20. Ryder

"Can I help to collect turtle eggs one night?" Luna asked.

They were lying at right angles on a blanket, and she'd taken to using Ryder's abs as a pillow. She turned her head to look at him, and he flicked a lock of her hair out of the way when it tickled his chest.

"Not sure that's a good idea, moon. Someone might see you."

"But it's dark."

And cameras had flashes. "Maybe one day if they take the truck."

"I could ride in the boat."

"The draft is too deep for the boat to get right up to the beach."

"The draft? I thought that was, like, cold air."

"The draft of a boat is how low it sits in the water. Last night, Caro and Knox had to paddle to the shore, and the water was up to their chests."

Luna was going in the water every night now, walking barefoot across the sand and into the sea while Ryder waded beside her, holding out an arm in case she needed to steady herself. Sometimes, she'd go the length of the beach on her own, and other times, she gripped his hand so tightly his knuckles turned white. He was still trying to figure her out. Luna Maara Puckett was a hot mess of emotions wrapped up in a delicate, doll-like package.

At first, he'd worried about breaking her.

But now he understood that she was already broken.

If her mind was in the present, she'd chat about turtles and sunsets and the beach. But all too often, she'd lose her balance on the tightrope and fall into the past or future, and then her frame would tense and her voice would waver if he pushed that avenue of conversation any further. She communicated, though. There was one thing in life that Luna liked, and that was music. When they were lying there on the beach, she'd start singing softly, not her commercial tracks, but songs that came from her heart.

In the shadow of a dream, I'm living day by day

But my heart's grown heavy, and it's hard to find my way

She said I'd be a star, her vision set in stone

But the path she's chosen, I can't call my own

I wear these chains of duty; they bind me to the ground

But deep inside, I'm screaming, I need to be unbound

I long to spread my wings, to chase my own desires

But every step I take, she douses all my fire

I see her eyes upon me, filled with hopes and dreams

But they're not mine; it's not as easy as it seems

I wear this mask of smiles, to hide the tears I cry

A prisoner of her wishes, beneath this painted sky

Ryder's chest ached as he listened to the words, and he wanted to hug Luna, to tell her that everything would be okay and she'd find a way to be free. That he'd find a way to free her.

But he couldn't.

She was the client, and he was the bodyguard. Not her boyfriend, not even her friend. Her bodyguard. Plus she still thought Ryder liked guys, and guilt ate away at him as they lay there under the stars because he was certain that if she knew the truth, she wouldn't be lying there with her head on his stomach. She wouldn't be talking about the night sky while he plotted to murder a man whose identity he didn't yet know.

Yesterday's verses had been the hardest.

In the haze of neon lights, I lost my innocence

Betrayed by trust in you, my fragile confidence

You wore the face of friendship, but darkness lurked beneath

Now I'm haunted by your touch, a bitter, cruel deceit

My tears are hidden in the shadows of the night

I wear a mask of strength, but I'm broken deep inside

In the silent whispers, I hear your haunting voice

A nightmare that replays, I never had a choice

Bound by circumstance

I"m feeling the weight

Caught in these chains

Can"t escape

Every time I try

Every tear I cry

I"m bound by circumstance

It"s my fate

In this twisted tale, I'm lost and can't escape

Haunted by the memories of that night's cruel mistake

I'm fighting through the darkness, I long to get away

But I still have to face you, in the cold light of the day

I see you in the hallway, your face a wicked grin

A chilling reminder of the darkness that's within

I thought you were my friend, my mentor, my guide

But now you're just a shadow, a demon I can't hide

Someone close to Luna had hurt her, hurt her badly, and Ryder knew what that shit could do to a woman's mind. The toll it could take. He was the first person Neve had told about the abuse, would have been the only person if he hadn't convinced her to go to her father. Over a decade later, he still lay awake at night, wondering if he'd done the right thing. Would she still be alive if he'd just offered comfort and shared her pain? If he'd done as she asked and gotten them the hell out of Jacksonville rather than pushing for justice?

The man who raped Neve had been her brother, and the revelations had torn her family apart. She hadn't been able to live with the trauma, not after her father persuaded her against going to the police and her brother showed up for Christmas as if nothing had happened and raped her again.

This time, Ryder would take a different approach.

But tonight, he just smiled and tucked Luna's hair behind her ear.

"Are you ready to go in the water again?"

"You'll come with me?"

"I always come with you, moon."

"I'm going deeper today."

And she'd come prepared. Usually, she snuck out of the bunkhouse in the shorts and camisole she slept in, but tonight, she'd put a bikini on underneath. When she shucked her clothes, Ryder was the one who needed cold water, and quickly. His attraction to Luna was far more than physical, but he was a red-blooded male. His dick still swelled when she stood in front of him with only tiny scraps of turquoise fabric covering her small but perfect breasts.

But she was oblivious, and that was a good thing. He didn't want to throw her off balance by adding feelings into the mix.

As had become their routine, they walked to the sea side by side. Ryder went into the water first, giving her time to find her feet and catch up. She squirmed and squealed as the waves lapped over her thighs and up to her hips, but she didn't stop.

"I'm going in up to my waist," she decided.

"Do whatever you feel comfortable with."

The instant the water hit her belly button, she turned and ran back to the beach, but she was laughing. Laughing and smiling, and fuck, that was good to see. Beneath the bitchy, defensive exterior, Luna was just a big kid who'd never been allowed a childhood. Her mom had made sure of that. Amethyst Puckett had entered Luna into beauty pageants from the age of four, drilled her through the routines over and over and over until she started winning. Then she'd leveraged Luna's success into a career as a pageant coach. Luna always sang in the talent portion of the contests, and thanks to Amethyst's dedication to exploiting her daughter, she'd become an internet sensation at the age of fourteen. When Luna hit sixteen, Amethyst pushed her into a record deal, rinse and repeat.

