lifted one eyebrow insolently, making Stephen’s lip curl in frustration. “I decided that it would be best to chaperone my sister after all, Lady Rutherford, though I am grateful for your willingness to assist her.”

Lady Rutherford looked back at him steadily, a glint in her eye which Stephen could not quite understand. What was it that Caroline had said of him to this lady? What was it that Lady Rutherford now thought of him?

“Let me ring the bell for a tea tray.” Caroline rose from her chair and walked across the room, smiling at Lady Rutherford as she passed. “Do you wish to linger for a little while longer?”

“Alas, we must take our leave if we are to be ready for the ball this evening,” Lady Rutherford said, softly, reaching out to catch Caroline’s hand for a moment. “We shall still come to call for you in the carriage, however.” She turned back towards Stephen who, being about to say something in that regard, caught Lady Rutherford’s eye and closed his mouth again. “Even though you have not been invited to this particular ball, I am sure that there will be no difficulty in you joining us. We have space in the carriage for you also.”

“Oh, I – ”

“Let us take our leave, husband,” Lady Rutherford interrupted, smiling at her husband and reaching out to take his arm. “Good afternoon, Caroline, Your Grace. It is wonderful to see you again and I look forward to this evening.”

Stephen tried to say something more, tried to say that he had no intention of making his way to this ball and that he was not quite certain that Caroline would make her way there either but given Caroline’s effusive farewells and Lady Rutherford’s responses barred him from saying so. The door closed, Lord and Lady Rutherford had taken their leave and Stephen was left alone with his sister.

“Caroline.” Stephen spread his arms wide. “What is it that you think you are doing?”

“Oh, have you not received my letters?” Caroline arched an eyebrow at him before walking across the room and sitting down in the chair. “I thought I made it perfectly clear as to what I was doing.”

“You left the estate.”

“Yes, I am well aware of that.” Caroline tilted her head, her face hot and her eyes flashing. “I was not about to be kept there under lock and key until you had decided I might be set free for one single day, the day where I was to marry the gentleman that you had chosen for me. I am not your servant, Lancaster. I am not about to be forced into doing just as you demand. Since you would not keep your word and bring me to London as you had stated, I decided that I should do as I wished regardless.”

“You are foolish.”

“Mayhap,” Caroline replied, her tone light. “But writing to Lord Hampton made me see that it was not only I who has been concerned for your present state of mind. How could you ignore your friends? How could you ignore the invitation to Rachel’s wedding? Did you not think that I should like to be there? I have known Rachel for many years and to not even be aware of her marriage was – ”

“I did not know of it either!” Stephen exclaimed, though Caroline shook her head. “You cannot hold that against me.”

“Oh, but I can,” came the quick response. “You did not read any of Lord Hampton’s letters, did you? That is clear enough. How could you do such a thing? Lord Hampton has been your friend for many a year and you simply turn your back on him?”

Stephen’s jaw tightened. “It is not your place to question me, Caroline. I came here because of your foolishness, not because of any guilt on my part. I can assure you, I have none.”

Caroline closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them, there was a sadness in there which tore at Stephen’s heart, though he quickly looked away so as to take that feeling from him.

“I am not about to return home with you,” she said, her voice a little hoarse. “You are not going to take me back there, Lancaster. I am staying here for the Season, whether you wish it or not.”

“That is not your place, Caroline,” Stephen began only for his sister to get to her feet and cut the air with her hand, her eyes blazing with anger.

“Do not think that I will ever obey you again!” she cried, tears beginning to splash down onto her cheeks, her voice filling the room. “I will not! You have already injured me more than you know. You have pulled me away from everyone I have cared for simply because of your own pain. I will not leave London, not when I have found the very first traces of happiness that I have felt in a long time.”

Stephen did not know what he could say to that. The pain in his sister’s voice was something he had heard before but this time, it seemed to cut him right to the very core. He did not know what it was about it this time, but he could not give her an answer.

He sat down in his chair rather heavily. “Very well, Caroline.”

She blinked at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I will not drag you back to the estate, though there is much that I should like to say as regards what you did in escaping to London – and much that I should like to say to Lord Hampton also.” Stephen scowled, hating that he was giving in to her, feeling as though he was losing his authority while at the same time, sensing her pain and desiring to lessen it. “But do not expect me to attend balls, soirees and the like. I will not be in attendance, Caroline. I will be present on occasion but – ”

“I already have a chaperone.” Caroline sniffed and turned her head away to the door, waiting for the maid to come in with the tea tray. “Lady Rutherford is doing very well and I am very much in her debt.”

Stephen said nothing as the maid came in, watching as she set out the tea and the cakes to go with it. He swallowed hard as he caught his sister’s eye, finding himself a little lost. What was he to do here if he would not accompany his sister to various social occasions? Had he not been telling himself that Lady Rutherford was not a suitable chaperone? If he truly believed that, then what was it that he was going to do?

“I will step out into society when I am ready,” he stated, once the maid had taken her leave. “I may take a walk on occasion but I shall always be present whenever any gentlemen come to make afternoon calls, Caroline. You are never to have company without my presence. Do you understand?”

Again, his sister sniffed delicately and then rose to pour the tea. “Do as you wish, brother,” she stated, pouring two cups of tea and then setting the teapot down. “I am perfectly contented as I am. I do not require your help.”

“Whether you require it or not, you will be given it,” Stephen said firmly, hoping that his tone would brook no argument from her. “No gentlemen will call upon you without my presence, Caroline. Is that quite clear?”

“Yes, Lancaster.” Caroline sat back down but looked away, keeping her gaze far from him and Stephen felt a heaviness sinking down into his soul. His sister did not want his company, did not desire his presence here and was, no doubt, rather disappointed that he had chosen to come to London.

“You will wish, no doubt, to speak to Lord Hampton at your earliest convenience,” she continued, when Stephen reached to sip his tea. “When should you like to visit him? I am sure that – ”

“You wish me absent from your company already?” Stephen lifted an eyebrow as Caroline glanced back at him. “I am here only a few minutes and already, you wish me gone?”

Caroline let out a sigh. “I saw how you spoke to Lord Rutherford when you were not aware as to who he was,” she said, frowning. “You were harsh. Your words were sharp and abrupt as though you thought somehow, Lady Rutherford and I were doing something wrong in entertaining such a gentleman! Even if he had been an unattached gentleman, we would have been more than proper in our sitting with him. If that is how you are going to be during my time in London, brother, then why should I be glad about your presence here? Why should I want your company?”

Finding himself both upset and a little angry, Stephen set his cup down and then rose to his feet. “I shall take a short rest in my rooms,” he said as calmly as he could. “I will perhaps join you for dinner.”

Caroline let out a small exclamation. When he shot her a look, she could only roll her eyes.

“Brother, you did not join me very often for dinner at the estate,” she said, crisply. “You need not pretend that you have any intention of joining me for dinner here.”

Stephen wanted to find a response, wanted to say something that would tell her she was mistaken but he could not. The thought of sitting with Caroline for dinner was not a pleasing one and, deep in his heart, Stephen knew that if he could avoid it, then he would. With a heart that held a great deal of trouble within it, Stephen made his way from the room and closed the door tight behind him, wondering whether or not he had just made the most dreadful mistake in coming to London.