"Tomorrow, I'm going in up to my chest. What happens after that? Do I have to get my hair wet?"

"What happens after that is we float."

"Float?"

"Yup. We just float around, looking at the stars."

Neve had named one of those stars. Ryder bought her one of those novelty gift certificates on the last Valentine's Day they spent together, and she'd toyed around with the idea of calling it "Twinkle McTwinkleface," then switched to "Never"—as in Neve-and-Ryder—before ultimately going with "Bring Back Wonder Burger Breakfast Waffles." It was still floating around out there, somewhere near Ursa Major.

"Float?" Luna asked. "Like, on a pool floatie?"

Ryder burst out laughing. "No, just us in the sea."

"I'll sink."

"No, you won't. It's scientifically impossible."

"Science hasn't met me yet. Can't we try floating in a pool? I might have a hope of not dying that way."

"Sure, you can get in with Gilbert the turtle and I'll throw you sardines."

Luna shoved him, then rolled her eyes when he didn't move. "Don't be such a jerk."

"In all seriousness, it's easier to float in the sea than in a regular pool. The salt in the water gives you extra buoyancy. Haven't you heard of the Dead Sea?"

"No, and I definitely don't want to go there. Is it full of skeletons? Poor souls who thought they'd be able to float and couldn't?"

Luna was clever in many ways, but she wasn't book-smart. Officially, she'd been home-schooled, but in reality, Amethyst had only focused on the parts of her daughter's education that could make her money. Singing, dancing, acting, basic math and English. Luna also spoke pidgin Spanish because they'd had a Mexican housekeeper who spent more time with her in those early days than her mother did. Amethyst had been too busy pursuing the almighty dollar to care for the two girls. Luna could reel off perfect answers to a thousand pageant questions, but she couldn't find Spain on a map, and she had little grasp of science. She had an amazing memory, but she'd confessed that she hated reading because she wasn't very good at it.

"It's called the Dead Sea because it's extra salty, and that means plants and animals can't live in it."

"Why not?"

"The extra salt messes with the chemical balance in their cells, which is also why you shouldn't put too much salt on your French fries."

"I don't eat French fries."

"You don't like them?"

"They have too much fat and too many carbs."

"That just means you should eat them in moderation. It doesn't mean you can't have them at all."

Luna bit her lip. The moonlight glinted off her eyes, and they seemed a little watery. Fuck. Ryder knew that look—she was back in the past again.

"What happened, moon?"

She gave a quiet sniffle. "Jubilee went to Arby's on the way home from school one day, and she brought me fries. Curly ones." Luna smiled at the memory, but the smile didn't last long. "They were delicious. Then Mom came in, and she made me put the ones that were left through the garbage disposal one at a time. Each time I mushed a fry, I had to say ‘Fries are bad for me.' And then she put what was left of Jubilee's allowance through the garbage disposal too."

It was abuse. Not the kind that left bruises, but Amethyst Puckett had been messing with her daughter's mind for her entire life. Jubilee hadn't escaped unscathed, but Amethyst's focus had been on the kid who brought in the big bucks.

Where on this island could Ryder get French fries? That was a problem for tomorrow. Tonight, he just muttered, "Fuck it," and pulled Luna into a hug. For a second, she resisted, but then she melted against him and that was the best feeling in the world.

"She's not here," he murmured against her hair. "Your mom's not here, and this month, you can eat anything you want."

"But—"

Luna didn't finish the sentence. A cry made them both stiffen, and Ryder tucked her behind him. He hadn't brought his gun to the beach, a decision he was sorely regretting.

"I think it came from near the bunkhouse," she whispered.

She was right.

"Stay quiet, and stay behind me."

"What if?—"

"Shhh."

Ryder gripped her hand as they climbed the rocky steps, alert for any movement. The night was still. As he checked his phone, the loudest sound was his heart beating in his ears, but there was no message from Knox. If there was a problem, he'd send an alert via Blackwood's app, unless he was otherwise engaged or incapacitated. Ryder gave Luna's hand a squeeze and set off along the path, watching, listening. A soft thunk came from the boys' bunkhouse, and he stilled. Then he saw the fucking sock and blew out a breath.

"What? What is it?"

He pointed at the door handle.

"So? Is that a sock? Why would someone put it there?"

"Little moon…" Ryder cupped her face in his hands. "When a guy brings a girl—or boy—home, he doesn't want his roommate catching an eyeful of his date's naked ass. So he uses the sock as an advisory."

"So the sock means ‘naked asses beyond this point'?"

"Exactly."

"Well, whose asses? Knox's, obviously, but who else?"

"The only other people here are Baptiste, Caro, and Jubilee. Knox is straight, so…"

"Jubilee would never." Luna clapped both hands over her mouth. "That's gross."

"They're two consenting adults." Ryder glanced at his watch. "Wonder how long they're gonna take."

If past form was anything to go by, most of the night. Whenever Knox brought a woman home, they were at it for hours and usually loudly. The house in Rybridge had good soundproofing, but Knox had a habit of picking out screamers.

"How long does sex usually take?" Luna asked.

A perfectly innocent question, "innocent" being the operative word. Fuck.

"You don't know?"

Luna realised what she'd said, and her face morphed into a mask of horror.

"I-I-I…" she stammered. "I don't…"

"Moon, it's okay."

"It's not okay. It's never okay."

She backed away, and when Ryder took a step forward, she held up a hand.

"No! Leave me alone."

"Luna…"

"I'm the boss, and I'm telling you to leave me alone."

With that, she turned and bolted, leaving Ryder in the darkness with a pile of confusion and an avalanche of regrets.